


The Maker's Will

by CrossoverSPN



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Barebacking, Bisexual Dean, Bottom Dean, Bottoming from the Top, Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Demisexual Castiel, Dragon Age AU, Drug Addiction, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Hair-pulling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mage!Elf!Cas, Mage!Sam, Mages and Templars, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Templar!Dean, Top Castiel, mage abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:19:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 97,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4797536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrossoverSPN/pseuds/CrossoverSPN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Set in the world of Dragon Age, no pre-knowledge required) </p><p>After a horrible accident, a young Sam is taken and imprisoned in The Tower of Magi where, by law, he must live the rest of his life learning how to control his magic. Dean is determined to free him no matter what the cost, even if it might mean destroying himself in the process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Separation

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, so just a quick warning, this is going to be a lot darker than my other long piece 'Together Through the Fire and to the Garden', but I'll be putting possible trigger-warnings on all the chapters; take a look ahead if you are worried about anything in particular. I also include ship-related stuff in the warnings, just for people who might be bothered by things like unrequited love/background couples/flirting outside of the story's listed couples etc. If you don't have anything like that, I would encourage you to skip those in order avoid slight spoilers. Anyway, hope you all enjoy~ 
> 
> Trigger warnings and extra stuff to know for this chapter:  
> Mentions of rape: there will never be a detailed rape scene in this story, only ever implications or brief mentions.  
> Balthazar likes Cas (one-sided)  
> Child abuse  
> Canon minor character death

The sound of a boy sobbing and shouting echoed through the tower, waking nearly every sleeping inhabitant in it. The sound was followed by the large metal entrance doors shutting, and then the shuffling and restraining of the boy by the templars as he continued to fight against them. Some of the mages began whispering to their bunk mates, others covered their heads with their pillows, some stared restlessly outside at the rain through their thin windows, and some strained to hear what was happening. It took a while, but soon the screaming stopped and the excitement passed. 

After an hour or so, the templars pulled the door of one of the bedrooms open and an elven boy with thick, dark brown, nearly black hair and incandescent blue eyes shot up in bed looking at them. Between them, they held a boy with long blonde hair and eyes like wilted sunflowers. He was shaking, clearly beaten, but he kept a defiant gaze to the floor. 

“Meet your new bunk mate. Bring him to class tomorrow,” one of the templars commanded the elven boy. He shoved the blonde boy into the room as another templar tossed robes into the boys unready arms, and then they shut the door behind them. The robes hit the floor and the blonde boy, finally released, broke down and crumbled to the ground crying. The boy in his bed watched, uncertain of what to do, so he merely lit a small candle on his, now their, dresser. At the glaring light, the boy looked up from the floor with tears and snot glistening on his face.

“How do I get out of here?”

“You don't. You're a mage...we all have to stay in the tower. If you try to run the templars will just catch you again.” 

“There has to be a way out. I have to get out of here,” the boy said, louder than he probably meant to, and got up. 

“Why?”

The boy looked at him like he was crazy. “Because, my family needs me. I can't just sit and rot in this tower. How are you ok with being here?”

The elven boy shrugged, “I've almost always been here. I don't really remember my family. This is my home...the other mages are my family.” 

The boy looked horrified, “You can't be serious...when did they get you?”

“When I was about 4.”

“And you don't remember your family at all?” 

The elven boy shook his head, “The only thing I remember is that we lived in a small one room hut, and the roof leaked. I remember I couldn't sleep whenever it rained because it would puddle everywhere.” There was a moment of silence between them before the blonde boy let his shoulders fall from their aggressive stance.

“I'm Sam.”

“I'm Castiel.” 

Sam smiled weakly at him then looked at the window as if wondering if he could somehow squeeze out of it. “Look, Castiel, I just really need to get back to my family. I don't want to cause you any trouble, but I just... are you sure there is no way out?”

“Everyone who has ever run away has been brought back. If you run away too much they will make you tranquil.”

Silent tears began to build in Sam's eyes again and he quickly sniffled and rubbed them out of his eyes with his arm. 

Castiel looked away unsure for a moment and then swung his legs out of bed and picked up Sam's robes from the floor. “You should sleep, maybe it'll help.” He put the dark green robes into their shared dresser and turned to Sam holding out pure white cotton robes that matched Castiel's. 

Sam looked at the robe like it was pomegranates from Hades, but when he looked into Castiel's eyes he gave in and took them.

“They will want your clothes by tomorrow. You should put them over by the door.” Castiel said as he went back to his bed. Sam nodded and turned away from Castiel before changing into his robe. “Class starts at dawn. We can go together.” 

 

***** Meanwhile in Lothering****

A man with dark hair and a beard, sat staring at a large black burn mark on the floor of his cottage with rage and frustration frozen on his weary face, and a green eyed boy sitting on the floor next to his feet was biting his lip tightly trying not to cry. 

“Dad, I swear I'm going to get Sammy out of there. I'll become a Grey Warden or a Templar or something. He didn't mean to do it...I know he didn't.” 

The boy's father put a heavy hand on his head in acknowledgment and then walked out of the cottage. 

“Dad?” The boy asked, watching his father leave, but his father didn't respond. Suddenly, silence surrounded the boy and left him with the scorched mark. Unconsciously, he moved his hand to a small gold amulet his brother gave him and he held onto it tightly. “I swear, I'll save you Sammy. Just hold on.”

 

****Near The Tower 5 Months Later*****

Sam was gasping for air in the cold night as he ran through the trees in soaking wet robes with no moonlight to guide him. He had already tripped a few times on roots, ripping his robes and scratching his arms, but nothing would stop him this time. All he had to do was get to Redcliff, Lothering wasn't far from there, but if he followed too closely to the lake he knew they would find him. He had to keep pressing further into the forest. He could hear the templars now and then, shouting and rushing through the forest, sending out blasts of magic in hopes to mute his own. 

Sam felt his mouth water, as if he might puke from exhaustion, but he kept running, keeping his hands ahead of him to dodge trees. As he started to get a good speed, another root hooked around his foot making him gasp, and nearby he heard a templar shout, "I heard something!" Sam waved his arms to catch his balance and managed to start running again, though he lost a shoe in the process. The pine needles and twigs clawed and pierced his now bare foot, but he kept running. 

“We should have brought the mabari!” A templar shouted. Sam cringed, the last time he had been hunted down they had brought their hounds with them. He still had bite mark scars on his waist and legs.

Sam felt his heart pound in his ears as he picked up speed. Every part of him ached already and he could feel blood on his foot, but he just had to push a little further and get some space between him and the templars, then maybe he could look for a cave to hide in. He took a heavy step and felt a branch crack and break under his feet. “This way!” They shouted. 

“No, no, no.” Sam cried as he pushed harder, but soon he heard their armor clinking close behind him, gaining fast. Desperate, Sam took a sharp turn and headed further into the forest where it was pitch black and the lake was completely out of sight. He tried to control his breathing, but he was gasping for every breath now and he knew they could hear him. His body gave a wrecked sob as the armor clinking got louder and the footsteps neared. He doubled over, filling his hand with fire, but before he could release the attack the templars muted his magic and tackled him to the ground. The heavily armed, adult body nearly crushed him under it's weight and he knew what was coming next.

“You little monster, I've had enough of this runaway bullshit! Time to learn your place.” The templar shouted before his metal covered hand came down on Sam's face and the boy felt his lip split and blood fill his mouth. A swift kick to the gut came next and what little air he had in his lungs choked out of him. He curled in on himself and waited for daybreak praying silently to The Maker that Dean would forgive him for failing again. 

****Dawn**** 

The First Enchanter of the Tower of Magi, Chuck, looked down at Sam in disappointment as he massaged his temples in frustration. “Sam, you have to stop doing this.”

Sam remained silent, his lip and foot were bloody, his body was thoroughly bruised, and his robes were ripped. 

“You have to understand, your education here is important. Being a mage isn't all throwing fireballs around, you are in danger at all times...you of all people should know how easy it can be to be susceptible to demons. We can teach you control, we can help you so that you never hurt anyone again, but you have to let us. You can't keep sneaking out like this. As you are now Sam, you are a danger to yourself and others, you must understand that.”

Sam bit the inside of his lip to keep the tears from falling, his hands were twitching and he could feel the fire dancing under his skin. “Sam, I want to help you, but if you run away again, I'm not sure I can. The Knight-Commander already wants me to make you tranquil.” Sam's eyes flashed up in fear. 

“I don't want to Sam, so here is what we are going to do. I'm putting you on probation. You won't have outside time for a while. If your behavior improves, we can think about letting you gain that privilege back. But, if you do run away again Sam, my hand will be forced. Do you understand?” 

Sam knew what tranquil really meant now. It meant no more magic, no more emotion, no more will. You just lived and complied. You were a servant. You were abused and raped because you'd never say no. You just kept living, trapped in your mind, a puppet for the templars and mages to abuse at will. “I'll be good,” Sam muttered, finally looking First Enchanter Chuck in the eyes. Chuck gave him a sad smile and put his hand gently to the boy's cheek, in mere moments the cuts on his face were healed. “Go back to the dinning hall, and I expect you to go to your lessons today.” Sam nodded and left the room. He could feel the eyes of the templars on him. 

“Get out of here brat, before I give you a little more payback for making me run through the damn forest all night.” One of them said roughly from under his helmet. Sam glared and made his way to the dining hall. Everywhere he went he felt their eyes. The templars were there 'for the protection of everyone' because magic was made 'to serve man, not rule over them'. At least that's what the chant of light preached, and thus mages were locked away and the swords behind The Chantry were their jailers. They certainly didn't seem like holy men to Sam. They were sadistic abusers, most of them, always watching and waiting for new prey. 

When Sam got to the dining hall for breakfast he scanned the room. He spotted Castiel with his friend Balthazar. Sam didn't particularly feel like putting up with Balthazar rubbing Sam's latest escape failure in his face, and he could always talk to Castiel later in their room, so he turned his attention elsewhere. Sam hadn't made many friends yet, he couldn't let himself while he still held out hope for escape, but there was one other boy besides Castiel that he could sit with. He got his bowl of august ram, onion, and potato soup, and then sat down by a thin, dark haired boy with perfect posture. The boy's dark brown eyes lit up when he saw Sam. 

“You're back.” 

“Yeah, they caught me.”

“How far did you make it this time?” The boy asked, not out of malice, but genuine curiosity. The boy's name was Kevin, and he had been raised a noble up in the north of Ferelden by Highever. His mother was currently running their house, but he was suppose to be her heir. When he came into his magic, his mother tried to help him hide it, but eventually he was caught and brought to the tower. Kevin had the drive to excel in everything he did, so despite the fact that he was living a much less comfortable life than he had before, he was still aiming to be the top of the class and kept saying he would be First Enchanter someday. Despite his own intentions, Sam respected that and in turn, Kevin and Castiel were the only ones to never judge him.

“Not that far, just into the forest.” 

“Still, you got across the lake. That's an improvement.” 

“They said next time they'll make me tranquil,” Sam mumbled quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear. Kevin nearly choked on his soup. He swallowed a big gulp of water to dislodge whatever damage he had done to his throat and looked at Sam wide eyed. 

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah...”

“Sam, you have to stop.”

“I know,” Sam said quietly, looking at his reflection in his murky soup. He could imagine the look on his brother Dean's face when the templars dragged him out of their house. He was crying and fighting against their father, trying to get to Sam, promising to save him...forgiving him. “Kevin, how was it when you first got here? How did you feel? Didn't you want to go home?” 

“Of course I did. I missed my mom, I still do. I miss eating whatever I want and wearing whatever I want, but I love learning about magic. I love growing stronger and having more control every day, I love the library, they have more books here than any other library I've ever seen! I mean sure it's not Tevinter, but they have so many old books about everything. Sam, to be honest, if you gave it a chance, I honestly think you'd like it here. I've seen you eyeing the library when you've come to talk to me in there. Why hold back?”

Sam blushed a bit at having been figured out. “You know why...it's my family, they need me. My brother needs me.”

“Sam, they will be fine, and they'll understand. This is where mages belong, your family wouldn't be safe if you went back untrained.”

A flash of a rage demon with yellow eyes and lava in his veins filtered through Sam's memories, followed by his mother's screams and a surge of flames, and finally, a lone scorched mark on the floor. Pain seared through Sam's head making him wince and Kevin gently put a hand on his friend's arm. “Sam?”

“I'm ok...you're right Kevin. I give up. I'll do this. I'll learn to control it, to be better.” Kevin smiled at him with pride and Sam managed to force a smile too, “Maybe you can show me the library later?”

“Of course!”

 

****Later that day after class**** 

Sam followed Castiel to his ancient rune after school class. “I'm glad you've decided to take up some extra curricular activities Sam, there are a lot of interesting things you can learn.” Sam knew the meaning behind his words, Castiel was happy Sam was going to stop trying to escape. He wouldn't say it out right, but Castiel always worried about Sam. Maybe it was because they were bunk-mates, but Castiel seemed to try and take responsibility for Sam, even though they were the same age. 

“Yeah, well, the stuff you've mentioned about it seems pretty interesting, so I figured I'd give it a try.” Sam gave a shrug and Castiel smiled his typical barely there smile and led him further down the hallway. When they got to the room, Balthazar, Gabriel, Lucifer, Michael, Anna, Hannah, and Samandriel were there already. Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel were all a couple years older than Castiel and Sam, Samandriel and Hannah were younger while Anna and Balthazar were in their class. From what Sam knew, Michael and Lucifer were rivals and best friends, almost like brothers; they were also two of the best mages in training in the entire tower. Gabriel was a prankster, who loved to torment people who deserved it: namely templars. Anna was like a big sister to Castiel, she was cultured and kind, but she could be a bit rebellious, it was something Sam liked about her. Samandriel was about as innocent and naïve as a kid could be, which led Sam to believe he was probably pretty sheltered as a child, and Hannah was a highly focused girl that seemed to idolize Castiel. Then there was Balthazar, Sam would never understand how he and Castiel became best friends, the kid was a loudmouth elitist and Castiel was, well, awesome.

“I'm telling you, he could totally take a dragon. This guy is insanely big, his arms are practically the size of Samandriel's head.” Gabriel said, ruffling Samandriel's hair as the boy tried to push him off playfully. 

“Just because someone is big doesn't mean they can take a high-dragon. Any mage would be a better choice.” Michael said with a shrug.

“There are some famous mortalitasi dragon hunters in Nevarra.” Hannah pointed out. 

“Who cares about dragons? What about an arch-demon? We are due for a blight anytime, right?” Lucifer taunted and Anna rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah right, it's been hundreds of years, if there was going to be another blight there would have been. The Grey Wardens ended it.” Anna said shrugging as she looked away with disinterest to the window. 

Castiel led Sam to a seat and the group finally noticed them. “Cassie! You're here!...and you brought Sam!” Balthazar cheered as he ran up and put his arms around the two of them. Castiel sighed and smiled at him as he hugged back, while Sam detached himself from them. 

“Yeah, I thought I'd come see how the class is.” 

“Oh I'm sure you'll love it. Although, if you're hoping for a flying rune to carry you away home, you're sadly out of luck. There are luck runes though!” Balthazar teased, and there were snickers around the room. Castiel and Anna glared at him, however, and Balthazar put his hands up in defeat, “I'm just teasing.”

The door swung open and a teacher with a well trimmed beard and a slight scowl came in, “Alright, yah idjits sit down, time to get to work.”

“Professor Singer, my bunk-mate Sam wants to join us today, is that alright?” Castiel asked and the professor nodded.

“Yeah, fine, take a seat.” He opened an ancient looking tome and moved to a scroll that was up on the wall and started writing on it. “Today we are going to talk about runes that are believed to be pre-orzammar.”

After two hours of talking about runes and looking at some to find the differences between runes made in different Thaigs, their professor let them go and they spilled into the hallway, many heading for their outside time or to other areas to relax until dinner. Balthazar tugged on Castiel's arm trying to get him to come outside with him, but Castiel was clearly not having it. “I'll go with you tomorrow.” 

“But Cassie, the weather is so nice today, what if it rains tomorrow?”

“Then we can walk in the rain.”

Balthazar rolled his eyes, “Fine. Go play with your shem, try not to catch anything.” 

“Balthazar!” Castiel chastised him. 

“What? He is a shem, that is his parents' fault, not mine." When Castiel's glare didn't soften Balthazar rolled his eyes, "Don't be so touchy, I get it you want to make sure he's ok or whatever. I'll see you at dinner.” Balthazar bowed with a flourish and left. Sam looked at Castiel confused.

“What's a shem?”

Castiel sighed, “It's a mean way of saying human. He was just trying to be cruel. I don't understand why he is always like that with you.”

Sam smiled, “It's ok, I get it. He likes you a lot. He's probably jealous that you want to hang out with me instead of him.”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah, I bet he wants to be your boyfriend,” Sam teased.

Castiel tilted his head a bit, “Do you think so?”

“Ooooooh yeah.” Sam sang, playfully. 

“Hm.” 

Sam waited for Castiel to say something more, but when he didn't he burst out laughing, “Hm? That's it?”

“Yes. Should there be more?”

“I don't know, do you like him back?”

Castiel thought about it for a moment, “I don't think so. Not like that anyway. I'm sure Balthazar must know that though.”

“Maybe. Well, creepy stalker best friend aside, do you want to go to the library with me? I'm going to meet Kevin.”

“That sounds nice.” 

That night Kevin and Castiel showed Sam the library sections and they each got a stack of books to read and spent their free time quietly together, bringing up interesting quotes to one another as they read until dinner time. Even with the templar's staring at him from the shadows, this moment of peace with his two best friends was better than anything he'd had in a long time. For a moment, it started to feel like this place could really become his new home, although the thought had the bitter taste of guilt coating it. 

After a dinner of turnip and nug stew with a side of somewhat overly salty bread, everyone returned to their rooms. Castiel and Sam worked together on their homework and as they got into bed Sam felt he had one more hurdle before he could fully embrace his new life. He had forgiveness from his brother, which meant everything, but he needed understanding and support from someone here. He needed to confess and to be given hope. He needed Cas to know. 

“Cas, can I tell you something?”

“Of course Sam.” Cas replied from his bunk.

“I uhm, the reason I got caught by the templars is because I accidentally did something horrible.” 

“That's true for a lot of people here Sam. When we first get our magic it's controlled by our feelings. It gets out of hand easily. Anything you did, wasn't your fault.”

“No, well, see it kind of was though. My life was really good, but I just, I was stupid, I wanted more. I wanted us to have money so my family could have a nicer house and so I could get a tutor and not just rely on The Chantry for lessons. I wanted my brother to be able to become a knight and for my father and mother to be able to not have to work so hard. I wanted out of Lothering and I wanted, well...everything. There....was a break in the veil near my house. I didn't know that's what it was, I heard stories about spirits wandering in the forest that granted wishes, so I went out looking for one and I heard this voice calling to me. It promised me I could have anything and everything I ever wanted, that my family could have everything if I would just help it get into this world. It told me it was a spirit of generosity and that it wanted to spread good fortune to the people of Lothering.”

“But it was actually a demon?” Cas practically whispered.

“Yeah...” 

“What did you do?” 

“I completed the spell to let it into this world.”

“Blood magic?”

Sam swallowed hard, “Yes. The templars didn't know that part. I think the First Enchanter must know, but he must not have told them.” He could hear Castiel go silent, as if holding his breath. “Anyway, I let it into this world and it went back to my house saying it would reward me, but instead, it took my mom.”

“Took her?”

“It burned her up in a flash of fire...”

“A rage demon.”

“I think so.”

“I'm so sorry Sam.”

“I was stupid and selfish. My father turned me in to the templars after he killed the demon. My brother knew I didn't mean to, but my father, he wouldn't even look at me. It was like he thought I was a monster, a freak, a murderer.”

Castiel peaked over the edge of his bed down at Sam, “You are not a murderer. It was an accident. Demons are tricky, even adults are fooled by them, it's why mages have to be trained so well, because we are always at risk. You were a victim, Sam, just like your mother.”

Sam looked up at him with a weak smile and felt a quiet tear run down his temple. “Thanks, Cas.” 

Castiel smiled, “Goodnight, Sam.”

“Night.”

 

****Meanwhile in Redcliff *****

Dean sat alone in a dark room, staring at a candle, his bare knees aching against the wet stone floor beneath him. 

“Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers the champions of the just. Blessed are the righteous, the light in the shadow. In their blood The Maker's will is written.” A man came up behind him and threw a pale of ice cold water over him, the ice stung Dean's bare bare, but he didn't falter, he kept his eyes on the candle. “Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter. Blessed are the peacekeepers the champions of the just. Blessed are the righteous, the light in the shadow. In their blood The Maker's will is written.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, sorry but this is going unbeta'd. Hope it's not horrible, but if any mistakes stick out that really bother you, let me know and I'll edit them. Also, if there is anything or anyone from Dragon Age or Supernatural you'd like to see/have explained let me know and I'll see what I can do~


	2. 2 Years Later: The Fallen Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam faces the loneliness, frustration, and horror that life in The Tower of Magi brings, but unites with his friends to try and fight back.  
> Meanwhile, Dean is living free and continuing his Templar training. 
> 
> Trigger warnings/Extra Info:  
> Implied rape/child molestation  
> Dean/Benny flirting  
> Racism

****2 years later****

After several escape attempts by an older mage, outdoor time was reduced to once a week and highly supervised. Each class went out at different times in order to be better contained. Sam loved being able to go outside, the tower felt so confining with it's small windows and cold stone walls. He was sure no amount of Orlaisian rugs could make that place really 'homey' or beautiful. But outside was wonderful; you had the lake, fresh air, the mountains, the forests and if you squint you could make out The Spoiled Princess Inn on the other side of the lake. 

Sam wandered along the water for a while taking in the clean air and relaxing a bit by himself before looking for his friends. Not far away he noticed Kevin sitting with a letter in his hands and tears building in his eyes. He approached slowly, “Kevin?”

Kevin looked up in surprise and gave a shaky smile as he cleared his eyes and patted the ground beside him. Sam took his spot beside Kevin, sitting just close enough that they could feel the heat radiating from one another. “Did something happen?” 

“Kinda. This is a letter from my mom. She uh...tried to come and see me.”

“She what? Seriously? But The Chantry is clear about that-”

“Yeah, well my mom is a fighter. She threatened to call in every favor she had and bring down the strength of the north on them, Highever included, but they still told her no. They said if she tried again that they wouldn't let her even send letters anymore.” 

“Kevin, I'm so sorry.” 

Kevin gave a weak smile, “I just, I really miss her. I'm glad we can still write letters back and forth, but sometimes I feel like that's worse. I feel like maybe if we didn't talk anymore, maybe I could just forget about everything outside of the tower.”

“Kevin, don't say that. You have no idea how lucky you are. I've been here over two years now and I've never heard from my family, not once. I worry about them every day and wonder about how they are. We were so close before, and I felt so loved growing up, but now I can't help but feel like...they just abandoned me. Like they completely forgot about me. My brother said so much stuff when I was taken and still, no letters, no nothing. I mean, I understand, the way things went down...after what I did I don't deserve their forgiveness or love or anything but, I just, wish I had them. Even just them yelling at me about what I did would be better than this emptiness. You have your mom, you have family and love, never regret having that, it's something most of us in here don't get to have.” 

Kevin felt a swelling of tears in his throat, but held it down and nodded. The two went silent for a minute as Sam tried to think of his family, every day it was harder to picture his father and brother's faces. The only face he seemed to remember was his mother's as she screamed in the fire. “Kevin, tell me about your mom.”

Kevin looked at Sam in confusion for a minute, but seeing the pain in Sam's eyes, he knew Sam needed a distraction, “Well, like I said my mom is a fighter. When the templars came to take me, she was going to take them all on. She would have killed a few and probably gotten herself killed if I didn't surrender myself.”

“She sounds amazing. If she was trying to keep you protected, how did you get caught in the first place?”

“I was a noble, Sam. Nobles are hardly ever alone.”

“True, but still.”

Kevin sighed and looked out at the water, “Every morning I would take a ride through the forest with my horse Ferdinand, he was this beautiful black charger from Orlais. He was smart and fast and perfect, but one day during my forest ride, after a long night of rain, his hoof slipped on some wet stones and I got thrown. I was knocked unconscious, but my servants got me and Ferdinand back to the house. They took me to our chantry where the holy mother saw to my wounds. When I woke up, I was confused and scared, I didn't mean to, but I cast mind blast and knocked the mother so far away that she hit the wall. I was barely thinking straight from all the herbs. At first I thought it was a dream and just went back to sleep. The mother didn't mention it when I woke up again, so I was sure it was just a dream. But really, she was just letting me have a final night with my mother, thinking everything was fine before she called in the templars.”

“Guess you should have gotten a Ferelden horse. Redcliff has the best in the world you know.” 

Kevin cracked a smile, “Nobility doesn't always choose what's best, they choose what's fashionable.” 

“Good point.” The two smiled at each other for a moment and then looked out at the lake. 

“What was your mom like, Sam?”

A flash of his mother screaming in the flames surged through him again, but he pushed it away and thought instead of her gentle smile, her soft hands and her beautiful voice. Guilt or no, he still remembered her better than he remembered anyone. 

“She was hard working and generous. She had a little vegetable garden in Lothering that she ran while my father was off being a soldier in the king's army. He fought in the wars against Orlais, so my mother had to take care of herself a lot. She would get money sent home from him, but she tried to save that as much as she could and lived off of her garden. When the war made supplies short and food more expensive, she helped feed those who couldn't feed themselves. We kept up the tradition every harvest, even after the war. I remember when I was really little, maybe about 5, we would go to The Chantry and hand out vegetables. We would give them the best ones. My brother would ask why we didn't keep those for ourselves and she said it was because we knew how to eat around the bad parts, but not everyone knew that so we should give them the easy stuff.” 

Kevin smiled leaned a bit closer to Sam so their shoulder's touched. Sam blushed a bit as he felt the warmth of Kevin's shoulder and leaned into it. “No matter what Sam, you do have family here. The Chantry can do what it wants to try and keep us from it, but we are family.” 

Soon the templars called everyone inside. It was time for independent study and homework, so Sam headed back to his room. Just outside of it he heard crying and quiet voices. 

“You should have seen his face...he's just a boy, Cas.” Sam recognized Anna's voice.

“Is he alright?”

“He won't speak to anyone and he's limping.”

“Bring him to me and I'll cure his wounds.” 

“I'll try...like I said he's trying to avoid talking about it.” Sam moved away from the door, just enough to not get hit by it when Anna came out. She smiled at Sam, despite the tear stains on her cheeks, and went down the hall. Sam moved inside and saw Cas was sitting at his desk with his face resting on his folded hands. He was clearly far away in thought. 

“What was that about?”

“A templar has taken interest in Samandriel.”

“Interest?” Sam asked hoping that it might not be what he thought it meant, but the dark look that Cas gave him left any doubts in the dust. 

“Who is it?”

“I'm not sure. Samandriel won't talk to anyone about it. Hannah is the one who saw him walking with a templar last night, but they were in full armor, helmet included, so there is no way to know who it was if Samandriel won't talk about it. Gabriel is furious though, he's planning on setting traps outside Samandriel's room. I feel like it's more likely to catch Samandriel himself than it is a templar though.”

“Probably. Still at least he's trying to do something.”

“Yes, although his pranks can't go unnoticed forever. What then?”

“Solitude? Or worst case scenario, tranquil.” Sam admitted quietly as he sat down on his bed. 

“Things have become more strict over the years and the templars, while there are some good ones who do their duty, there are many who abuse us. I feel like something must be done. Not revenge, but something about how this place is actually run. How is it First Enchanter Chuck can just ignore everything?”

“The Knight-Commander probably covers everything up.”

“Crowley. Yes, that's likely.” 

“Cas, I hate to say it, but the only thing we can really do is work to keep each other safe. Maybe go out in pairs or something.”

“This is becoming unacceptable, Sam. We shouldn't have to fear walking through the hallways alone.” 

“I'm surprised to hear you say that.”

“I believe that what The Tower stands for is necessary, Sam, that doesn't mean I believe the way things are carried out is right.” Sam heard loud, armored footsteps move passed the door and his eyes went wide. 

They waited until the sound faded, “Keep it down, Cas. Lucifer spoke up against the templars and the chantry, and he ended up in solitary for 6 months.”

“I am not afraid of solitary confinement.” 

“Cas, you wouldn't be the only one left alone in that situation.”

Cas thought for a moment and his countenance softened. “You're right. I'm sorry.” 

“Let's just, try to keep our heads down, ok? Once we pass our harrowing things will be better. We'll have more rights then.” Cas remained silent and stared at the ground as if tempted to set it on fire. Sam assumed that was as close to an agreement as he was going to get. 

The next day, Sam kept his head down as he walked through the halls. He could feel the eyes of the templars on him as always and he couldn't help but wonder which it was that assaulted Samandriel. The boy had been so full of light; he was probably the kindest and most cheerful boy in the entire tower, but now he just sat in silence with eyes that matched the cheese of despair that had been imported as a gift from The Anderfels. Anna and Hannah stayed close to him those following weeks. There was an air of tension rising, an air that anything could happen at anytime to anyone and as fear and frustation rose, so did the need to feel close to others, in secret of course. 

Relationships were forbidden by The Chantry, and even though everyone knew they happened, they had to be kept quiet. If a child was born to a mage, it belonged to the chantry and would be immediately taken from it's mother. Even if the child grew to be a mage, it would be sent to a different circle. Templar and mage relationships were strictly forbidden, and while some of those relationships did happen out of love, more of them were expressions of abuse of power. In more lenient circles, sometimes templars and mages could marry if they received permission, but in most circles it was considered fraternization within the ranks and rarely accepted. Another possibility, though even more rare, were relationships between chantry sisters and mages, those were just as forbidden as those between templars and mages and would often result in sending either the sister or the mage elsewhere. But despite the restrictions, love did happen, and often. 

Balthazar was constantly trying to get Castiel to sleep with him, but Castiel would generally just respond with an eye roll causing Balthazar to play it off like a joke. Still, Sam couldn't help but be a bit jealous of people who did find love, or of those who got letters from their family; sure he had friends, but he wanted something more than that. It would send him spiraling into a depression of loneliness and frustration. More often than not, it always came back to one question. How could Dean not write him? Maybe after the shock of everything settled, he realized what Sam had done. It was unforgivable, so it made sense if Dean didn't want anything to do with him, but still Dean should have written to tell him off or curse his name or something. At this point, he just wanted to know his brother was alive and remembered him.

****Redcliff**** 

Dean was exhausted, particularly his shield arm. They told him the shield would get lighter with time, but it was sure taking a while. Holding it down to ward off magic just seemed to make it harder too. He wandered into a tavern and sat at the bar where a man only a couple years older than himself was serving drinks and food. 

“Hey brother, the usual?”

“Yeah Benny and pack it high. I could eat a bear right now. Or a bronto.”

The man laughed, “I'd recommend the bear, bronto can be a bit tough if it isn't prepared right.”

“You can't prepare it right?”

“Oh I can, I'm just saying in general, you know for when you eventually get your ass outta Redcliff? Here, I got some Antivan sip-sip the other day. It'll knock you off your feet for the night.”

“Good food, good liquor, and good company. You make me never wanna leave.”

“Well, when the alternative is practicing the chant of light and mage-hunter training all day with a bunch of stiff robes, I'd hope I'd be better company.” 

Dean took a deep swallow of the Antivan sip-sip and felt the burn crawl down his throat and warm his chest. “Benny, marry me. Seriously.”

Benny laughed and brought out a steak of bear covered with a dark brown demi glaze sauce, boiled potatos and leaks with a slice of cherry pie with embrium sprinkled on top. “Want some bread with that?”

Dean already had a mouthful of bear when he answered, “Yes.”

Benny snickered and shook his head going back behind the bar to bring him some bread and another bottle of sip-sip. “So, how is the training?”

“Alright. I'm getting pretty good with the sword and shield. The abilities are taking some time, probably because I'm not on the blue stuff yet.”

“Lyrium, right. When do you have your vigil?”

Dean took another deep swig of the sip-sip and felt it go to his head and spread everywhere, making a tingling warmth rush through him. “When I'm ready to take my vows, I guess. No wealth or acknowledgment, give my life to The Maker and what not.” 

“At least you don't have to be celibate.”

“Yeah, you'd miss this, right?” Dean teased, grabbing his dick through his templar robe. 

Benny leaned over the counter, “Ain't nice to tease you know.”

Dean grinned, “Good thing I'm not then, huh?”

“Oh cher, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what you're doing, and you know it.”

Dean gave a proud smile and went back to his food while Benny shook his head and went to serve some other customers before coming back.

“So what are you really waiting for? Thought you wanted to go find your brother?”

Dean looked around and made sure there was no one else there from the order around before leaning over the counter to whisper to Benny, tilting a bit in the process from the sudden rush of alcohol to his head, “I need to be good at the abilities or they won't send me to a tower. I'll just be some guard in a chantry my whole life. But if I'm good at dispelling magic, good at hunting mages, they will send me right where I need to be. I'm not taking any chances.” Dean lifted his eyebrows as if strengthening his point before sitting back down and bringing a large spoonful of potatoes and leaks to his mouth. 

Benny conceded with a shrug after thinking it over for a moment. “Sounds like a smart move.” 

“I know.” Dean said through a full mouth to which Benny smiled and shook his head. 

“Ain't nobody teach you any manners?”

“I have manners.” 

“Uh huh.” 

“I do. Well, the important ones anyway.” Dean's eyes were getting hazy from the alcohol and he nearly slipped this time when he moved over the counter to whisper to Benny, “I know to cover my teeth when sucking dick and to go for the clit with the ladies.” Benny burst out laughing and pushed him gently back into his seat.

“You, my friend, are possibly the most foul mouthed templar in training I have ever seen.” 

“Then you haven't seen many of us. There is this guy Gordon, blows me away the crap that comes out of his mouth. Oh and Ash, man that guy is a party on his own.” Dean's head was practically swimming as he looked at the bottle of sip-sip, the label suddenly hazy. “Benny, I think I need another one of these and then I'm gonna pass out somewhere.”

“I'll get a bed ready for you upstairs,” Benny said handing over another bottle. 

 

****The Tower of Magi****

“So it was that prick, Alastair.” Gabriel said with his arms crossed. Nearly all of Cas's friends besides Samandriel himself were packed into Sam and Cas's room at this point. 

“So what do we do about it? File a complaint?” Balthazar asked sarcastically. 

“We could get him busted, maybe they'll remove him from the tower.” Lucifer said with a shrug. 

“That could work, but we'd have to wait for him to take Samandriel again and then figure out a way to get the First Enchanter to see it.” Michael added. 

“That's out of the question, he's been through enough.” Anna said firmly and Castiel nodded in agreement. 

“Samandriel doesn't need to know about any of this, it would just make him feel guilty. I'll do it. Sam can get the First Enchanter, because he's my roommate it wouldn't look suspicious,” Castiel suggested; Anna looked at him with worry, and Balthazar with a righteous fury. 

“Absolutely not!” Balthazar shouted and Anna nodded eagerly in agreement, “Yeah, Cas, we can't ask you to do that, there has to be another way. No one needs to put themselves in that kind of situation.”

“You know there are things outside of sex he could get in trouble for.” Hannah pointed out.

“We are open to ideas here.” Gabriel shot back at her.

“What about lyrium smuggling? Make it look like he's stealing lyrium from the shipments that come in from Orzammar. That would be more than enough to get him removed from the circle. All we'd have to do is change a few numbers on the supply lists, plant a few bottles in his room...maybe let out a rumor that a templar was seen sneaking around the supply room at night?” 

“It sounds feasible.” Lucifer said with a shrug.

“And then no one has to let themselves be bait for that blighted monster,” Anna spit, crossing her arms. 

“Ok, well, who is going to do what then?” Michael asked looking around.

“I can cause a distraction in the dining room for whoever is going to slip into the supply room,” Gabriel offered with a grin that made a shudder go up Sam's back. 

“I actually work in the supply room sometimes, I can change the numbers, but a distraction would definitely be nice, just in case. I don't want any witnesses.” Anna volunteered. 

“Then I'll plant the bottles. If we move at the same time, Gabriel should make it clear for the both of us.” Castiel added. 

Balthazar sighed dramatically, “I suppose I can start some rumors about having seen a templar sneaking around and what not.” Castiel smiled at him in appreciation. 

“The First Enchanter trusts me, I could tip him off by asking to get some lyrium and then reporting that it's missing,” Michael decided. 

“I'll go with you and point out the rumors that Balthazar will have going by then,” Lucifer suggested and Michael nodded in response. 

“I'll stay with Samandriel to make sure he's safe in the meantime,” Hannah added. 

After a slightly awkward moment, Sam perked up and looked around, “Is there anything I can do?” 

Lucifer grinned, “There is one thing. You already have a reputation with the templars from your many escape attempts that first year you were here. Maybe if you start acting a little suspicious, particularly around Alastair, he'll be too busy keeping an eye on you that he won't notice what we're up to. Maybe just, start eying windows? Taking measurements? Asking suspicious questions about the surrounding area?”

“Ok, I can do that.” 

That week Sam began his task. He would wait for Alastair to come by on his watch and ask him questions about the lake, the direction of Redcliff and any landmarks nearby. He would let himself be caught checking out windows and practicing tying up his robes. He would make sure to get to his room just a little bit passed curfew whenever Alastair was on watch, and make sure he was seen. He had Alastair's eye. Balthazar, in the meantime, began spreading rumors like only he could. Soon half the school not only believed a templar was stealing lyrium, but that he was dealing it to the other templars and that a bunch of them were lyrium addicted, brain raddled nug-bisquits who needed to retire because they could barely survive without the stuff anymore. People started looking for templars with the shakes or waiting for a templar to lose his temper and say 'Bet he's one of 'em' didn't get his fix.' It was practically a game of spot the addict. 

Later that week, Gabriel slipped some timed wards underneath every table in the dining hall and hid some on the walls. Right as everyone sat down for their meal, the tables overturned sending the food and dishes crashing to the ground and everyone screaming. The tables then slammed up into the ceiling with a loud bang before a whirlwind began spinning them towards a wall, then the next wall and so on. When they hit the fourth wall, a loud musical ward went off singing out 'Hero in Every Port: The Ballad of Nuggins'. The panic spread quickly and everyone made their way to the dining hall from every floor of the tower to watch or help try to stop the madness.

Anna made sure she was on duty at the supply room that night. When she heard the song, she slipped inside and found the receipts documenting the lyrium shipments that week. She erased the existence of 8 bottles, grabbed them and took them to Castiel who was watching at the door. He tucked them into his robes and headed off. As he walked down the hallway, templars and mages would go running passed him. Some of the mages would shout out what was happened in hopes Castiel would join them, but he gave them an amused smile and continued walking, his hand on his stomach as if it hurt, but he was actually just holding extra bottles in place. 

The templars' rooms were up toward the top of the tower where the teachers slept, but there was also a treasury there. Items there were watched over by a tranquil and could only be taken out with a written letter from the First Enchanter himself. Fortunately, Lucifer helped him obtain one for a special training staff. If it came down to it, he had an alibi. Still, the higher he got, the more the reality of the situation seemed to seep into his skin, his only comfort was the song still booming from downstairs: 'NUGGINS NUGGINS! OF COURSE HE'S DELICIOUS!' 

Cas made his way higher and higher through the tower and soon there was no one running the other way, or anyone really around at all. The silence made every foot step seem to echo through the hall, and every breath seemed to make the torches on the walls flicker. Still he made his way forward. This place was meant to keep everyone safe, that included mages. Life was suppose to be better here, with food and strong walls and people who cared, not a place to wait and be violated, used up and killed, or made tranquil. If the only way to make the tower safer was to do it himself, to make the templars see that they aren't impervious to punishment, then so be it. He would do whatever he had to, to make this place better. 

He saw Alastair's shared bedroom. It would have to be clearly Alastair's or the other templar might be incriminated, which meant it had to be in his lock box or in his bed. The lock box made more sense though, which is why they had a key snatched by one of the girls on cleaning duty. He would have to thank Rachel later. His hands trembled a bit as he reached for the lockbox, but his resolve gave him strength. When he opened it, he saw mostly papers. He put the lyrium bottles in and then curiosity took over him. He picked up the papers and started skimming through them. They were orders for tranquility and one of them was for Samandriel.” Castiel's heart began to race as he felt a blind rage consume him. This vile man not only abused Samandriel, but he wanted to make it easier to do so, he wanted to destroy the boy's mind for nothing but his own whims. Castiel's hand twitched and a small flame danced around his fingers, catching the paper on fire. 

“No!” Castiel quickly shook it out, but the damage had been done. With this, Alastair would know that his lock box had been tampered with. He looked around in a panic and briefly registered that the song had stopped. He was out of time. A new paper! A new request! If he was busy defending himself in the lyrium case, he wouldn't bother to notice the difference in handwriting. He looked around the room for some parchment and a quill, opening one drawer after another, fumbling a bit as he went as fear began to take hold of him.

He finally found what he needed and began to copy the words over. Reading them had been hard enough, but writing them felt like a violation and it made him sick. Still, Castiel pressed on. As he neared the end of the letter, he could hear footsteps outside the hallway. Someone was coming to the door. Castiel looked around the room and quickly shut the lock box with the new request of tranquility, put the key in the desk where Rachel said it belonged and threw himself under the bed just as the door opened. 

Castiel held his breath and watched as metal boots traipsed into the bedroom. There was a sigh as armor was removed and then he heard a cracking of joints. Castiel instantly began planning out his escape for once Alastair was asleep, however, it didn't look like Alastair was planning to sleep anytime soon. The man took out his sword and began sharpening it, singing a quiet little song under his breath. It was something about the deep roads and dwarfen bar wenches and somehow was simultaneously grotesque and lewd enough to make Cas's skin crawl. 

Castiel kept his breathing stable, and remained as still as possible and waited. After nearly an hour of waiting, there was a knock on the door. Alastair went to answer it and spoke to another templar for a while before coming back into his room. 

'Just go away, go to bed, go anywhere.' Castiel thought as he laid under Alastair's bed. Then Alastair approached the bed. “You want to come out now? Or do you like it down there?” Castiel's eyes widened and without warning Alastair pulled Castiel from under the bed, grabbed him by the neck and shoved him up against the wall. “Well, well, what are you doing in here, knife-ears?”


	3. Dean's Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Incident with Alastair continues while Dean gets his first chance to hunt a mage.
> 
> Triggers/Extra Info:  
> Child abuse  
> Mentions of rape/child molestation
> 
> This chapter has a lot more fluff than angst~

****Redcliff****

Dean practiced his magic muting spells over and over until he was exhausted and then took a seat near the training dummies. He poured a bucket of cold water over himself, letting it soak his head and run down into his robe and armor. 

“Hey man, I got some info for you.” A thinner templar in training with dirty blonde hair, short in the front and long in the back came up to sit next to Dean.

“Oh yeah? What's up Ash?”

“You said you wanted to know when I heard about any apostates, right? Well, just so happens I got a lead on one.”

“Ash, you're amazing. What do you know.”

“It's some girl on her own, I guess. She tore the crap outta some guys on the highway, but one of 'em survived and came into town to tell the templars about her. They are already hunting for her, but I bet you could beat 'em to her.”

“And how am I gonna do that?”

“Because, unlike you and most of the templars stationed at the chantry here, I actually grew up in Redcliff, which means I know all the best places to hide.” 

“Good point, so you're coming with me?”

“Yup.”

“And what do you want for this?”

Ash's eyes gleamed, “Hey man, I'm just helping a friend out, if you wanna buy me a beer or two after, I wouldn't say no though.”

“Done. Let's go.”

****The Tower of Magi****

Castiel's eyes narrowed, “I know what you've done.” 

“Oh yeah? And what's that?” Alastair asked moving his face close to Castiel's, staring into his eyes.

Castiel shook his head as best he could and gasped for air, moving his hand onto Alastair's arm. Just as Castiel tried to burn him, Alastair muted his magic. “Naughty, naughty.” Alastair pulled Castiel from the door and then smashed him into it over and over again. Castiel could feel the wood splinter behind his head with each crash. His eyes rolled back as the lack of oxygen and the hits to the head made everything seem to spin out of control. He pushed at Alastair and tried to kick him, but his strength was gone. When Castiel was limp and coughing out blood as he gasped for air, Alastair opened the door and dragged him upstairs to the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter's shared office by the hair. 

“Alastair, what is the meaning of this?” First Enchanter Chuck demanded standing from behind his desk.

“This little knife-ear was in my room!”

“And why would he have been in there?” Crowley asked curiously. 

“Because he's probably trying to help his little bunk-mate escape again! I bet he was looking for keys or maps!” Chuck and Crowley exchanged a look. 

“No...I caught you,” Castiel whimpered from his place on the floor and Alastair gripped his hair tighter before throwing him hard onto the ground.

“He's a thieving, lying little knife-ear. That's all there is to it.”

“Let the boy speak. Castiel, what were you doing in his room?” Chuck asked as he helped Castiel up, healing his wounds as he did so. 

“I know he's been raping and beating Samandriel, so I went in to find proof, I found the request to have Samandriel made tranquil, which, no doubt, is so he can keep him as his own personal little toy, and if that isn't enough, I found something else while I was in there, too. He had a stash of lyrium bottles in his lock box. He's got to be stealing it from the supply room. Go check the receipts, count the supplies, he has way more than he should have. He's a rapist, an addict, and a thief. I won't lower myself by adding anything about his race.” Castiel said looking back at him with disgust. 

“Alastair, is this true?” Crowley looked at him with a lifted brow. 

“No! Of course not! I am The Maker's servant, I would never-”

“Then you don't mind if we investigate your room?” Chuck asked calmly. 

“How could you believe this apprentice over me? He hasn't even passed his harrowing, he could be possessed right now. He's a filthy knife-ear from an alienage, he was raised to be a thief and a liar by a pack of thieves and liars.”

“I was raised here,” Castiel added in irritation and Chuck put a calming hand on his shoulder.

“Crowley, let's go to his room.” 

“Of course, First Enchanter. I'm sure Alastair has nothing to hide, isn't that right?” Castiel watched as Crowley paused beside Alastair on the way out and leaned in towards him whispering, “You had better not make me look bad, or I'll have my tailor make you into a coat.” Alastair gave a smug smile and followed Crowley out of the room. 

After searching his room and checking the supply lists, Alastair was apprehended and marked to be sent to The White Spire in Val Royeaux for punishment, the punishment was more for stealing lyrium than anything else, but he was to be sent away and for now that was enough. Castiel however, had to be punished for what was being called 'his vigilantism' and was sentenced to two months of solitary confinement. 

****Redcliff****

“This cave is easily the best place to hide around here, most people don't even know it's there because of all the rashvine.” Ash cleared the rashvine away with a gloved hand and revealed a dark entrance with only the blue glow of deep mushrooms to give any indication of just how far in the cave went. 

“How big is this thing?”

“Not huge, it doesn't have any offshoots either, just one road, so if she's in here she ain't getting out without going through us.”

“Not that great of a hiding place then?”

“Well, like I said, most people couldn't find it. I'm just not most people.”

Dean laughed and gently pushed his friend's helmet before heading in. The place smelled like stale water and algae, and was almost too silent. Dean hadn't used his abilities in actual combat yet, hell, he hadn't been in real combat yet, but if this would help him get to Sam faster, then he'd do it. It was just one little lost witch, but bringing in an apostate before he even took his vigil was sure to make him look good and ready for circle duty. Sure she took out a bunch of highway men, but they probably weren't trained. They probably didn't even know she was a mage when they attacked her or whatever. 

As they got in further, they could hear crying. Ash looked at Dean and nodded, grinning wide, his face illuminated blue by the deep mushrooms. Dean frowned, he wasn't expecting water works. At least, not those kind, he nodded at Ash and held up a hand in a fist, telling him to wait there, then he went in alone. Dean moved slowly as he neared a turn in the cave that was radiating blue. When he turned the corner he saw the stale pond he had been smelling, surrounded by deep mushrooms, with their glowing spiny spider like legs reaching out over the water, letting their light carry over the still pond. On the far end of the water, a girl with bright red hair stood up and held a wooden staff in front of her. 

“Stay away! I'm warning you!” She shouted, though her voice cracked and trembled. 

Dean took off his helmet, “Hey, easy now, I'm not here to hurt you.”

“You're a templar, if there is a definition for here to hurt me, you're it, buddy.”

“No, I'm really not. I'm here to help you.”

“Help me be caged in the tower like some animal? I don't think so.”

“The tower isn't that bad, my brother lives there. Mages need to go to the tower to learn how to protect themselves from demons, trust me, I've seen what can happen. It's bad. You need to let me help you.”

“Nu uh, no way, I'd rather go to the deep roads and spend the rest of my life fighting darkspawn. At least then I'd have a fighting chance.” 

Dean stepped closer to her, keeping his hands up, trying to keep her from attacking, “Have you ever been in a circle?”

“Well, no, but I know how they are. Look, I'm just going to get myself to Tevinter ok?”

“The Imperium?”

“Yeah, where mages are free. I won't cause any harm there, you can let me go can't you? I promise I'm just passing through Ferelden, totally on my way out.” 

“You do realize being a mage in Tevinter isn't enough to really do much for you right? Unless you are actually a citizen, you're basically going to be a servant or something. Even if you did want to move up in the world, it'd be all blood magic and human sacrifices.”

“No, I won't do any of that, I swear. I don't like violence. I just, want to be free. Even if I'm a servant, as long as I'm not a slave, I don't care. I just...you understand don't you? The idea of being locked away in a tower for the rest of my life is a little too fairytale for me. I'm not a princess, I'm not anything special, yeah I have magic, but I am not a dangerous person.”

“Tell that to those guys you killed.”

“They were trying to rob me. I told them to leave me alone, I gave them all kinds of warnings and they just didn't listen.” Dean was finally on the same side of the water as her and she moved her staff towards him, “And now I'm warning you, don't come any closer. I will hurt you if I have to.”

“Hey, I'm just here to talk to you. If we talk and you still don't want to go to the tower, I'll leave you alone ok?”

“That is not normal templar protocol, why should I believe you?”

“Because I'm not even really a templar yet? I'm just a trainee.” Dean shrugged and the girl lowered her staff a bit.

“Ok...just a talk right? But you stay over there.”

“Ok.” Dean sat down and made himself comfortable and after a moment the girl did too. “My name's Dean. You?”

“Charlie.”

“Where are you from Charlie? What's your story?”

“I uhh...I'm originally from the Free Marches, Kirkwall, actually. They are even more strict on mages than here though, so when my magic manifested, me and my parents came here. We had a cottage outside of Redcliff, out in the middle of nowhere in the hinterlands. My father and mother worked on the neighbors' farms and I...tried to stay out of sight. Things were good for a long time, but then there was an altercation with a Dalish clan that was living nearby. One of the farmers accused them of killing some of their brontos, the Dalish accused the farmers of killing their halla and naturally, it turned into a fight. Long story short, my father was killed, I got outted as a mage, and it turned out the whole thing was just a disease going around, no actual animal killing. The disease spread to the elves, and the people too, my mother caught it. She didn't make it. Before she died she told me to go to Tevinter, to keep running and hiding or they would lock me up. So, that's what I'm doing.” 

“I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my mom too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup. My brother is a mage, like I said. He, uhm, well there was an accident and she got killed by a demon. My dad left after that. I don't really know where he went, he just left. My brother is in a tower, in all honesty, I have no idea how he's doing in there. I only became a templar so I could get to him, save him if I have to, stay in there with him if that's better. He messed up, bad, but it wasn't his fault. It was the demon's fault. He's the only family I got left and I wanna be there for him.”

“Wish I had a brother. The best I have is some estranged aunt in Kirkwall, but that place is way too dangerous for me. Plus weird. Did you know they have giant statues of slaves everywhere? Not really the most self-affirming place to live.”

Dean smiled at that, “Tevinter has snakes and dragons everywhere.”

“Have you actually been to Tevinter?”

“No, but I read.”

“Well, you never actually know until you go right? Besides, if it's that bad I'll go somewhere else. Maybe Rivain. I hear they are pretty superstitious there, I could pose as a fortune teller or something. Or I could go to Antiva and hide out, that place seems like a good place to hide out, I mean all those assassins guilds do it right?”

“Or you could stop running and go where you'd have a home and a place to be safe.”

“The tower is a prison, that isn't safe, and it certainly isn't a home.” 

“It could be. Honestly, I've heard good stuff, especially about people who were homeless or too poor to really survive; elves too, I heard they get treated just like everyone else in there.”

“Whoever read you that bedtime story was really trying to butter you up for the cause.”

“It would make sense though, I mean in there it's just templars and mages, not nobles and poor people or elves and humans. Things have to be simpler in there don't they?”

“Or a big fuck fest of problems.”

“Well now you're just being negative.”

“And you are being unrealistic.” 

“Look, Charlie, I like you. So, how about I make you a deal. If you go to the tower, when I get there if I decide to get my brother out of there, I'll take you too, then we can all run to Tevinter together.” 

“I'm not falling for that, no way.”

“I swear on my honor as a templar or as a brother or as a Winchester or whatever else I can swear on, that if my brother wants to go or I think we need to go, we'll all go together. But you should really give it a chance. It could be good for you, you need to learn how to keep yourself safe from demons.”

“Dean, I feel for you and your brother's whole situation. I really do, so how about I make _you_ a deal? You let me out of here, give me a couple coins to get on a ship out of Ferelden, and when you and your brother come up to Tevinter, I'll help you out.”

“Charlie...”

“Look, I know about the dangers of demons, but I can learn everything I need to in Tevinter. They have circles too you know, ones that you can actually come and go out of. You promised you'd let me go if I didn't want to go to the circle, and I don't want to go. The coins would just be charity for the needy and possibly an investment in your future.”

Dean thought it over, if there was one thing his father taught him, it was to be honorable. Maybe his father didn't always follow through on it himself, but that didn't mean Dean couldn't try. “Ok. I get it. Here.” Dean opened up the small coin purse he kept in the pocket of his robe and emptied it onto the ground. Charlie's eyes widened.

“Dean...you don't have to give me that much.”

“Think of it as an investment.” Dean said with a grin. “Take care of yourself kiddo, say no to demons, don't do blood magic, and get out of this area tonight, the other templars aren't going to be as nice as I am.”

Without warning, Charlie ran over and hugged him, throwing her arms over his armor and pulling him down to her. He smiled and hugged her back. “Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” 

 

Dean walked out of the cave and found Ash waiting. “Well?”

“Well nothing, she doesn't want to go to the circle.”

“Uhm, yeah bro, they never do. That's why it's our job to get them there.”

“Yeah, well, we aren't templars yet, Ash.” 

“I guess. Thought you really wanted to hunt mages though? Wasn't that like, your thing?”

“I want to help them go to the circle for the benefit of everyone, I don't want to catch them like wild mabari and pen them up. I'm not Gordon.”

“I had a good feeling about you, knew there was a reason I liked you.” 

“Guess we are both going to be terrible templars then huh?”

“Hey, that is yet to be proven bro. Templars do other stuff besides mage-hunt. Like, you know, guard the chantry and such. We could be pretty awesome at that.” Dean smiled and shook his head as he led Ash out of the cave with an arm around his friend's shoulders. 

“Come on Ash, I owe you a drink.”

****The Tower of Magi **** 

Castiel sat in an empty stone room, the cold had pushed through his robes and chilled him to the bone. There were no windows, so he couldn't watch time pass, he just sat alone with his thoughts. Twice a day they brought him food, not the usual food the others got, just watery oatmeal and stale bread. He was given a copy of the chant of light, in order to repent and find comfort in The Maker's words, no doubt, but Castiel didn't touch it. Well, except for when he used it as a pillow. Still, despite everything that he had to endure, Samandriel was free from Alastair now, the mages had been triumphant and justice had finally prevailed in the circle. It was worth it.

When Castiel had gotten to the circle, all he could feel was welcome and home. He got to eat every day, he was generally treated as an equal, and he got to go to school; it was more than he could have ever wanted. But now he could see passed the gilded facade, he could see the prison bars and all he wanted was to unsee them, to be a loyal and faithful member of the circle again. But he couldn't turn a blind eye to the injustice that was rampant in the halls. 

What choices did that leave him? He could grow up, become a high ranking member of the circle, maybe become First Enchanter of a circle of his own and change things, do them right. Maybe he could push for more freedom from the templars, push to change the management of the circles. He could at least try, he supposed. It would be better than just sitting around and watching everything get worse. 

Plans formed in his head as he waited in the dark. The sound of the rain and the damp, moldy smell of the dungeon reminded him of a home he had almost all but forgotten. 

Meanwhile, Sam was outside, laying in the grass beside Kevin, staring up at the clouds. “It's so unfair. I wish we could do something, he doesn't deserve this.”

“I know. But Cas is tough, he'll be alright,” Kevin said, trying to calm his friend.

“I guess, but just because someone is tough enough to take abuse doesn't mean they should have to.” 

“That's true, but he did break the rules.”

“For a good cause.”

“They don't care about intentions, if they did it would make judging each case very difficult because you wouldn't have a guideline to go by. You'd have to consider the context for everything and everyone involved.”

“It would be more fair.”

“Would it? I think that kind of system would fall to favoritism. At least this way, everyone gets treated the same and has to obey the same rules. If you play things on context or emotions or intentions, people can say anything. The whole system would just get abused.”

Sam rolled his head over to look at Kevin and smiled at him in admiration. Kevin looked back at him, the sun making his eyes glow bright enough to look like melted chocolate. “What?” Kevin asked with a curious smile. The whole picture of the blue sky above them, the lake quietly humming beside them, the warm grass under them and Kevin's clever, beautiful smile in front of him made Sam blush.

“It's nothing, just glad your my friend.” 

Kevin laughed and rolled his eyes before looking up at the sky again. “We should do something for when Castiel gets out. Samandriel has been working on a book for him.”

“A book?”

“Yeah, of Elven lore. Castiel doesn't know much about elves, so Samandriel thought it would be nice. He's basically collecting and organizing as much information as he can and binding it into a book for him.”

“That's great! I bet Cas will love it! Maybe I should make him something too? Maybe I can do something with a rune? Make him a bracelet or a necklace or something. Want to help me?”

“Do you actually need help or do you just want company to complain to when everything ends up broken.”

“Both?”

Kevin pretended to think for a moment, then finally smiled, “Alright, I guess.” 

****Redcliff****

Dean and Ash were drinking at Benny's tavern when the actual templars came in and trudged their way to the bar. They looked exhausted and defeated. Dean couldn't help but smile into his West Hill Brandy at the sight of them. Charlie got away. He knew it was his job to get mages into the tower and if he had thought Charlie was a danger, he would have dragged her in kicking and screaming, but that girl clearly had a plan and knew what she was doing. Tevinter would teach her everything she needed to know and she could still live the way she wanted. Everyone deserved that chance and soon he'd be able to give that chance to Sam. He'd just have to take it the slow route: more training. 

“Hey rookies, you going to buy your superiors a round?” One of them asked, clearly looking for a fight. 

Dean grinned, “Sure, how about a little Antivan sip-sip?”

“What the hell kind of bitch drink is that?”

“Something new to the bar, it's pretty good though. Hey Benny, get them a round would ya?”

Benny shared a quiet smile with Dean and planted an Antivan sip-sip in front of each of the templars. They all chugged the bottles down in one go and Dean had to hold back his laughter as he leaned against Ash. “Those guys are going to be so wasted in a couple minutes. This is going to be amazing.” 

“If it's that good, we should buy them another round don't you think, Dean?” Ash suggested with a glint in his eyes. 

“Why that's a great idea, what do you say guys? I mean you can handle another right?” 

Benny leaned over the table close to Dean, “You are going to clean up everything they break, you hear me brother?”

“Yeah, yeah, I will, don't ruin my fun.”


	4. 3 years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has his 15th birthday while Dean's vigil finally draws near. 
> 
> Triggers/Other info/tags:  
> More Benny/Dean flirting  
> Teenage First Crush Fluff/Angst  
> Drug Addiction (Lyrium)  
> Violence

****3 years later**** 

“Happy 15th Birthday, Sam.” Castiel sang as he handed a small box to Sam, in the quiet of their shared room right as the moon hit the middle of the night sky. Sam smiled wide and took the box and opened it eagerly. His mouth hung open when he saw a bracelet woven from ram leather with bits of an old looking purple rune embedded in it. It almost exactly matched the one Sam had made for him years ago, only the rune was different. Sam ran his fingers gently over the leather and then the rune pieces. 

“What rune is this?”

“Electricity. I thought, if I'm ice, then you should have an element too, and electricity seemed the most appropriate. I would have given you this sooner, but it took me a while to acquire the rune.” 

Sam smiled and put it on before leaning over and hugging Cas, “Thanks, Cas.”

“You're welcome, Sam. Are you planning to do anything for your birthday tomorrow, maybe something after class?”

“I uh...yeah, actually. I think so. I mean, I'm still kinda, unsure about it, but I think so,” Sam blushed and looked away trying to hide his nervous smile. Cas's interest perked and he tilted his head in curiosity. 

“You aren't sure if you're doing anything for your birthday?”

“Huh? Well, not that, specifically. Ok, so, Kevin-”

“Ah. Kevin.” Castiel got a knowing smile.

“Stop.” Sam said as he knocked shoulders with Castiel. “Basically, he wants to spend time with me on my birthday and I think I want to ask him out.”

“You should, you clearly like one another.”

“You really think he likes me like that?”

“Yes.” 

“How can you be so sure? I mean, we've been friends for a long time and what if that's all it is?”

Castiel considered it for a moment, his fingers unconsciously turning the bracelet on his wrist, “It's the way he looks at you. It isn't the same way he looks at anyone else. I suppose that could be just deep admiration or friendship, but I don't think you and I look at each other the way you and Kevin do and I believe we have deep admiration for one another as well as friendship.”

“Cas, you and me are family, we are way beyond friendship at this point, you're my brother.” 

Castiel smiled, “Lethallin, then as your brother, I think you should tell Kevin how you feel about him.” 

“You do realize getting rejected on my birthday would basically make me hate my birthday forever though right?”

“Or you could end up with the one thing you truly want. If he actually rejects you, which I doubt will happen, you can come back here and we can play chess until you forget all about it. I may even let you win.”

Sam gave a mock look of offense, “ _You_ let me win? The entire tower will be shocked and scandalized.” 

“Only if you're rejected of course,” Castiel stated with a firm nod, teasing through his eyes. 

“What if I get scared and don't confess? I think I still deserve a good game of chess for having to hang out with Kevin all afternoon and resist jumping him.”

“And that is more than I needed to hear. Goodnight, Sam.” Sam laughed as Castiel crawled into his bed. “Would you get the candle?”

“Sure,” Sam crawled into his bed and sent a small burst of magic from his hand, extinguishing the flame.

****Redcliff**** 

Dean sat at Benny's bar with a mug of Mackay's Epic Single Malt; the tavern was empty and Benny was finishing up the dishes. Dean stared at his beer then looked over at Benny, “Is this malt really older than The Maker?” 

“Maybe. Is it smoother than an elven baby-butt?”

“Maybe? I dunno,” Dean slurred and put his face against the bar. 

“You alright?” Benny asked as he finished up the dishes and walked over to Dean.

“Tomorrow I give my life to The Maker. I start taking lyrium. I become a mage-hunter and get assigned to some random place to serve for who knows how long and to be honest I don't want any of it. I hate the chant of light and half the time I'm not sure I even believe in The Maker, hell I'm not sure I even buy that Andraste was real. Then the lyrium...that stuff is for life. It wrecks you, by the end your mind is gone. You ever seen an old Templar? Lyrium poisoning, all of them. They don't complain about it either, none of them, but I see them shake when they go too long without it. I see the way The Chantry holds it over them. And then there's the mages. I want them to be educated, but do they really have to be prisoners? Do we really have to force them into a little box to keep the rest of us all safe? If there were regular schools for mages, kids wouldn't have to hide and hope for the best. Maybe what happened to my mom wouldn't have even happened if people could all understand magic better. Benny, I hate this. All of it. I hate it,” Dean mumbled through hazy unfocused eyes as he looked up at Benny with one single tear running quietly down his cheek. 

“What do you want then, Dean?”

“I just want my brother back.” 

“Dean...it's been how many years now?”

“5...no...more than that. Almost 6 now I think.”

“Do you think...he's even still waiting on you?”

“I don't...I don't know, but I can't leave him alone in there, Benny. I can't.” 

“Is this really the only way to get him out of there?”

“Maybe if there was a blight I could join the Grey Wardens and recruit him or something, but no, like this, there isn't any other way. Not unless you have a dragon hiding under that beard somewhere. Maybe that'd do it.” Benny smiled and lifted Dean's chin with one of his fingers.

“Dean, would your brother really want you to take on a life you hate just for him? He might be happy in there, why don't you just write to the boy and find out? Ask him what he wants before you throw your life away.”

“Because if the order finds out that we're brothers, they won't assign me to his circle...they can't know. Sam can't know. I can't get careless now, not after everything.” Another tear went streaming down his face and Benny let his hand move from Dean's chin to his cheek and watched as his friend leaned into the touch, desperate to be grounded.

“You could just stay here you know? You could set up shop with me, help me run the tavern. Maybe we could pay some other templar to sneak him out of there.”

“Gotta be me. He's my brother, my responsibility.” Dean sat up now, moving away from Benny's touch. “I'm gonna do it. I'll be whatever they want me to be. I'll drink the lyrium, I'll hunt mages...I'll say the words. I'll do whatever I have to. I'm gonna get him out of there. I'm gonna make everything right.” Dean got off his stool and knocked it over in the process, stumbling a bit as he did so. Benny moved forward to help Dean settle himself, but Dean pushed him away and walked out of the bar.

****The Tower of Magi****

Sam was growing more and more anxious as the day went on. He could barely pay attention in class and got called out by Bobby more than once. Ellen gave him some slack because it was his birthday, but she did give him a small swat on the wrist when he started zoning out in her class. Through the day he had imagined what must have been every possible outcome of asking Kevin out. From quiet rejection that broke their friendship forever, to a great romance leading to tragedy as they got caught by the templars and were sent to different circles never to meet again. Happy endings were harder to imagine, after all they could never marry in the circle. They could never openly be together. But, if he could have Kevin at all it wouldn't matter. He'd take whatever he could get, even if it was just friendship. That line of thinking, of course, led him back to the beginning and overall point: was it worth the risk? If Kevin didn't want him, their friendship would always have an awkward tone to it. Kevin would always know that Sam wanted him and Sam would always know that Kevin didn't want him back. He wasn't sure he could take that. He wasn't sure _Kevin_ could take that. 

He touched his bracelet through his robes where it was hidden. Cas seemed so sure that Kevin would feel the same way and being on the outside, he had a more objective view. However, Cas did have a tendency to be weird about social stuff, especially about love. He didn't even know how in love Balthazar was with him until Sam told him and Balthazar was anything but subtle about it. Maybe he should ask Anna, she was pretty good at this stuff. “Sam?” Sam shook his head and looked forward to where Ellen was standing with an impatient look on her face. “I asked you what was better against demons, ice or fire.”

“Uhm, it depends on the demon. Rage demons are weak against ice and despair demons are typically weak against fire.” 

“Good boy, keep your head in the game alright? The day is almost over, then you can go celebrate.” Sam nodded and noticed from the corner of his eye that Kevin was smiling at him. While normally that would have made him relax, now it made his stomach fill with a nervous excited flutter. That same feeling kept going until class finally ended and then he felt glued to his chair as Kevin came over to him. 

“Ready to go, birthday-boy?” 

“Yeah,” Sam squeaked and Kevin lifted a brow before shrugging it off and heading out of the classroom. Sam kept up behind him. 

“Too bad we can't go outside today,” Kevin sighed quietly as he led them towards the library.

“Yeah...that would have been perfect.”

“Well, this will still be good. Wait till you see what I got you.”

“You didn't have to get me anything.”

“Nonsense. It's your birthday, you deserve presents. Besides, this is a really nice one. I had my mom send it over last month.”

“It's something you had from before?”

“Yes and no, before you ask it's not Ferdinand. He wouldn't fit in a box.” Sam snickered at the idea of Kevin's poor Orlaisian charger being shoved in a box.

Kevin finally stopped at an empty table in the library and opened his bag to pull out a large box wrapped in Highever weave cloth and a pure white ribbon. Sam had never seen anything so...obviously expensive, and he hadn't even opened it yet. 

“Kevin, I really can't accept whatever this is, I mean does your mom know you are trying to give it to me?”

“Yeah, of course she does. She loves you.”

“She does?”

“Yeah, I've told her all about you. She actually helped me pick this out for you.” Kevin blushed and looked away, “Just, trust me, it's fine. I want you to have it so...just open it ok?”

Sam gave in, took the box, and carefully pulled the ribbon open. Inside was an old leather bound book with an intricately painted map of the world on the cover with small dawnstones embedded along the spine. Sam moved his fingers over the map, tracing from Lake Calenhed to Lothering, up to Highever, to The Free Marches, and over across to Tevinter. “This is beautiful...”

“Look inside.” Kevin urged quietly and Sam opened it to the index. Inside were dictionaries for nearly all of the languages in modern day use as well as some incomplete dictionaries for ancient tongues that were mostly lost. Sam moved through the pages entranced as Kevin began again, “I use to study this with my tutor. Language was one of my favorite things to study, after music. I've heard your incantations, I bet you'd be really good at foreign language; you'll probably be better than I ever was.” 

Sam looked up at him, Kevin was looking at the book, but he still wore a slight blush. He was so close and everything felt so perfect. This was it, he had to do it now or he would never do it. It was worth the risk, it had to be. Sam put the book down, “Kevin, I-”

“Am I interrupting something?” Samandriel asked quietly. 

“What? No, of course not. What is it?” Kevin asked obviously startled, turning away from Sam.

“It's just, I had a question about runes that I think you guys could answer, could you come to the classroom for a minute?”

“Sure. It's ok, right Sam?” Kevin looked over at him and Sam just nodded as he felt all of his blood drain to his toes. 

“Thanks guys.” Samandriel led them out of the library and Sam's head went racing. Maybe it was fate or destiny, maybe he and Kevin were just not meant to be together. Maybe he needed to get over it and just be Kevin's friend. 

Sam mindlessly followed the two as they chatted about whatever rune problem Samandriel was having, and every step felt harder than the last. He was so close, all he needed to do was just lean in and-

“Surprise!” A cheer sang as little sparks of magic went off like tiny fireworks. 

Sam's eyes widened and he looked around the classroom to see Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel, Anna, Hannah, Samandriel, Balthazar, Kevin, and Castiel all looking at him with excitement and motioning to a plate of cookies on the table like they were a pile of sovereigns that he'd just won. “Happy Birthday, Sam!” “Sit down and have some cookies with us! But don't ask how we got them...it may have involved blackmail.” “Don't scare him Gabriel. It was just a little sneaking around, no blackmail involved.” “We all got you presents. Don't expect anything fancy, but there you go darling.” Sam was pulled into a chair and he couldn't really register what was going on until he sat down and looked at everyone around him and for a split second, nothing else mattered: not the tower walls, not the templars, not the horrible memories of his past, he was home now with the people he loved and everything else could wait.

**** Redcliff****

Dean knelt in the chantry before the statue of Andraste with colored light showering him from every window as he spoke his vows. When he finished, he was told to rise and was presented with a small golden goblet of lyrium. Dean looked at it for a moment, it glowed brightly as if it were still trying to light the deeproads. He could almost feel the power emanating from it, calling him to his new life. He lifted the goblet to his lips and let the cold, thick liquid flow into him. It felt like drinking dry ice, or lightening. It's effect was immediate, he felt a surge of power run through his veins in every part of his body, it wasn't like alcohol, it cleared his mind and made everything suddenly make sense and fall into place. His body was ready to react, to fight, to move without thinking, he felt connected to himself and everything around him in a way he'd never experienced before and in that instance, he knew he was theirs. He was their puppet, their leashed monster now; he understood so much more from that one taste of lyrium, than he had learned in all those years training. He felt better than he had ever felt; he was stronger, faster, smarter, and more in touch with reality and The Maker himself. How could he have ever doubted that this path was right? That The Maker was present? He could practically feel the veil looming all around him. 

“Welcome to the order,” a stern voice stated, and was echoed by every other templar in the room. 

It took Dean a moment to return to reality, but the noise of his brother's smashing their shields with their fists in welcome seemed to anchor him back down to reality. This was it, the moment of truth. “Knight-commander, where will I be stationed?” Dean asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

“Here for now, you still have training to do and you have yet to prove yourself in actual combat. It'll be easier now, though. Your brothers will teach you the way.” Dean nodded, somehow the news didn't hurt so much with the lyrium flowing in his veins. Everything would be as it needed to be, and it would all work out. Sam had waited this long, he could wait a little longer and as a templar, Dean could really do good work. He could help people, the lyrium wasn't as bad as he'd thought. Maybe the people who got poisoned were unlucky and got some bad lyrium, or took too much, or hadn't managed it. Dean could manage it. This was going to be fine. 

“There is a blood mage in the Kocari Wilds we need you to help track down, consider this your first real assignment. Get your equipment and meet your brothers at the windmill on the hill. You head out tonight.”

“Yes sir.” Blood mages, those who conspired with demons, like the one who killed his mother, they were the true monsters. Sacrificing people and breaking the veil for their own whims, they weren't little boys who didn't know what they were doing, they were actual practitioners of blood magic and demon summoning. They didn't deserve the circle or mercy. They had their chance and they blew it. If there was one thing right about being a templar, this was it. No point in fighting it anymore, he was a templar and in that he'd have to find himself a new meaning, a new purpose, a new sense of identity. He wasn't playing pretend anymore or dragging his heels hoping for some other path to fall from the sky, this was his life and if it always felt this good and sent him on missions to do good work, maybe it was right. 

Dean grabbed his gear and his new lyrium kit and headed out to join the other templars. He could practically feel his hands aching for a sword. 

****The Circle of Magi****

After a while the hype died down and they were all just eating cookies and chatting normally. “So, Cassie here throws down his staff and walks up to the guy and says 'If you would prefer, I can use my fists' and the guy actually pisses himself, no joke, no exaggeration, straight up pisses his robes right there and all Cassie says is, 'You wanted a duel didn't you?'” Balthazar says laughing along with everyone except Castiel. 

“The man was being inappropriate. He's an actual mage, he shouldn't have been challenging apprentices to duels in the first place, much less first year apprentices.”

“Oh Cassie, don't pout. It was the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life.” 

“He did need someone to stand up to him anyway. I wish I could have been there, I would have trapped him in place so he had to sit in his piss and think about what he'd done for a few days.” Gabriel said with a grin, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Oh, he was too scared to move until Cassie left with the other apprentices. The way they looked at Cassie, you'd think he was a dragon slayer.”

“He might as well be, Castiel is a hero,” Samandriel cheered with a bright smile, making Castiel look away somewhat uncomfortably. 

“Cassie, you did a good thing standing up to him. Really.” Balthazar patted Castiel's thigh before offering him a cookie, which Castiel refused. 

“So, has anyone seen the new knight enchanter they sent here?” Anna asked looking around.

“Oh not this again,” Lucifer sighed and Michael practically mouthed Anna's words to her voice, “He's so dreamy.” 

Sam laughed as Anna flicked cookie crumbs at Michael and Lucifer, but he instantly froze when he felt a warmth entangle with his hand. He glanced down and saw Kevin's hand in his own, though the boy wasn't looking at him. Sam smiled and squeezed Kevin's hand gently and looked back at the others as they continued talking, completely unaware of how much the world had just changed for Sam. 

 

****A week later in the Kocari Wilds****

The templars had a Chasind mage surrounded and on his knees with his magic muted. His wrists were dripping blood and he was clearly light headed, but all the blood magic and demon summonings hadn't been enough to help him. Dean and his brothers had cut through them easily once they had found him.

“Go ahead Dean,” Gordon offered with a grin. Gordon had joined a year earlier than Dean, while Ash, the other recruit Dean had trained with still hadn't taken the vigil, that left Dean as the only new templar and the only one with something to prove. 

The Chasind began clutching a pendant with a small animal sculpture and praying in his native tongue as Dean moved up close to him. The heavy robes and armor had him sweating everywhere and the lyrium gave him heightened senses to feel each drop as it rolled down his back. He could practically hear the Chasind's heartbeat, although it might have been his own pounding in his ears. He lifted his sword high, the lyrium urging him forward as he took the man's head with one strong blow. As it rolled to Dean's feet, he felt like the very symbol of justice and righteousness. One dark mark had just been removed from the world by his hands. Everyone was just a little bit safer. His entire body was singing as his brothers cheered and moved over the blood mage's body to knock Dean's helmet playfully and pat his arms encouragingly. 

“So do we head back or look for more? I bet that Chasind bastard had others with him. Fucking savages, got to have more apostates with them.” Gordon suggested looking around. 

“Might as well look a bit more,” another brother agreed, and soon they were all hungry for blood, Dean included. 

****The Tower of Magi****

Kevin and Sam sat side beside in the library, looking over their books while templars slowly made their way through their usual rotations. Sam's eyes would flicker up after every paragraph and check their positions while Kevin's foot would tap at his playfully. The minute the templars were out of sight Sam would look over and Kevin would meet his gaze and instantly their hands wound into one another's robes as they met for a flurry of quick kisses laced with quiet laughter. The minute they heard the heavy foot steps of the templars they would pull away and bury their heads in their books again, both with wide grins, flushed cheeks, and puffy, kiss stained lips. 

After they finished studying in the library, they headed back to their rooms, stopping only briefly in every dark corner they could find to steal a few more kisses when prying eyes weren't around. Sam gave a sigh as he opened the door to his and Cas's room. Cas looked up from his place at his desk. “Looks like things are going well with you and Kevin.”

“Yeah, Kevin, he's so, I just can't even start. Cas, it's so good,” Sam sighed with a dopey grin on his face as he tossed himself onto his bed. 

“I'm happy for you. Just be careful.”

“I know, it's just hard. I swear I could kiss him all day.” Cas laughed and started organizing his notes and closing his books. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

“No.”

“Not even Balthazar?”

“No, though he has certainly attempted to initiate... things of varying degree.”

“Ew.”

“Yes.”

“So, why haven't you? I mean, Hannah likes you too.”

“She respects me, there is a difference, Sam. Even if she did, I'm not interested in her, or anyone for that matter.” 

“Oh,” Sam said a bit quietly, as if apologizing.

“It's fine Sam, maybe someday, but right now I just have too much on my mind to even begin thinking about all of that.” 

“Alright, I guess. As long as your happy, that's all that matters.”

“Thank you.”

****Redcliff another week later****

“So you're a full-fledged templar now, huh?” Benny asked as Dean took his usual seat.

“Yup.”

Benny looked him over and his eyebrows furrowed, “You smell different.”

“Yeah? Must be the lyrium. I feel different, that's for sure.”

“It's nice, it's almost like the smell of the air after a storm. That'll have 'em lined up I bet.”

“They better, I can't wait to get laid like this, you have no idea, Benny. It's like I feel everything a hundred times stronger and my body, it moves so fluid now, like every muscle is finally talking to every other part of me. Then there's the veil. I feel it, magic, the fade, all of it, like the universe is calling out to me, like I can feel my connection to everything.”

“Well, you know what we have to do now right?”

“What?”

“Drink Flames of Our Lady.”

Dean laughed as Benny brought out some clear bottles of the wine that ranged from blood to fire in color. They each took a single swig, raised their glasses and shouted together, “She is with us!” and threw the glasses into the fireplace nearby before bursting out in laughter together. 

“You know, I was really worried about you brother.”

“ Yeah, uh, I'm sorry about that. I just got cold feet I guess.”

“Understandable, considering. You sure you're ok now though? It's not just the lyrium talking, right?”

Dean shrugged, “If it is, it's gonna be talking my whole life, so it doesn't matter, does it?” 

“I suppose that's one way of looking at it.” 

The templars came in, loud and victorious this time, they shouted out to Dean, 'The Chasind Slayer,' and Dean shouted back to them in camaraderie as the rest of the customers watched them with part annoyance and part curiosity. 

“Benny, a round of Flames of Our Lady for me and my brothers here.” Benny nodded and brought the drinks. The ceremony was repeated with a lot more cheering this time before the templars eventually spread out, some looking for a quick lay, others looking for a fight, and some setting up a game of wicked grace while Dean stayed in his place.

“Benny you gotta get drunk with me tonight. We're celebrating. You and me, buddy.”

“And who is gonna run the place then, huh?”

“Take a night off?”

“How about you stay until I can close up, then we can get drunk together, if you're still standing.”

“Deal! But then, we get to drink in your bed. Maybe a little Carnal, 8:69 Blessed?” Dean whispered as he leaned over the counter.

“You and you're teasing.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” Dean shrugged and gave a wink as he sat back down. 

“I may or may not have a couple bottles of that sitting around somewhere...”

“Hm-hm.” Dean hummed, grinning wildly. 

“You are gonna be the death of me, you know that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it isn't obvious, I kind of love that there are so many interesting alcohols in Dragon Age.


	5. Grown Up: 2 and a half years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam, Castiel, Kevin and the others in their class face their Harrowing trials while Dean hunts down a dangerous escapee from the circle. 
> 
> Triggers/Extra stuff:  
> So much angst?

****2 and a half years later****

Over the next few years, Sam hit a growth spurt and became taller than most of the templars in the tower. He began to wear his dark blonde hair a bit longer than he had when he was young and let it rest just above his shoulders. He also began training his body as well as his magic in hopes to eventually be trained as a knight-enchanter. Of course, his newly developed intimidating physical appearance only seemed to taunt the templars more and with his harrowing approaching they seemed to relentlessly hound him. 

As Sam walked down the hallway to Kevin's room, a templar smashed his armor covered shoulder into Sam's, “Watch it brat.” Sam rolled his eyes and tried to keep going when the templar grabbed his shoulder. “Aren't you going to appologize, kid? You better mind your manners, or who knows, I might be the one to finish you in your harrowing. Just because you got bigger doesn't make you any better than you were the day they brought you here. I heard about you, you know. How you summoned a demon to kill your mother. There's no way you'll pass your harrowing. You're already marked... already weak. But don't worry, hardly anyone will notice. One less mage to watch and one less mouth to feed, no one cares,” the templar whispered into Sam's ear before giving him a shove. Sam curled his hands into fists and let his nails bite into his skin to keep himself quiet as the templar scoffed at his demeanor and walked away. 

Sam was practically shaking when he got to Kevin's room. Aaron, Kevin's roommate saw the look on Sam's face and put his hands up, “I'll just leave you guys alone.”

“Thanks Aaron,” Kevin said quietly and Aaron gave a pursed smile before slipping out behind Sam. 

Kevin moved towards Sam and was quickly encompassed by his boyfriend's large arms. “Sam? What happened?” Kevin looked up from his place against Sam's chest. Sam shook his head and after a long stabilizing moment, managed to loosen his grip on Kevin, letting him move away enough to look at him. 

“It's nothing, just more crap about my harrowing.”

Kevin nodded and led Sam to sit down on his bed next to him, “Yeah, I've been getting that too. I think everyone is, but it'll be fine don't let them psych you out. Just think, if Gabriel can pass, we should be fine, too.” 

“Lucifer didn't pass,” Sam whispered and Kevin looked away solemnly. 

“Yes, well...”

“Not everyone makes it Kev and they're right, I've given in before. I've said yes to demons before and I wasn't even in the fade.”

Kevin took a slow breath and turned to put his hand on Sam's cheek, “Which is all the more reason why you won't give in this time. You are so strong Sam, and so good. Before you didn't know what you were doing, but you do now. You know what demons are like and now you know how to keep yourself safe from them. I promise you, everything is going to be fine.”

Sam studied Kevin's face for a moment before leaning in for a slow kiss. He parted them just enough to put their foreheads together, “Thank you.” Kevin shook his head gently, moving in for another kiss, slightly more heated this time as their hands moved to one anothers' arms and they tugged gently at each others' robes. 

Kevin hummed into the kiss and pulled away slightly, “When we pass our harrowings and get to move upstairs into our own rooms, you and me are going to celebrate,” Kevin put his lips to Sam's ear, “at which point you can thank me. _Profusely_.” 

Sam grinned and stole another kiss, gently pushing Kevin down onto his mattress and moving up next to him. They lost themselves in slow gentle kisses and caresses for a moment before Sam pulled away slightly. “Do you think we are going to lose anyone?”

Kevin looked away, “I don't know. I hope not.”

“Lately, all I can think of is how broken Michael was after what happened to Lucifer. I heard he was trying to make them turn him tranquil.” Sam shuddered at the thought and curled his legs over Kevin's pulling him closer. 

“Maybe he's doing better at the circle in Jainen? I mean, the Waking Sea isn't that cheerful of a place, but the change of scenery might have helped him deal with things.”

“Hopefully. I always really admired Michael. He always seemed to have everything so together. I thought he was going to be First Enchanter someday, or at least one of the best teachers the circle ever had. To see him fall apart the way he did, the screaming, the destruction, the attacking templars...”

“ Yeah.” Kevin tightened his grip on Sam's waist. 

“I don't know what I'd do if I lost you or Cas. You guys are all I have.” 

Kevin pulled Sam in for another kiss, their lips barely touching. “It's going to be ok. We're ready for it you don't have to lose either of us.”

Sam nodded and kissed Kevin more fiercely this time. 

****On the road between Lothering and Redcliff****

Dean walked next to a horse pulled caged cart, full of apostates. They had been part of a bandit group that was terrorizing the highway near Lothering. The non-mage bandits had been handed over to Lothering's Chantry for punishment, which Dean knew well meant the gibbets, while the mages were to be taken to Redcliff, and eventually transferred to the circle at Lake Calenhed. 

“You were lucky you weren't trying any blood magic, we would have slit your throats right on that bridge, but you keep wailing like that and I'm likely to do it anyway,” Gordon shouted at them. 

“I don't know why we bother sending them to the circle at all, if we just kept killing them I bet a few generations in and we'd run out of mages. Cut off their bloodlines all together,” one of the senior templars, Abaddon, said with a wicked smile. 

“We could let them go and hunt them down again. That's always my favorite part, seeing their faces when they know they've been caught,” Gordon teased as he eyed the mages in the cage who had gotten strangely quiet. 

The mental image sent Dean's heart racing, it was like the lyrium fed off his adrenaline. He could feel his very soul getting hungry, he needed more. His tolerance was raising too quickly, his hands were already starting to feel cold. “I need to stop.” 

“Then stop and catch up,” Abaddon shrugged. 

“Yeah, ok.” Dean nodded and stopped to open his bag. He pulled out his lyrium kit, he already had a small vile prepared, it should be enough of a boost to get him back to Redcliff. He opened the vile with stiff, cold hands and managed to shoot the lyrium down at once. He felt the electric blooms spread through his body: the power and the feeling of interconnection filled him and it was like he could breath again, like he was whole again. He let himself feel it for a moment and then ran to catch up with the others. 

****The Tower of Magi****

“Cas, you have to try this,” Anna started, holding out a piece of chocolate with cherry and royal elfroot filling. Castiel took the piece and his eyes widened.

“That's amazing, where did you get it.”

“One of the templars.”

“Anna, you're not?!”

“I am,” Anna confirmed with a grin. “He's nice enough, keeps me safe from the others, and he can get me just about anything I want. Cas there is so much out there that we don't even know about. So much food, art, sex, and music; there is a whole world out there that we don't get to enjoy just because someone says so.”

“I understand that Anna, but is this really how you want to experience it? If we get high enough standing maybe-”

“We can change things? You always say that, Cas, and I bet our teachers said the same thing when they were young. Everyone goes through hell and by the time they are at the top they are so relieved to just be free of all the crap that they forget about everything else.”

“We don't have to be like that.”

“But we will be. We'll be as tired as the rest of them. You see it, don't you Cas? How this place wears people down? We don't have to put up with it. We could get out of here.”

Castiel looked at Anna with wide eyes, “Anna, what are you saying?”

Anna smirked and leaned close to Cas in order to whisper, “I'm saying that my idiot templar is going to help me escape. I'm going to have him get me as far as Denerim and then ditch him and make my way up north. I was thinking about Nevarra. I have relatives there, they could keep us both safe. Come with me, you and me, we are better than this place deserves. I know you want to change things and you're all about the fight of injustice, but Cas, nothing will change. The best we can do is get out of here and try to help from the outside. We could help others escape, or at least keep apostates out of the circle.” 

“Anna, as nice as that sounds, I don't think we need to abolish the circles altogether. Mages need education to be safe, we just need to change how things are done. Get the power in our hands and away from the templars, maybe make it like a school so people could still have their families-”

“Turn magic into a tool and not something to be feared,” Anna finished for him and Cas looked at her with a mixture of worry and desperation. 

“Lethallan, please don't do this.”

Anna gave a small smile and put her hand on his, “I have to Cas, I want to live and I can't do that in here. Not anymore. I'm going a week before our Harrowing. If you change your mind all you have to do is say so.”

Castiel watched as she walked away, unable to say or do anything. 

****4 Months Later: The Harrowing****

Cas, Sam, Kevin, Balthazar and the rest of their class were gathered on the second highest floor of The Tower with the First Enchanter Chuck, Knight-Commander Crowley, and a large group of helmeted templars. There had been no word about Anna, but the templar she had gone with was found dead not far from Redcliff. Something must have gone wrong. Cas was worried about her, but he hoped that no news on Anna was good news. In the meantime, he tried to keep himself focused and ready for the harrowing. 

“Apprentices, today is the day that you finally become mages. Those of your class that have been proven ready, will finally undertake the harrowing. It is a process every mage must undergo to demonstrate their ability to resist demonic possession and manipulation. Once you do this, you will have all the rights of any mage here, including myself. You'll have your own room, go on to advanced study, mentor others, be allowed to head research projects, be sent as advocates of the circle to attend studies at other circles, and you'll be protected by law against being turned tranquil against your will. You will be respected as a proper mage and have all the freedom and responsibilities that come with it.” 

Cas could practically hear Anna scoff at the word freedom.

“We will take you upstairs, one at a time. First, we will begin a ritual using lyrium to send you to the fade. There you will face a demon that will try to manipulate you into letting it possess you. This is not a test of magical ability. It's a test of will and the ability to resist temptation. If you allow yourself to be possessed, or if you take too long on your quest, one of these templars here will be bound by his duty to prevent any of you from becoming abominations.”

“In other words, you will be killed,” Crowley added sharply.

Chuck nodded, “Yes. If any of you choose, you may also volunteer to be made tranquil instead of undergoing your harrowing. For those of you who feel unsure about your abilities to handle demons, that may be the correct path for you. Before we begin, is there anyone who would like to volunteer to become tranquil?”

The room remained dead silent, as if a misplaced move or cough might lead to having volunteered. After a moment Chuck smiled, “Great, well we are going to begin then. We'll call you upstairs one by one, you're likely to be exhausted after, so the templars will escort you to your old rooms to rest. New rooms will be assigned tonight after dinner, so try to be packed up and ready to go before then. Alright, Crowley, let's do this.”

Crowley bowed his head, "Balthazar, you're up first.”

“Right, well Cassie, how about a kiss for luck?”

Castiel rolled his eyes, “You're going to be fine, just go finish it, and don't make a scene.”

“You really are no fun, I wonder sometimes why I like you so much.”

“So do I.”

“Oh yes, that's why,” Balthazar mused as he went upstairs. Castiel watched him go and couldn't help but think about how Anna would have been first. He had tried to convince her to stay for her harrowing, but she wouldn't have it. She said it would be easier to slip out beforehand while the tower was busy preparing for the ceremony. She wasn't wrong, but at least if she had done it she could have been a little safer: a little more prepared. She could have even waited until she was invited to a talk at another circle and let herself get 'lost' on the way there. There could have been a million other things she could have done, but she was so impatient. He missed her.

After an hour or so, Balthazar was brought out, leaning heavily on a templar, “That, was marvelous.” The air instantly lightened as everyone smiled, seeing their classmate successful. 

“What kind of demon was it?” Castiel asked curiously as they escorted him down the stairs.

“Desire. Naturally,” Balthazar said with a laugh.

“Naturally,” Cas affirmed, “Come visit me later?”

“Oh, darling, I will.” 

“Castiel, you're next.” Crowley called out. 

Sam and Cas looked at one another and Sam nodded firmly as if to be reassuring, but Castiel didn't look worried as he returned the nod, “Telanadas, Lethallin.”

“Nothing is inevitable,” Sam echoed in common tongue and Cas gave him a smile before heading upstairs. 

Sam hadn't been worried about Castiel beforehand, but every moment the harrowing went on, the more he worried and soon he was a mess of anxiety. He could barely breath and his stomach was in knots. He held tight to the bracelet he hid under his robe sleeve, hoping it would give his brother strength. 

Finally, Castiel came out, he looked drained, but he didn't lean on the templar that accompanied him. Sam's smile was like the light pressing through the small tower windows, “Cas!”

Castiel gave a tired smile as he moved down the stairs. He paused beside Sam and touched his arm, “I'll see you at home.” 

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, nearly to tears with relief. They went through their other classmates and only one had failed by the time it was Kevin's turn, but just knowing one of the girls they had grown up with had died in that room was enough to put everyone on edge. The time was crawling by and the air seemed to smell of death and hopelessness. When he heard Kevin's name, Sam wanted to take him out of there and run away. He wanted to kill every templar in the room and empty the circle. 

Kevin walked up to the stairs and gave a quick glance at Sam before heading up. Sam tried to comfort himself with the confidence Kevin had going up there. He tried to remind himself that Kevin was the top of their class, but then again Lucifer and Michael had been the top of their's. Sam bit his lip roughly and tried to hold himself together. It had barely been a half hour before Kevin walked out. “I knew it would be a pride demon,” Kevin said with a shrug as he flashed the lyrium infused silver ring that he had been rewarded upon completion of his harrowing. 

Sam gave a sob like laugh in relief as he watched Kevin leave, catching the little wink on the way out. His family was alive, they had made it, now it was just himself that he needed to worry about. The harrowing was almost always done with desire or pride demons, but Sam had a sinking feeling that he was going to have something a little different. 

****On the road between Redcliff and Denerim****

Dean was running through the forest, the lyrium pumped through his body so powerfully that he felt like he could run forever. He looked around constantly, he knew he heard something this way. It was nearly dark, but this mage, this one was worth drudging around in the dark for. She'd already killed 3 templars, she was smart, powerful and wild. All day Dean had been on her trail, but she had led him in circles. Most of his brothers were out hunting her, but he hadn't seen them for days. The further out she got, the more they had to spread out, but Dean knew he was close. The air seemed to reek of magic. 

His father had taught him to hunt when he was young, he knew how to track animals in the forest, how to remain silent even in armor, it was a skill he was endlessly grateful for since he began his mage-hunting duties. That, combined with his templar abilities, usually gave him a huge advantage over the mages he chased down, but this one was different. She was equal parts careful and daring. He'd get close and then she'd be gone. But this time, he had her trail. They were nearing Denerim and she was clearly getting anxious. If she got to Denerim, they'd never find her. They barely knew what she even looked like, she would easily get lost in the sea of the city and considering it's size she could find transport to anywhere else in the world if she looked for it. 

No, they were going to find her, Dean was going to find her. With his heightened senses, he could hear the slightest crackle of dry leaves being crushed in the distance. It seemed to be coming from over a small ledge that led down to the river. Without going closer and alerting her to his presence, he cast wrath of heaven and a blinding pillar of light went down on the area where he heard the sound. He heard a large object drop from the ledge and slide down the hillside. He ran to see what it was, his head full of quiet prayers: *Let it be her, let it be her, let it be her.* 

There, next to the river he saw a figure in a cloak, stunned and unable to move. He knew it would wear off quickly, so he slid down the hillside and drew his sword, but before he could reach the figure, it quickly stumbled back up, gleaming out of the hood with bright nevarrite colored eyes. Without warning, the figure launched a cone of ice magic at him. Dean blocked the hit with his shield and rushed forward through the magic to shield bash the figure into the shallow river. The figure coughed and used mind blast to throw him back, but he rushed at it again. The figure tumbled to the side to avoid Dean's blade and pushed him away with another mind blast. 

You can't keep avoiding me forever,” Dean grunted and the figure responded with a fireball. Dean dodged it and decided it was time to end their games. He silenced the figure's next spell and tackled it. Magic or no, the figure put up a fight and squirmed out of his grip, kneeing him in the crotch before running off again. Dean lost his breath and doubled over in pain, “Ah, bitch.” 

****Sam's Harrowing ****

Sam was brought into the top of the tower, the room was wide and open with veilfire torches along the walls. Crowley and Chuck stood together at one end of the room and the other templars formed a circle with a small pedestal in the center. Chuck moved forward as Sam approached the pedestal. “Kneel, my son.” Sam knelt and kept his eyes on Chuck's. “Drink, and allow yourself to be called into the fade. We as mages are already connected to it, it's a natural process, you just have to relax and allow yourself to be drawn in. We won't be able to help you in there, but remember everything you've learned here and you'll be fine.”

Sam nodded and took the thin, slightly warped, stormheart bowl and lifted it to his lips. There was only a small amount of lyrium, but the fumes radiating from it made him feel like the world was shifting around him. He closed his eyes and took a swallow of it and instantly felt magic flare through his body. Chuck whispered a spell quietly above his head and all of a sudden Sam could smell dirt and trees. He kept his eyes closed and tried to relax as he felt himself fall asleep. 

When he opened his eyes, the sky was huge and oddly green above up, and below him he could smell freshly upturned dirt. “Sam, what have I told you about laying in the vegetable garden?” Sam froze and he turned to see his mother frowning at him. 

“Mother...”

“Yes, that would be me, now out of there and wash yourself off, it's almost time for dinner.” Sam felt tears in his eyes as he nodded, shaking himself off. He knew she wasn't real, he didn't even look like a boy. Still, that was his mother, a perfect copy of her voice, her face. She was so beautiful. He exited the garden and pulled her into a hug. She jerked, startled, but quickly relaxed and wrapped her arms around him, “What's gotten into you?”

“Nothing, I just, I love you,” Sam mumbled into her shoulder as he took in the scent of her hair. 

“Well, like I said, go wash up. Get your brother while you're out there.”

“My brother? Right.” *Dean* His mind reminded him only to fill him with all the anger and hurt that his brother's memory drew with it. 

Sam took that chance to leave, but not without looking at his mother again. Things looked similar, but they weren't the same. The fade had a distinct, hazy look to it and everything seemed to move in a strange mix of slow motion and uneven movements, but it had still been so long since he'd seen his home that he couldn't help but feel nostalgic. This beautiful place, Lothering, was his home once. He remembered the farms, the little market place, the chantry where the sister's told stories, and the fields where the kids met for games and lessons. He remembered the forest not too far away, and the highway that seemed to be a mystical, but forbidden gateway to anything Sam could dream up. He remembered how much he longed to take that road as a kid, and now his feet suddenly turned him towards it.

Walking through Lothering brought back so many memories. He never thought his life there would end, he thought he would always have his family: his mother and father... his brother. He thought Dean would go off to be a knight in the king's army while he himself would go off to the big city of Denerim to learn a trade. Then, when their parents were old and tired, and they themselves had their fill of adventure, he and Dean would go back to Lothering and take over the farm together. Growing up, his brother had been his idol; Dean was so strong and nice. He always watched out for Sam, kept his secrets, took punishments for him, everything. Sometimes it made Sam a little crazy how much his brother would try to take care of him, and it didn't help that everyone seemed to pay more attention to him too. But for as much as everyone loved Dean, Dean loved Sam more than anyone and Sam loved him for that, but that just made things hurt all the worse later. 

With those memories flooding in, he didn't notice Dean appear before him. Dean was exactly how he remembered him, a young boy with bright green eyes, sun splattered freckles, and a seemingly all knowing grin.

“Dean.”

“Hey Sam. Miss me?” 

“You aren't real. You're a demon or a spirit, but you aren't Dean.” 

“Demon or spirit, huh? Guess it doesn't matter? You do know the fade reflects reality, right? Shards and reflections of reality, memories, all of it comes together up here. Everything that Dean was, his memory, his personality, his entire existence is all right here, _Sammy_. That scares you doesn't it? Because you know what Dean thinks of you and you don't want to face it, do you?” 

“You aren't Dean.”

“He thinks you're a monster that deserves to be caged, deserves to rot for what you did. Sure, at first he blamed the demon and he begged to go get you, begged to send you letters, but your father knew better. He knew you were the corrupt little freak of nature that brought a demon into the world and let it kill your mother. Over time, Dean learned the truth. He learned about what you'd done and he started to resent you. If you hadn't been born, he'd still have his mother. His father would be happy. His life would be what it was meant to be before you screwed it all up! And after everything he always did for you.” Dean's image shouted, his green eyes dark with fury and disgust. “You know why he abandoned you, it's because you ruined his life!”

“I didn't mean to hurt her! I loved her!” Sam shouted out, breaking his composure. He could hear his mother screaming and looked back towards the house and saw it was on fire. “No, not again!” He ran to the house and opened the door, burning his hand as he touched the onyx handle. As it opened, a wall of smoke and heat hit him hard, but through it he could see her. His mother Mary was engulfed in flames, her skin peeling away as she screamed, her beautiful golden hair burning away, blood dripping down her white dress from her stomach where the demon had slashed at her with it's vengeful grasp. Sam screamed and tried to reach through to her, but the fire was so powerful and real he couldn't. In moments, she was nothing, not even ash, she was erased with nothing left but a charred, black smudge on the floor to prove her existence. Sam fell to his knees and he felt Dean walk up behind him.

“You screwed everything up because that's what you do. Your friends tell you how strong you are, how good and kind you are, but really it's all a front. Inside, you're just angry and afraid. You want to prove you aren't a monster, but you know what you are. The blood will never come clean from your hands. Even Dean, who loved you more than anything in the world, finally saw you for who you are and gave up on you. How long until Kevin and Castiel do the same?”

Sam was shaking as he looked at his hands and saw blood dripping from them. Images of Kevin and Castiel looking at him with fear and hatred burned into the backs of his eyes. But those images were familiar, he had seen them a thousand times in his dreams. It was always the same, they would see him for who he was and walk away. He would chase them, call out to them, grab at their arms, but they would push him away. 'Monster', 'Murderer', 'Freak'. Those words echoed quietly in the wind, just like they did in his dreams. 

“You are a monster Sam, you are so full of hate and anger, but you just let it boil inside you. You bow your head when you want to fight and you cling to anyone you can because you're afraid to be alone. Poor, lost, little druffalo, so big, but so helpless. You have no dreams, no goals, you've already given up on life, why not give in to what you really want? Why not fight back and make them pay? Hurt the templars for hurting you, your brother and father for abandoning you, the world for imprisoning you...why not let your life mean something? Why not go out swinging? Let me help you, Sam. You always needed your big brother. You always dreamed of the day he would come and save you, and now it's come.”

Sam shook his head and forced himself to stand, “I gave up on that dream years ago. I don't need you, you are nothing but a bad memory to me now. I made a mistake, but I was a child and I didn't deserve to just be abandoned like that! I didn't know what I had done, what I was, and suddenly I had everything ripped from me. I was alone and terrified and I had just killed my own mother. I was more scared and hurt than they could have ever been! I needed them and they left me to whatever fate the templars had for me without a second thought! I don't need Dean, I don't need anything, and I know you demon. I know you now, as I should have known you then. You latched onto me because I was frustrated with life, because I wanted more and I was angry that I couldn't have it. I was angry that I was stuck in Lothering on a farm, angry that I lived in my brother's shadow. I didn't appreciate what I had because I didn't know anything else, so one of your kind came to me; Rage demon, you won't have me this time!” Sam's fist filled with ice and he punched his brother so hard his small body fell back to the ground.

The image started to melt away like a cheap Orlaisian mask and as the mask corroded, lava became visible from underneath. Sam backed up and looked around, he spotted a staff nearby and ran to it just as the rage demon stood, “Sam, I can feel your rage, your lust for violence and revenge.”

“No, I don't want revenge, I just want to live my life. Dean and my father left me, but I have a new family now. I have a place where I belong, it may not be the best, but no where is. Outside the tower is rampant crime, racism, corruption, homelessness, all kinds of hard and horrible things. No where is perfect. Maybe I can't come and go as I please, but I have everything I need. You won't have me!” Sam released a blizzard and dodged as a powerful blast of lava was thrown at him. The snow and wind was slowing the demon down and he prepared a cone of ice as it approached.

****Outside of Denerim****

It had taken another day, and he had found the body of yet another of his brothers, but he finally had her cornered, tired and with her magic muted. The figure pressed tight against the rock wall behind her, with her hands up in defense. “Please, I'll do anything. I can't go back there.”

“Save the pity party. You've killed more than your share of templars, you aren't some innocent little thing needing help and protection. You're out of control. The circle will deal with you. Unless you want to slit your wrists and try some blood magic, then I can finish you myself with a clear conscience.” 

“Please, no.” The figure cried and backed up further, her hands moving to the rocky ledge behind her.

“Look, just surrender already, ok?”

The figure gave a quiet sob and nodded. Dean moved forward to tie her hands when she smashed a rock against his helmet as hard as she could, denting it in, but barley hitting him. 

“Fucking fiesty, will you just stop already?” Dean grabbed her arm and pinned her against the wall. From this distance he could see her better, under her hood she had beautiful dark red hair and moon pale skin. She had cuts on her cheek and bruises around her neck, someone had a hold of her at one point. 

“What are you going to do to me?” she asked with a bitter tongue.

“Take you back to your circle. Like I said, they'll deal with you. I'm not going to kill you unless you force me to...though with how many of my brothers you killed, you definitely don't deserve any less.” She spit in his eye slot and Dean winced and cursed under his breath before taking a gloved hand to her head and knocking her out. “God damn.” He pulled his helmet off and wiped his eye clean. “You really aren't going to make this easy are you.” He prepared the rope and tied her up as best he could, then picked her up. He would have to carry her to the nearest village before he could acquire any proper transport. Then, he'd just have to take her to Redcliff for processing and she'd be out of his hair. Finally, he would be able to properly mourn his fallen brothers. When he picked up her small frame, all he could think about was how much damage she had done despite her small size. When mages were desperate, they lost control, blood magic or not, this just went to show how dangerous they were. Even Sam, as an unknowing kid, was strong enough to summon a demon. Mages had to be controlled or all of society would end up, well, like The Tevinter Imperium.

It took about a week to get the girl to Redcliff. Dean passed her on to his superiors and got his lyrium fix as a reward. Instantly, he felt better, his body had been aching everywhere and he couldn't seem to get enough water or food. He felt an empty hole of need for half of the trip back. But it was over now and the girl was dealt with. He was about to head to Benny's when his superior came over to him, “Well done, Dean. You're getting to be quite the mage-hunter.” 

“Thank you Knight-Commander Azazel, sir.” 

“Oh, Dean, no need to be so formal. I have good news for you. Now, I don't know why you have such a personal vendetta about mages and demons, and that's probably not my business, but I found you a more permanent placement that I think you're going to like.” 

Dean looked into his commander's disease tainted yellow eyes, “Sir?”

Azazel smiled, “You're going to be joining the ranks at the Circle of Magi at Lake Calenhed. Better get packed up boy, need you to leave immediately. You're going to be taking the prisoner with you.” 

Dean's eyes widened. 

“Son?”

“Understood, sir! Thank you sir!”

Dean went to his bunk and started packing his equipment and what little personal items he had, his mind not even beginning to process what was happening. When he was about halfway through, he saw Ash walk by. Dean poked his head out, “Hey man, get in here a minute.”

“Hey bro, what's up?” Ash wandered into Dean's room and saw the bags, “Never mind. Got stationed huh?”

“Yeah, The Tower of Magi at Lake Calenhed.”

“Hey, nice, congrats!” 

“Thanks. I actually gotta get going, they want me to take the prisoner with me.”

“Oh, that's pretty sudden. I'll miss you bro.”

“Same here, Ash. There uh, there is one thing I was hoping you might do for me.”

“Anything, what's up?”

“Can you give this to Benny?” Dean held out a small sealed letter. 

“Oh, yeah, sure dude. I was just on my way there for dinner anyway.”

“Thanks, Ash.” 

“No problem, hey come here, let's be losers and hug it out, for old time's sake, right?” Ash pulled Dean into a hug and they patted each others' backs a nice even twice before releasing one another. “Take care of yourself.”

“You too, man.” Dean watched Ash go for a moment, then finished packing and headed out to where his prisoner was in a caged cart. Gordon was waiting there. 

“Could you drag your feet any harder?” Gordon teased and Dean lifted a brow. 

“I didn't know you were assigned, too?”

“I'm not, this bitch just needs more of an escort than just you. She took out three of our guys, we need at least 4 to keep an eye on her. Come on, the others are waiting at the gate already.”

“Right.” Dean looked in at the girl, her cloak and robes had been taken. She was in a simple cotton robe that revealed just how beaten up she had been in the forest from all the fighting. Her red hair was dirty with days of sweat and mud dried into it, making it stick to her face and her cheeks looked caved in like she hadn't eaten for a long time. She didn't speak or show any response to the taunts Gordon would throw at her, she merely watched and waited. 

 

****Sam's Harrowing****

Sam's eyes opened and he saw Chuck kneeling over him, “Well done, Sam. I'm proud of you.” Sam smiled, unable to speak at first as the world took it's proper shape again. “Here, take this ring, it's a symbol of your status as a proper mage and, hopefully, a reminder of the strength you showed today.” Sam took the lyrium infused silver ring and could feel a slightly cold hum radiate from it as he slipped it on.

“Thank you, first enchanter.”

“Meg, would you escort Sam to his chambers?” Crowley waved with disinterest. 

“On it. Come on gentle giant, I gotcha,” Meg helped Sam stand and head to his room where Castiel was waiting. Castiel helped Sam sit down as Meg left the room. 

“Sam, are you alright?”

“Yeah, just worn out.” 

“I understand, here sit down. I can go get you some tea if you'd like.”

“No, I'm ok, thanks Cas. What am I gonna do without you?”

“The answer to that is most likely Kevin,” Cas deadpanned. 

Sam looked at Cas with a surprised grin, “Did you just make a sex joke?”

“I blame Balthazar for this. He's a terrible influence.” 

“Yeah, I think he's rubbing off on you. That's another reason we need to still be roommates, who is going to protect your from Balthazar when I'm not there?” Sam teased and Cas did a squinty glare at his friend. 

“You make a good point. Perhaps we can find a way to bring the bunk beds upstairs with us?” 

Sam laughed, “Or maybe we can at least get rooms next to each other. Do you think they do requests?”

“Do they do requests about anything?”

“Good point. Still, they usually keep roommates close together don't they?”

“Perhaps? More than anything I think they try to put us in an order that seems logical for building social support structures, without encouraging fraternization.” 

“So, Kevin is going to be like opposite side of the tower?”

“If they've caught onto you two, then yes.” 

“Great. Ah well, at least I'll still have my brother to bug in the middle of the night for chess or philosophical debates,” Sam teased, still feeling a bit vulnerable from his vision in the fade, which Cas seemed to pick up on. 

“Of course, Sam. Changing rooms or not, nothing changes between us. You are always welcome to wake me up for chess, philosophical debates or anything else.”

After everything Sam had heard in the fade, nothing felt more relieving than that, “Thanks lethallin.” 

 

****3 Days Later****

Dean watched the tower grow closer from the rowboat as he kept a firm grip on his prisoner, who had been knocked out by a sleeping drought for the boat ride. The tower was big, but smaller than Dean had imagined, not to mention dark. He didn't see anyone outside either, just a quiet little tower on an island with barely any windows that he could see. The surrounding area was beautiful though, and the forest made the air smell fresh in a way he wasn't use to. It was always farm-smell like Lothering or piss and ale smell like Redcliff. This place was gorgeous, if not a little eerie from the silence. He knocked on the large metal doors with his prisoner thrown over his shoulder. A fellow templar let him in, putting his fist over his heart as a salute. Almost immediately, the First Enchanter Chuck and the Knight-Commander Crowley were called down. They welcomed him into the circle and had other templars take his bags from the rowboat. 

“I'll take Anna from you now. Dean, why don't you go with the Knight-Commander and find your room.”

“Of course, sir,” Dean set Anna down gently and followed the waiting Knight-Commander.

“So, you haven't served in a circle before, correct?”

“That's correct.”

“Well, I suppose I'll have someone fill you in for what's expected from you behavior-wise. Other than the nuances in templar-mage relations, it's really not that difficult, you watch the mages, make sure they don't do anything obscene, keep them from summoning demons, doing blood magic, becoming abominations and the like, hunt them down when and if they escape, yadda yadda yadda. It's all pretty basic. There will be a list posted weekly detailing your particular duties along with your watch times and locations for each day. You can base your sleep schedule around that, food, however, is not so flexible. You'll need to go to the dining hall and check the times and work things out for yourself. Lyrium shipments come once weekly and you will have a stable supply of it, however, if you go through it too quickly you're going to have to wait until the next week for the next shipment, so be careful of how you manage yourself. Follow the rules of the order, naturally, there is a chantry on the 3rd floor if you need to pray or seek guidance, and you will have days that you can go into town, but they will be few and far between.” Crowley opened a door to a small, scantily decorated room with a bed, dresser, and lock box. “Welcome to the tower.” 

****Meanwhile Downstairs****

Chuck ran a wet cloth over Anna's forehead as she began to wake up, “Welcome home.”

Anna's eyes went wide and she tried to move, only to find herself tied to a chair. “First Enchanter?!”

“This is an act of mercy, Anna. You've shown that you can't fight temptation, this will make it easier.” 

“No...no please, sir, I'll do anything, please don't do this!” 

“I promise Anna, this is for your own good, you'll see that when it's over.” He pressed a small metal brand in the shape of The Chantry's sunburst onto her forehead and closed his eyes. Anna tried to shake him off, but a templar grabbed her face and held her still. She screamed and fought, but in a single powerful blast of magic, everything shut down. The metal burned a scar onto her forehead and the magic cut her connection to the fade. No more dreams, no more emotions, only logic and quiet compliance. 

“Anna, how do you feel?”

“Free. I remember being afraid, but I don't know why.”

“It's alright, don't worry about any of that now. I'll get you to your new room and tomorrow you can begin working with the other tranquil on enchantments. You are going to be a very important part of the circle Anna, we gain most of our funding from our enchantment work.”

“I'm glad I can be of service. I will do my best to be useful.”

“I'm sure you will be.” Chuck bent down and kissed her forehead, right over the new brand and had her untied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is finally in the same place =D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean adjusts to the Tower and looks for his brother. Gabriel shows Castiel what the new arrival to the tower brought with him. 
> 
> Triggers/Things to know:  
> Brief mentions of templars abusing mages and everything that generally entails  
> (I'm going to stop putting drug addiction, because while Dean is taking lyrium there is going to be drug addiction talk)

****The next day****

Castiel looked at the small fogged up mirror in his bedroom. It was covered in ghostlike lines that the previous owner's fingers left. He could imagine someone wiping the mirror down on a morning like this, probably in a rush to get ready. He let his fingers follow the lines for a moment before clearing the mirror. When it was cleared, he looked at his reflection for a moment, he was a man now, a proper mage. Starting today he had more power, he could finally do something to change things. This is what he had been waiting for, for so long. His dark messy hair couldn't hide the tips of his ears. Outside of this tower, would they listen to an elf? He slowly ran his fingers over his ears, trying to place the hair on one side or another, but the more he tried the worse it looked, so he finally let it be. He would make them listen, elf or not, he was a circle mage and he would make them listen. 

A sudden knock on his door pulled him from his thoughts. He pulled on his new robe and went to the door to find Gabriel standing there in front of him, but something was wrong, Gabriel wasn't smiling. Gabriel always smiled. The only time Castiel had seen Gabriel like this was after Lucifer's harrowing.

“What's happened?” Castiel asked and Gabriel looked away.

“There's something you should see, kiddo. Get your shoes on.”

Castiel quickly put his shoes on and followed Gabriel downstairs to see boxes of enchantments, runes, staves, potions, and other magical equipment produced in the circle for trade being packed and handed off to templars to take to the rowboat waiting outside. Gabriel pointed to one of the tranquil packing boxes. Though her once vivacious eyes had gone blank and empty, and she had a sunburst burned into her forehead, it was clearly Anna. Castiel's knees went weak under him and he grabbed onto Gabriel's arm as his lips parted in shock. 

“When?”

“Last night. The new templar brought her in, I guess.”

Castiel finally closed his mouth and swallowed hard, “I have to talk to her.” 

“Cas, you know that's a bad idea-”

“I have to.”

Castiel went up to Anna and her eyes shined with recognition, but she continued her work as she spoke. “Castiel. It is nice to see you again.”

“Anna, what happened?”

“You mean to ask, why am I tranquil? I was dangerous. I killed several templars on my way to Denerim. I was selfish and uncontrollable. It was only a matter of time until I gave myself to the temptation of blood magic and demons. The templars and the circle have saved me from that fate. Now I can do good works that help everyone, instead of put them in danger.”

“You never wanted this...”

“I wanted many things that were wrong because I was blinded by my own willful ambitions.”

“The things you wanted weren't wrong, Anna, they were right. You just wanted to live freely and that shouldn't be a crime. They,” Castiel swallowed looking her over, “they took everything from you.”

“I remember wanting to die when the templars took me, I don't remember why. I was confused, but things are better now, clearer. They took away the temptation and I am left as a better person, a more productive member of society. I remember you were a good friend, so it may be difficult to understand, but I am happy now. Thank you for your concern, but it is not needed.”

“Anna...” 

Gabriel came up behind Castiel and put a hand on his shoulder, “It's not her anymore, not really. She's just one of their machines now.”

“She didn't deserve this.”

“Most of them probably didn't. Come on, there are too many templars and tranquils here.” They went back to Castiel's room and Castiel sat down, full of rage, gripping the blankets of his bed in an effort to steady himself. Gabriel leaned against the wall watching him, “You know I half expected you to throw your lock box at the wall or something, I mean I was pretty tempted, but I guess that's just not you. So, what are you gonna do?” 

“I'm going to set her free.”

“Come again?”

“I'm going to end her life so she may be set free and return to The Maker's side. Anna couldn't stand the restrictions of the circle, can you imagine how she would feel about being made tranquil? As far as we know, there is no cure, once the line to the fade is severed, that's it. Unless you know something that I'm unaware of, I don't see any options here.”

“Cas, I mean it sucks, but killing her is going a bit far isn't it?”

“They already killed her. She is my friend, I'm not going to let her suffer like that.”

“To be fair, the part of her that would have taken that life as suffering is gone. You heard her yourself, she's pretty ok with what she's doing. Plus, what about all the other tranquil? You gonna go all Shartan the Liberator? Free the oppressed, join the prophet's army, get a new land for the tranquil? Maybe nestle it right next to the dales as foreshadowing?” Castiel glared and Gabriel sighed, taking a seat beside him, “What I'm saying kiddo, is that killing Anna won't change anything in the long run. You always talk about getting into the system and changing things, well here is another thing to change. Get it banned or something.”

“That won't help Anna.”

“Cas, at this point, nothing will help Anna.”

“I can't leave her like that.”

“You have to. If you kill her and they find out what you've done, which obviously they will because she's been tranquil for like a day, so natural causes wouldn't really seem likely, who's gonna change things for everyone else, huh? Let Anna be your inspiration for fighting the system or whatever you gotta do, but don't let her be what gets you killed, she wouldn't have wanted that.” 

“If you felt this way, why did you even show her to me?”

“Because I figured it'd be better if you went with a friend and saw her for yourself than just hear about it over breakfast.” 

There was a long silence and Castiel finally brought himself to look at Gabriel again, “Gabriel, why haven't you tried to escape?” 

“Uh, because I like it here?” Castiel looked up at him questioningly, so Gabriel gave an exaggerated sigh, “Look, it's simple. In here, I'm the big fish in a small pond. I got everything I need without having to work for any of it. The templars seem to like me, the mages like me, so I don't get any crap, all in all things are pretty good for me. It's not all oppression and violation for everyone. Now, that doesn't mean I don't think there should be any changes, I'm all team Castiel, 100%. You're the kinda leader we need, you want to give people options which means people like me would still win and people like Kevin and Sam would win, too. You want to keep people safe and happy, and I'm all down with safe and happy. So seriously, don't think I'm not on your side, I just think you need to be smart about it and not throw yourself under the bus for every injustice you see. With the whole Samandriel situation, you got out easy because you were young, now that your a proper mage, they won't let stuff go so easily, and you can't be made tranquil, so that just leaves the axe. Keep that in mind, ok? Pick your battles.”

It took all the strength he could muster, but he nodded, “You're right. I know you are.... Anna just meant a lot to me.”

“I know.” Gabriel ruffled Castiel's hair. 

 

***Meanwhile***

Dean looked at the list for weekly duties. “Uhm, what does F2S3 mean?”

Meg looked him over for a minute, “New huh? Look it's floors and sections, each floor has so many sections right? So, you just go to the map here and boom, find the floor you're guarding and then the section, then when it's your turn you go up there and watch the kiddies play. Think you can handle that?”

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Dean walked away, he had a few hours before lunch and he wasn't on his first guard duty until that night. That gave him all morning and afternoon to find Sam, but he was going to have to be careful. People couldn't find out that they were brothers, or he'd get kicked out, Sam would know that though. He was always a smart kid and considering the only place they really had for fun in here was a library, he probably got a whole hell of a lot smarter. Sam would keep it quiet, maybe take them into his room, so they could talk or something. 

What the hell was he even gonna say? Well, he'd figure that out later. He was finally here, where Sam is. He just wanted to see that his brother was ok, they could work things out from there. He calculated out how old Sam would be, and assumed he would be with the full-fledged mages now which meant his room would be on floor 4 or 5. Guessing that the older mages and higher ups would be on floor 5, that meant that Sam was probably on floor 4. Still, it was hard to believe his kid brother would already be a full fledged mage...where had all the time gone? 

Dean made his way to floor 4. There were countless bedrooms with a few classrooms here and there and plenty of mages walking around with a few on-duty templars scattered about. Most of the mages seemed happy enough, that was a good sign. He looked around hoping he'd see his baby brother, but things could never go that easily.

Time for plan B. He walked up to one of the templars, “Hey I'm new, and one of the instructors asked me to look for some kid, he's suppose to be on this floor, I guess. His name's Sam?”

“Yeah, I know him, he's in section three, over that way. Somewhere on the left.” 

“Right, thanks.” Dean grinned and headed to the third section and knocked on one of the doors. A thin, tall, pale boy with an almost aggressively happy smile opened the door.

“Hiya, what can I do for you?”

“Uhm, I'm looking for someone named Sam? I have a message from an instructor.”

“Oh, he's two doors down. He might be in class though.”

“Oh...when would that let out?”

“Probably not for an hour or so. It's hard to tell now that we are all on different schedules. If you want, I can give him the message.”

“No, that's ok. I'll just come back. The professor said I was to give the message directly to him...”

“Ok, well, have a good day.” Dean nodded and forced a smile as he backed away. Just as the man went to close the door, Dean noticed a sock on the man's hand with what looked like a face drawn on and he couldn't help but cringe. *What the hell kind of crazy-town is this,* Dean thought as he shook off the weird feeling and moved towards Sam's door. 

It looked like every other door, but knowing it was Sam's door made it so much more important. He could hear people moving through the hall behind him, probably talking about the weird templar staring at some kid's door like a stalker. What if Sam was home, though? What if he answered? What if it was a different Sam? What if his Sam was dead or an apostate somewhere, living in the wilds? No, get it together. Knock. Stop being a creep and knock. It's going to be fine either way. Everything will work out.

Dean knocked and waited, but he didn't hear anyone inside. He tried knocking again, but nothing. His hands started to feel a bit cold and he could feel the need coming on. It's just the stress, he reminded himself, but knowing that he was lying to himself made the words ring hallow.

“Can I help you?” A firm voice called out. Dean turned around, sure he had been busted by an instructor or something, but when he turned around he was greeted by 3 young mages.

His eyes landed on the one in the middle, the guy was massive, but something about his sunflower eyes was familiar. Dean's mouth opened slightly as he tried to say something, but he was frozen in place. He looked the man's face over a few times confirming what his gut had already figured out and a smile slowly spread, “Sammy?” So much for covert at least he wasn't crying, yet.

Instantly Sam's countenance changed, he went from stern to surprised all the way to horrified in a flash. He looked Dean up and down, seeing the templar's uniform and felt himself get sick. “Dean?” He asked in a whisper, hoping that he was wrong, but those green eyes and freckles couldn't lie.

“Yeah, Sammy. I'm here.” Dean said taking a slight step forward, but Sam immediately backed up and pulled a smaller dark haired boy close to him as the third boy, an elf who was nearly as tall as Dean with blazing blue eyes that put blue vitriol to shame, stepped in front of them protectively. 

“Kevin,” Sam spoke in a broken whisper and Kevin nodded taking his arm gently.

“Come on, we'll go to my room, Cas you ok?”

“Yes, go,” Cas folding his arms as he narrowed his eyes on Dean. Dean watched helplessly as Sam was pulled away by the smaller boy, his heart falling to his feet. He barely registered that the elf hadn't moved and was still staring him down.

“What? You aren't going with them?” Dean asked dismally when Sam was out of sight. 

“No, I have a few questions for you.” Cas stated sharply, the tone making Dean's defenses come out. 

“And who the hell are you?”

“The one he replaced you with.” 

That shot went deep and nearly knocked the air out of his lungs, but Cas continued, “He has felt abandoned and despised for years, how did you expect him to react? Especially seeing you as a templar, one of his jailers. Just wait till he puts things together and realizes you're the one who brought Anna in.” 

“He was close to Anna? Oh god...” Dean felt sick, he needed his lyrium, he needed to feel complete and strong and-

“Why are you here? After all this time, what do you want from him?”

“After all this time? You mean after all the time I spent trying to get here? Don't you fucking lecture me when you don't even know me, pal. You may think you're Sam's brother, but your not. I am. We're blood, plain and simple. You're just some knife-eared mage-”

“Just some knife-eared mage who has been here for him for almost as long as you had with him. Longer if you count that fact that no one really remembers the time they spent as infants. Not to mention, I was there for him through the hardest part of his life, while you apparently dedicated yourself to becoming the thing that took him away from you in the first place.” 

Dean glared and moved forward grabbing Cas by the collar, “I became the only thing I knew of that would get me to him and if you don't keep it the fuck down I'm going to get thrown out of here for being his brother before I even get to talk to him. I have spent my whole life trying to get to him, so I could save him or protect him or whatever the hell he needed from me, I got addicted to lyrium, took the goddamn vow, hunted mages, the whole works just so I could see my baby brother again. Don't you DARE lecture me.” 

“Yes, and how do you think your mage brother will feel about the fact that thanks to you, his friend who merely tried to run for a life of freedom was made tranquil? Do not act like you are so holy, just because you serve The Chantry. You can wrap yourself in your brother's flag, but do not say your actions were for him when they were clearly for you. You didn't even bother to ask him what he wanted or how he felt, you just did whatever you thought was best, obviously not caring about who you hurt in the process,” Castiel grabbed Dean's wrist with his own and shoved him off, giving Dean a slight glimpse of a bracelet underneath. 

Dean was breathing hard, “I just, look I was never the smart one ok? That's Sam. He's always been the better one of us. I didn't know what to do and this was all I could think of to get to him. Don't you think I wanted to talk to him? I wanted to write to him more than anything, but I couldn't risk it. Maybe it was stupid and maybe I did a lot of fucked up things to get here, but he's my brother and everything I did, I did out of love. What would you do to see your family again?”

Castiel looked away and Dean saw his opening, “I had no idea what Sam was going through, hell, I could barely deal with what I was going through. I was a kid too and my mom was dead, my dad left me without saying anything, and my brother was taken to some place that seemed like it was on the other side of the world. I just...I wanted my brother back. I didn't want to be alone.” 

“And Anna? She was just another casualty in your fight to get what you want?” Castiel looked up at him through thick lashed from under his unruly dark hair and his eyes just seemed all the brighter as they held him in place. 

“I don't really know about all that tranquil stuff, I don't even know what happened to her after I brought her here. I just did my job and brought her in. She killed a bunch of my friends, so I wasn't really thinking about whether or not she might be a good person, I was thinking about how she was dangerous and it's my job to deal with dangerous people.” 

“She was dangerous because she was backed into a corner, because she wanted to be free and no one would just let her do it.”

“That stuff is way above my pay grade, man.”

“No it isn't! You are a templar, you are part of a corrupt system, part of the problem. How many mages did you kill unnecessarily? How many times did you turn away when your brothers harassed the mages they had captured, threatened them, beat them, raped them, mutilated them? Templars are a constant threat to us, always watching, harassing, and violating our rights, taking advantage of those who are weak or young, they are the very symbol of everything we suffer in here and they are your brothers, your 'friends'. Do you really think Sam will understand that? Do you think anyone would?”

Dean had to admit, he'd turned his head at a lot of things, nothing too horrible, his brothers hadn't done half the things this guy was claiming templars did, but people like Gordon, he wouldn't put anything passed Gordon. “We aren't all like that and mages are dangerous and susceptible to demonic influence, maybe things aren't done right by everyone, maybe rules get abused, but it doesn't mean we aren't necessary. Mages need templars to keep them safe and circles to be educated. I may not agree with how it's done, but no where in the world has it right. Changes need to happen, just getting rid of the templars and hoping things work out for the best is not the right answer.” 

Cas glared at Dean, staring into his eyes as if trying to look at his soul to judge him. Dean didn't falter, he stared right back and bared his soul the best he could. He may be an idiot and he may make a lot of mistakes, but his heart was in the right place and if he wanted to see Sam, this guy was the first person he was going to have to prove that to, apparently. “Please, Cas.”

“Castiel,” Cas replied immediately and Dean nodded to acknowledge his mistake, “Ok. Castiel.” 

“I want you to see something before you see Sam.”

“What?”

“I want you to see Anna.” 

“Ok...” Honestly, Dean thought Anna would have been killed for what she'd done. If she was alive at all, even if she had been beaten or turned tranquil so she couldn't use magic anymore that seemed like a light punishment, but still Dean followed Castiel to where Anna was organizing a supply room. 

“Castiel, you've brought the templar who brought me here, thank you.” She turned to Dean, “I've been meaning to thank you for helping me. I was on a dangerous path.” Her voice was monotone, and her once fierce Nevarrite eyes had faded into a pale imitation of what they once were. How could this woman be the same one he chased through the forest, how could this be the woman he had fought for days. The same woman who spit in his eye and kicked him in the balls. Where was she?

“Yeah, uh, no problem.” Dean said and waited for her to go back to work before turning to Cas, “What did they do to her?” 

“They made her tranquil, they cut her connection to the fade. She lost everything that she was, not just her magic, but her emotions, her sense of self, she's empty now, she can't feel anything.” Dean felt a silent tear slip down his cheek, but he quickly wiped it away. 

“Can we fix it?” Dean asked, watching as Anna did her duty with forced, awkward movements, and no spark of life in her face; this, whatever she was now, it was nothing like the passionate fighter he had seen before. 

Castiel shook his head sadly, “Not unless we kill her.” 

“I didn't know they would do this, Castiel. I swear.” Dean turned to face him and Castiel looked him over before swallowing, “I see that, Dean.”

“Should we? Kill her, I mean. Would that be better than this?” 

“I don't know. I thought so at first, but this is...above my pay grade, I think,” he muttered, quoting Dean back at himself, and Dean's mouth twitched into a brief smile before he looked back at Anna. 

“Maker, can we go now, Castiel? I... don't want to see this anymore.” 

“Then, I think my point was made.” Castiel gave one long, last look at Anna and led Dean back upstairs.

“What was she like, before? Why did she run?”

“Anna, loved life a little too much. She wanted to try everything and go everywhere. She knew about many different places and studied about their lifestyles down to what they wore, what they ate, what they spoke about at dinner parties. She wanted love and adventure; sex and chocolate, she would often remind me, were very important parts of life.” 

Dean gave a weak smile, “Sounds like my kinda girl....sorry, were the two of you...”

“No, she was like my older sister, always taking care of me, even when I didn't ask her to.”

“That's what older brothers and sisters do. Some people are just better at it than others,” Dean said quietly and Cas stopped, making Dean turn to him. 

“If what you say is true, that you really did all of this for Sam, then you are a good brother. It may just be hard for him to...accept it. He's had an idea in his head for years now, an idea that you hated him for what he did and that you abandoned him. Things like that are not so easily forgotten.” 

Dean nodded, “Yeah, well, I gotta try.” Castiel smiled at him and then continued down the hallway again with Dean quickly moving to his side.

“What were they like? The men she killed?” Castiel asked quietly. 

“Well, one of them was...not actually a very nice guy, so no loss there. But Victor, now that guy did things by the books. He believed in the cause and tried to do what was right. I liked him a lot. Then there was a girl named Jo. She had just transferred to Redcliff, so I didn't know her that well yet, seemed like a sweet girl though, well except for her knife collection. Anyway, her mom was a mage, I guess. The Chantry took her as a baby, and basically she was raised to be a templar. I...I ought to find her mom if I can. I think she lives here. 

“Perhaps I can help you do that, after you've spoken to your brother.” 

“That'd be nice. Thanks.”

“Come.” 

They walked in silence for a moment, but Dean found it awkward, so he started trying to fill the air, “So, is that other guy like his other brother then?”

“Kevin?”

“Yeah, pretty ridiculous seeing my giant brother hiding behind a little short stuff kid like him. That guy must be pretty tough though, huh?”

“Kevin, cares a lot for Sam and he is a very capable mage.” Cas spoke carefully, knowing it was not his place to correct Dean's misinterpretation. When they went back upstairs, the hallways were filled with mages and templars. 

“It's going to look strange if we walk together. Come to floor 3 section 2, 2nd door on the right, knock three times.” Castiel walked ahead, slipping into the crowds of people and Dean just mentally sighed, *Great, more section crap. * 

****In Kevin's Room ****

Sam was sipping tea with a shaky hand while Kevin rubbed his back and distracted him by showing him his mom's latest letter congratulating them on their Harrowing and asking them to find an artistically inclined mage to paint a picture of them for her. 

When Castiel walked in all the tension in Sam's shoulders instantly returned. “What happened? What did he say? You were out there for a long time, he didn't hurt you did he?” Sam asked getting off the bed to look Castiel over.

“No, Dean didn't hurt me. He was actually quite amiable...eventually.” Castiel replied and motioned for Sam to sit down. 

“I think you need to talk to him. Dean...is not the man I was expecting him to be. He is slightly misguided about how things are here, but he seems to have a good heart and I honestly believe that he came here because he loves you.” 

Sam pursed his lips in thought and nodded, “Yeah, ok. I mean it can't be avoided forever, I guess.” His mind was racing, there were so many images in his head of his brother. The younger version that protected him and loved him, the absent one filled with hate and disgust, and now the adult him, a templar. Of all things, his brother became a templar. Nothing made sense, but Sam would believe Cas and give Dean a chance to explain himself, no matter how confused or hurt it made him feel, his brother was actually here and Sam needed to face him. 

“He'll be here soon. We'll wait with you until he gets here.” Castiel said and sat down. Sam nodded and sat down as well.

“Cas, what do I even say to him?” 

“You say whatever you need to.”

“Am I suppose to just forgive him for everything?”

“You do whatever feels right to you. We will support you no matter what.”

“That's right.” Kevin said from Sam's side. Sam smiled at them and tried to clear his mind. 

It took nearly an hour for Dean to get there, but finally his three knocks broke the tension of the room. 

Castiel opened the door and gave a polite partial smile to him, “Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Castiel.” Dean was already looking over Cas's shoulder to where Sam was sitting beside Kevin with his face already in full sad puppy-dog look. 

“Sam?” Castiel asked, looking back at him and Sam nodded standing up. 

“I'll be over when we're done.” Sam said quietly and Castiel nodded and moved passed Dean to get out into the hallway. 

“I'll go wait with Cas,” Kevin added quietly and Sam nodded, pulling him in for a kiss. 

“Be strong.” Kevin whispered to Sam, giving him one more small peck before moving out into the hallway, watching Dean carefully as he went. 

The door closed and the brothers were finally alone and that awkward silence Dean hated started up which tended to remove his brain to mouth filter. “So, I don't think your boyfriend likes me.” 

“I'm not sure I like you,” Sam shot back, crossing his arms.

“Fair enough. Sam, I want you to know, the reason I didn't write was because I knew they wouldn't let me into your circle if they knew we were brothers. I never stopped thinking about you, I did all of this for you, so I could bust you outta here or protect you or whatever, I just didn't want us both to be alone. I know it took me a long time to get here, but I'm here.”

“Alone? What about dad?”

“Dad left.”

“What?”

“After mom died, he just left. Didn't say a thing. I don't know if he ever went back, but I didn't stick around to find out. I figured being a templar was the only way to get to you, so I marched myself to The Chantry and told them to send me to Redcliff, and I've been there training ever since.” 

“I get what you did for me Dean, but you gotta understand that all this time, all I wanted was a letter from you. For years, I thought you hated me for what I did. It made sense. I hated me for what I did. So here I am, having spent what feels like most of my life thinking you hated me and that we weren't family anymore and now you just march in here like some knight in shining armor to save me, but this isn't what I needed. I needed you to tell me it was ok, to tell me that it was an accident and that you understood and that you could forgive me.”

“Sammy, I do understand that, I always understood that. There was never a doubt in my mind that what happened was an accident.”

“But I didn't know that, don't you get that? I was confused and scared, and you weren't there, and now you show up and you're a templar! What did you even have to do to get assigned here?”

“You know what I did Sam.”

Sam looked at the guilt on Dean's face and everything came together, “Anna. It was Anna wasn't it.”

Dean nodded and looked away, “Sam, I didn't know.”

“How could you not know? Isn't mage-hunting templar 101?”

“No, templar 101 is the chant of light and physical training, which is basically what I've been doing the last few years waiting for my chance to get here to you, thinking that you needed me and that we were all we had left and that, that meant something. We don't get to know all the secrets of the Circle, we are told what the The Chantry wants us to hear, what the Order says we should know. We do what we have to in hopes that we are keeping people safe, I didn't know what being made tranquil really meant. I didn't know they would do that to her. I just did my job because it was right and because I thought I could get here to you. That we could be a family again.”

“I have a family, Dean.”

“What? Castiel and Kevin?”

“Yes, actually.”

Dean put his hands over his face and took a deep breath, turning around a bit before looking back at Sam. “Sam, I know I messed up, I get that now. I'm an idiot, but we're still brothers and I'm still here for whatever you want. You want me to sneak you guys all out of here, I will. I'll find a way. You want to stay here? I'll keep you and your friends safe, even if you want me to stay away from you, I'll keep you safe. I swear Sam, whatever it takes, I want to fix this.” 

Sam let out a breath that it felt like he had been holding for hours. “I don't know how we do that because right now everything is just really confusing. I can't just erase how I've felt the last 8 years Dean. Even if the truth wasn't what I thought it was, that doesn't change that how I felt about myself was largely shaped by how I thought you felt about me.” 

“Sam, I never wanted you to feel like that, I thought you'd know that I was out there working to get to you. I told you that when they took you. I told you that I'd save you.”

“You were 14.”

“And now you're only 4 years older than I was back then. I wasn't a kid, I knew what I was saying and I damned well knew what was happening.”

“Glad one of us did.” 

“Sam.”

“What? Dean, I don't think there is really anything else to say right now. I told you, I don't know how to fix this. Maybe with time, I guess, we'll see, but nothing you can say right now is going to make me feel any better about all of this or magically fix everything.”

“Ok, I get it, I can work with that. We got all the time in the world now. We can get to know each other again, ok?”

“Yeah, ok.”


	7. Struggle for a Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's lyrium addiction rattles him as he tries to adjust to life in the tower. Castiel and Dean get to know one another while Sam contemplates Dean's offer. 
> 
> New Triggers:  
> Masturbation  
> Mentions of racism and internalized racism

****The Next Day ****

Dean headed to the dining room for breakfast, it felt like he hadn't eaten in forever. How could these people survive on such tiny meals at such specificity decided times of the day. He grabbed as much as they would let him take and looked around for a place to eat. All of the templars had a table towards the center of the room. He knew he had to go there and join his new brothers, but he saw Sam, Kevin, Castiel and a few other people he didn't know sitting together and couldn't help but watch them with longing. 

Sam looked so happy and comfortable with his friends. It made Dean miss Ash and Benny. Maybe the rejection from his brother would be easier with them there. Right now the only thing that gave him any hope was the fact that if someone as obviously politically charged as Castiel could give him a chance, his own brother had to right? As he kept staring, Sam caught on and looked back at him awkwardly. Dean flushed and gave a half smile, knowing better than to wave in front of so many people. Sam looked at him with a pained expression and pursed his lips in place of smiling back, before looking back at his friends. 

Dean had meant to help Sam by coming here, not hurt him worse than he'd already been hurt. It sucked, but it had only been a day. Sam said he needed time and Dean would give that to him. He'd be patient and do things right and with a clear head. First things first was to make sure he had a place among the other templars. Dean went to the templar table and sat down. 

“Hey newbie, looks like you found the dining hall, someone deserves a cookie,” the girl who had helped him the other day said with a patronizing voice.

“Meg,” another templar scolded and Meg shrugged. “So, you came from Redcliff right,” the other templar continued. He had serious eyes and short blonde hair that was shaved along the sides of his head.

“Yeah,” Dean answered eager to start in on his food, but not wanting to start before they stopped asking him questions. 

“I trained there too, old man Azazal still there?”

Dean laughed with relief, suddenly feeling like his foot was in the door, “Yeah, actually. Nice to hear someone else had to put up with his cranky ass, I'm Dean by the way.”

“Cole.” 

A girl with curly brown hair held up in a pin joined them heaving a heavy sigh, “If I get assigned to those first years again next week, I'm going to force one to summon a demon just so I can unleash it on the others. Damn little brats.” 

Meg laughed, “But the little unicorns love you.”

“Don't, please.”

“Poor Bela, always watching the little kids. Life is so hard,” Cole taunted and rolled his eyes, “You wouldn't last a day with the proper mages, that's where the real pain in the ass is. They think they own the damn place.”

“Yes, but at least they aren't so unafraid of you that they ask you stupid questions. Last night I was actually asked about whether or not I've ever had sex. Can you believe that? Do I look like their damn health teacher?”

Meg snickered, “Aw, they actually do love you.”

“Still not funny.”

“Wait, how old was this kid?” Dean asked curiously and Bela looked him over curiously before answering, “About 13, I suppose.”

“Makes sense. That's all I thought about when I was 13. Hell, that's the majority of what I think about now.”

Cole laughed and nodded, “He's got a point.”

“Men are such pigs, at least you're cute and can get away with it,” Bela teased and Dean gave her a wink. 

“Ugh, not over breakfast, please,” Meg pretended to throw up. 

Dean listened as much as he could over breakfast, getting to know his new brothers and sisters as much as he could. They definitely didn't seem to like mages much, but they didn't seem dangerous either. Maybe the bad ones Castiel was talking about were on duty or something. 

Dean wasn't scheduled until later that night. The rest of the day, he looked around the tower, spent some time outside, helped Anna carry boxes downstairs when he ran into her, looked around the library, and tried chit chatting with the other templars he ran into. He was nearly dying of hunger by the time lunch came around. Then he took a nap until his guard shift.

****That Night****

Castiel was reading in the library with a large stack of books beside him when Dean walked by, clearly on guard duty. “Hey,” Dean whispered as he passed by and Castiel looked up, lifted a brow and gave a quiet, “Hello,” in return. 

Castiel got through another page before Dean was walking back the other way. “I'm so bored,” Dean whispered and Castiel gave a polite smile

“How long do you have to do that?”

“3 hours. I'm going to go insane.” Then Dean was out of earshot again and Castiel went back to his work. He got through another couple of pages and Dean was back again.

“What are you doing, Castiel?”

“I'm research the rite of tranquility, so I can hold a talk about how unethical it is.” 

Dean stopped, looked around, and went over to the table, “Need any help? I uh, I owe Anna that much.”

Castiel's smile broke a bit, “She mentioned you helped her today.”

Dean looked away, scratching his neck awkwardly, “Yeah, well I owe her a lot. Don't think I'll ever stop owing her. Least I can do is help her carry boxes.” Dean shrugged, unable to look at Castiel. 

Castiel looked him over, judging his soul again, as it were. After a moment he finally moved and looked through his stack of books before picking a book and handing it to him, “You can read this for me and summarize all the main points.” 

Dean looked at the book, “Did you just give me the smallest book in the stack because you think templars don't read?”

“Am I wrong?” Cas asked completely serious, with his brows arched.

“Very, actually. I read plenty. I just, you know, generally read stuff I like. Less textbook, more story. You know, dragons, murder mysteries, that kinda stuff.” 

Castiel seemed to consider his words for a moment. “I see. Well then, my mistake. Would you like a bigger book?”

Dean laughed quietly under his breath, “Nah, I'm good. This should be a decent enough amount to finish by tomorrow.” He folded it into his robe pockets. 

“Perhaps it would make more sense if we helped each other? That girl you mentioned, Jo, what was her mother's name?”

“Oh, uhm, Ellen, I think.” 

“How old was Jo?”

“About Sammy's age.”

“Hm, I think I know just who you're looking for, actually.”

“Wait, seriously?!”

“Yes, do you have guard duty after lunch tomorrow?”

“Nope, I'm all free.”

“Meet me at my room?”

“Sounds good. Thanks again Castiel, really this means a lot to me.”

“Cas is fine, Dean.” Dean blushed and gave a lopsided smile. 

“Ok, Cas. I'll let you get back to reading.”

“Thank you.”

Of course, despite what Dean said, he still whispered at Cas every time he walked by and every time Cas would smile a little bit more with his responses. Dean could see why Sam liked Cas. The elf was clearly hard-working, fiercely intelligent, unwavering brave, wildly optimistic, and still open-minded despite where he was. Dean barely knew the guy and already he could see how much Cas cared about the other mages and fixing the circle. The fact that he supported Dean and Sam getting along again was just icing on the cake. Well, maybe how attractive Cas was, was the icing, but either way, he liked the guy. 

Dean turned the corner, ready to tell Cas a really horrible joke about deepstalkers when he saw a man had joined Cas at his table. The man was elven, blonde and lithe and he was halfway over the table with a predatory grin. Cas didn't seem bothered, but he certainly didn't seem interested either. Maybe Cas didn't like guys, or maybe he was with someone? Dean watched as Cas spoke to the other guy, finally breaking a smile for him and Dean couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about. It was ridiculous to get mad at Cas for smiling at someone else, it's not like Dean was even Cas's friend, not really. Even if they _were_ friends, you don't really get to call dibs on a friend and keep them away from everyone else. Ok, wait, he needed to slow down. He was being crazy. This was crazy. Dean tried to clear his head and then he felt it more distinctly, the hunger. He had been feeling pretty hungry and thirsty on and off all day, but he was hoping it was because the meals here were so restricted time and size wise. It had to be the lyrium. It was getting into his head, he just needed to calm down. Sure Cas was the only person he had really connected with so far, but whatever he and that other guy were talking about had nothing to do with Dean. I mean, that smile wasn't because they were talking about him or anything. Cas wasn't petty like that right? Not that Dean really knew him...Ok gotta focus. Just, keep walking back and forth. Only a few more hours.” Dean forced himself across the room, but his mind wouldn't settle. The stress, the isolation, the need, the hunger, it all swirled together and tied knots in his stomach. He needed to do something, anything. After considering a few options, Dean came up with a plan of action. He needed to feel a connection to something and what better than a connection to Cas? He walked over to the table where the blonde elf was still flirting with Cas.

“Hey, Cas, do me a favor?”

Castiel and Balthazar looked over at him and Balthazar glared daggers at Dean, “He doesn't have to do anything for you templar. Get out of here and get back to your duty. Dirty shem,” Balthazar hissed, giving shooing motions with his hands.

Cas rolled his eyes, “Balthazar, stop. What is it Dean?”

Dean momentarily froze when Cas's eyes locked on his, but he quickly recovered and moved closer to Cas, “Uhm, this is gonna sound weird, but can you feel if my hands are like weirdly cold?”

“Ah, the lyrium, yes, of course I can do that.” Dean blinked at Cas in surprise, but he quickly started taking his gloves off, not ready to question it. 

Balthazar rolled his eyes, “Since when are you so friendly with a templar?”

“Since I helped him find his way around yesterday, he's new.”

“Yeah, Cas here really saved my ass. I was almost late to my first patrol.” Dean lied and held out his hands. Cas took them in his own and Dean grinned at him. “How do they feel, Cas?”

Castiel seemed to acknowledge Dean's flirting about as much as he had Balthazar's. “Cold, your body is reacting to the lack of lyrium in your system.” Castiel said running his hands over Dean's trying to warm them. “You need to be careful about your levels of intake. If you raise your level of tolerance too fast, you'll get lyrium poisoning at a much younger age than normal. Honestly, you don't even need lyrium to do any templar based skills, if I were you, I'd stop taking it. But that's just me, not wanting to be leashed by The Chantry.” 

“Do you believe in The Maker, Cas? Or Elven gods?”

“Oh please, as if you know anything about our gods,” Balthazar mocked and Castiel released Dean's hands, much to Dean's disappointment. 

“They are your gods Balthazar, not mine. I was raised here and the circle is deeply tied to The Chantry, so I was raised to be an Andrastian, though my faith wanes sometimes.” 

“I get that, mine does too, especially when I see messed up stuff. I know The Maker left us and wants us to work for his blessing or whatever, but the stuff he allows to happen all because some mages got into his Golden City? It just seems a little petty for something that is suppose to be so much more than human.” 

Castiel looked at Dean with admiration, “I couldn't have put it better myself.” 

Balthazar glared at Dean and threw an arm around Castiel, “Cassie, darling, I think Dean here needs to get back to his work and WE need to get to dinner.” 

“Right, perhaps we can talk more about religion again later. I'd be interested to hear your take on it.”

“It's a date,” Dean winked, took his gloves and headed back to his patrol. Balthazar watched with his mouth gaping and then turned to Castiel, “You are becoming friends with the enemy. Of all people, Cassie you really should be ashamed of yourself.”

“He isn't the enemy, as far as I know, he doesn't abuse people.”

“He's a templar. They all do.”

“That's not fair, and you know it. Stop being jealous.” 

“Jealous? Of that shem? Please.” 

“Oh? Then, if there's no problem shall we get going?” 

“Fine. I still can't believe you held his hands.”

“I was checking for a lyrium deficiency.” 

“Excuses, he knew what he was doing. You'd never let me hold your hand.”

“Because then you would try to put it down your pants.”

“Not inaccurate.” 

“You're terrible, you know that?”

“But you love me anyway,” Balthazar sang and leaned against Castiel as they walked out of the library. 

Later that night, after dinner, Castiel returned to the library and looked around for Dean. Dean was still on patrol, but he was biting his lips and tightening his hands into fists then releasing them, only to tighten them again. “Dean?”

“What?” Dean snapped and turned around only to see Cas, and he immediately apologized. 

“It's alright, I know what you must be going through. Here, it won't help that much, but I brought you some food.” He held out a bowl of nug meat with boiled pear and vandal aria sauce. “The nug is a bit dry, but the sauce makes up for it.” Dean looked at it like it was salvation itself.

“You're awesome, Cas. Thanks.” He took the bowl, looked around and quickly started eating while Cas kept watch. “Where's your boyfriend?”

“He's not my boyfriend, despite what he'd have people believe, and he left because I told him I had more research to do.”

“Do you?”

Castiel looked at him confused, “Yes. I want to arrange the talk in a few weeks, which means I have a lot of research to do in the meantime.”

“So, you didn't just come back for me then, huh? Well, can't blame a guy for hoping,” Dean teased, giving a shrug, though his hands were still a bit shaky. 

Cas looked at him curiously, but Dean shook his hands to wave it off, “Sorry, I get loopy when I'm low on the blue stuff. It's weird, like it makes you feel so full and connected, so when it starts to run out...”

“You feel empty and longing?”

Dean blushed and looked away, “Yeah. Kinda turn into a sap, well a really short tempered bitchy sap....ok, a really hungry short tempered bitchy sap, I guess, and that's saying something, because I usually eat like a horse anyway.” 

“I'll bring you a bigger portion next time.” 

“Cas, why are you being so good to me?”

“Because you're my best friend's brother and despite everything with Anna and you being a templar, I believe you have a good heart; giving up your life the way you did for your brother is admirable. There are not many who would go that far, even for family.”

“Admirable? More like stupid, if you ask Sam.”

“Misguided, not stupid.”

“Not helping.”

Cas shrugged and took the empty bowl. “Will you be able to make it until your shift ends?”

“Yeah, it's not like I'll be waiting days or anything.” 

“I'll be at the table if you need me.”

Everything hurt as Dean finished his patrol. His whole body called out for something, someone, anything to connect to. His vision was blurring and he felt so endlessly hungry, even though he had just eaten. He wanted a bit of everything: food, liquor, sex, anything that would help him fill the gaping hole in his chest, but he knew there was only one thing that will do the trick. The minute his patrol ended he left for his room, not even bothering to say anything to Cas who watched him go with worry. 

Dean scrambled through his lock box with shaky hands and found his week's ration of lyrium. He was still ok, he easily had enough for the week, so without measuring anything out he took a deep swig from one of his bottles and instantly he had what he needed. His body felt connected, full, strong and endlessly warm as it swam through him. After hitting such a hard low, going so high felt better than he could previously have imagined. He wanted to move, to fight or run or fuck. He wanted to use this surge of energy. How the hell did circle templars deal with this? He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged impatiently as he tried to think of what to do with himself, going crazy as he paced through the room growling a bit under his breath in frustration and need. The heat was spreading and his senses were heightened. He quickly took his armor off so he was only in his robe then threw himself on his bed before finally squirming out of the robe too, breathing hard as he finally felt the heat of the room.

It was the stress, he knew it. It was Sam's rejection and leaving Benny and Ash. It was the reality of what he did to Anna. It was being somewhere new and forcing himself to keep a new lifestyle. All of it was making his body scream for lyrium, that's why he was needing more and more, that's why he hit a low he'd never even gone near before. It wasn't his tolerance. It couldn't be. Not yet.

His heartbeat was pounding in his chest so hard he thought it might splatter all over his ribs, his breaths had turned to panting and his head was exploding as it took in everything around him in extreme detail. Everything felt so good, even the scratchy cotton blankets gave him just enough friction to make him feel like someone's nails were going up and down his limbs, the sweat dripping down from his brow was cold and crisp, contrasting to the internal heat he felt. He ran his hands down his body and tried to think of someone, anyone that he'd had sex with or wanted to in the last few months, but every time the only image he could see was blue vitriol eyes and big soft looking pale pink lips, and those elf ears. Dean had never been with an elf, the idea of licking up Cas's ears and sucking on their ends made his head fall back gasping for air. He tried to shake the image out of his head, but he couldn't. He looked around and made sure he was alone, just in case. It'd be ok, just one time, Cas wouldn't have to know. He moved his hand into his small clothes, no more dancing around it, he didn't want foreplay. “Cas...Cas.” He huffed as he imagined the mage in front of him, with his defiant eyes, and his slight hint of a smile, and soft hands. The hands are what did it in the end. He lay there completely satisfied and breathless as the lyrium cooled in his veins. He pushed off his now ruined small clothes and finally he could go to sleep, curled naked in the old cotton blanket.

****Meanwhile in Sam's room ****

“You know my mom is going to think I'm dating a man I made out of buckets right?” Kevin complained as he stared at the parchment in his hands.

“Come on, you can't be that bad at drawing,” Sam said gently. 

Kevin raised his brows in challenge and went back to trying to draw Sam. “Seriously, we could just pay someone.”

“What fun is that.”

“Pretty sure my mom wanted accuracy, not fun.” 

“I'll write her a note about how hard you tried,” Sam teased and Kevin rolled his eyes. 

After a while of Kevin quietly concentrating on trying to draw Sam, he broke the silence in frustration, clearly hoping for a distraction, “So are we gonna talk about it?” 

“Do we have to?” Sam asked nervously and Kevin shrugged.

“I guess not. But wouldn't it help?”

“I don't know. I guess there is one kinda related thing I was wondering about.”

“Oh?”

Sam thought about how to proceed for a moment and then finally spoke in a a hushed tone, “Kev, if we could get out of here, go see your mom and then go into hiding or something, live as apostates, maybe up in Tevinter or somewhere, would you want to?”

“Are you asking me to run away with you because your brother showed up?”

“Kind of, but it's not what you're thinking. Dean said he came here to get me out of here or to stay here with me, whatever I want. If we could, would you want to get out of here?” 

“I don't know, it's not so bad now that we aren't apprentices anymore, besides freedom may look good, but when you think about how we'd be hunted down for the rest of our more than likely short lives...”

“What if we destroyed our phylacteries? They wouldn't be able to hunt us down. We could go anywhere, just not do magic and live normal lives. We could keep each other safe from temptation, we wouldn't need templars.”

“Someone is being pretty romantic tonight.” 

“I'm serious. If we could, would you want to?”

“If we were sure we'd be safe?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, yeah, of course I'd want to leave. I want to see my mother, I want to go where I want, I want to ride my horse again, even though he's the one who got me into this mess,” Kevin teased and Sam smiled. “And, I'd want to spoil you rotten. Let you see what the life of the nobility is like. I could feed you grapes and play music for you all day and then we would hold a big masquerade at night, just like the Orlaisians so no one would know who we were, then after that...well let's just say we would probably have to get my mother out of the house for that part,” Kevin grinned wickedly as he continued drawing.

“Too bad you probably couldn't marry someone of low birth like me, I could get use to being fed grapes everyday,” Sam said with a sigh.

“I already lost my right to inheritance, I can do what I damn well want.” 

“Yes, you can,” Sam agreed suggestively and Kevin laughed a bit under his breath. 

“Stop moving so much, you look even more like you're made of buckets than you did when you were being still.”

“You're the one who wanted to talk.”

“Not about...distracting things.”

“Oh, have I distracted the great artist?”

“ You have and just for that I might have to give you an extra arm.”

“Your mother is going to storm the walls to protect her baby from the three-armed bucket man.”

“Wouldn't be the first time she's tried.” Sam smiled and Kevin continued, “Guess your brother was just a little better at it though.” Sam's smile fell and he looked away. “Sorry, I just honestly don't think this kind of thing has ever happened before. That's determination.”

“And he thinks you don't like him.” 

“I don't. Well I should say, I'm automatically on your side, so while you don't like him I don't.”

“So, if I forgave him?”

“I would too. He's your family, you decide how to deal with it and I'm with you. That's how this whole relationship thing works right?”

“Guess so.”

“But if I'm being objective about it, it's impressive. That's all I'm saying.”

Sam sighed, “Impressive or not, it doesn't change the fact that he let me just think I was alone in here for 8 years before showing up.”

“Yeah, true. He could have sent you letters in code or with a fake name or something. Then again, I guess he didn't want to risk his big plan coming undone. That would have probably been the end of any rescue attempts, right?”

“Kevin....”

“I'm just saying. Don't worry, if you're still hating him, I'm hating him too. Right there with you.”

Sam smiled and put his hand on the parchment and moved it down before pulling Kevin into a kiss. 

“I love you.”

Kevin looked at him with a warm smile and slight confusion in his eyes, “I love you too. You really are in a romantic mood today.”

“Yeah, well, you are sitting here drawing me, pretty sure that's some kind of romantic trope in old Orlaisian literature or something.”

“As a bucket-man, Sam, seriously. I'm not exaggerating, I don't draw.” 

“Let me see.” Kevin grinned, grabbed the parchment and showed it to Sam who instantly burst out into laughter.

“Ok, yeah that is a bucket man. We need to find an artist.”

“Told you.”

****The Next Afternoon****

Dean sat at the templar table eating a second helping of green tart apples covered in honey and drinking a pint of aqua magus, just for the small bit of refined lyrium in it. After last night, he had woken up refreshed, but the stress was still making him need a boost around noon. 

“So, I made him beg for it. Of course, it was too late to be easy on him. He did have to learn a lesson.” One of the templars, a woman with long blonde hair, Lilith said before laughing with pride. At first, Dean thought she was like Abaddon, but where Abaddon just loved chaos and destruction, Lilith was more calculating and sadistic. She loved manipulating people. Apparently, there was some apprentice she had latched onto currently. No one seemed to object and it made Dean sick to listen to. Instead, he tried to focus on the sweetness of the honey and the fresh, tart apples as he finished his food eager to leave. 

When he finally finished his food, he headed upstairs to Cas's room. He knocked a couple times and Cas emerged with a friendly smile that made a tingly feeling run up Dean's spine. “Hello, Dean. Professor Ellen has class for a bit longer, would you like to come in and wait?”

Dean's eyes instantly went to Cas's bed and couldn't help but think about what he'd done last night, “Uh, yeah. Probably safer than standing out here in the hallway.”

“Yes.” Cas moved and let Dean into his small room. The place was covered in books and extra candles. 

“Did you finish the book last night Dean?”

“Uh...no, sorry Cas, I took my lyrium and passed out.” 

“It's alright, I could tell you were in pain. Doesn't it bother you? Letting them have so much control over you? Knowing that they are slowly poisoning you?”

“Well it doesn't make me happy, that's for damn sure, but when you join the order you gotta do it. If I hadn't, I could never have been placed, I never would have officially been a templar.”

“You could stop.”

“It's not that easy Cas, most people who try to stop go mad or they die. You saw how bad I was last night and that was just from a day without.”

“I suppose there's nothing to be done then. It's just unfortunate, it gives The Chantry a lot of power over you.”

“Well, if the message isn't enough to convince people to fall in line, you gotta do what you gotta do.”

Castiel smiled, “So you do believe that the templar order has, unworthy goals?”

Dean narrowed his eyes as he grinned at Cas, “Is this you trying to get me into that religion talk?”

“Maybe,” Cas looked away, but his smile was spreading and the very sight of it made the lyrium in Dean's veins sing, at least it felt like the lyrium.

“Ok, well my dad was a soldier, you probably know that from Sam. He wasn't around a lot when we were little because he was fighting Orlais and hell, that war didn't end for a while. He didn't end up coming back for good until I was 11 and Sam was 7. So, it was usually just me, mom, and Sam. Mom was a true believer. She worshiped The Maker, took us to The Chantry to hear stories from the sisters, and every night before I went to bed she would tell me that Andraste was watching over me. I never questioned it, until....”

“Until the rage demon?”

Dean nodded looking away, “I know it was an accident and I don't blame Sam, I really don't, but...I'll never forget that day. My mom was everything to me. Sam was always more like dad, they were both stubborn and would fight a lot. But me and mom, we would just go make dinner and somehow that would fix everything.”

“She sounds wonderful.”

“She was. I miss her everyday, especially her voice. She would sing to me whenever I got sick, and weirdly enough, it wasn't some Chantry song. It was a tavern song,” Dean's smile was beaming now as he thought of her. 

“I don't know any tavern songs.”

“Seriously? Oh man, Cas, I have so many to teach you.”

“I would enjoy that.”

They looked at each other for a minute and Dean's thoughts caught up to him, “Oh, right you wanted to know about my religion. Anyway, after mom and Sammy got taken, I was angry for a long time. I knew I had to play their game to become a templar, but inside I hated it. I hated The Maker for taking her and Sam. I hated him for making Dad leave me, but Dad had his own issues. He was never right after the war, that's what mom use to say anyway. So, over time, I guess my anger calmed down a little and I was able to look at it with more objective eyes. I loved it for the memories I had of my mother and I hated it for what happened, and I realized that's just life. Life has shit and good stuff and that doesn't mean it's some kinda test or some Maker forcing us along our way. Maybe The Maker made us, maybe Andraste was his bride, but now? We've been left here to do our own thing. People try to hold onto The Maker out of fear and need and they use The Chant to manipulate and use people. Hell, look what it does to us, right? But The Maker himself? He doesn't care about any of it. He's probably watching out of curiosity more than anything else at this point.”

“So, what do you think happens when you die? Do you think you'll join The Maker at his side?”

“If everyone up till now has done that, I'd say he's running out of room.” 

Cas laughed, “I suppose.”

“No, but really, I don't know and I can't bring myself to care. Life here is crazy enough to keep me busy. I just want to live my life doing what I think is right and doing my best for the people I care about. Everything else, it just doesn't matter.” 

“I see.”

“What about you, Cas?”

“I believe in The Maker and all of it, though sometimes I wonder how he could just abandon his children like this. I...also had problems at first because of...well.” Cas touched one of his ears unconsciously. “Andraste did help the elves, but The Chantry often turns us away. When I was first brought here, I was very young and I have to admit I had many...complexes about what I was. I rejected it for a long time, tried to learn to be a good Andrastian, learn to be a good mage, and thought perhaps I could be more than I was. It took time and a gift from a very good friend to help me see that there was a lot of rich history and beauty in the Elven culture. Now, I try to embrace everything I am, a mage, an elf, and an Andrastian. I know it seems hopeless and foolish sometimes, but I believe that even someone like myself can make a difference. I want to try and make them see how astray we have gone from what Andraste wanted for us.”

“If anyone can change their minds, it's you Cas.” 

“Thank you. I know things are hard for the templars, perhaps if things changed, both mages and templars would be better off.”

“Here's hoping.” 

When things went quiet, Cas began to touch his bracelet and it caught Dean's eye. “I saw that before, what is it? I thought you guys weren't suppose to have jewelry outside of that ring you guys get after your Harrowing.” 

Cas smiled and lifted his sleeve so Dean could see it better, “Your brother made it for me. We studied runes together; these are pieces of an ice rune.” Dean looked at Cas as he lifted his hand, silently asking permission to touch, and Cas gave his consent by holding his hand forward. Dean let his fingers run over the rune, trying to imagine Sam weaving the leather and put the pieces of rune in it. 

“What's he like?”

“Who?”

“Sam.”

Cas smiled in sympathy as he lowered his wrist. “Sam is, intelligent and kind. He loves wholeheartedly and always does his part to help his friends. He hates to lose, and he is still as stubborn as you said. He tried to run away many times during his first year here. He kept saying he needed to get back to you and your father.”

Dean gave a quiet laugh and looked away. Cas put a gentle hand on his friend's hand, “I think it's because he's so stubborn that it's hard for him to accept your return, even though I think a part of him is happy to see you again. I think he just needs to process the fact that you are here, and that you never hated him.”

Dean nodded, “Yeah, thanks Cas.”

Cas smiled and moved his hand away, “I think professor Ellen should be finishing class, shall we go?”

“Yeah, let's do it.”

 

****Ellen's Classroom**** 

Castiel and Dean waited in the hallway as the apprentices left the room. When it was clear, Castiel walked in with Dean close behind him. “Professor?”

“Castiel!” she called with a nostalgic excitement at the sound of his voice and turned to him, instantly steeling herself when she saw Dean, “What's going on?”

“This is Dean, he has some unfortunate news for you... you may want to sit down.”

“I'll be fine, what is it?” 

Dean and Cas shared a glance and Dean stepped forward, “Uhm, did you ever have a daughter?”

Ellen looked at him for a moment, “I think maybe I will sit down after all...here, you two take a seat and shut the door will yah?”

Castiel took a seat while Dean shut the door and came over to join them. “Yeah, I had a daughter, but you know how it is in here. They didn't even let me hold her before they took her. How did you know about all that?”

“Her name was Joanna-Beth, The Chantry raised her to be a templar, I trained with her. She said she found out through some old records about you.”

Ellen smiled, “So she wasn't a mage, took after her daddy.”

Castiel looked at her curiously and then realization hit him, “A templar...”

“Well, I assume you've already realized they aren't all bad are they, kiddo?” Ellen winked motioning in Dean's direction. Castiel blushed and glanced at Dean from the corner of his eye. “Her daddy was a good man too, a proper templar, did his duty to protect the mages of the tower and actually bothered to get to know us. We had only been together about 2 years when I got pregnant. When they figured out what had happened they sent him out of the circle. He was gone about halfway through the pregnancy. They never told me where they sent him, never let him send me letters. After a while I just, put it out of my mind, him and... Joanna-Beth. Is she....is she happy?” 

“Yeah, she was.” Dean said pointedly and lowered his gaze and Ellen let out a slow breath, biting her lip.

“I see. What happened.”

“It was A-” Castiel started and Dean broke in, “An apostate. Let me tell it Cas, I'm the one who knew her.” Castiel tried to interpret Dean's plan from his face before finally just nodding. “We got too spread out and the apostate was too good. Jo was still new, she shouldn't have been out there in the first place, but you couldn't keep that girl down. She was tough as silverite. Had a hell of a knife collection too, she could nail someone in the head from 15 feet away.”

Ellen smiled as tears filled her eyes, “Thank you for telling me. I may never have really known her, but she was still my daughter. I uhm, I think I need to try and find her father, if I can. It's been so long, maybe I can pull something off, at least let him know what happened.” Dean nodded and stood up, patting Cas's shoulder as he did so. “You two take care of each other alright? Templars and mages we have a lot more in common than most people bother to look at.”

“Yes ma'am.” Dean said firmly and Cas nodded in agreement as they left Ellen alone. 

Dean and Cas walked down the hallway in solemn silence for a while and when they finally got back to Cas's room, Cas looked at Dean with respect, “I hope that Joanna-Beth is resting at the side of The Maker.”

“I hope he let her keep her knives.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of organization and to put things into perspective I'm adding a small time line here:  
> Dragon 9:6 Dean was born, 9:10 Sam was born, 9:17 John returns home from the war for good, 9:20 The war officially ended and Mary was killed, 9:28 Sam and Dean were reunited in the circle, 9:30 The blight struck Ferelden
> 
> So we are currently in Dragon 9:28.


	8. Dragon Piss and Apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finds it harder to change things than he thought. Sam begins to allow his brother back into his life. Dean begins to get the flow of circle life. 
> 
> Warnings:  
> Explicit Sexy Time (Sevin)  
> Attempted Rape (it's not graphic, it's more of a suggestive fight than anything)

****One Month Later****

Castiel pushed all the books off his desk in one sweep of his arms, sending them all to the ground in frustration, “They wouldn't listen! I don't know if it's because I'm an elf or a new mage but even though they know about the corruption and abuse in the circle, even though they know that the rite of tranquility is morally wrong, they just let The Chantry bully them into submission at every turn! It's all for nothing, Sam. All of it!” Castiel shouted as Sam stood quietly behind him. 

“Cas, you didn't really think it'd be that easy did you? The Chantry has had it's grip on the circle since the beginning, practically. They won't listen to anyone while the system works in their favor. They fear us too much to let us rule ourselves and the rite of tranquility is the only real threat they can hang over our heads for when we step out of line. One civilized talk isn't going to change things like that.”

“It didn't all have to change at once, I didn't expect them to really do much, but I expected something. A dialogue maybe? An understanding or acceptance of the problems?”

“If they did that, they'd basically be opening the door to change.”

“What can I do?”

“I don't know, maybe give them some kind of proof they can't possibly deny?” 

“It's The Chantry, Sam...I'm starting to realize that they can deny anything.” 

“Maybe they can, but are you really going to let that stop you?”

Cas turned to face Sam finally and suddenly felt a quiet calm reclaim him, “No. I will make them listen. I'll figure something out. Maybe I can gather stories from the mages here and the abuses they've suffered. Collect it all and then ask to be able to interview at other circles. If the majority of mages show they have been mistreated, The Chantry can't possibly ignore me. If they did and my results were well known, then there would be a rebellion.”

“Which would probably break half the world, but that honestly might be what it takes.”

“I am willing to break the bone to set it right.”

“That's my brother.” 

“Thank you lethallin, I let my failure blind me for a moment.”

“So, before you go crusading for your stories, how about a chess match?”

Cas nodded and pulled out the board he and Sam had been using since they were children and set up it at his desk while Sam picked up Cas's books and set them in a pile. 

“It feels like so long since I could just sit down and play,” Cas hummed with a smile, “I think the last time I played was against your brother.”

Sam looked up curiously, “Dean? You played chess with Dean? That couldn't have lasted long.”

“Well, he isn't as practiced as you and I are, but he put up a good fight.” 

“Uh huh.” 

“If you don't believe me, you could play him yourself,” Cas suggested as he moved his first piece into play. 

Sam didn't respond as he moved.

“Sam, have you spoken to him at all?”

“A little, not much. Mostly just giving him a good morning here and there. The big dork gets way too excited about it.”

“He loves you.”

“I know. It's getting easier, but I'm just not ready yet.”

“That's understandable,” Cas took one of Sam's pieces and Sam's mouth hung open, “Are you making me talk about Dean just to distract me?”

“Not, _just_ to distract you.”

“You sneak!” The two smiled at one another as they continued the game long into the night. 

 

****Later that night****

Sam walked down the hallway towards Kevin's room when he saw Dean coming towards him, probably on duty. Dean stopped when he noticed Sam, his mouth opening as if wanting to speak, but afraid to. 

Sam walked up to him, swallowed hard and gave a pursed lip smile, “Hi.”

“Hey,” Dean replied, unable to contain his smile, making Sam shake his head in embarrassment. “You uh, going to see Kevin?”

Sam blushed, “Yeah.” 

“Here, have fun,” Dean pulled out a small bottle of alcohol that he had tucked in his pocket and handed it over to Sam. 

Sam looked at it, “Dragon Piss? Seriously?”

“Hey, it gets the job done, besides it's just a name...probably.”

“Ew.”

Dean snickered at his brother's face. “Just go share it with your boy will ya? I'm trying to do something nice here.”

Sam looked at the bottle, turning it in his hands and smiled, “Yeah, ok. Thanks Dean.” 

“No problem. Night Sammy.”

Sam couldn't help but cringe at the name and Dean clearly regretted it immediately. “Night, Dean,” Sam said quickly before Dean could apologize and he went to knock on Kevin's door. 

Kevin opened the door with his robes hanging off his shoulder and his voice sultry...at first, “There you a---and your brother is there. Hi Dean,” Kevin awkwardly pulled his robe up properly. 

Dean snickered, “Hey Kevin, don't mind me, I'm just gonna be you know, walking the hallway for the next four hours.” 

“Dean!” Sam scolded.

“That's what the alcohol is for Sam,” Dean rolled his eyes and whispered, but he was loud enough for Kevin to hear too. 

“Dean gave us alcohol?” Kevin looked at Sam and Sam sighed handing it over. “Dragon Piss? Whatever, get in here, I'm tired of waiting and this is getting super weird.”

Dean laughed and gave a curt wave as Sam was pulled into the room with a yelp. 

“Him being there isn't going to totally ruin the mood is it?” Kevin asked as he shut the door behind them.

“Nah, we're quiet. No templar has heard us yet,” Sam gave a shrug and dropped his robe in one smooth movement making Kevin grin as his eyes narrowed right on the budge in Sam's small clothes. 

“So, shots or...just get to it?”

“Eyes up here, Kev.”

“Nope. They are perfectly happy where they are.” 

Sam rolled his eyes and moved forward to Kevin, taking the smaller man's shoulder's in his large hands. “So, you gonna take that robe off now?” 

Kevin gave a quick hum, “Take it off for me?”

Sam slowly slid to his knees and ran his hands up Kevin's legs, lifting the robe as he went. “Fuck, I love it when you're on your knees.” 

“Yeah I bet, then we are almost eye level with each other.”

“Asshole.”

Sam laughed and continued rising, his fingertips gently caressing Kevin's sides as he pulled the robe higher. Kevin lifted his arms and Sam pushed the robe onto them before pushing him against the wall, his arms still caught in his robe. The bottle of Dragon Piss clinked against the wall and Sam quickly took it from him and set it on a nearby table before going to Kevin's neck and peppering it with wide open mouthed kisses. 

Kevin moaned and hooked his robe tangled arms around Sam's shoulders, Sam lifted him a bit and Kevin's legs instantly went around his lover's waist. With Kevin's light weight, Sam easily maneuvered him up against the wall and sent a lingering trail of kisses along his collarbone. He could feel Kevin growing hard and poking eagerly at his stomach and it set him off. Sam was an aggressive lover by nature, and in moments he was attacking Kevin's mouth with his own, moaning into him and biting at his lips as his waist pressed against Kevin tightly. Kevin held on tight and pushed against the wall to push against Sam as close as possible. Finally, the robe disentangled from his arms and fell to the ground and he was able to grab at Sam's strong back muscles freely. 

Kevin could feel the heat from the torch nearby on the wall as Sam lifted him higher to lick down his neck again. Sam knew Kevin was strong for his size and could hold on without much support, so he moved one of his hands down Kevin's back, caressing his ass before teasing down the middle towards his hole. Kevin practically whined as he arched into the touch. “Sam, bed, now.” 

Sam grinned and nipped at Kevin before carrying him to his bed. He went to Kevin's lock box and started looking for the Antivan oils they had bought under the guise of needing it to clean some old runes while Kevin opened the Dragon Piss and took a chug of it before wincing and smacking his lips as if trying to get the taste out of them. 

“That uh...tastes like piss. Feels pretty strong, but, wow, gross.”

Sam laughed and came back to the bed with the oils. “Let me try it.” Sam took the bottle and swallowed a mouthful before coughing and putting the bottle down, “Oh Maker, that...is awful.” 

“You really should give him shit for this next time you see him.”

“Yeah, I think I might just do that.”

Kevin looked at Sam with pride and Sam lifted a brow, “What?”

“Nothing, just glad you and your brother are getting there.”

“Yeah, well, now is not the time to be talking about me and my brother.”

“Oh? What is it time for?” Kevin asked coyly, unable to hide his playful grin.

“It's time for you to get on your hands and knees and spread 'em, smartass.”

Kevin grinned, “Yes, sir.” Kevin put his head on his pillow and pushed his arms under it for support while he moved his legs wide open, with his ass in the air. Sam opened the oil and instantly the room smelled of spice, leather, and sea salt. He pressed a long, wide finger to Kevin's hole, gently rubbing it as he kissed one of Kevin's ass checks, biting it playfully. Kevin's voice cracked a bit as he moaned quietly and spread his legs a bit further. 

“We should go to Antiva someday. You know, when we run away together.”

“We could do that. We could go everywhere,” Sam responded quietly as he pressed in to the first knuckle, his tongue slinking closer until it was circling his knuckle. Kevin whimpered and pushed back against Sam, encouraging Sam to drive deeper. 

“We could fuck everywhere you mean?”

Sam hummed his response into Kevin as he pressed his tongue against his finger as he slid his finger in as deep as it could go, getting the tip of his tongue in as well. He licked at the oil dripping there, it tasted like what lamp heat feels like on the skin. Kevin pushed his face against the pillow, his sweat already making his hair damp. Sam pressed a second, oil covered finger in and Kevin's mouth went wide in a silent gasp. Sam grinned moving to look at Kevin's face, caressing his sides, stomach and nipples with his free hand as his two fingers scissored inside Kevin's warmth. 

Kevin winced at the burn and stretch as Sam teased a third finger tip. “You ready for more?”

“Always,” Kevin answered glancing back at Sam, his dark eyes seemed black now with their pupils blown wide with want. Sam oiled his third finger and pressed some extra oil around his other two fingers until Kevin was dripping wet, then he slowly pushed forward, his three fingers crushed tight together. 

“So tight. You're so perfect, Kev.”

“I know.” 

Sam gave Kevin's ass a small smack and leaned over him as he pressed his three fingers into him. Kevin was grinding against the mattress below him, breathing in short huffs as he pressed his face harder and harder into the pillow. “Want me to touch you?” Kevin nodded vigorously and Sam let himself lay over Kevin, the smaller man holding him up. Sam's hand went to Kevin's length and gave it a few lazy pumps as his fingers thrust into him at the same slow pace. Kevin's eyes were hazy with ecstasy as Sam rubbed his pre-come over the slit of his dick before smearing it down his length, moving his hand passed the base of his lover's cock and to his balls to give them a gentle rub before moving back up. Sam kissed Kevin's neck, and moved down his back before pulling out his fingers in a slow careful movement. Despite the careful movements, Kevin winced when they came out and moaned into his pillow. “Sam...”

Soon, fingers were replaced with tongue and Kevin gave a throaty moan. “Sam, more, please.” Sam obeyed and moved both hands to Kevin's length and balls while his tongue pressed against his hole, able to get in more easily now, he licked freely at the oil pumping his tongue in and out of his lover in time with his hands. Kevin was practically sobbing with need now, arching into Sam's mouth and then his hands, begging for more. 

“You're such a jerk, Sam, just, fuck me, already. Give me that giant fucking cock of yours before I take it.”

Sam snickered and the vibrations just made Kevin squirm more and finally Kevin pushed up with his arms, pulling out of Sam's grasp. Sam looked up, not entirely surprised as Kevin moved over him. “I warned you.”

“You did,” Sam agreed as Kevin sat down on his length, taking him in slowly. Kevin gasped and tightened his grip on Sam's shoulders as Sam encircled Kevin with his large arms, holding him close, letting his lover take charge as he relaxed and enjoyed the tight, wet, warmth that was slowly enveloping him. 

After a few moments Kevin managed to sit all the way down on Sam's lap, taking him to the hilt, as he did they both gasped out together holding tightly to one another, letting their sweat stick their chests together. “Kiss me,” Kevin whispered and Sam licked his way into Kevin's mouth, sucking Kevin's tongue into his own mouth only to lick at it and follow it back into Kevin's mouth before pressing tiny kisses all over his lips as Kevin began to move up his length. Sam preoccupied himself with kissing Kevin, while Kevin took control of the rest, rising up and falling down on him over and over again in increasing speed and strength until Sam couldn't close his mouth for need of air. 

Sam watched Kevin move, he was beautiful like this, powerful and hypnotizing. Kevin moved with his eyes closed, he arched his back and thrust with his hips a few times before rotating in small circles on Sam's lap, clenching down on him. “Kev...?” 

“Do it.”

With the smooth grace of well practiced lovers, Sam had Kevin on his back in seconds and was snapping his hips to give quick, short thrusts into his lover. Kevin grabbed onto Sam's back, clawing at him for leverage as he thrust back against Sam, not ready to be outdone. Sam's hand went to Kevin's length and stoked him in time with his thrusts and soon they were both trying to kiss and pant at the same time. The heat built between them and in moments Kevin came into Sam's hand, painting it with white. Sam stoked him through it and watched as his lover went limp in exhaustion. Sam licked the cum from his fingers and thrust into Kevin a few more times before spilling inside him. Kevin moaned at the feeling and opened his arms for Sam to fall on his chest. They both lay like that, gasping for air as sweat and cum glued them together. When they finally got their breaths back, Sam rolled off of Kevin and pulled him close. “Want to finish that alcohol?”

“Maker no.” Kevin said with an airy laugh, “I'd rather use it to clean off.”

“I feel like that is just asking to set yourself on fire.”

“Good point.”

Sam laughed and leaned forward and kissed Kevin's sweat stained forehead. 

 

****2 Weeks Later****

Dean grabbed a bottle of Legacy White Shear, another lyrium flavored alcohol, from the trader who had come to buy enchantments from the tower. All of the templars were getting some extra supplies, while Anna and the other tranquil were moving boxes to the bottom of the tower, for the templars to move into the cart. Once Dean had his bottle tucked in his robe, he ran over to Anna and took the box of enchantments and runes from her. “I got it Anna.”

“Thank you, Dean. You are always so kind.”

It was always awkward when she said things like this. He could never look at her without feeling guilty. She never regained the passion and fire he had seen in the forest, he knew that this was permanent, but it took time for that to really kick in. He did whatever he could for her, but it never felt like enough. When Dean helped finish loading the last box of supplies into the merchant's cart, he spotted some fresh looking apples in the back. 

“Hey, where are those from?”

“Val Royeaux, naturally. So fresh, the Divine herself begged me to take them abroad, so the world would know the beauty of Orlais.” 

“Uh, yeah, naturally. How many can I get for 3 Sovereigns?”

“Hm, I suppose I could part with 1, these are very special apples, I can't just let them go to waste here for nothing, you understand. These are for refined tastes after all.”

“Does the Divine know you are scamming people in the name of Orlais? Pretty sure that's gotta be a sin.” 

“The nerve! This is no scam! Try one and see.” He took one from the cart and handed it forward, but just as Dean went to take it he held out his other hand. Dean sighed and handed over 3 sovereigns and took a bite. The man wasn't lying, these were the freshest and sweetest apples he'd ever had. He felt like he was at The Maker's side, all he needed was to put these in a pie like his mother use to make and that'd be it. He'd be done for. “Ok, ok, I get it, I'll take four more.” He fished out the rest of his week's pay and took the apples in his arms. 

He walked back into the tower and saw Anna writing a receipt for the merchant. He walked up to her and bowed with flourish and held out an apple, “For my lady.” 

Anna looked at him confused, “You do not need to do that, Dean.”

“Too late, already bought it. Do a guy a favor and enjoy it ok?”

Anna smiled politely and took the apple. “Thank you, Dean.” She took a bite of the apple, and though he hoped her eyes would spark to life from the taste, they remained dull. “That is the best apple I've ever had,” she stated plainly.

“I'm glad, have a good day, Anna.”

“And you as well.”

Dean raced upstairs with the remaining apples and went to Castiel's room. He looked around carefully and when the coast was clear, he knocked on the door. Cas came to the door, his eyes had dark bags under them and he looked irritated at first, but his look softened when he saw Dean standing there with his usual lopsided grin. 

“Hey, Cas. I got you something.”

“Oh?” Cas let him in and shut the door behind him, so they could talk in peace.

“Yup, check it out. From Orlais.” Dean pulled out an apple, “I got one for Kevin and Sam too, think you could give them to them?”

“I think you can give them the apples yourself, Dean.”

“Yeah, I guess. Maybe it won't be too bad.” Castiel smiled his approval and Dean sat down, “So you gonna eat it or what?”

“Now?”

“Yeah, now. Come on. I wanna see if you like it as much as I did.”

“I don't have the same...passion for food you do.”

“Are you calling me fat, Cas?”

“I said nothing along those lines. You have a very nice shape.”

Dean burst out laughing, “Gee, thanks. Come on, enough stalling.”

Cas looked the apple over for a moment and brought it to his lips. Dean couldn't help but focus in on Cas's tongue as it darted out after he took the bite to lick the spot to catch any stray pieces and juice. He couldn't help it if the guy was hot, that was not Dean's fault. 

Cas hummed in appreciation, “That is...the best apple I've ever had.”

“Anna said the same thing.”

“You bought one for Anna as well?”

“Yeah, why? Jealous?”

“No, I think that's very nice of you. I...have not been the friend to her that I was.”

“It's probably hard, it's hard for me and I barely knew her before.”

Cas nodded and held the apple in his hands looking down at it. “I've been fighting to change things in honor of her and in that time have completely avoided her. The horrible thing is, as she is now, she probably hasn't even noticed my absence. Anna would always get so angry when I got too involved in my work to see her. She would bring me little sweets from the merchants too you know? Her templar would buy them and we would share them. She would tell me all about the places they came from, not that she'd been to most of them, it was all from books. But still, we would pretend we really knew what we were talking about and say how much better Nevarran chocolate was than Antivan.” 

Dean smiled and scooted closer to Cas, “Well, I'd say that Orlais has amazing apples, much better than Ferelden and the Anderfels. But that's because the Anderfels has ridiculous foods named after things like despair.” 

Cas looked at him with a slowly brightening smile, “Yes, that's true. However, The Free Marches are known to have the juiciest apples because the air is so humid there.” 

Dean grinned, playing along, “Yeah, I've heard that. But you know where the best apples are?” 

“Where?”

“The Dales, because the elves have this special temple to Sylaise, the harthkeeper; it's hidden away from the rest of the world and all around the temple is this garden, blessed by Sylaise herself. The fruit there is suppose to be untouched for generations, so it's really pure.” 

Cas's eyes widened, “You've been reading about Elven mythology.”

Dean shrugged, “What can I say, I had to prove Balthazar wrong.” 

Castiel burst out laughing and the sound was like the bells of The Grand Cathedral. Well, what Dean assumed they sounded like and heat filled his cheeks. “Balthazar will be horrified that a _shem_ has learned the ways of the people. I wonder how much he really knows though, I bet if you told him that story he would completely believe you and be angry that you know more than he knows himself.” 

“You giving me bad ideas, Cas?”

“No,” Castiel took a bite of his apple, “I am giving you very good ideas.”

“Why do I think I'm having a bad influence on you?”

“Oh please, I've been a rebel since long before you got here.” 

“Yeah?”

“Hm-hm. Ask Sam.”

“I might just do that.” 

The two looked at each other in companionable silence for a moment and finally, Dean got up, “Well I got a couple more apples to deliver, see you later Cas.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”

****The next few days****

Castiel had already collected stories from nearly all of the mages on his floor, he was then determined to get the veteran mages, teachers and mentors to give their stories. He needed to see that they hadn't forgotten what they had overcome in their lives in the circle. After all, the people he needed to move to action were all mentors and teachers themselves. 

He went to Ellen first, knowing she would talk to him and then to Bobby. Bobby had more stories about others than he did about himself, but the things he had seen were enough to make Castiel all the more sure of his goals. 

However, his actions could only go unnoticed for so long. Soon the whole tower knew he was collecting stories and mages of all ages were seeking him out in order to be heard. That also brought negative attention, after all, the perpetrators of many of these crimes were still in the tower. 

Templars began giving him dark looks and following him down hallways for longer than necessary. They would bump into him with their armor or knock him over suddenly then scoff when he demanded an apology. Still, Castiel would not be defered. 

Castiel's collection of stories grew rapidly and one day after collecting another several great stories, he returned to his room to find smoke rising from his lock box. His eyes widened as he rushed to it, burning his hands as he struggled to open it. He used his robe to clutch his key and forced the box open only to be hit by a cloud of black smoke and fire. His papers were nearly all ash. Castiel choked on the smoke as he put the fire out with his magic. When it was out, he reached in, shaking the embers and ash off the remaining papers, trying to see what was left, but almost nothing was readable. That's when he saw the damp bits. He smelled the papers and confirmed his theory, oil. This was without a doubt sabotage and now in one moment he'd lost everything. Hopelessness threatened to rise in his chest as he faced the reality of the circle. He was being beaten down on every level, but he couldn't let them win. He went to his parchment and quickly wrote everything he could remember, only things he was sure of. He would check details later, before he scheduled his talk. At least this way he wouldn't be starting over from scratch. 

The next few days, Castiel struggled to move forward with his work, rushing from one person to another to get their stories before another fire 'accident' could occur. 

One night, he was on his way back to his room after getting stories from the apprentices when two strong gloved hands grabbed him from behind and smashed him into the stone hallway, pressing him into a dark corner behind a statue. The templar that had a hold of him was wearing a helmet, but a deep voice suggested it was a man. “You need to stop, if you keep trying to mess with things....something bad just might happen to you.”

“Oh? And what is that?”

The laugh seemed to echo in the templar's helmet. “Well, a few things could happen. You could get beaten, you could be made to remember your place: on your knees serving man, or we could skip the foreplay and have you made tranquil so you could be with your little friend, the pretty redhead. You may be a proper mage, but it's not impossible.”

Castiel glared and quickly his hands flared up with electricity; he put his hand on the templar's chest and shocked him, pushing him backwards, but the templar quickly muted his power before Cas could get another hit in. The templar went at him, Castiel dodged him and tried to overcome the muting magic, but he couldn't, and as strong as he was, the templar was trained in hand to hand combat and wearing heavy armor. After a quick scuffle, Castiel was on the ground with metal fingers at his neck. He was gasping for air, pulling at the templar's fingers. “Look at you, little knife-ear, you really think you are gonna change anything? You are gonna step in line like everyone else or you are gonna pay. I'll beat you until you can't speak, fuck you till you can't walk, and then I'll have you turned tranquil. All I have to do is cut your wrists and say you were practicing blood magic. Then, when you are all pliant and empty, I'll fuck you again and your little redheaded friend too. Make you watch and you won't even care.” Castiel kicked and struggled enough to knock the templar's hands away and took a deep breath in before he tackled the templar. 

“You are the very image of the problems here, the corruption and violence. How did you even become like this? You're a monster. Is it naturally sadistic tendencies? Or is it the lyrium? The Chantry should be ashamed to have so many of you in its ranks.” The templar knocked him away and Cas, feeling the muting magic failing managed to send a cone of fire at the templar. The templar blocked most of it with his shield and charged Cas, knocking the air from his lungs. The templar was on him immediately, but Castiel used his ice to freeze the templar's armor so he couldn't move as quickly. With that Castiel ripped off the templar's helmet and smashed him over the head with it. The templar, a man Castiel knew as Dick Roman was glaring up at him with blood dripping down his face. “They'll make you tranquil for this, for sure.”

“What the hell is going on here?” Another templar called as he came up on the scene.

“This mage is out of control!” Dick shouted and the templar launched himself at Castiel. In minutes Castiel was being held down, his magic muted again and Dick Roman towering over him stomping down on his chest. Castiel's body curled up on itself as he gasped for air, the templar above him smashed his face with his armored gloves and he spit out blood and looked back at the templar, just as defiant. 

“This one needs to learn some manners.” 

“Turn him around.” 

The templar that had a hold of Cas turned him onto his stomach and held him down after smashing Cas's face against the floor again, but Dick didn't say or do anything and suddenly there was a loud clinking of armor on the floor. The templar looked over towards the sound just in time to see a new templar walk over Dick Roman's unconscious body and come over to smash him in the face with a shield. Castiel tried to lift himself up from under the collapsed templar with shaking arms, but was quickly pulled up by the new templar who fell to his knees in order to gather Castiel into his arms. At first, Castiel fought against the new figure as well, but when it whispered his name, he spotted the green eyes from inside the helmet and he stopped struggling and moved into the waiting arms, finally allowing himself to catch his breath. 

“Dean, you shouldn't have...they'll punish you.”

“Better me than you.”

Castiel tightened his grip around Dean's neck and Dean tightened his around Cas's waist. “Let me take you to your room, Cas. I'm going to need to deal with all this.” Cas nodded gently and released Dean just enough to pull his helmet off. Dean looked at him in confusion. 

“I just...want to be able to see that it's you.” 

Dean smiled weakly, but it fell quickly and he put a gloved hand to Cas's cheek, trying to wipe some of the blood off. Cas blushed and put a hand to his free cheek and healed himself, the blood smears remained, but the cuts and bruises were gone. “I'm fine, Dean, see.” Dean nodded, still clearly not believing it. Dean got to his feet and helped Castiel to his and they headed to Castiel's room.

“I'm going to go talk to the Knight-Commander, you stay here.”

“Dean, I should go as well, I can tell Crowley what happened.”

“I don't want to take the chance that they do something to you. Those idiots won't complain about you, they don't want to be caught for what they were doing, they'll say I just attacked them.”

“And what will you say?”

“Whatever I have to.”

“Dean, no.”

“Cas, just, let me deal with this ok? When I leave, go to Sam's room and stay there. Got me?”

“Dean-”

“Cas, do you got me?”

Cas finally nodded, his brows furrowed. Dean opened the door to go and Cas looked up to watch him, wanting nothing more than to stop him, to go with him and take his share of the punishment, but he knew Dean was right, whatever they did to him would be nothing compared to what they could do to Cas depending on the lies the templars told. Cas went to the wall he shared with Sam and did their secret emergency knock. He waited and when Sam responded he went over. 

****In The Knight Commander and First Enchanter's Office****

“What the hell happened?” Crowley asked pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation.

“We were trying to send a mage to his chamber because he was out passed curfew and new guy here attacked us!” One of the templars shouted and Dick Roman crossed his arms, eyes never leaving Dean. 

“Dean?” Crowley asked, but Dean kept his head down. “Alright, so obviously something happened that we aren't talking about yes?” Everyone remained silent, “Do I look like I'm here to cover your shit?!” Crowley shouted making them all jump. “I don't know what happened, but I will not have my templars fighting each other. You are all off lyrium shipments for 2 weeks.”

“What?! You can't do that, we didn't do anything!” The still helmeted templar shouted. 

“That's right, it should only be Dean.” Dick Roman added and Crowley glared, “3 weeks then. Anyone else want to complain? Dean? No? Good then get out!” 

Dean went back to his room and took off his armor and knelt by his lock box. He had some lyrium infused liqour and 3 bottles of straight lyrium left. He'd be out in a couple days at the most. Fear clenched around his heart, but as he laid down on his bed he pictured Cas, bloody and fighting with everything he had, and he knew it was worth it. It had to be. Lyrium couldn't be more important than the people in his life, it couldn't.


	9. The Punishment Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean begins his punishment. Sam approaches Dean with a new perspective. Castiel has another block in his crusade to help the mages. 
> 
> Warnings:  
> Mention of underage drinking and ridiculousness  
> Obviously drug problems  
> Lot's of mentions of past ships and crushes:  
> Jo/Ash  
> Dean/Lisa  
> Dean -> Benny  
> Hannah -> Cas

****The Next Morning****

Castiel was pouring a warm dawn lotus gravy over some boiled varghest steak when heard the commotion. He looked up in time to see several templars go to a different table, intimidating the mages off of it. He spotted Dean at the regular templar's table looking exhausted and irritated and he could tell the argument must have been about what happened the night before. He couldn't even begin to process what must have happened after Dean had left last night. He had been hoping Dean would come back to tell him what had happened, or to talk about everything, but he hadn't. Instead, Cas woke up that morning next to his best friend, nearly thrown from the bed by Sam's large, sprawled out limbs.

Still, whether or not he wanted to check on Dean, he couldn't do it here. He went to his usual table and instantly Balthazar was up and on him. 

“My poor baby, they didn't touch you did they? My darling's purity is still in tact, yes?” Balthazar ran his hands over Cas's cheeks and arms while Cas looked over at Sam accusingly. Sam shrugged giving an innocent 'what was I suppose to do' look. “I knew this would happen, Cassie, you are pushing things too far and too quickly, you need to be more careful!” Balthazar's hand rested on his shoulder, his icy blue eyes were almost pale enough to look like paragon's luster as he scanned Castiel's face.

Cas finally managed a small smile, “I'm fine, really. Dean helped me, I told you he wasn't like them.”

Balthazar sighed, “He just wants to get in your pants. It was all a ploy, make himself look like the hero and then have you drooling all over him.”

“I don't drool over people,” Castiel reminded him.

“Yes, but he doesn't know that does he?”

“Balth, why don't you let Cas sit down and eat? Poor guy deserves to have his breakfast before it gets cold.” Kevin said and Balthazar waved Castiel towards the table with a sigh.

Cas sat beside Sam and noticed Sam was looking at his brother with a proud smile and it settled the worry inside him. Even though Dean was probably being punished, if this unfortunate incident brought the brothers closer, maybe it would ease whatever Dean would have to deal with. There were many punishments templars underwent at the circle, sometimes they were put in solitary like mages, sometimes they were whipped or flogged, or had to repent with a chantry sister, sometimes they were given extra guard duty or less lyrium, for the most extreme cases they were moved out of the circle. Knowing Dean would probably only be punished for fighting, he had figured Dean wouldn't be moved from the circle and now seeing him at breakfast assured him that he had been right. Still, that left a whole array of possibilities. Perhaps he could find Dean and talk to him later. 

****That Afternoon**** 

Castiel was headed to independent study when he saw Dean walking ahead of him. He smiled and walked faster to catch up to him, “Dean, I've been hoping to run into you,” he said quietly.

Dean gave a somewhat guarded smile, “Heya Cas.” Castiel looked around to make sure no one was nearby and gently pulled Dean into a dark corner. “Whoa, what's all this now? You feelin' frisky, Cas?” Dean teased and earned himself a small glare from Cas.

“What happened last night?”

“Uh, you were there? You know what happened.”

“Afterward.” 

Dean sighed and looked away, “We got in trouble for fighting, no big deal. It's like I told you, they didn't want to bring too many details into it so we never even mentioned your name. You're in the clear, so no worries ok?” 

Cas closed his eyes exasperated, “I'm not worried about me, Dean, I'm worried about you. What kind of punishment is it? Is there anything I can do to help? Did they whip you? I could heal any wounds-”

“Nah, I'm good. Don't worry about it, ok? Let's just chalk it up to some shit went down and we made it out alright, that's all that matters. I mean you _are_ ok, right? That was all pretty intense last night, I'd get it if you're shaken up or something.”

Cas looked away, “When it was happening, it was all adrenaline. I didn't really even have time to think about what could have happened until later,” Cas looked back at Dean, “and after hearing all the stories of those in the tower and the things they've had done to them, I came to realize how lucky I've been, even with what happened yesterday. Things could have been a lot worse if you weren't there, so, thank you.” 

“No problem. You and me, we got each others backs right?”

“Of course. Speaking of which, I should tell you, Sam is very impressed with you.”

“Yeah well, he should be impressed with you. I saw the shape Dick was in, you put up a damn good fight considering you were out numbered and didn't even have a weapon on you. Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

Castiel smiled and the two looked at each other for a moment, a habit they were slowly falling into, until they heard footsteps approaching. Castiel looked around quickly and slipped away without a word, Dean gave him time to separate himself and then started walking the other way, back along his guard route, passing another templar as he did so. 

****That Night****

Dean walked into his room, tore off his armor with shaky hands and felt the cold, hungry, emptiness swelling in his chest. He opened his lock box. *Ok, I got three weeks, three bottles and some alcohol. If I can spread the bottles out, I should be ok. I might have to suffer the days in between, but at least I can keep it down to just this, it won't get worse than this. * Dean reassured himself and took out his bottle of Legacy White Shear. He was wishing now that he'd bought Aqua Magus instead, at least that stuff actually had a good amount of refined lyrium in it. This was mostly just flavoring, but still the added strength of the whiskey helped warm his body and dull his senses from the hunger. I got this, Dean thought over and over again as he sipped the whiskey before drifting to sleep. 

Over the next day, the hunger hit hard. He had tried to get by with just what was left of his Legacy White Shear, but it wasn't enough to sate him and he had already spent his week's pay so he wouldn't be able to get any more alcohol until next week. He was down to just his three bottles and this was only the second day of his punishment. His hands felt like they would turn black from cold any minute and he couldn't settle his nerves enough to sit or stop fidgeting. The hunger had him aching everywhere and the isolation from the feeling of completion left him irritable and slightly paranoid. At breakfast it felt like everyone, templars and mages alike, could tell what was happening to him, could feel that he wasn't connected. Dean tried everything to distract himself, he took on more guard shifts, he tried going outside, he trained, he masturbated, but nothing worked. By that night he was licking incessantly at his lips, locking his jaw, and rubbing his muscles in a hopeless effort to try and make the pain ease. 

So far he had avoided Castiel, well except for that small talk the first day after the incident, but he had been ok then. He had still had lyrium coursing through his veins. Now he felt like he was dry and cracking from the inside. He shook the image out of his head and focused on counting the stones in the floor as he walked his route. He couldn't see Cas like this, or Sam for that matter. He didn't want to see anyone like this. He knew they would make a big deal out of it and that would just make things worse. He needed to just ride it out. He tried to convince himself that in only a few more hours he could sleep and forget everything, but the minute he got home his body was aching from hunger and his vision was blurring. He needed it, just a sip, just a tiny bit. Dean scrambled to open his lock box and pulled out a bottle. He was shaky as he uncorked it, but he managed to get it to his lips without spilling any.

He let the cold thick liquid run down his throat, pulled the bottle away and waited to feel his body reassemble itself. He waited, but the connection didn't come. He was too low, even that dose hadn't been enough to bring him back to even. It had only been 2 days. Dean started to panic as thoughts ran through his head, *You're tolerance is up. You aren't gonna make it. You're going to get lyrium poisoning by the time you're 30. * Dean was shaking hard now, biting his lip raw as tears of frustration and fear filled in his eyes. *Sam will lose you all over again, and just when you might have become brothers again. All because of the lyrium. All because of The Chantry. * He looked at it in his hand and felt the need to throw it against the wall for the evil that it was, but it was the only thing that could fix him and his hand held fast to his salvation. He was so cold and so hungry. Dean put the bottle to his lips and took another deep gulp, drinking until he felt it warm him. He pulled the bottle away again and saw that half of it was gone, but the strength and warmth returning to his chest and out to to his limbs made it worth it. He felt like himself again.

The next day, Dean felt right all day. He had breakfast with the other templars and laughed when Meg and Bela told their horrible stories. He went out to train with Cole and then he got to guard outside. That was his favorite place to be on watch, well that and the library. It always felt good to feel the breeze off of the lake, and the view was pretty amazing too. He watched as Castiel sat with his bare feet in the water beside Balthazar. Every now and then Castiel would look over towards Dean and give him a small smile and Dean would feel his whole body practically melt. Cas was already hot, but Cas out in the sun, that was beautiful, that right there was The Maker's work at it's fucking best. Out in the sunlight his eyes weren't blue vitriol, they were so much brighter than that, they made the sky itself pale in comparison and his hair didn't look so dark either, out in the sunlight it glowed a warm brown with tiny little sparks of red and gold sewn in. 

“Dean?”

Knocked out of his trance, Dean turned around and saw Sam standing behind him with a shy smile. “Sam...”

“I haven't seen you much lately, I wanted to thank you for what you did for Cas. I uhm, I know we can't talk much out here, but maybe sometime you can come over? Cas said you play chess.”

“Yeah, a bit. I learned at the chantry from this guy named Ash, you wouldn't believe it if you met him, but that guy was a genius, drank like a dwarf, but he was a genius. Bet you would've liked him.”

Sam smiled then looked around, “I better go. But anytime you wanna play, let me know.”

“Yeah. I'll do that.” Dean smiled and watched as Sam went to where Kevin was waiting. Dean couldn't hide his smile, so he turned away from Sam and tried to point it somewhere else, maybe out at the trees or something would work. He could barely believe it. Sam finally wanted to give him a chance, like a real chance. Like talk and play games, maybe drink a bit and just have fun like brothers again chance. This was all the more reason why he couldn't let Sam see him get screwed up from the lyrium. He knew what it did to him and Sam would hate him all over again if he saw Dean like that. No, Dean was going to play this right. He was so close to getting his brother back he couldn't let a stupid punishment get in the way.

That night he had late guard duty, but the next day he was free. That would be the perfect time to see Sam, but if he didn't have any lyrium tonight, by tomorrow he'd be a wreck. As it was, he was already feeling the hunger come on. Maybe just tonight he could take a little more, Sam was more important than anything else after all. Even if he spent the last week or so of the punishment totally out of lyrium he could get by, maybe he could just call in sick and hide in his room or something. It would be worth it if he had his brother back. With that thought, Dean finished off his first bottle of lyrium. 

The next day, the 4th day of Dean's punishment, he felt awesome. He was totally back to normal from having two straight days of proper lyrium doses. He took advantage of his good mood to help Anna unload boxes from the merchants in the morning and head to the library to read in the afternoon. Of course, Cas would be there. Cas was always there, but this time he had Sam with him.

Dean looked around carefully and sneaked over to them, “Hey guys. What are you two up to? Getting your nerd on?”

Sam didn't look amused, but Cas smiled at him. It felt like forever since he'd talked to Cas and he had to admit he missed him. “We are working on some independent research together.” Cas started and Sam held up his book for Dean to see. 'Magic as a Practical Tool in The Tevinter Imperium.' 

“Uhm, ok? First off, how the hell was that allowed in the circle?”

“It doesn't preach against Andraste or promote blood magic, or anything. It's just about daily life stuff, Dean,” Sam explained.

“Ok, so it got on the 'barely ok' list?” Dean clarified and Sam shrugged giving a nod. “Fair enough, so what are you actually researching with it?”

Cas spoke up at this point, “We are learning about what kinds of things people use magic for in their daily lives in Tevinter, what kinds of jobs they do and the things they make. The circle has mages work on enchantments and magical items for trade, but Sam and I thought it would be interesting to see what else was out there.” 

“Oh, you two looking for work?”

“Yeah,” Sam answered and Dean looked at Cas curiously.

“Didn't think you had time for that, with all those talks and research you do.”

Cas looked away in shame and Sam put a gentle hand on his shoulder. When Cas didn't say anything, Sam spoke for him, “Cas is...putting that stuff down for a while.” 

“What?” Dean said a bit louder than he had planned and quickly looked around in a panic before moving in closer to them. “What? Are you serious, Cas?”

“It's too dangerous. I need to put my head down for a bit, plan out what I want to do and do it more discreetly this time.”

“So, you're up and running scared because of Dick? Did he do something again?”

“No, Dean, I'm not giving up, and none of this is Dick's fault. Well, really. I sent word to the circle in Ostwick about my work collecting stories. I told them about the atrocities that have been committed here over the last decade and told them that I wanted to travel there to see if I could collect more for evidence supporting my claims of the unlawful abuse of mages in circles, but they...denied me.” 

“What? Why?”

“They said that it wouldn't provide new or useful data and that they would not be a part of 'spiteful, rebellious activities'. They said that my actions were actually harmful to the circle, that what I was doing was 'trying to undermine the whole system rather than actually trying to improve it' and they wouldn't have any part of it.” Castiel quoted pieces with his fingers, bitterly. 

“That's really shit, Cas. I'm sorry.”

Cas shook his head, “It's fine. I should have known better than to think I could change things by myself, especially when I don't have much standing in the community yet. I've thought about mentoring, maybe working my way up to professor. I thought this book might give me some good ideas about something new I could teach. If I implemented something new to help the circle make money or become more convenient, that would get my foot in the door.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Still sucks though. What about you then?” Dean looked over at Sam.

“I am just wanting to get some extra sovereigns. Kevin's birthday is coming up.” Sam said with a somewhat sly grin and Dean laughed, “My brother the lover boy. Who would've guessed it. Well, hope you both find something good in there, I however, am going to go find a _fun_ book to read. Oh and Sam, you up for chess tonight?”

“Sure, sounds good, Dean.” Sam said brightly and Dean nodded and gave them a small salute by putting his fist over his heart and headed off. 

Cas looked at Sam, putting his book down, “You two seem to be doing much better.”

“We're getting there, but yeah. I really think we are making some headway.”

“I'm glad to hear it.” Sam looked Cas over curiously until Cas tilted his head, “What is it?”

“Oh nothing,” Sam said with a grin as he went back to his book. 

****Later that night****

Dean knocked quietly on Sam's door and quickly Sam opened it and let him in. “Hey, I got the board all set up.”

“Awesome. I would have brought something to drink, but I'm kinda out right now.”

“No problem, I have some Vint-9 Rowan's Rose if you're interested?”

“Uh, sure. What is that?”

“A spirit from Tevinter. They say it helps inspiration. Kevin picked it up from one of the traders a week ago, but he said it gave him headaches so he pawned it off on me.” Sam brought out the bottle and poured some into two wooden cups, handing one to Dean. Dean lifted his cup and they gave a quiet cheers before swallowing some of the liquor down. It was delicate and gentle, almost mysteriously calming. The rose scent sent Dean back to The Chantry in Lothering, that place had rose bushes here and there, some were dead, but others would bloom every year and their scent would cover the whole town. 

“Not bad.” Dean said, pushing away the memories, Sam was definitely not ready for reminiscing. 

“Yeah, I like it too. So, you want to go first?”

“Sure.” 

They started playing and as they went, and drank more, their tongues seemed to loosen. 

“So, you and Kevin are pretty good then?”

“Yeah, we've been together since we were 15.”

“Seems like a good kid.”

“Yeah. Not sure what I did to deserve him actually. What about you, Dean? Did you have anyone in Redcliff?”

Dean snorted, “Have anyone? Oh I had plenty of people.” 

Sam rolled his eyes, “You know what I mean.”

Dean thought about it before moving another piece, “There were a couple people I got serious about. One was this girl, back when I was 17, she was tough and beautiful...and bendy.”

“Ew. Stop.”

“Hey, you asked.”

Sam gave him a bitch face and Dean rolled his eyes, “Ok, Ok, so she was a lot older than me, had a kid and everything, but she was a widow. Said her husband died in the war. We were together for a while, but she knew I was going to be a templar and I told her about you, and how I was aiming to get into the circle and well that's not really potential father of the year material. So, we broke it off and that was that. Then, there was this guy. He was one of my best friends. We always flirted with each other, but nothing ever really came from it. I always thought though, if we did settle down together, I would have gotten so fat. I'd have been damn happy, but seriously, so fat.”

“What?” Sam asked laughing at the mental image.

“He had his own tavern, that guy could cook anyone under the table, I swear. Best everything I've ever eaten.”

Sam laughed, “Don't suppose you can get him to come here and replace the kitchen staff?”

“I wish. That guy, now Benny was someone you could trust. 100%, no bullshit.”

“Sounds nice. I'm glad you weren't totally alone there.”

“Yeah well, you live somewhere long enough, you make friends.”

“Yeah. Speaking of friends, you seem pretty close to Cas now.”

“We get each other,” Dean said with a shrug, “mutual respect.”

“Is that all?”

“What do you mean is that all?”

“I'm just saying, the way you look at him...we might not have been around each other for the last 8 years, but I know that look.”

“Oh yeah, Sammy? What look is that?” 

Sam glared a bit at the nickname, but he kept going, “You look at him like he's the one who put the stars in the sky.”

“Wow, Sam. Really? Poetry?” Dean said trying to laugh it off as he took another drink of rose.

“Just calling it how I see it,” Sam challenged.

“It's not a big deal, Sam we're just friends. That's all.”

“Uh-huh.”

Dean finally saw Sam wasn't budging and he gave in a bit, “Ok, look, say, just you know, theoretically, IF I did have a tiny crush on him, would that even ever happen? I mean I've seen that guy get hit on like crazy from guys and girls, but he doesn't give anyone the time of day.”

“He gives you the time of day.”

“Yeah, about the same that he gives to you. So, no games, if we are having this conversation I gotta know, has that guy ever gotten laid?”

“That guy, hasn't ever gotten kissed, much less laid.”

“No, freaking, way.”

“Cas just isn't interested in sex as much as other people. Sometimes he gets in moods-”

“Wait, back it up, how do you know this? You two didn't-”

“No, but we were roommates for 8 years, pretty sure we know everything about each other by now. Anyway, like I said he gets in moods and what not, but he told me that he couldn't picture himself actually having sex with just anyone. He'd have to really love them, otherwise, it's just not a big deal to him. Like he said he can just masturbate and be good with it because it's easier.”

Dean blushed bright red imagining Castiel writhing in his bed, no foreplay just straight to the good stuff and Sam burst out laughing, “You are so gone on him aren't you?”

“What? No! He's just awesome, ok? And a badass. Who I totally do not think about fucking.”

“Ew. Seriously? I'm gonna need another cup of the Rose. You in?”

“Hell yeah I am, anything to get out of this conversation.” 

By the end of the night they were trading stories and laughing until their stomachs hurt. “So then, Ash goes in there, totally naked and says 'Isn't this the boys side?' and half the girls run out screaming and Jo just throws her knife right beside his head so it sticks into the wall behind him and he comes out screaming: 'The new girl is some crazy wildling!'” Sam laughed and Dean held up his hands, “Wait, the best part of this story is that they totally hooked up after that. No one knows how the hell it happened, but they ended up dating for like 3 days.” 

“What happened?” 

“No idea, all I know is when they broke up Ash just kept talking about how she was married to her knives,” Sam burst out laughing again. Sam didn't need to know what happened a week after that. 

“Ok, I got one, so one time when we were like 16, we got together to play truth or dare in Gabriel's room. He gave us all alcohol, so these dares were getting pretty crazy.”

“I like where this is going,” Dean said slamming down more of the rose.

“So, anyway we are completely wasted and poor Hannah, she was only 14 at the time, she gets dared to put Anna's small clothes on her head and run around the entire floor of the tower, screaming 'I love the ladies!'”

Dean nearly choked on his rose, “No way, that's amazing. Who dared her to do that?”

“Who do you think? Gabriel.”

“Yeah, ok, I can see that. So did she do it?”

“Oh yeah. She only made it about halfway before the templars caught her, but wow that was a fun night. She was on clean up duty in the dining hall for 5 months after that, but it was legendary. Everyone thought she and Anna were dating forever after that.” 

“Did they ever actually date?”

“Nah, Anna was always using templars and Hannah had the hugest crush on Cas for years. She only finally gave up on it a year ago or so. She's dating some younger guy, now. I don't remember his name.”

“Ah well. So what did you get dared?”

“Me? Oh, I wasn't that interesting. I just had to use electric magic to make my hand stand up for the rest of the night. The static made me shock myself every time I went to touch anything though. Oh! But, Kevin was so much worse. So Anna had to hold a bottle to her robes, like she was a man with a...anyway, and Kevin had to suck her off basically.”

Dean shook his head laughing, “You crazy kids.” 

“Anna got really carried away too, just to make him uncomfortable. By the end of it she was doing all this exaggerated moaning, Kevin was beat red and Gabriel was giving him tips to use on me.” 

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” Sam said with a nostalgic sigh. “Anyway, it's getting kinda late. Think we should call it a night?”

“Yeah, gotta be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow.”

“Guess no crawling in bed with Cas for you then?”

“Funny, Sam. Seriously, funniest mage in the garrison.” 

“I try.” Sam teased back, his movements a bit off center as he stood up to see Dean out. 

“Well don't try too hard, pretty sure Gabriel would be pissed if you took his one good quality.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Well, night Sammy.” 

Sam didn't even flinch, “Night Dean,” he said with a loose, hazy smile as he shut the door behind Dean. 

No matter how hard the next few weeks were, it was worth it. It was worth saving Cas and it was worth spending a big part of his lyrium so he could spend time with his brother. He'd get through this. Only two weeks and 3 more days to go. Then things were gonna be awesome.


	10. The Punishment Continues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's withdrawals get worse. Sam is pushed away. Castiel catches on. 
> 
> Trigger Warnings (seriously guys, you might want to look at this one):  
> Slightly sexual coercion/power play (it doesn't get that sexual, but it is pretty intense with the coercion/power play so just a heads up)

*****Day 10 of 21****

Dean had tried to spread his lyrium out, but every time he got up to the two day mark, the hunger, emptiness and pain combine with the fact that he knew he had lyrium in his room, ended in him drinking more. On his second week he spent his entire week's allowance on bottles of Aqua Magus, but even that could only get him through an extra two days. Now on his tenth day, he was feeling reasonably ok, though still drunk from the night before, and he was completely out of lyrium and lyrium infused alcohol. This was it. He was basically on the halfway point through his punishment and he was totally out now. In one more day he would be hurting bad, in a few days he wasn't sure what would happen. If he could make it to the 14th day he'd get more money and he could buy more lyrium infused alcohol. That would be better than nothing, but that was 4 days without. That was double the longest he'd ever really gone without it. 

In that moment, fear and rage built up in his chest. He hated himself for letting them manipulate him like this, hated his lack of self control, hated that this was all he could think of to get to Sam, when there were probably a thousand better things he could have done. He got himself into this mess, he knew that, but it was worth it right? Sam let him call him Sammy now and he smiled whenever he saw Dean. Cas was safe, disheartened, but safe. Dean could take this. He would take it. He deserved it, he concluded and forced himself to the dinning hall for breakfast. 

They had cabbage soup that morning with toast covered in clove and cardamom. The smell of the soup made him a bit nauseous, so he went for extra helpings of the bread instead. That would help absorb the alcohol, but probably the lyrium, too. At that realization he put the extra piece back and went to the table with just one slice of toast.

“Wow you on a diet there, Deano?” Meg asked with a grin. 

“Fuck you, Meg,” Dean slurred and Bela snickered under her breath, giving him a patronizing glance, “Drunk already are we? And the day is just beginning, too. Well done.”

“Fuck you Bela.”

“You ok, man?” Cole asked, putting his spoon down. 

“I'm fine. Just had a long night.”

“Yeah, considering you smell like vomit and self-loathing, I'd say so,” Meg added scooting away from him slightly, Dean glared at her in response.

“Did someone reject you dear? Does someone need comfort?” Bela asked, batting her eyelashes. 

“No.”

Cole looked him over, “Hey, Dean, could you hand me the salt?” Dean looked up, grabbed the salt and held it out. Cole moved forward and instead of taking the salt, put his hand over Dean's, his eyes instantly widening. 

“You're not taking your lyrium?” Cole asked and the girls looked at him with a mixture of fear and surprise.

“I uh...that punishment that you know Dick and his goon got? I uh, got it too.”

“No way, seriously?” Cole asked surprised and Dean nodded, looking away. 

“That's really shitty man, I'd give you some, but you know they barely give us enough to get through the week as it is.”

Dean nodded, “I know. It's fine. I'll deal with it.”

“Yeah, or you'll go mad and die. In which case, can I have your room? Mine faces the morning sun and you know I hate getting up early,” Meg taunted.

“It's only another 11 days, the real symptoms don't hit that hard until a month or two without it. I'm not gonna go mad and I'm not gonna die. Life is just gonna suck for a while.”

“Feeling like your dying, wanting to die, and actually dying aren't really that far apart you know,” Meg added with a shrug. 

“Just ignore her. Look, if you need anything, someone to spar with or cover your guard duty, let me know,” Cole offered with a sympathetic smile and Dean nodded, “Thanks.”

“Don't offer him that, you'll be doing double guard duty for his entire punishment. He clearly has no willpower. Strange though, considering that, we should have had very angry sex by now,” Bela said, thinking out loud, and Dean just slammed his head on the table.

****The 11th Day****

Dean had fortunately gotten through the hang over he had the night before, but right from the beginning of the next day he woke up hungry, cold and empty. He stared at his feet as he sat on his bed, willing them to move, to get him up, but nothing felt worth anything. On lyrium he practically walked in The Maker's light, connected to everything and everyone and now he just felt detached and pointless. His holy justice was a joke, his existence was a joke. No wonder his father left him. Mary and Sam were the only ones worth anything to him. Dean could do whatever he was told and fall in line, but that never made his father love him and then he put that horrible feeling of abandonment on Sam. How could he do that? Dean put his face in his hands. He heard people outside, heading to the dining hall. All he wanted to do was curl back in bed, so he did. 

Later, he woke to the sound of knocking. Dean had been huddled tight under his blanket, but he still felt cold everywhere and now the hunger pains were hitting hard. He opened the door to find Cole there with a bowl of what smelled like ram and potato stew, and clearly had chunks of bread on top. “You missed your morning guard duty. I got Bela to cover you, figured you could use some food.”

Dean took the bowl, trying to force a smile in thanks, but he couldn't. Cole followed him in and sat down. “I also brought you something. You owe me big for this.” Cole set a bottle of Aqua Magus on the table and Dean's eyes went wide. 

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, well, I had a bottle laying around and you've been pretty alright to have around, most of the time.”

Dean gave a weak laugh and stared at the bottle, unable to look away. 

Cole rolled his eyes, “Ok yeah go ahead, but make sure you eat too. You got guard duty this afternoon and you're on your own for that.”

“Yeah, I'll be there, thanks.” Dean watched Cole leave and then went for the bottle. He opened it and took the whole thing down at once. He knew it was deadly to drink too much, but the amount they bottled was fine. Lot's of people probably did it.” His chest went slightly warm and he felt his nerves and mind calm a bit. It was like he had been underwater for a long time and just come up for air. With that, he ate his breakfast and managed to leave his room. 

He wasn't walking straight for guard duty, but he was doing his job. It's not like they really had problems outside of harrowings much anyway. He could feel himself getting hungry and thirsty, but his mind was still swimming from the alcohol. As he turned a corner, he saw Dick Roman coming down the hallway towards him. Dick looked pale and shaky, his teeth were gnawing at his lips and his eyes froze on Dean, as if mentally trying to destroy him. Dean had a hard time focusing on Dick and walking at the same time, but he managed it. Guess Dick wasn't doing that great either. That made things feel a bit more justified, didn't change the fact that Dean was going to be right back in that same position himself sooner than later. 

****The 14th Day****

After another two days of nothing, Dean woke up hurting, but he knew what day it was. He threw on his robes and armor and ran downstairs at the crack of dawn to trade for more Aqua Magus. If The Chantry didn't have such a strong hold on lyrium, he probably could have found some traders with the good stuff, but no such luck. Even worse, when Dean got downstairs to get his weekly allowance, he noticed Dick and his goons were in line already. That meant they were going to get first dibs on the lyrium drinks. Dammit.

He finally got to the front of the line and Crowley looked at him with a lifted brow, “You missed some shifts, don't think I didn't notice. Reduced pay.” He said as he poured a couple of sovereign into Dean's hand. 

Dean's mouth went wide open, “But that's...I....”

“Yes, yes, life is so hard, now if you are done pouting, move along, I have others to deal with.” Dean backed away and looked at the merchant cart. At this rate he'd have to flirt his way into a bottle of Aqua Magus, or just settle for Legacy White Shear. He went to the cart and asked about prices for both, trying to be suggestive, but his body was not his own right now, not that it mattered, apparently the merchant was out of both. Dean watched Dick and his goons chugging Aqua Magus near the edge of the lake and felt sick with frustration. He wanted nothing more than to run over and drown Dick in the lake, or pop his head off and drink his Aqua Magus from his skull. Dean fidgeted as he turned back to the tower. The pain got so bad that it was all he could do to shove his fingernails into his palms as hard as he could to draw his brain to a different source of pain. 

He was on guard duty that afternoon, licking his lips and swearing under his breath as he went. He barely even noticed a figure approach him. “Dean? You ok?” Dean looked up at his brother and snapped, “Yeah, I'm fine. Obviously. What do you want?”

Sam looked at Dean with wide eyes and backed away, “Nothing, I guess.” Dean felt guilty, but everything in him was raging at everything. He passed by Sam without another word. 

****The 16th Day****

He couldn't do this. He felt like he was dying. His throat was so dry it felt like it would flake off into his stomach, but at least then maybe the hunger would subside. His head was swimming with all kinds of violent, paranoid, disjointed, and lonely thoughts. He needed his fix, he needed it. It didn't matter how he had to get it. He needed it. Crowley must have had a surplus in his office, after all, he didn't adjust the lyrium order just for punishments, he probably kept the extras for emergencies. If he could just sneak in there, he could get some. No one would have to know. 

It took him over an hour to shakily get up and put his robes and armor on. At this point, the only time he had left his room was to eat and go on duty. Even then he didn't talk to anyone, he ate as quickly as he could, aching and needing to be filled and then shakily went on duty, counting the stones as he went to try and distract himself from the people he passed, who he was sure were talking about him and laughing at his suffering. Anytime he saw Sam or Cas, he would run the other direction, although after what had happened the other day, Sam hardly looked at him now. Cas, on the other hand, was clearly trying to talk to him and Dean couldn't have it. Cas would know. Cas always knew what was wrong and he would blame himself for everything. It wasn't Cas's fault it was Dick's fault. But if Dean wanted his lyrium back, he couldn't go after Dick. He couldn't get caught stealing either, just one bottle was all he needed. He could get by if he just had one bottle. Or maybe he could drink one there and take another with him? That would be enough to get by for sure.

Dean walked his way upstairs. Crowley wouldn't be in his office at this time of night and the other templars would assume Dean was on his way to his guard route; plus the mages were all in their rooms for curfew. It would be easy. 

Halfway there, Dean forgot what he was even doing and it took him several minutes of looking around before the pain reminded him. Finally, after what felt like days, he got to the office. He could practically feel the lyrium waiting on the other side of the door. He had no idea how to pick a lock, or the tools to do it and he couldn't just break the door down. Maybe he could get Anna to give him a key? He knew he forgot something. He was just about to turn away from the door when he saw the knight commander looking at him. 

“Did you need something, Dean?”

Dean froze and shook his head, “No, sir. I'm fine. I was just...taking a walk.”

“Right. Of course you were,” Crowley moved to open his office and motioned for Dean to go inside.

Dean looked at the open door with wide eyes, his mind trying to figure out if he should go in or run when Crowley cleared his throat, “Anytime, now. I'm not in the habit of waiting on people.”

“Right, sorry sir.” Dean said moving into the office. The room was warm with a fire, clearly Crowley had just stepped out for a moment and was working late that night. Of course, that would be Dean's luck. Crowley went to his desk and poured himself a drink. “Care for a drink? It's Silent Plains Piquette. One of my personal favorites, it's Tevinter slave wine....that was buried for a year under the wastes where the first Archdemon fell. You can almost taste the horror in it: all the death and fear from the blight and the slave's sweat all mixed together. It's a fascinating wine, much more interesting than that dreadful stuff from the Anderfels. Plus it's quite fruity.” 

“Sure...” Dean said quietly and took a glass. Crowley motioned him to sit down and Dean sat across from him at his desk. Dean was shaking as he brought the wine to his lips, but having anything to drink at this point felt so good he could hardly breath. He didn't mean to, but he finished the glass at once. 

“Thirsty, I see. That's to be expected. Another glass?”

“Yes,” Dean answered without thinking and then quickly added, “please.”

Crowley smiled at the please and leaned over the desk to fill his cup. “Dean, let's not waste time then. You want lyrium, I'm assuming that's why you came to my office. To beg perhaps?”

Dean looked away and Crowley continued, “I understand, you did what you thought was right and despite that, now here you are, feeling like death and you thought maybe you could sway me into giving you some lyrium. Maybe just a taste to get you back on your feet? Maybe a bottle?” Crowley opened a locked portion of his desk and pulled out a bottle. Dean's eyes locked onto it and his mouth watered in longing. 

“What exactly were you going to offer me for it?”

“Anything,” Dean said without thinking. 

“Anything is quite a lot you know,” when Dean didn't respond, Crowley smiled, “Well, I suppose I could give you a taste. Despite your 'goodhearted hero' crap, I like you Dean. You get things done, you are clearly very capable and...you aren't bad on the eyes.” Crowley opened the bottle of lyrium and the smell of lightening made Dean moan quietly, under his breath, but Crowley heard it and smiled. 

“Here, allow me to help you, Dean. We'll call it a favor for a favor?” Crowley dipped his index finger and middle finger into the bottle and held them out. Dean looked at them for a moment, confused and Crowley grinned, “You're about to miss a few drops...” 

Dean rushed forward and pulled Crowley's fingers into his mouth, sucking the lyrium from them, moaning obscenely as he did so he felt tiny sparks of warmth in his chest. His body ached for more and even when Crowley's fingers were clean, he kept sucking, hoping for more, taking them to the back of his throat greedily. 

“Well, aren't you talented,” Crowley chuckled under his breath as he pulled his fingers away from Dean, only to hear Dean give a quiet whine. 

“Don't worry, we aren't done yet. Let's see how badly you still want this, shall we? Just for fun. On your knees.” Dean looked at him confused again and with a bit of fear and defiance in him, but the moment Crowley's fingers were dripping with lyrium again, he was out of his chair and on his knees. Crowley snickered and walked up to him, shoving three fingers in his mouth this time. 

Tiny bursts of connection, light, warmth, satisfaction, and strength, slowly dripped down Dean's throat as he moaned around Crowley's fingers, licking them up and down one at a time and sucking them all in deep. Crowley watched him with a self-satisfied grin, the torch light made Dean's unfocused eyes burst with green as bright as veilfire and his sun kissed, freckled cheeks finally began to regain color. 

“One last taste?” Crowley asked and Dean nodded quickly as Crowley removed his fingers from Dean's mouth. “Put your head on my desk and bend over.” Dean's eyes went wide and Crowley rolled his eyes, “I'm not going to fuck you, this isn't about that. It's about control. I want you to know that I _could_ fuck you. I bet right now if I promised you a whole bottle you'd bare your ass so fast it would make the entire tower spin. That's how much you need this. You rely on it, and if you want to get your lyrium privileges back then you are going to start playing by the rules, understand? You are a soldier of the _faith_ , do your duty and stay in line.” Dean stared at Crowley for a moment, part of him wanted to run, to spit in his face, to say what he did had been right, but he couldn't. His head was swimming, the teasing was almost too much, his body needed more, it couldn't just stop with a taste, he needed every drop he could get. His body ached and shook with need as he bent over Crowley's desk, his face pressed against messily stacked parchments. 

Crowley moved forward and rubbed against Dean's ass, letting him feel his hard on. “See that? It would be so easy. I want you to remember this, Dean. Next time you think about stepping up to play hero, next time you think about striking your own brothers, remember what will happen to you.” Dean bit his lip and closed his eyes tightly as he felt Crowley's weight on his back, “Open your eyes and keep them that way,” Crowley whispered and Dean reluctantly opened them. 

He felt Crowley move against him, tauntingly, but the smell of lyrium was close. He could hear Crowley soaking his fingers. Dean looked around at the desk for something to read or count, something to distract himself and that's when he spotted his brother's name. Just as he began reading it, Crowley's fingers were presented in front of his lips and he lost all concentration. He lifted his head a bit, to take them in better, but Crowley quickly shoved his face back into the parchment beneath him. He whined a bit, but he kept sucking the icy liquid from the knight commander's fingers. After a moment, his mind began to clear, he needed every drop though, so he kept sucking hungrily and let his eyes wander back to where he saw his brother's name. 

'Sam Winchester and Kevin Tran have been witnessed fraternizing. Issue a transfer for Kevin Tran to the circle in Kirkwall or Starkhaven.' 

Dean could hardly think about what that meant at the time, and almost as quickly as he read it, it was gone from his whirlwind mind as Crowley pushed his fingers deeper into Dean's mouth, making him swallow around them. Crowley pushed his cock against Dean's ass once more and moved his lips to Dean's ear, “Don't forget your place.” He pulled his fingers from Dean's mouth, and as if nothing had happened, took his seat at his desk, “Now, if that's it, quickly remove yourself. I have work to do.” 

****The 17th Day****

The little bit of lyrium he had had the night before was enough to ease his pain, but not enough to erase it and now it came with shame, self-hatred, and anger. He should have walked away, made something up, he should have told Crowley to shove his lyrium soaked fingers up his own ass and stormed out of the tower with Sam, Cas and Kevin right there. He felt dirty everywhere. He needed a bath, or 12. 

Dean's mind was still hazy as he soaked in the warmth of his bath. Thoughts would form and quickly lose themselves. His hunger and thirst were there, but they weren't nearly as bad as before, it almost felt ridiculously easy to ignore in comparison to yesterday, but he knew that wouldn't last. He kept feeling Crowley laying over him, his large fingers in his mouth, the taste of the lyrium on his skin, it made him hunger and it made him sick at the same time. Dean took a breath and put himself under the water trying to push the images out. 

Dean left the bath when it turned cold and got back in his robes. He was headed to his room when he spotted Cas. The last few weeks, this would be the time he would pretend not to see him and head the opposite direction before ducking into some classroom, but after last night, his brain wouldn't let him move. Castiel came up to him and what at first looked like frustration, melted into worry as he looked over Dean's face. “What happened?”

“Nothing. I'm ok.” Dean said quietly, but he couldn't stop a silent tear from dropping down his cheek. Seeing the worry on Cas's face, his innocence and purity, his beauty, and knowing that with everything that had happened he didn't even deserve to look at his friend, it was all too much. Cas's eyes went wide and he looked around to make sure they were clear before pulling Dean by the wrist towards his room. The minute the door closed behind them Cas pulled Dean into his arms. Cas was warm and comfortable, they fit together perfectly, but Dean couldn't help but hate himself all the more for it. Cas shouldn't be nice to him, he shouldn't hold him or want to even look at him. Dean was already an idiot, not worthy of love from his own father, and a selfish asshole who had hurt people without even thinking because he wanted to get back to his brother, but now he was weak and broken too. The reality of it all hit hard and he curled into the embrace, letting his tears fall into Cas's robes. 

“Dean, talk to me, tell me how to help you.” He said gently as he stroked Dean's still wet hair. Dean shook his head, and buried himself further into Cas's shoulder. Cas held him, thinking for a moment and then slowly slid one hand down Dean's arm, and clasped their hands together. Cas felt his heart clench when he felt how cold they were. Cas pulled away and Dean looked at him as if waiting to be yelled at or hit. “They cut you off from lyrium. For how long?” 

“This is the last week, but I'm ok. I got some here and there, alcohol mostly. I'm ok. I promise, this isn't your fault, I can handle it.”

“Dean, whatever you are, it is clearly far from ok. Talk to me,” Cas quietly brushed the dampness from Dean's cheek. 

“Nothing, it's nothing, Cas. Just, you should stay away from me. I'm a wreck and-”

“Dean, let me help you. If this is all because of the lyrium, you should have come to me, I could have helped you, I have lyrium.” Cas released Dean and went to his lock box, “I use it to enter the fade sometimes or when I exhaust my magic. We all keep an emergency supply and we can get more from the supply room.” Cas finally pulled out a bottle and turned to Dean, but Dean just backed up shaking his head before bolting for the door.

Castiel watched him go, filled with worry as he put the bottle back in his lock box. Why wouldn't Dean let him help, Dean was in this mess because of what he did to save him, it was the least Cas could do. Even outside of that, they were friends, at least Cas thought they were. 

Cas went next door to Sam's room and knocked a couple of times, only to hear something hit the floor followed by quiet voices and rushing around. Castiel waited patiently and finally Sam came out, his robes hastily thrown on. “Cas? What's up?”

“I uhm, I'm sorry to interrupt you and Kevin, but I wanted to ask you about Dean.” 

Sam nodded and let him in, Kevin was in the bed, covered by blankets, his hair sticking out in various directions. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Kevin,” Cas replied, somewhat uncomfortable. 

“So? What about him?”

“Have you spoken to him lately?”

“No, he started blowing me off and basically telling me to piss off a while ago, haven't bothered with him since. It was really weird too, we were really having fun together and getting to know each other and then all of a sudden he just, changed. I figured, maybe he changed his mind or something happened. I don't know him well enough to know his moods anymore, but when we were kids and Dean had something going on, he liked to deal with it by himself and be left alone so I gave him his space. Did he say something to you?”

Cas tilted his head to the side, “Somewhat. He's been cut off from lyrium since the incident. Apparently, he's going without for the rest of this week and that will be the end of it, but he was...a mess when I saw him. He had clearly had some lyrium recently, but not enough to normalize, and he was...crying.”

“Dean? Crying?”

“He wouldn't talk about it, but he seemed scared.”

“It's probably the lack of lyrium. Did you give him some?”

“I tried to, but he wouldn't take it. I thought, perhaps it would be best if you spoke to him.” 

“I don't know Cas, maybe we should just let him deal with this and when he's back on the lyrium we can talk to him, you know when he's got his head on straight. As it is, it might just add stress to an already really hard situation.”

“I suppose you have a point.”

“That doesn't mean we can't keep our eyes on him and make sure he's ok,” Kevin added from the bed and the two looked over at him. “I mean, just saying, we can let him have his space and watch out for him, if he gets in over his head we can help him out of it.”

“That's a good idea,” Cas admitted and Sam nodded in agreement.

“Good, now that that's settled, Cas, can you get the hell out? We were kinda in the middle of something here.”

“Oh, yes, of course. I'll talk to you both later,” Cas said hastily before leaving. Sam looked over at Kevin with a raised eyebrow, “Getting impatient?”

“You have no idea.” Kevin moved forward, letting the blanket fall from his waist as he pulled Sam back onto the bed. 

 

****The 20th Day****

Cas was at breakfast enjoying biscuits topped with tender rabbit meat and a white creamy Arbor Blessing sauce while Balthazar and Gabriel debated whether or not Professor Singer had a crush on Professor Ellen Harvelle. Sam had already gone to talk to the tranquil about possibly making some rune cases to sell to the traders and Kevin was in the library tutoring a younger girl in her first year at the circle. Cas kept his eye on the templar table, he had been one of the first there and now breakfast was nearly over and still he hadn't seen Dean anywhere. He could be on guard, there really wasn't any other reason for Dean to miss a meal. Cas got up and Balthazar and Gabriel looked up at him. “I'll see you both later,” Castiel said before he went to return his dishes. He took an extra helping on a new plate and went to find Dean. 

Castiel had looked everywhere. Every section of every floor had a templar guarding it and none of them were Dean, he checked outside and near the supply rooms, even up by The First Enchanter and Knight Commander's office, which meant that Dean didn't go to breakfast and didn't have an obligation keeping it from him. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach as he headed to Dean's room. As he neared it, he saw a templar coming along the pathway on guard. He was near several open classrooms, so he slipped into one and waited for the templar to pass. When the sound of his steps had faded, Cas went back into the hallway and knocked on Dean's door. He heard movement, but no voice and no one came to the door. 

“Dean?” Cas called quietly knocking again, keeping his eyes peeled for approaching templars. Still, there was no response. Cas put his long, thin ear next to the door and could hear heavy breathing and wrecked sobs and that was enough. Cas opened the door and let himself in. The room was dark except for one small torch on the wall, his table candles clearly having given up at some point. The room smelled like piss and Dean's armor, robes, books, lockbox and weapons were all scattered over the floor as if thrown there in a mad fit. Castiel finally spotted Dean, huddled in the corner of his bed, rocking back and forth, keeping his head down. Cas could see long red scratch marks on his arms and the piss soaked through his blankets. 

Cas put the food on his table and knelt beside the bed. “Dean?” Dean didn't answer, he just kept rocking and gasping for air. Cas reached out and gently put his hand on Dean's shoulder, only to have it knocked away violently, Dean finally looking up with heavily shadowed, bloodshot eyes. Even from the brief touch Cas could feel how cold Dean had been and now seeing him gasp for air he could only assume his heart rate had shot up. His eyes looked almost feral in fear and in between gasps he was muttering, “You aren't real.”

“Dean, yes, I'm here. Let me get you some lyrium, please, will you drink it if I bring it to you?” Dean covered his ears and shut his eyes, still muttering about Cas not being real. Cas stood up, afraid to leave him, but more afraid of what would happen if he left him alone like that. He bolted for the door and went downstairs to his room. He grabbed both bottles of lyrium that he had, stuffed them in his robes and ran back up to Dean's room. Dean was clearly startled when Cas came back in, but Cas ignored him as he put one of the bottles in Dean's lock box. Then, he went to the desk and lit a fresh candle so Dean could see him properly, and opened the curtain to his small window to let the air flow in better. Dean watched him carefully, still shaking and now with this light Cas could see how unfocused his eyes were and that he seemed to be losing weight, his body was starving. Cas took the other bottle from his pocket and opened the lid as he moved closer to Dean. Dean looked at the lyrium with need and fear. Cas reached out again, “Dean, please come here.”

Dean looked at Cas and slowly moved forward until Cas could reach his face. “It hurts Cas, everywhere, so much, I want to die. Please. Let me.” 

Castiel shook his head as he let his hand go to Dean's cheek, “No. You don't get to give up, you're stronger than that. I know you are.”

“You don't know anything about me...the things I've done, the kind of person I am. I'll only hurt you like I hurt Sam, I'll taint you. I'm so messed up, you don't even know.” 

“You are doing your best to make up for any mistakes you've made and that's all anyone can do, Dean, please, just take the lyrium. Please?” Dean was shaking again and Cas moved fully onto the bed and moved his hand back into Dean's hair, scratching and rubbing his head for a moment, trying to relax him. When he saw Dean's eyes close, he put the bottle to Dean's lips and poured a bit of lyrium in. Dean's eyes shot open, and his tongue darted out to lick at the bottle and Cas pulled away in suprise. After a moment, Cas started to pet his hair again and held the bottle to his lips letting him drink slowly. “Here, it's alright, slowly.” * He can't keep doing this...how could the chantry do this to it's own people...it's monstorous. * 

When the bottle was emptied, Dean moaned in relief, the warmth was already cutting through the pain and reality was starting to piece itself together again. Dean moved to clutch onto Cas desperately and Cas let the empty bottle fall to the matress as he moved his arms tightly around Dean, holding him securely against his own body. “Cas...” Dean whispered, still a bit out of breath, but his body was warming and his heartrate was slowly returning to normal. 

“Yes?”

“You should take the blankets off the bed...I kinda...”

“Of course, it's alright, I'll take care of it.” Cas went to move, but Dean held on. “Dean, I can't remove the blankets if you don't let me go.”

“Yeah you can, just kick them to the floor or something.”

Cas laughed lightly and kicked the blankets out from under them, squirming a bit and knocking Dean and himself over in the process. Dean gave a content sigh as he melted into Cas's arms. “You feel so good, Cas.”

“I'm sure everything feels good right now.”

“Yeah, but 'specially you. You always feel good.”

Cas blushed a bit at the comment, but he knew everything out of Dean's mouth right now was purely because of the lyrium. He needed to help Dean as the lyrium kicked back in, keep him safe and get him back on his feet, without making any mistakes he would regret later. “Dean, I should get you cleaned up a bit...I'll bring you fresh robes and some water, will you be alright without me for a moment?”

Dean shook his head, nuzzling into Cas's neck. “Don't go, everyone always goes.”

Castiel stroked Dean's hair thoughtfully. “Dean...if I promise to come back, will you let me go get those things for you?” Dean shook his head again and pressed tighter against Cas, tangling their legs together. “What if I give you a kiss first?” Castiel offered quietly and Dean stopped nuzzling. “Dean?”

Dean pulled away, just enough to look Cas in the eyes, already Dean's eyes seemed clearer and more focused, though they were still a bit hazy. Dean looked Cas over for a minute before frowning a bit, “You don't have to do that, Cas. You can go if you want. I'm sorry, my head is still-” 

Cas smiled in appreciation and moved forward to cut him off, gently pressing his lips to Dean's. It was so soft and so brief, but Cas felt the kiss send jolts up his spine and goosebumps covered his arms. When they parted Dean looked at him with wide eyes and Cas smiled, “I'll be back soon, please wait right here for me. You probably aren't ready to walk around much yet.”

Dean nodded, unable to speak as Cas left. When he exited the room, Cas rushed to the bathing area to get a bucket of water, a soft cotton cloth, some cleansing oils and some extra robes. He waited until he was alone to grab the robes, because they were clearly for templars and he didn't want to raise any suspicions. He folded the spare robe as small as he could and shoved it in his own robes, holding it up by keeping the bucket of water against his chest. He nearly dropped everything several times, but he managed to make it back to Dean's room unseen. 

Dean was staring at the window when Cas came back in and he looked over with a smile, “Hey.”

“Hello, Dean. I got everything. Would you strip down to your small clothes?” 

“Hell Cas, all you have to do is ask.”

“I see you are feeling a bit more like yourself?”

“Yup, thanks to you,” Dean said pulling his soiled robes off. Despite everything, Dean was incredibly beautiful. He was well figured, strong and defined, but still soft here and there. His whole body was speckled with freckles and the more Cas stared at him the more Dean seemed to turn pink. “Uh, Cas?”

“Yes, of course. Sorry.” Cas brought the bucket over and held out the cloth, “Are you able to...”

“Able? Yeah. I'm able. Not that shaky anymore. See?” Dean held out his hand and Cas took it, to his relief it radiated warmth and was stable again. “Doesn't mean I wouldn't rather have you do it, though. I can't reach my back after all,” Dean teased. 

Cas smiled, looking down a bit shyly, but then he crawled behind Dean, took the cloth, submerged it in the water and brought it to Dean's shoulders. Dean sighed into the touch and let Cas move him. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Ok, I mean last night was hell. I was seeing crap and going crazy and everything hurt so bad I could barely move, but I'm ok now. So uh, thanks. I mean it.”

Castiel hummed in response as he dipped the cloth back in the water and then moved to Dean's lower back, watching the water drip into his small clothes. Things went quiet, and though Dean was getting better at those quiet moments being comfortable, with what had happened he was back to feeling uncertain and awkward. 

“So uh, sorry about that kiss, I know you just did it to calm me down...and I know that was your first kiss. I'm sorry it had to be like that. But I swear, I know you were just taking care of me and it didn't mean anything, so you don't have to worry about any misunderstandings or whatever.” 

“Dean, I wouldn't have offered to kiss someone I didn't want to kiss and if I was that uncomfortable, I wouldn't have come back. I would have sent Sam in.” 

Dean's back straightened a bit as Cas moved the cloth over his shoulder to his chest, he could feel Cas's fingers through the cloth and when they went over one of his nipples he gave a quiet moan making Cas freeze for a moment, before finally continuing to wash him. “Cas, you can't say stuff like that, you'll give me the wrong idea.”

Cas froze again, thinking and then moved in front of Dean, putting the cloth in the bucket and facing him with a stern look, “Dean, did you ever stop to think about how much Sam and I care about you? How we would have helped you through this? Why didn't you just come to us? Why suffer through it alone?”

Dean looked off, “I don't need a lecture. I wanted to take care of things myself, this is my problem and I have to be able to handle it.” 

“Not alone, you don't.” Dean looked at Cas who was unflinchingly staring into his eyes, demanding to be let in which meant Dean had only one natural response. 

“Cas, you should probably go.” 

Cas tilted his head as understanding dawned on him, “You don't think you deserve to be saved...or loved.”

Dean flushed and felt more exposed than he had when he had stripped down to his small clothes. 

“Dean, good things do happen, people don't always leave and if you give me a chance I'll prove that to you.”

Dean's lips parted slightly, unsure of what to say, but he didn't get much time to think before Cas's lips were on his again. It felt absolutely perfect, maybe it was the lyrium, but his usual feeling of connection to everything felt focused on Cas now. He didn't deserve this, but right now the arms around him felt like home and salvation and he couldn't bring himself to let go, even if that was probably the right thing to do. Dean held tight to Cas and drew his friend closer, up onto his lap. Cas went to him willingly and let Dean lead the kiss, opening his pale, soft lips for Dean's tongue and sucking on it gently, licking it with his own. Dean moaned into Cas's mouth as Cas ran his fingers through Dean's hair and Cas gave gentle hums as Dean stroked down Cas's back and grasped at his hips trying to bring them impossibly closer. After a long moment, of frenzied kisses, long lingering touches and slow grinding, they finally separated for air and Cas rest his forehead against Dean's. Cas took a moment to catch his breath,“Now, if you are done being difficult, may I finish washing you?”

“Maker, yes. Whatever you want Cas.” Dean said gently as he licked up Cas's ear, pushing his hard cock up against him. Cas smiled and pushed back for a moment before putting a hand on Dean's chest and pushing him away with a teasing grin. 

Cas took his time, worshiping Dean's body with the soft cloth, rinsing him off, scrubbing away the remnants of the night before and with it Dean felt baptized, clean and claimed. After Cas finished, he heated up breakfast for Dean with his magic, by holding a flame in his hand under the bowl while Dean changed his small clothes, gave himself a once over with the cleansing oils and changed into his new robes. 

Cas sat with him while he ate and watched him carefully, still worried that there might be some side effects from having taken so much lyrium at once, but Dean seemed fine, not that that made Cas worry any less. “You're gonna give yourself a headache if you keep thinking that hard,” Dean teased as he finished his food. 

“Sorry, today has been...eventful.”

“You're telling me.”

“Do you have guard duty today?”

“I was suppose to in the morning, someone probably covered me though. Probably gonna get my pay cut again, but screw it.” 

“Tonight you should speak to Sam.”

“Yeah...probably a good idea. What are we gonna do until then?” 

Cas blushed and moved into Dean's space. “Until then, we are going to stay here...and maybe if we can get this room clean, we can relax a bit.” 

“Now that is motivation.” Dean leaned in to take Cas's mouth again.


	11. The Plan Comes Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas tries to figure out what is important in life. Sam tells Kevin about the situation. Dean is 'emotionally constipated' as usual. 
> 
> Warnings:  
> Sevin smut  
> Sexual identity confusion (kinda)

****That Night****

Dean and Cas had spent the majority of the afternoon cleaning Dean's room. Shortly after they finished, Dean fell asleep and Cas got a book and read in bed next to Dean to make sure he was absolutely ok now. For dinner, they went to the cafeteria separately and Cas spoke to Sam about him needing to talk to his brother and filled him in on just how bad Dean had been that morning. Needless to say, after dinner, when Sam and Cas joined Dean in his room, the first thing Sam did was punch his brother in the arm. 

“You idiot, you should have told us!” Sam shouted and then pulled his brother into a strong hug. Dean froze for a minute, then finally let his arms go around Sam in return. This was the first time they'd hugged since they were kids and Dean soaked it up, though he wasn't sure how to respond.

“I uh, I'm sorry Sam.”

“Don't ever do that again. If something is going on, tell me, tell Cas, tell someone, just don't suffer it out by yourself. You came here to protect me right? Well I'm not a kid anymore Dean, we can protect each other,” Sam insisted as he released him and Dean gave a tiny smile as he looked away embarrassed.

“Yeah, ok. Now that we got the emotions out of the way, can we all just calm down? I'm fine. Hell, I'm better than fine. I got my brother and I got my...Cas and I got enough lyrium to last me through the night until I get my week's rations tomorrow. The only thing that could make today any better would be a round of wicked grace with my two favorite people,” Dean said suggestively, raising his eyebrows. 

Sam and Cas glanced at one another silently communicating and then looked back at Dean, “Alright, one round, but then you should get some more rest.” Sam took a seat. 

“Awesome.” Dean went to his lock box and grabbed a deck of cards, “Cas, shuffle? I'm gonna take a quick dose.” 

“Of course.” Cas took the deck from him, joined Sam at the small table Dean had in place of a desk, and started shuffling. Dean opened the second bottle of lyrium that Cas left for him and took a quick mouth full. He closed his eyes and felt it course through him. Everything felt right in the world as he sat back on his heels licking the drops from his lips. He opened his eyes and looked across the room to see where Sam and Cas were quietly talking together and he smiled for a second watching them. The scene filled him with overwhelming comfort. He took one more sip of lyrium and, due to his focus on watching Sam and Cas, slipped and spilled a drop down his chin. 

“Dammit.” Dean cursed and used his finger to pull the drop from his chin, then licked his finger clean. The feeling felt sickeningly familiar and he immediately pulled his finger from his lips and wiped it off on his robe, but the memory had already struck through him with phantom touches. He could almost feel Crowley's weight and breath on him and smell of parchment under his face. _Sam_ Dean shook his head and remembered seeing Sam's name in cursive on the desk. “Shit.”

“You ok over there?” Sam asked and Dean looked up at him wide eyed.

The words he had read suddenly came back to him in flashes and now that he had a clear head they finally connected to meaning. “Sam, I...I found out something that you need to know. I've been so screwed up I didn't even remember until just now...”

“Uhm, ok?”

Dean swallowed hard, put the lyrium down and walked to the table where they were sitting. “They know about you and Kevin. The Knight-Commander for sure knows and probably The First Enchanter, too.”

“What? Dean if this is a joke-”

“It's not a joke, I wouldn't do that to you. Look they know and the knight-commander has already narrowed it down to two places to ship him. I'm guessing, because there were two places, he hasn't actually finished making arrangements, but I doubt we got more than a month before they take him.”

Sam searched his brother's face for lies, “How do you know all that Dean?”

“I saw the paper about it on the knight-commander's desk. Someone saw you guys, the thing looked official, it had the Knight-Commander's signature on it. I swear, I was pretty messed up at the time, but I saw it.”

Sam looked at the table in a panic, “We gotta go. We gotta get outta here. Dean, you told me we could go, I want to go. I've been saving money and supplies for it we'll be fine I-”

“What? Since when have you been planning this?” Cas asked and Sam looked at him with a panicked guilt, “I uhm, lied when I said I was saving for Kevin's birthday, the part time work was all for if we got out of here. It was just an idea, I wasn't really sure if we'd ever go through with it, but we have to now. I won't let them take him. You understand don't you Cas?”

Cas was shocked silent as he considered everything over. Sam looked at him with worry and then looked at his brother, “Dean, you are still willing to go right?”

“Of course, Sam, I'm with you. You want to go, we go, right Cas?” Dean looked at Castiel with a hopeful desperation and Castiel just looked back at him blankly. 

“Cas, please. You're family, you have to come with us,” Sam said putting his hand on Cas's. 

“I need some time to think about it, Sam. You are asking me to give up my whole life, everything I've ever known, Balthazar, Anna, Gabriel, Samandriel, Hannah and...all of my goals. All the changes I was hoping to...you're asking me to give up a lot.”

“Cas, we need you...” Sam said quietly and Cas just looked away. 

Dean crossed his arms, trying to cover his own sense of betrayal, “Sam, don't pressure him. If Cas wants to stay here, that's his choice. More importantly, if you want out of here before they take Kevin we need a plan of action.”

Sam watched Cas while Dean seemed to look anywhere but at Cas. “Yeah, ok. I need to tell Kevin first though, then we can come up with something together. That'll give you time to think about it, Cas.” Sam stood up and then looked down at his friend, “You will think about it right, lethallin?” Cas looked up at him and gave a curt nod. Sam looked at Dean, “We'll talk tomorrow.”

“Right.” Dean confirmed and Sam headed out in a hurry. Then Cas and Dean were left alone with what was probably the first mutually painful silence between them yet. Dean didn't know what to say, so he sat down across from Cas who hadn't moved. 

Dean stared at him for a while, waiting for him to speak, but when he didn't Dean finally caved, “Well?”

Cas shook his head, “I don't know. Dean, I understand that Sam doesn't want to be separated from Kevin, but running away is not so easy and the punishment could mean death. There are the phylacteries, so we'd have to be running forever, and basically the only place you could openly do magic is Tevinter and that comes with a whole other list of problems like slavery, blood magic, and the constant war with The Qun, just to name a few. Then, there is you.”

“Me?”

“If you leave The Chantry, how will you get lyrium?”

Dean froze, he hadn't thought about that. “I'll give it up, let it go little by little, not all at once. I'll raid the damn supply room before we go, take enough to get me through a couple of months of travel and then I'll get off the stuff. I wanted to anyway, you were right about the leash. They hold it over you so they can make you do whatever they want and in the end it just kills you or makes you lose your mind anyway. I'd rather have my family and my freedom, no matter how good it feels it's not worth it.”

“And if the pain never truly goes away?”

“I'll learn to handle it.”

“That's good to hear, Dean. I'm sure Sam will be glad to hear that you want to quit as well.”

Dean looked at Cas in frustration, “Cas, have you ever even thought that maybe it'd be easier for you to change things on the outside rather than from in here? In here you have to play their games, but out there you could really help people. You wouldn't have to bow your head to keep from getting attacked, you could do your research freely, I mean you wouldn't have to give up your crusade. I don't see what the problem is.”

“Outside these walls, I could help apostates, but I couldn't help the circle. If I tried, I would be captured or killed for just showing my face. I know you don't understand, but the circle is my home and I feel responsible for it, I want to do whatever I can to make it better for my brothers and sisters, for future generations.”

Dean sighed a bit and crossed his arms on the table, leaning forward a bit in defeat, “Ok, I get it. I'm sorry, ok? I just want you with us.”

“I know and a part of me wants to just go with you, but to do so without thinking things through would be irresponsible. I need to think about it, but Dean, even if I don't go with you, I will help you escape. I swear it. You and Sam do mean a lot to me.”

“Yeah, clearly, thanks, Cas.” Dean said, bitterly.

Without anything else to say, Cas got up and left. The finality of the door shutting behind him felt familiar to Dean, and it was something that never got any easier. He wasn't sure what they had that day, when they kissed or laid in bed together, but it felt right, like the beginning of something perfect, like he had found the person he could make a home with, but clearly Cas didn't feel the same. They were friends, but that's all it had been. Cas's words still rang in his ears: “Dean, good things do happen, people don't always leave and if you give me a chance I'll prove that to you”. 

“So much for you proving shit.” Dean said to no one, his eyes locking on the deck of cards and with a quick snap of his arm the cards went flying around the room. 

****Kevin's Room ****

Kevin's mouth hung open as he stumbled back onto his bed, unable to speak.

Sam knelt in front of him and took Kevin's hands in his own, giving them gentle kisses. “Kev, listen to me, things are going to be fine, I promise. We are gonna get our of here, my brother is going to find us a way out.”

Kevin looked at him with tears building in his eyes, “Sam, this is...are you sure you want to risk it? Maybe you should think about this, even if we survive long enough to get out of the area, we are going to be hunted, we are going to be outcasts, probably living on the streets and at risk for possession and blood magic. I don't want you to end up hating me when our lives suck out there.”

“Kev, our lives suck in here too. 

“Yeah, but out there we could starve to death or get eaten by bears or something.”

Sam cracked a smile and Kevin pouted, turning red, “We could though,” Kevin insisted. 

“We could, but I'd rather be out there getting eaten by a bear with you, than stuck in here becoming an old man without you.” At that, the tears that built in Kevin's eyes spilled down his cheeks and he laughed. 

“You're crazy you know that?” Kevin said through his tears, smiling wide. 

“Yup, but you knew that when you signed up to be my boyfriend. Remember all my running away? Did you really think it wouldn't come back around,” Sam teased and leaned close to Kevin. 

Kevin grinned and put his hands on Sam's shoulders before sliding them behind his neck, “Yeah, I probably should have seen this coming, damn trouble maker. You aren't going to get us caught though, right? I seem to remember all your running away not ending well.” 

“We'll get away, I promise. Then we are going to see your mom and show her that I'm not made of buckets, and then we are going to travel all over the world, see and do everything,” Sam crawled up the bed, moving over Kevin as the smaller man sank into the bed under him. 

“Mm, that sounds good.”

Sam nodded and bent down to kiss at Kevin's neck. “When we are free, I'll be able to leave marks all over your neck....we'll be able to be as loud as we want.”

“Can we do that whole marking business after we meet my mom?” Kevin whispered as he bucked up against Sam seductively as Sam began pulling Kevin's robes up.

“Yeah, we are probably going to have to wait for my brother to go somewhere too, at least for the really loud sex.”

“Probably,” Kevin's eyes went half closed as he watched Sam move down to kiss up his thighs. “Where do you think they saw us?”

“No idea, they could have just heard us or saw us kiss,” Sam said quietly as he gave slow, open mouth kisses up Kevin's smooth thighs, sucking gently and nibbling as he made his way to the bulge in Kevin's small clothes. As Sam kissed through the fabric, Kevin arched up against his lips. 

“Yeah...true,” Kevin panted as Sam kissed slowly along the edges of his small clothes, combing his fingertips up Kevin's thighs before slowly sneaking his hands up the back of Kevin's small clothes to give his ass a small squeeze. “Fuck, Sam.”

Sam gave a coy look up at Kevin as he nuzzled his lover's hip, biting at the bone there while still rubbing and groping his ass. “You want it?”

Kevin gave a small whine as he watched Sam's tongue lick around his hip bone, those beautiful sunflower eyes practically fluttering at him, “Are you fucking kidding? Always.”

Sam laughed and moved his teeth to the side of Kevin's small clothes and tugged playfully. Kevin moaned at the sight and ran his hand into Sam's hair, digging in to get a handful. He tugged gently at Sam's hair and Sam's eyes rolled up in pleasure. “I fucking love when you do that.”

“Oh, I know,” Kevin said and scratched Sam's scalp lightly as he grabbed a new handful and tugged again. Sam moaned quietly and moved into Kevin's hand as one of his own hands went to Kevin's hard on and rubbed gently through the thin fabric a few times before pulling the cloth down to Kevin's calves, at which point Kevin kicked it off. 

Sam licked his lips and swallowed his lover down in one slow movement. Kevin arched into him while tugging at Sam's hair softly, constantly running his fingers through to get new handfuls. Sam's tongue slowly lavished the underpart of Kevin's length, pressing gently at the vein there, then he backed off to suck at the head, licking at the slit, swirling his tongue around it, and forcing pre-cum to leak out. 

Kevin gave a choked moan as Sam went deep again, sucking and hallowing his cheeks as he went back up. Gradually he picked up the pace, bobbing up and down, licking as he went down, sucking on the way up. Kevin was gasping beneath him now, his hands tangled deep in Sam's long hair as he muttered a litany of Sam's name and quiet praises. Sam could see when he was close because Kevin would always shut his eyes tight and he would bit his lip to quiet his moans. 

Sam thought about teasing him, making him wait to cum while he fucked him, but tonight, teasing and patience weren't what they needed. Kevin slowly started to buck unconsciously into Sam's mouth, chasing his orgasm, and Sam kept his teeth away from him and relaxed his throat as Kevin fucked up into him. Sam felt saliva slipping out of his mouth as he licked and sucked at Kevin's length when he could, bracing himself with his arms to give Kevin more leeway to move safely. Kevin's fingers tightened in Sam's hair and then he spoke in a broken whimper, “I'm gonna...Sam.”

Sam sucked hard as he felt the fluid move up the vein in Kevin's flesh before it came flooding his mouth and throat. Sam swallowed and sucked Kevin through his orgasm, but he had too much of Kevin's length in his mouth to catch everything. When Sam swallowed the last bit in his mouth, he licked Kevin clean and moved up next to him. Kevin was completely blissed out, his eyes hazy and his breath still uneven, but he managed to look at Sam with a satisfied smile. Sam smiled back at him and gently trailed his fingertips along around Kevin's nipple. Kevin looked at him suspiciously. “Yes?”

“Think you can cum twice tonight?”

“Mm give me like 5 minutes then I'm all yours.”

****The Next Afternoon****

Cas knocked tentatively and waited. After a long moment, Ellen opened the door and looked down at him, “Hey there, kiddo, need something?”

“Yes, may I speak with you for a moment?”

“Sure thing, I'll put some tea on, take a seat.”

“Thank you.” 

“Don't thank me till you try it, it's Stripweed from Tevinter. Blame the Knight-Commander, for this one, he assumes anything foreign is fancy.” Ellen handed him a mug and sat down across her desk from him. “What's on your mind honey.”

Castiel looked at the tea for a moment trying to gather his thoughts, “In all honesty, do you think anyone can change things here?”

Ellen pursed her lips and gave a knowing nod, “So, that's what's going on. Have a few set backs?”

“More than a few. When I try to do something I get attacked, my research gets burned, I get rejected from nearly everyone at every turn. Part of me hoped that they didn't know and that's why nothing changed, but that's not the case is it? Everyone knows about the problems in the circle. They know, but they don't want anything to change.”

Ellen nodded and put her tea on the desk, “We all reach that point eventually kiddo, it's part of growing up. When you're young it's easy to be optimistic and think anything is possible; a lot of people feel that call to change the world, but it's not that easy and we all have to face that. Things do change eventually, but it's all timing. The world has to be right for it. We are only 8 years out of a long war, we are finally finding stability again and trying to build on the fragile connection we've built with Orlais. As much as we need change, now isn't the time for it. Orlais is too tied to The Chantry, can you imagine if we started making demands about changing the circle after we just defeated them? Their pride wouldn't have it, we'd tear the south apart all over again.”

Castiel felt his lips twitch a bit and he took a sip of tea, nearly gagging when he did. Ellen smiled, “You can just leave that, I keep trying to find someone who can keep the stuff down, but no luck yet.”

Castiel put the mug down, “Doesn't it bother you though? Everyone just puts up with the system, no matter what happens. I don't understand how you can't be more angry, they took your daughter and the one you loved, just because they don't want us to have families. They want to keep us weak and apart. They want us to fear and to obey and nothing else.” Ellen looked at him for a moment and Castiel flushed, lowering his head, “I'm sorry, that was too far.”

“No I understand, you're frustrated, believe me. I tried everything to keep my girl, even when I lost her father, I kept fighting. I went to speak to everyone, I begged, I tried to gather strength by gathering others who had been through similar situations, I fought, I even tried to run once, and that got me solitary for my last trimester. Nothing worked, they have us right where they want us, and they know it. I don't know what it's going to take, but things will change Castiel, mark my words they will, but it's not going to be through talks, not at first. Something is gonna change, maybe it'll be society, or culture, maybe war, maybe things will just get so bad that someone does something stupid and the weights finally tip the scale, or maybe we'll get so stable that people can start thinking about making the world better instead of just trying to keep it going. I don't know what, but something will happen and you can't force it, no matter how much you want to. The best you can do is try to make the world around you better, take care of the others in the tower, help educate the younger mages, inspire change by inspiring understanding and by being an example of what mages can be. You understand?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“I know it doesn't feel as good as openly swinging back, but it's the best chance we got. Show them that we deserve to rule over ourselves.”

Castiel nodded trying to hide his defeat. 

“Supporting each other is part of making things better too, anytime you need to talk, or vent, or whatever, I'm here ok? I'll stock up on some better tea too. Sound good?” 

Castiel gave her a small smile, “Yes, thank you professor. I appreciate it.”

 

****Late Afternoon: Outside****

“Oh, Cassie you look so down, what is it? Not enjoying the sunset?” Balthazar asked as he leaned against Cas's shoulder, their feet in the water, partially buried in the sand. 

“No, it's fine. I'm just tired.”

“Shall we go to bed?”

“Stop.” 

“Fine, fine, tired of what? Stop playing games, either talk or don't.”

Castiel sighed and looked up at the sky, “Tired of trying to change things when no one wants it and the few who do want it are afraid to fight for it, tired of trying to do the right thing when it only leads to punishment, and more than anything I'm tired of always following the rules just because they have convinced me that I have to.”

“Oh, well if you are about to go have a good time being a little rebel, count me in. I definitely think the first rule we should break is the fraternization rule.”

Cas looked at Balthazar for a moment, he traced every line of his face, the icy blue of his eyes and the pale blonde of his hair; then he looked over his body, Balthazar's robe was damp from the lake and clung to him showing off his lithe, muscular body, but still Castiel felt nothing. He wasn't sure why he never felt anything for Balthazar, they were good friends and Balthazar had always made him feel wanted, but he didn't feel any romantic or sexual feelings for him. Until Dean, Castiel hadn't really wanted anyone in any capacity. He would masturbate, but sex was something else. He wasn't totally against the idea of sex, in fact he liked some parts of it like the idea of being connected so intimately to someone, sometimes he even wanted it, but he could also go long periods of time without wanting anything beyond just masturbation. Sex didn't drive him like it did some people and he liked it that way, even if it wasn't what was considered normal.

Cas loved Sam as a brother and Dean had become a close friend as well. He respected Dean and he cared about him. When they had kissed, Castiel had wanted more, for the first time in his life he wanted to be with someone. It was incredible, though confusing and terrifying. He still wasn't quite sure what that meant. Despite the confusion about what was between him and Dean, the one thing he was sure of was that Castiel wanted them to be his family, but going with them still meant giving up on the circle once and for all, leaving his friends, and embracing a life on the run. Not only was he a mage, but he was an elf as well, and outside The Circle, that would make things difficult for them. They would be better off without him, after all Sam would be fine without him and he doubted Dean was very serious about his affections. Maybe he could do like Ellen said, lead by example, change people's minds about what mages and elves could be capable of. But they wanted him. Sam and Dean wanted him to go with them. They wanted to be his family, and the idea was enticing. 

“Cassie?”

Cas blushed realizing he had been staring at Balthazar the whole time, “Sorry, I was just thinking about something. Balthazar can I ask you something?”

“Clearly.”

Castiel smiled briefly and then moved close to whisper to him, “If you could leave here, would you?”

“Leave the circle? And do what? Entertain the nobility with my fire spells and 10 silk scarf dance? Oh! Or go to Tevinter and become a blood mage only to be enslaved for being an elf? I could hide in caves like a witch of the wilds and steal children, perhaps? Maybe join the Dalish and become the keeper of a clan and live off rodents? No, thank you Cassie, I'm perfectly fine here. It's not so bad.”

Cas looked at him and in his words he saw the truth of why things wouldn't change. Because enough people thought it wasn't that bad and that the circle as it was did more good than evil. Things would have to change in a big way before things could get better, just like professor Harvelle had said. “Cassie? Why are you asking about this?”

“It's nothing, I just, sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who wants change, if so many people would rather be here than out there, then maybe I am.”

“Oh don't be like that. You know that's not true. Wanting change and wanting to leave are different things.”

“Are they?”

“Of course they are, come here, you've clearly had a rough day.” Balthazar pulled Cas into his arms, their wet feet brushing one another. For once, Castiel pulled in close and tried to forget all the voices in his head crying out for different things as Balthazar pet his hair. 

 

****That Night in Dean's Room****

Dean, Sam and Kevin sat together planning. “So, I think I can get Anna to let me into the basement supply room, in there I'll find your phylacteries and destroy them, ” Dean started.

“I can get us lyrium, I'll just tell them I'm doing some fade research,” Kevin added.

“And I'll get us some weapons, spare clothes, food, potions, that kind of stuff. Gabriel owes me a favor and I know he'd help cause a distraction without needing an explanation.”

“So once we have everything, what's the plan?” Kevin asked.

“That night we leave. They'll notice that many missing supplies, we can't risk sticking around.” Dean answered. 

“Kev, you should mail you mom, use code or something only she would know. Tell her to get out of the house, maybe meet us somewhere. They're going to expect us to go see her,” Sam suggested.

“Ok, that shouldn't be too hard.”

“So we get out of here and we go meet Kev's mom, then what?” Dean asked and Sam shrugged, “Depends on what help she can give us I guess.”

“Knowing my mom, she'll have a plan. More importantly, we need a way out.”

“That's the tricky part. When I was a kid, there were some windows I could squeeze out of, but now...all I can think of is the front door.” 

Dean thought for a minute, “I haven't been in the basement that much, but I remember there being some doors for phylactery transfers and the import of dangerous magical objects. Maybe we could just go in there together, break the phylacteries and head out. If no one notices we are gone till morning, we can get some amazing distance on them. Hell, if I ask one of my buddies in Redcliff to help out, I bet he can meet us halfway with a cart and hide us in the back.”

“Seriously? Do you know someone who would do that?”

“Yeah, I'll write him tomorrow. I'll just make it sound like I'm taking one of my vacation days or something, tell him to pick my lazy ass up.”

“You might want to actually schedule a vacation day then,” Kevin pointed out and Dean nodded, “Yeah well, I got plenty saved up, shouldn't be a problem. In fact, if we escape on my 'day off', they might not even be looking for me.”

“Or, we could just go through the basement ourselves and you could get a cart and come back for us.”

“No way, it's too dangerous. The basement has some pretty crazy stuff down there, you gotta just trust me ok? We go together or not at all.”

Sam sighed and nodded, “Ok.” 

“Ok, so, we have a plan then, basically?” Kevin asked and Sam looked to his brother, “What about Cas?”

“Screw him, he obviously doesn't want to go.” Dean said bitterly and Sam's shoulders fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there are a lot of kinds/ranges of demisexuals out there, some on the ace spectrum and others not. Please don't take this depiction to be all encompassing or anything.


	12. Castiel's Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel gets a reminder of who he is and finally comes to a decision. Sam spends time with a friend and Dean shows his colors. 
> 
> Warning:  
> More smut.  
> Some kinda gory stuff at the beginning

****That Night ****

Cas felt heavy as he opened his eyes. There were thick iron chains laying all over his arms and legs and under that he was naked and beaten. He looked around and saw that there were no windows, just cold damp walls: he was clearly in solitary. 

“Right where you belong I see,” Dick Roman laughed as he approached him. Cas filled his hands with fire, but his magic was muted immediately as Dick grabbed his chin, “Now, now, you don't want to end up like your friends do you?” Dick motioned over to a pile of bloody, mangled bodies all tangled together. Gabriel, Balthazar, Anna, Samandriel and Hannah were in there. “This is what your selfishness leads to. Their blood on your hands. The blood of your brothers and sisters, the fall of your home, that's the only thing your rebellion will bring. What do you want to rebel for anyway? Stay pure, stay in the ranks, be an example. You really think you'll be worth anything out there? Do you really think those people you want to rebel for are worth it? That they really love you?” Castiel looked down at his bloody hands and tried to look away, but everywhere he saw dead mages. The walls themselves began to look scorched and decayed. 

“Stay here, Cas. Stay here and change things, because you are obviously so good at that,” Cas recognized Sam's voice, but he couldn't see him in the growing darkness. “You really think you're a leader? All you're good for is taking the fall for everyone else. Give, and give, it's all you're worth.” The room felt smaller and colder now. 

“Sam won't need you, he has his real brother now and hell if I need you, you're pathetic and broken. You toy with people's emotions because you barely understand your own. You'll love people so long as it doesn't cost you anything, that just goes to show how little you really care.” That was clearly Dean. 

“That's not true,” Cas finally spoke up, but Dean was no where to be seen. Cas looked around and saw the top of the tower seemed to go on forever. All of a sudden, someone in the pile began to move, making some of the bodies flop to the stone floor. He saw a thin arm stick out from the pile and pull at the cracks in the stone, clawing it's way out. After a moment, he saw that it was Anna, she was pale like death, the brand bleeding down her face as she crawled to him, barely able to support her head. 

“Cas,” She whispered and put her thin hand to his cheek, “This is what you'll become.” 

“You have to stop fighting...” Cas's eyes went wide and he saw Michael in front of him with a rope burn around his neck. 

“Yeah, nothing is worth it anyway. Nothing changes, nothing gets better and no one needs you,” Lucifer seemed to slither from the shadows to his spot beside Michael, he was covered in stab wounds. 

Cas lowered his head and soon he felt the arms of everyone in the pile caress him. There was a quiet knocking in the distance and it slowly got louder. 

“Cas?” Sam called out and suddenly Cas felt lighter, the chains seemed to disappear. He blinked and suddenly he was in his bed and Sam was at the door, letting himself in. 

“Sam?”

“Yeah, it's me. I uh, just wanted to come talk to you.”

Cas patted the bed and Sam moved beside him. “Are you really going to stay here? I know you want to change things, I know how much that means to you, ever since Samandriel that's been your mission. More than anyone, I know. But Cas, you don't have to give up everything for a cause, especially... such a hopeless one. You aren't responsible for protecting everyone and fixing everything. You are allowed to be happy. I won't assume to know how you feel, but whatever you choose I just want you to do it because it makes you happy, not because you think you have to.”

Cas listened quietly and then shook his head, “Sam, I...I don't know what makes me happy. Everything feels very confusing.”

“Ok, well think about it this way, if you could do anything in the world right now what would it be?”

Cas thought about it for a moment, “I would play a game of chess with you, and then I would go to apologize to your brother.” 

“Well, that's a start. Let's do it.”

Cas nodded and watched as Sam went to get the board. He brought it back and they set it up on Cas's desk, sitting beside each other rather than facing one another. “So can I ask you something?” Sam started as he put his pieces in place.

“Of course.”

“Do you uhm...do you like my brother?”

“Of course I do Sam, why would you ask that?”

“I don't mean like friends, Cas. I mean do you...you know? Have feelings for him?”

Cas bit his lip lightly as he finished putting his last piece into place, “I'm not sure. He is a good man, I respect him and I care about him. I want to help him and protect him. I want to be there for him and...I want him.”

Sam looked at him with surprise, “No way?”

Cas blushed, motioning for Sam to take the first turn. “I...we...kissed. Several times.”

Sam could barely contain his smile, “Holy shit, Cas! That is a big deal.”

Cas smiled and watched Sam take his turn, “Yes, it felt like a big deal. Though, it was when Dean was recovering from his lyrium withdrawals, so things were confusing. I'm not sure either of us really knew what we were doing or saying at that point.”

“Ah. Did you talk to him about it?”

“No, we haven't had time to talk about that, what with...well everything that happened after.”

“Yeah, I get that. Maybe you can talk to him when you go to apologize? See how he feels about it. Maybe that'll help you figure things out too?”

“Yes, that is probably a good idea.” 

“So, back to my first question...have you decided about staying or going, or are you still thinking about it?

“I am still thinking about it. I'm sorry Sam.”

“No it's ok. Honestly, even though I was thinking about leaving and planning it out, it was just a fantasy really. I never thought we would actually leave. As bad as things are in here, at least we know what we're dealing with. Out there, anything could happen. I hardly know what the world is really like. I know the village I came from and I know what I've read in books, but in reality I don't know what I'm gonna do out there.” 

“But you are still willing to risk that for Kevin?”

Sam blushed, “Yeah. I would risk that for you too, not that you'd let me probably. I think I'd even risk it for Dean now. I lost my family once Cas, I don't want to lose it again if I can help it.”

“I wish I remembered my birth parents. To me the idea of family and home has been the circle and those in it. You have been a big part of that, and I don't want to lose you if _I_ can help it, but-”

“But in this situation, no matter what we decide, we are losing people we care about.”

“Yes.” 

“I guess just think about how things will be depending on what you choose. Think about what your life would be like here after we leave, and think about what life would be like if you left with us. Compare them and see what you want, just remember what I said, do it because it's what you want, not because you feel like you have to. You don't owe anyone anything, not me, not Dean, not the circle. You can make your life what you want it to be and find meaning in any path you choose. You can help people no matter what, it might be in a different way, but you'll always find a way to do the right thing, Cas. That's who you are. You fight for people.” 

Cas looked at him for a moment in awe of his friend, “Thank you, Sam. Sometimes I lose track of myself.”

“We all do, that's why we have people around who love us enough to remind us.”

Cas smiled at the idea and moved his piece into place, “I believe I've won.”

Sam looked down at the board, “Why am I not surprised anymore?”

****2 Hours Later: In the Middle of the Night *****

Cas knocked a few times before Dean finally answered the door. He was squinting to see and the lines on his furrowed brow showed his irritation. “What the hell do you want, you already missed the meeting.”

“I know that, I came to apologize.” 

“Why? Is this where you tell me you don't want to come? I already figured that. That's your call, Cas. You wanna rot in here, you do that.” Dean went to shut the door, but Cas pushed it open and let himself in. 

“No, Dean. I came to apologize for dismissing your feelings without talking to you about it.”

“Oh Maker, here we go. You wanna talk about feelings? You do realize it's going to be dawn in like 4 hours, right?”

“Yes, I know that, but unless you are planning your escape for tomorrow, I don't think it matters if you're a bit tired, do you?”

Dean rolled his eyes and sat down, “Fine, talk, whatever, get your feelings out so I can go back to bed.”

“Dean, I understand why you're upset.”

“Do you?”

“Yes, I believe so, anyway.” Cas stood in front of Dean and Dean motioned for him to sit down. Cas sat beside Dean on his bed, leaving ample space between them. “Dean, the day we kissed, you were barely coherent for the first part and then on an extreme high for the second part. You have to understand why I didn't take anything you said all that seriously.”

“Yeah, ok, well if you were so worried about all that why the hell did you kiss me in the first place?”

“Because I thought you needed it and...I wanted to.” Dean scoffed in response, unable to look at Cas as he continued, “Things like this are confusing for me. I've never been with anyone, I've never even wanted to be with anyone until now. Dean, I wish to know how you feel about me. Were you just emotionally compromised that day or do you actually...”

Dean looked at him, “Would it actually make a difference?”

“It might make things easier.”

“Easier?”

“I already want to go, but there are many things that make it difficult. You are asking me to defy my home and abandon my brothers and sisters, this isn't something I take lightly. I love Sam, but I know he would get by without me now that he has you and Kevin. I would miss him everyday of my life, but I could wrap myself in my ambitions to fix The Circle and stay to do my duty because that's the kind of person I am. I'll try to do what's right even if I know it's a nearly hopeless battle, even if the circle doesn't need or want me, I will do my best for it and the people in it. But if you...” Castiel looked down trying to reorganize his thoughts, “The point is Dean, what I want to know is whether or not you need me, not want, but actually need me.” 

“And what happens if I say I do need you?” Dean asked, testing the waters. 

“If you truly need me, then that would be worth everything. I don't know how much of it was the withdrawals and how much of it was the lyrium, but I saw so much in you that day. You seemed like you needed to be loved and everything I had ached to fill that need.” 

Roses bloomed over Dean's freckled cheeks. In that moment he looked so young, his bright veridium eyes cautious, but longing. 

Cas smiled and placed a gentle calming hand on his cheek, “Dean, no matter how you act on the outside, it's obvious that at your core there is nothing you want more than love and family, but are you sure you want that with me?”

Dean leaned into the touch, but his eyes were still guarded, “That depends, are you gonna ditch me the first time you get a chance to go on your crusade?”

Cas lowered his hand and looked at Dean firmly, moving to face him better, “Dean, I would never leave you. I may have battles I have to fight, but I would hope that you would fight them with me. That we could help people together.”

Dean looked away, but moved so he was facing Cas more as well, “I guess it wouldn't be the first time.”

“No, it wouldn't and from what I've seen, I can imagine that if we were both well-equipped and ready for a fight, you and I could take on just about anything.” 

Dean grinned and looked up carefully, “Yeah, I bet we could.”

Cas smiled, “So what do you want from me, Dean? You have a clear head now I assume?”

“Yeah, think I'm awake now, pretty even leveled with the lyrium too.”

“Then with a clear mind, help me put this all into context, tell me what you want from me.”

Dean looked at Cas for a long moment, “I don't want anything from you.”

Cas's eyes went wide for a moment and he looked away, “I see. I'll just go then-” 

Dean grabbed his wrist, “I just want you, dummy.” 

Cas looked back at Dean's cocky grin and his eyes narrowed a bit, “That was not very nice, Dean.”

“Yeah, well you'll get over it. Come here.”

Cas went easily into Dean's arms as Dean pulled the mage onto his lap. “Cas, if we are doing this, we are doing this ok? No second guesses, no ditching out, if you're with me, you're with me for keeps.”

“That sounds acceptable.” 

“I mean it, there are a lot of hot guys and girls out there beyond these walls, you better not run off on me.”

“I feel like I should be more worried about you doing that,” Cas teased and Dean shook his head, “No way, if we are doing this that makes you family and that means you're it for me.” Despite his slightly teasing tone and playful smile, Cas could see the sincerity in Dean's eyes. Beneath him was a man that was utterly terrified of being left again. Cas wouldn't let him feel that anymore. He would make Dean believe that he was worth being loved and make him trust that he would not be abandoned again. Cas moved forward and pressed his lips gently against Dean's and electric sparks seemed to race up his spine from the soft touch. 

Dean gave a quiet sigh into the kiss, and they stayed that way for a long moment, sharing soft, sweet kisses. It was Cas that broke the pattern and licked at Dean's lips for entry. Dean snickered into Cas's mouth as he opened for him. Cas took Dean's head in his hands and moved him into place so he could lick into his mouth, exploring everywhere until he felt the rough glide of his tongue against Dean's and then that was all he wanted to do. He licked at Dean's tongue and Dean smiled before sucking at Cas's tongue gently. Cas moaned and his arms went around Dean's neck, his hands tugging at Dean's robes in desperation. 

After a moment, they sank backwards on the bed together side by side with their hands roaming over one another in gentle lingering touches, their legs tangling wantonly together, and their lips and tongues dancing enthusiastically, if not a bit messily. Cas threw one leg over Dean's waist, pulling him close and Dean dragged his fingertips up Cas's leg, pushing up the robe as he went. The fingers on his skin felt like fire and Cas moaned loudly. Dean pulled away, “Quiet, or we are gonna get caught,” Dean teased and gave Cas a peck on the tip of his nose. 

“Right...sorry.” Cas said quietly before rolling on top of Dean, knocking the air out of him when he accidentally elbowed him in the stomach. “Sorry...I'm not very good at this.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” Dean said grabbing Cas's robe and pulling him back down into a frenzy of kisses. They remained that way for a while, their robes slowly riding higher as they touched everything they could reach, with hearts racing, they joined in seemingly endless kisses, gasping for air where they could but immediately going back into one another. Finally, Cas pulled them apart, “I need to feel your skin. Take this off,” he commanded, eagerly tugging at Dean's robe. 

“Ok, you gonna take yours off too?”

“Yes.” 

“Can I take it off you?”

Cas blushed and sat up straight, “If you'd like.” Dean grinned and sat up as well, “Oh I'd like.” Cas's robe was already pooled around his waist, so Dean easily gathered and lifted it up as Cas raised his arms. Cas was smooth and fit, his skin was slightly darker than Dean's, but it seemed to glow in the torchlight. Dean stared at Cas's chest and nearly lost track of what was happening until Cas began to pull his robe off him in return. Dean quickly moved his arms up and his robe was discarded next to Cas's on the floor. 

They stared at each other for a moment, Cas smiled with blatant carnal want while Dean looked at him like he'd found the golden city. “Cas, you're fucking beautiful. Can I....?” Dean started and motioned to flip them and Cas nodded, moving against the bed as Dean hovered over him trying to find what he wanted to play with first. Cas watched him curiously, but patiently as Dean finally went for another kiss, his hands gently moving over Cas's ribs and hips. He kissed his way to Cas's neck, gently sucking and biting there, careful not to leave a mark as he went. Cas's head tipped back in pleasure, the scrap of Dean's teeth against the soft flesh of his neck felt perfect when combined with the smooth heat of their skin touching everywhere. He pressed up against Dean, wanting to bring them endlessly closer as Dean licked up Cas's ear. 

Cas gave a quiet gasp as Dean bit at the tip of his ear, nibbling it lightly before sucking at it. Cas hadn't expected that to feel so good, he squirmed with need under Dean, gripping at Dean's back and scratching at him as Dean sucked on his earlobe. “That feels....”

Dean snickered, “I thought you might be sensitive there, just needed another shot at it,” Dean continued to nibble and suck in turn, while his fingers went down to Cas's thighs, lifting them up so Dean was cocooned between Cas's legs, his cock pressing against Cas's with only their small clothes between them.

Cas licked his lips, curling his legs around Dean, “Where are you sensitive?”

“Guess you're just gonna have to figure that out,” Dean whispered into his ear.

Cas took that as a challenge and immediately flipped them back around, straddling Dean's hips. Dean grinned up at him and put his arms behind his head as Cas looked him over. Cas went for his neck first, and Dean sighed into it, “Oh, yeah, I like it there, but that's not the good spot.” 

Cas pulled away and took Dean's hand in his, using his fingertips to sensually massage Dean's palm, his eyes on Dean's face scanning for a reaction. Dean closed his eyes, “That is relaxing as fuck, but that's not it.” 

Next he went to his ear and tried to mimic what Dean had done earlier, “That one I like giving better than getting,” Dean said squirming a bit and Cas instantly let him go. 

He tried kissing along Dean's ribs next, claiming each one with his lips, tongue and teeth. “Hm, getting warmer.” Cas looked up at him, catching his gaze as he licked up Dean's sternum making Dean's cock leak a bit with need. “Holy shit that was hot, you're almost there, baby.”

Cas licked over Dean's collarbone and Dean gently started to rock into Cas, “Too far...getting colder.”

Cas knew what Dean wanted now, but instead he ran his fingers down Dean's sides instead. Dean sighed into the touch, his eyes could barely stay open now because whenever he caught Cas's intense stare he felt like he could cum right there, pinned down by Cas's presence alone. 

Cas kissed his way along Dean's chest and every time he moved in the right direction Dean would nod vigorously, “That way, yeah.” Then Cas would move away and Dean would shake his head, “Come back.”

By the time he reached Dean's nipples, Cas was snickering and Dean was aching for it, Cas tonged around the already hardened bud and Dean put his head into his blankets, trying to muffle his moan, “Cas.” He said quietly in a breathy gasp. Cas smiled as he took Dean's nipple into his mouth, gently scraping against it with his teeth before licking around it again, giving it a soft suck as his fingers moved to the other one, caressing around it first, then moving over it, pressing in and tugging a bit. Dean's throat gave an involuntary whimper as he arched into the touch, his cock was begging for attention now, his whole body was buzzing with need, but the only words he could get out were 'Cas' and 'please'. He ground his hips up against Cas, trying to get any bit of friction he could. 

When Cas finished lavishly attending to Dean's 'sensitive spot' he sat up to look at Dean's face before moving in for another deep kiss. Dean pulled Cas to him tightly, practically attacking him in the kiss, his legs and arms curling around Cas, his cock pressing hard against the mage's. “I need you,” Dean said quietly and turned them over, “Can I?” He motioned to their small clothes and Cas nodded. Dean was done playing, he took Cas's small clothes off of him and was on him faster than a dwarf on fresh ale. Cas's voice broke as he cried out, the hot, wet, tight space of Dean's mouth was too much for him. He bit his lip to contain himself, but his hips moved against his will. Dean held his hips down, to keep him still and swallowed around him. 

Cas could feel the head of his cock in Dean's throat and he felt warmth fill his body, the minute Dean's eyes locked onto his, Cas had to push at him, “No, stop, I can't...I'm going to...”

Dean slowly moved off of him, “Almost forgot you're a virgin.” 

Cas pulled Dean into a kiss and let his body calm down. After a few kisses, when Cas felt in control again, he ran his hand down Dean's back and over his ass, grabbing it gently before moving forward over his hip bone. Dean grinned and moved to give Cas better access. Cas ran his hand over Dean's length experimentally. He knew how he liked it, so that's what he tried to do for Dean. He took a semi tight hold on him when he pushed down, and loosened on the way up giving a slight twist. Dean hummed in response, his mouth going to Cas's shoulder where he began sucking and biting into him, muffling his moans. Cas could feel the pre-cum leaking out and ran a finger over Dean's slit, spreading the liquid down to give them an easier glide. 

“Fuck you're good at that.”

“What do you think I've been doing all these years?”

“Oh fuck, I'd kill to watch you do this to yourself.” 

“You don't need to go that far. You just have to ask.”

“Might have to take you up on that sometime...Cas...how uh...how far do you want to go tonight?”

“I want to have sex,” Cas stated, his hand never stopping. 

Dean looked at him, “You sure? You don't have to rush it or anything.”

“Dean, trust me, I know what I want.”

“...let me get some oil then.”

Cas nodded and Dean went to his lock box. It was a simple herbal oil he picked up in Redcliff before he left, it wasn't anything fancy, but it'd do the trick. The nice thing about the stuff, was that it had elfroot in it, so it helped with pain of penetration. 

“Ok, so this is gonna feel kinda weird, but if you want me to stop or if it hurts just say so ok?”

Cas lifted a brow and crawled towards Dean as Dean lathered his finger up. “Dean, this tower has seen a lot of templars take mages...sometimes out of love, but more often than not, by force. I think it's time it saw a mage take a templar....don't you?”

Dean blushed and looked at Cas, trying to gauge if he was serious, but Cas didn't falter in the slightest. His blue vitriol eyes darkened with lust and never parted from Dean's gaze. Dean felt a powerful rush of heat run straight through him to his dick at the thought of it. He never really brought it up with his lovers directly, but he loved being on the bottom, he loved being manhandled and fucked and he wasn't shy about it. He may have even loved cuddling, but that, no one ever needed to know that. 

“Oh hell yes, Cas, you show this tower, baby, you fuck me so hard the Knight-Vigilant himself feels it all the way in the White Spire.” He handed Cas the oil, “Fuck me till I can't remember anyone's name but yours, till I can't fucking walk tomorrow.” Dean taunted, dropping his voice a bit so it came out in a husky tone.

Cas grinned and took the oil, “I think I can do that.” 

“How do you want me?” Dean asked practically on Cas's lap now. 

“On your back. I want to look at you while I fuck you, because this isn't like what happens so often here, this is about love.” Dean's face felt on fire as Cas ran a wet fingertip along his jaw, pulling him in for a passionate kiss. Cas guided Dean to the bed and moved over him.

“You know what to do Cas?”

“More or less. Tell me if I do something wrong or if you want me to do something in particular.”

“Ok.” Dean said quietly, obviously a bit concerned and Cas kissed his forehead, then his cheek, then his lips as he moved an oiled finger to Dean's hole. Cas rubbed around it slowly, waiting to feel the muscles relax as he kissed Dean and rubbed against him, trapping their dicks between them. 

Dean sighed softly as Cas pressed into him, breaking the kiss to watch his face. Dean's mouth opened and he gave a small grunt, but his eyes were locked on Cas's and everything seemed right. When Cas's first finger was completely inside, he began feeling around, curling his finger, twisting it a bit, exploring. He gently brushed Dean's prostate and Dean arched into it, gasping as the pleasure running through to his dick. “Right there. Gently.”

Cas repeated the motion, gently caressing the gland while watching his lover fall apart under him. “Cas, so good...” His hand went to his dick and gave it a few strokes to ease the need. “More. Fill me up, Cas.”

Cas removed his finger and oiled it again along with his middle finger. He moved over Dean, kissing him deeply while pressing back in slowly. Dean gasped into Cas's mouth and wrapped his arms around the mage, trying to relax as Cas buried his fingers in deeper. The burn and stretch was so good, it had been a long time since he'd been fucked by someone else's fingers. “Are you in any pain?” Cas asked and Dean shook his head, “S'good. I want it, Cas. I want this.” Dean moved his hand down and gave Cas's length a long, slow stroke. 

Cas scissored his fingers, turned them and pressed at the edges of Dean's entrance, trying to loosen him. He kissed his way down Dean's neck, pulling from his grasp. “I probably won't last long,” Cas admitted quietly. 

“I don't care. I just want you. You have no idea how long I've been wanting this.”

“Oh?” Cas pressed in until his two fingers were completely engulfed and then caressed at Dean's prostate again.

“Uh huh,” Dean said trying to keep his moans quiet as he grabbed at his dick again, taking Cas's as well, pumping them together their pre-cum lubricating his grip. Cas closed his eyes and let Dean take him close to the edge again before settling his hand over Dean's to stop him.

“Are you ready now?” Cas asked, pulling his fingers out. Dean winced a bit and nodded, “Yeah, do it.”

Cas covered his length with oil and put a bit more just inside Dean before lining up. “Dean could you put your legs on my shoulders?”

“Uh, I am not that bendy. Sorry.”

“It's alright, could you move them around my back?”

“That I can do.” 

Cas moved over Dean, carefully pushing the head in before moving to kiss his templar. Dean melted into the kisses and his body relaxed and stretched to take Cas in. Cas moved slowly, the wet, tight heat of Dean's mouth had been one thing, but this was something else entirely. He felt completely connected to him as he bottomed out. The feeling was overwhelming, he already felt like he could lose it, his whole body was bursting. He broke the kiss to look at Dean clearly overwhelmed like he was floating away up into the sky unsure of how to get back down. Dean looked back at him with a gentle smile, “Hey.” With that Cas was brought back to the ground.

“Hello, Dean.”

“You ok, up there?”

“Yes, I just need a moment. This is...” Cas wasn't even sure what to say as he ran his fingers along Dean's cheek, staring into his eyes, feeling their bodies tied together. 

“Yeah. I know,” Dean finished for him, pulling him into a soft kiss. 

After a moment of quiet kisses, Cas started to move. His thrusts were shallow and slow at first, but then went deep and even slower. Dean was gasping with every achingly slow movement out and nearly crying with relief when Cas would push deep into him again. 

“I fear if I go faster, I won't last.”

“Fuck lasting,” Dean said and tightened his legs around Cas, tugging him in tight. 

“Alright,” Cas surrendered and rolled his hips into Dean in a sharp, shallow thrust and Dean had to put his arm over his mouth to hide his wrecked sob. The sight was absolutely beautiful, so Cas did it again, faster this time and Dean clutched at Cas's back, clawing down it as Cas sped up until he was pounding into him in short, strong thrusts. 

“Cas, fuck. Touch me.” Dean begged and Cas reached between them and took Dean's length, pumping it, not even close to in time with his thrusts. Dean thrust up against Cas, clenching around him and that was it, Cas curled into Dean's shoulder, biting the sweat coated flesh there as he came, trying not to scream out. Dean felt Cas's seed coat him as the mage went slack in his arms. “Cas? Baby, let me see your face.” Cas lifted himself enough to look at Dean and Dean grabbed his own cock and started pumping fast while staring at Cas's blissed out expression and still feeling Cas going soft inside him. It didn't take long and Dean was coming on Cas's stomach and pulling him in for lazy kisses. 

Cas finally pulled out of Dean and Dean tried to get up to grab something to wipe up the cum when Cas clung to him tightly. “Just gotta get something to clean this mess up, trust me, you don't wanna deal with dry cum.”

Cas sighed and released him. Dean came back with a rag from his lock box and cleaned them both up before crawling back into his bed and pulling Cas into his arms. He didn't need anything else, this was fucking perfection. Well, the sex would get better with time, but just holding onto Cas, knowing that they belonged to each other now was more than he ever deserved. 

“I can't stay,” Cas said half asleep. 

“I know...just stay a little bit ok?”

“We'll fall asleep...we can't risk it. Another few days and we can sleep together every night.”

“You mean it right? That isn't just the sex talking right? You aren't gonna show up the next day and tell me you decided to stay right?”

“I am yours.” Those words in Cas's deep, gravely, fucked-out tone made Dean swallow hard and curl into the mage, holding him tightly in silent response. 

****The Next Day ****

Dean wrote out a letter to Benny while Kevin sent a letter to his mother and Sam filled Castiel in on the plan. In three days time, they would make their move for freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That took way longer than it should have. Writing first times is a bitch. I need to stop making Cas a virgin in like everything.
> 
> Also, for those of you who romanced Zevran and/or Fenris...you see what I did there...cause he's an elf...and...he said the...never mind.


	13. Blood and Ink: Leashes Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group spend some last moments with their friends and prepare for their escape. Their push for freedom begins.
> 
> Warnings/Other Info:  
> There will be some dragon aged style battle in this chapter. Don't worry if you don't know Dragon Age well, the spells are exactly what they sound like generally.

****2 Days Before the Escape Plan****

Cas knew he couldn't say goodbye to anyone outright, but he could at least have a last moment with everyone he cared about. He spent time chatting with his favorite professors, Ellen and Bobby, then spent some time with Hannah and Samandriel, listening to their latest research ideas and encouraging them while subtly making sure they were both alright and not having any problems with harassment.

In the afternoon, Cas went to see Anna. She was working at the supply room, embroidering a sunburst onto a small pouch. When Castiel approached she gave a polite smile, “Hello, Castiel. Is there something I can help you with?”

“No, I just wanted to see you.”

“That's very kind.”

“What are you doing?”

“The Chantry in Redcliff has asked for some pouches baring The Chantry's sunburst. I believe they are going to give them to veteran soldiers along with some blessings to carry around. Many soldiers still face trauma from the war, this is to help them through it.”

“That is a very worthy cause.”

“Yes, I am glad to be of assistance.”

Castiel wanted to tell her so many things, he wanted to know if she was being treated well, if she was happy, if there was anything left of her in there, he wanted to tell her that he was leaving and that he wished she could go with him. He wanted to thank her for being his sister and apologize for not protecting her better. But he knew that none of it would mean anything; she would be obligated to tell The First Enchanter if he confessed his plans to her and she wouldn't know how to answer his personal questions in the way he would have wanted her to. Instead he just put his hand on hers. Anna put down her embroidery and took his hand silently. They held on for a while in silence, Anna watching Castiel with an endless, empty patience. He couldn't look at her face, so instead he just looked at their hands and tried to remember when she was herself and how it felt when she would take his hand in comfort or friendship. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. 

“Are you alright?” She asked him. 

“I'm fine, I just had a bad dream recently. I was worried about you.” 

“I see, that is unfortunate. I don't dream anymore, but I remember how real dreams can feel. Especially, when the fade is involved.”

“Yes. Forgive me for bothering you.”

“You did not bother me, I hope I was able to give you comfort.”

Castiel cringed as he wondered who all she had said that to since she lost herself, “You always bring me comfort, lethallan, perhaps I'll come see you again tomorrow.”

“Goodbye.” With that he left her alone. 

 

That night he had drinks with Gabriel in the dining hall over a few rounds of diamondback and Gabriel's favorite card game: Dead Man's Tricks. Then halfway through the night, they moved to Gabriel's room where Gabriel gathered everyone together for Wicked Grace. Gabriel had gotten several bottles of Butterbile 7:84 and even after one round, everyone was well drunk. 

“Ok, so next round is STRIP Wicked Grace. You bet with clothes, not with coins.”

“I think this is where I bow out, I'll stay to watch the mayhem though.” Hannah said with a hiccup as she leaned against Gabriel's bed. 

“This is going to go so poorly, you do realize we all only have two pieces of clothing on, right?” Kevin said and Gabriel's eyebrows wiggled. 

“Don't worry, Cassie, I'll protect your virtue, come sit on my lap, I can cover your indecency with my hands.” Balthazar teased and Castiel shook his head, “I think I'll be alright. I'm going to bow out as well.” Cas knew he still had searing red marks down his back because every time he sat back in a chair they bit at him, reminding him of his first night with Dean. 

“Oh you are no fun.” Balthazar said with a sigh.

“Obviously, everyone just needs more alcohol. This is going to be awesome, seriously.” Gabriel slurred handing out more alcohol.

“Why do I get the feeling he's just trying to turn this into an orgy?” Kevin asked Sam, not nearly as discreetly as he'd meant to.

“It's Gabriel, he probably is.” Sam said laughing and Gabriel winked at him. 

“No, mine! Get your own!” Kevin pointed at Gabriel like he was commanding a mabari and slipped into Sam's lap to make his point. 

“No need to get mad, you were invited to the party too weren't you?” Gabriel teased blowing an obnoxious kiss at Kevin who looked up at Sam, “Not sharing.”

Sam grinned, “Me neither,” he said as he bent his head down a bit to give him Eskimo kisses. 

“Ok, so skipping this whole strip-wicked grace idea, what can we do instead?” Samandriel asked, looking around.

“We could play Chanson d'Argent?” Hannah suggested and Gabriel rolled his eyes, “Prissy Orlaisian games are not allowed in my room.”

“We haven't played truth or dare in a long time.” Samandriel suggested and Gabriel's eyes lit up, “My little man is growing up and having brilliant ideas, I'm so proud of you.” 

“Here we go.” Sam said taking another mouthful of liquor, grimacing at it as it went down. 

“Alright, so, one card for each of us. Song of Mercy for Samandriel, Knight of Roses for Hannah, Knight of Wisdom for Sam, Angel of Truth for Castiel, Knight of Dawn for Kevin, Serpent of Avarice for Balthazar and the Angel of Death for me.” 

“Why the angel of death?” Kevin asked and Gabriel grinned, “Most powerful card in the deck, kiddo. Obviously that goes to me.”

“Of course it does, now get to the rules already.” Balthazar said, taking a sip of his liquor. 

“Ok, so, we all draw one of the cards and that's the person who asks us truth or dare, if we don't want to do the thing or answer we have to drink, sound fair?” Gabriel asked and everyone nodded. 

“Alright, who is first? No volunteers? Oh I suppose it'll have to be me as always then.” Gabriel said, speaking too fast for anyone to challenge him. He mixed the cards and pulled one out. “Ah! Balthazar, you're always good for this, go ahead then.”

“Truth or dare?” Balthazar said already knowing Gabriel's answer. 

“Dare, obviously.”

Balthazar thought for a moment and looked around the room for a victim, “I dare you to give a lap dance to....Sam. That should be amusing.”

Sam rolled his eyes and Kevin crossed his arms, staying firmly on Sam's lap. Balthazar gave a dramatic sigh, “Alright, a lap dance to the both of them then.”

Sam snickered and ran his fingers through Kevin's hair, pulling him just close enough to kiss his forehead. 

Everyone laughed as Gabriel sang a song about a girl from Afsaana and her Qunari lover while thrusting and rolling his hips. He drunkenly crawled on top of Kevin, holding himself up by putting his hands on Sam's shoulders while he ground down against them as he sang. He finished his song with a flourish pointing at Balthazar to join him on the final line, 'An 'is cock was just as big'. Everyone burst out laughing.

Castiel looked at Balthazar curiously and his friend just grinned, “What? I bet it was, Qunari are huge apparently.”

“Ok, next. How about you Cas? This whole drinking and cards night was your idea.”

“Alright.” Cas knew he would have to do it eventually. He drew Hannah's card and looked over at her as she asked him the question. “Truth.”

“And that's why you got the Angel of Truth, right there.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. 

“Alright. Uhm, is it true that....you're still a virgin?” Hannah asked with a grin. 

Sam looked over curiously as Castiel turned bright red. “Of course he is, next question.” Balthazar said waving at her. 

“Actually.” Castiel said quietly, the alcohol spurring him on. “I'm not.”

Balthazar looked at him with wide eyes, “No.”

“Yes.”

“What? How? Who? Why?”

Castiel laughed as his friend shouted, only to have Samandriel cover his mouth. “It's passed curfew, remember?”

Balthazar glared at him and pushed the younger mage off. “Well?”

“She didn't ask who, she asked if and I answered.” 

“You little harlot!” Balthazar teased and pulled Castiel onto his lap. “I can't believe it wasn't me, I will never get over it. I promise you my dying words will be, why not me?” 

Castiel laughed and let his friend hold and tease him, and when they had settled comfortably his eyes landed on Sam who was grinning from ear to ear. 

“Alright, I think it's Samandriel's turn.” Gabriel decided randomly and the drinking went on until just before dawn, then everyone took turns sneaking out to their rooms. 

****The Next Afternoon: The Day before the Escape Plan ****

Castiel slowly chewed his toast, trying to ignore the pounding in his head as Balthazar leaned against him, somehow perfectly fine “So, was it the dirty shem-templar? Please tell me it wasn't him.”

Castiel glared daggers at him and Balthazar's eyes went wide, “Oh god, it was. Was he at least gentle with you? He didn't rape you right?”

“No, he didn't and yes it was all fine.” 

“Ugh, I can't believe I lost you to a templar.”

Castiel felt those words a little more honestly than he wanted to. “You have always been a good friend to me, that will never change. Templar or no.” It was the closest he could get to what he wanted to say. That he had to leave, but he knew Balthazar would be ok and that they would always be friends, even if they could never meet again, he would always be important to Cas. 

“Ugh, we should go to the baths and wash the shem off you.” Castiel smiled as Balthazar tugged at his arm and he let himself be dragged off. He spent the entire day with Balthazar, using the excuse that he was hung over and needed to be taken care of, which of course Balthazar was happy to do. 

****Meanwhile****

Sam on the other hand was busy making sure they had everything they would need just in case. He had bribed some of the kitchen staff for extra food, went to the supply room for potions and lyrium, checked out 3 staves in order to 'test' their difference in the name of research. He had stolen spare robes from the bathing area. When he finally had everything put together he practically collapsed on his bed. Kevin came by later that night, “Got a letter from my mom. If I'm reading it right, then it sounds like she's going to Denerim; she had a friend from when she was young, a servant girl who now, thanks to my mother's help, may or may not own a brothel called 'The Pearl'.”

“You know, Kev, I gotta say, the more I hear about your mom, the more I love her.”

Kevin smiled, “She is pretty amazing. I can't believe I'm going to see her in a few days.” Kevin moved to the bed and Sam pulled him into his arms. 

“You scared?” Sam asked quietly and Kevin nodded, pressing his face into Sam's robes, taking in his scent and warmth. 

“You?”

“Yeah, but it's gonna be ok.” Sam said running his fingers through Kevin's hair a couple times before pulling him in close. “Dean said his friend is all ready for us. We won't have to run far.” 

“That's good.” Kevin closed his eyes and let a slow breath out. Sam watched him and pushed some of Kevin's dark hair from his face before kissing his cheek. 

****The Next Day: Day of the Escape Plan****

Dean got his weekly pay that morning and scanned the trader's goods. He figured the sovereigns would be worth more in the end though and didn't buy anything. After that he joined Cole, Meg and Bela for lunch.

“So, I saw you were signed up to go on vacation today?” Bela asked curiously. 

“That's right, tonight I'm gonna be getting some real food.” Dean said with a grin, speaking loudly enough for other people to hear.

“Good thing you already got your food, pretty sure that would've got your lunch spit in.” Meg teased. 

“So where are you going?” Cole asked.

“Redcliff, gonna go visit my old friends there.”

“Nice, I wouldn't mind heading out there myself, it's been a long time. Maybe I should tag along and go and give the knight-commander a little hell for old time's sake right?”

Dean froze, but then he looked around and leaned over the table, “Next time, man. This time I uh...I'm actually going to go see my boyfriend. He owns the tavern over there and I uh...well it's been a while if you know what I mean?”

Cole's eyes went wide, “Oh.”

“So that's why we never had angry sex.” Bela said thoughtfully and Meg burst out laughing. 

“Yeah, I get it bro, go get some.” Cole said supportive and Dean winked, “Thanks man, I most certainly will.”

After lunch, he made sure his armor, shield and sword were in good condition. He had a new week's worth of lyrium, just like they planned and Sam should have picked some up as well. If they saw any in the basement supplies he could get more there too. After that, he'd have to hope either Benny or Linda Tran knew some smugglers. He did want to quit, but he wanted to do that after they had a place somewhere. Once they were safe, he could lock himself up in a bedroom for a few months and wean himself off properly. It's not like it was unheard of, just uncommon. He'd do it. This was going to work. 

****That Night After Curfew****

The four of them met in Dean's room. Sam handed out supplies, giving each person a small pack to carry and each mage a staff. Cas's staff was made of two long entangled dragons that faced one another and in between their mouths sat an amber colored crystal, the staff was made of simple onyx, but it seemed strong enough. Sam had a more classic staff with a golden statue of Andraste at the end and a perfectly straight grip. Kevin's was an ironbark branch covered in red string and strange charms on it that reminded him of the horror stories he'd been told of Flemeth. 

“So, I'm gonna go in first and get Anna to let me in. Then I'll send her off towards my room. When she goes, you guys sneak in. Ok?” Dean said and the others nodded.

“Dean, before we do this, just in case something goes wrong-” Sam started, but Dean quickly cut him off.

“Nothing is going to go wrong Sammy.”

“I just wanted to say thank you, I haven't said it yet, for anything you've done...and I wanted to.”

“Well you can tell me thank you when we have a place in Tevinter or something ok?” Sam nodded and Dean took a deep breath, “Now, let's do this.” He gave a quick glance at Cas, and Cas gave him a ready smile that filled Dean with confidence as he headed out the door first, checking the way and then signaling the others to follow. 

They traveled down towards the first floor. The mages couldn't be seen sneaking around with weapons after curfew, they would instantly be apprehended, so they moved slowly, listening for guards in each section of each floor of the tower. Dean walked ahead of them and signaled them when he saw a templar coming from the front and Kevin kept a close watch behind them, but it wasn't enough to make any of them actually feel comfortable. 

They knew these halls like the backs of their hands, they knew every room and every corner, but in that moment, the walls seemed foreign and accusing. Every foot step felt loud enough to echo and every creak could be a door opening. The mages stayed close to one another with their staves ready, even though they knew if a fight started this early, they would be done for. After all, they couldn't fight through the entire tower. 

The first time Dean signaled them, they were near the empty classrooms and quickly ducked into one. All three pressed together against the door, listening for the templar to pass, their hearts racing as they held their breaths. Cas's hands twitched ready to kill the templar if he had to, while Kevin leaned close to Sam trying to remain calm. When the clinking armor noises and footsteps faded, they opened the door and headed out, stepping quietly but quickly to catch back up to Dean. 

The next templar came, and they managed to do it again. But as they got further down, there were less classrooms. They kept their distance from Dean, their robes sweeping the floors quietly as they moved. They were on the third floor when they met the next templar. This time they were surrounded by bedrooms. There were a few dark corners here and there and they separated, each taking a corner and shoving themselves as deeply into the wall as they could. Sam knelt down to avoid the torchlight while Cas and Kevin remained standing. Kevin faced the wall, hoping his dark hair would help hide him as he held his breath. Behind him he heard the clinking of armor and slow heavy steps. Kevin silently prayed to The Maker, begging for the templar to keep walking, promising to be good and say the chant 10 times if they made it out safety. That number seemed to multiply with each step he heard. 

Cas watched the templar as he moved down the hallway, clearly bored and tired. It took some time, but the templar finally passed them and Cas and Sam met eyes, using their silent communication skill to tell one another to wait a bit more and then finally to come out of hiding. Kevin was looking back by this time and came out as well. The three headed back down the hall again until they saw Dean up ahead. He was already signaling again, but this time they were close to the small alter. It wasn't tended at night, but if anyone was in there praying they could be busted. They didn't have time to think as Cas pulled them in. 

Inside, a man was sitting in front of the alter, staring at the candlelight. His head was bowed and he was silent. Kevin's eyes went wide as he saw the man. Sam shut the door behind them as quietly as possible and the three stood in the doorway with only Cas listening for the templar, the other two watching the man at the alter. He gave a quiet mumble and snort and his head seemed to sink a bit lower. Kevin lifted a brow, “He's sleeping,” he whispered and Sam looked at him with a 'don't use your voice' bitch face and Kevin shrugged, grinning a bit at their dumb luck. Cas however went wide eyed as he heard the clinking stop in the hallway outside. Cas motioned for everyone to move. Kevin threw himself in a small wooden chest, curling into a ball. Cas took the broom closet and Sam went to a dark corner, hoping the candlelight wasn't enough to give him away as he huddled down to the ground. 

The templar opened the door and saw the man asleep at the alter. “Garth?” The templar called, but the man didn't respond. “GARTH!” Inside the chest Kevin had to push his lips together tightly to keep from screaming.

The man's head shook and he looked up, “Huh? Oh...I must have fallen asleep. What time is it?”

“Passed curfew, Garth.”

“Ah, sorry about that, I'll head up to bed now. Thanks for waking me up.”

“No problem, get going.” The templar held the door open and Garth went through it. The templar gave the room a loose glance and then shut the door behind him. 

Cas came out of the closet and Kevin out of the chest to meet Sam in front of the alter. 

“That was close.” Kevin whispered and Sam nodded, “We better go catch up to Dean. He might have passed another templar though, we better move slowly.”

They walked through the halls, listening for footsteps, but when they turned a corner and spotted a templar standing guard they all froze. Sam moved in front of Kevin and Cas stood at his side ready for a fight, but quickly they recognized it was Dean and they relaxed. He spotted them and started moving forward again. 

Finally, they reached the first floor. There were a few study rooms there, but everything was open and hard to hide in. They went to hide in the large room next to the entrance of the supply room, they would wait for Anna to pass by. 

Dean went up to the supply room where Anna was, slipping his helmet on. 

“Hey, I was told to clear the spiders?”

“Ah, yes they have started to become a problem. Thank you.” Anna unlocked the door and Dean took a step forward before stopping and looking back at her. 

“Shit, I forgot, I was suppose to bring some phylacteries in here. They arrived from The Free Marches as part of this years mage trade.”

“Oh, I was unaware they had arrived?”

“Yeah they got sent up to the Knight-Commander directly and he passed them off to me to take with me when I went to kill the spiders, but like an idiot I checked them in at the supply room upstairs on the top floor for safe keeping. Totally forgot to go get them on my way down here, could you grab them for me?” 

“I am not suppose to leave the area while on duty.”

“Yeah, well I'll be watching it won't I? I'll probably have the spiders killed before you even get back.”

“Alright, but please remain here until I return.”

“Of course. Thanks.”

Dean watched Anna go with guilt, all she was going to find were viles of his own blood. After a moment Sam, Cas and Kevin appeared and he felt relief wash over him.

“Get in here.” He whispered aggressively and the three piled in. Dean shut the door tight behind them. “Ok, I know where they keep the phylacteries, we gotta hit that and look for lyrium on the way. There are also really big really poisonous spiders that live down here, watch yourselves ok?” Everyone nodded and followed Dean into the basement. They went through rooms full of old, strange artifacts, picking up lyrium when they found it until finally entering a dark room lit with veilfire. There were shelves covered in viles of blood. 

“It's all alphabetical order, get your viles and break them in the lake when we get out there.”

Kevin, Cas and Sam spread out, while Dean looked for more lyrium and kept watch. Sam, being a Winchester found his vile first, as there weren't many mages with last names starting with W. Cas and Kevin found theirs fairly quickly as well and soon they were on the move again. The deeper they got the darker things got and soon they could hear the movement of thin, spiny legs crawling nearby. Kevin swallowed hard as they moved forward. 

Suddenly, from up above, a spider spiraled down it's silks and landed on Dean. His armor protected him from bites, but he struggled to grab it. Cas shot a stone fist at it, knocking it from Dean's shoulder. Dean raised his sword and brought it down on the spider while it was still dazed. But just as they relaxed, 4 more crawled from the shadows all around them. Dean tried to bring as many of the spiders as he could towards him, keeping them back with his shield and stabbing forward with his sword. 

Cas used stone fist to push back any that came towards them while Sam sent a cone of fire at one and Kevin froze one in place with an ice cone only to watch it shatter to pieces from one of Cas's stone fists. Dean took one down by slicing some of it's legs off, knocking it off balance and finishing it by stabbing it clean through. They heard more spiders approaching from behind them, Kevin turned and sent a cone of electricity at them, but one of the spiders dodged to the side and spit venom at him, hitting him in the eye. 

“Shit!” Kevin swore and started rubbing his eye. Sam stepped in front of him and set the already stunned spiders on fire while Cas pushed the other away with stone fist. Dean finished up the first group and rushed over to shield bash the nearest spider away from them. 

“Kevin you ok?” Sam asked and Kevin shook his head, “I think I've been poisoned. It hurts...healing magic isn't working.”

“We need to get him some potion or something with embrium.” Cas said as he slammed his staff to the ground, sending a bolt of lightening through each spider in the cluster. 

Sam stayed in front of Kevin as they continued the fight, Kevin managed to use a simple spirit bolt here and there as support, but halfway through the battle he collapsed. “Kevin!” Sam shouted as Dean knocked another spider back only to see more coming. “We gotta go. Screw this.”

Sam picked Kevin up and started bolting the other way, Dean went next and Cas set a wall of fire to block off the spiders before running to catch up with Dean and Sam. 

“The boat should be through here!” Dean shouted as he led them through the cavern like basement that soon led out to a small open cave where the lake came through a large caged gate looking out to the forest. There was a boat dock and a large row boat made for carrying supplies. 

“There it is, get Kevin in there. I gotta open the gate.” 

Cas helped Sam get Kevin into the rowboat and then began unhooking it from the dock while Dean pulled the gate lever up and watched the cage roar to life. The entire cave shook as the old rusty gate crawled it's way up. Dean rushed around to get into the boat, when a blue and red glow caught his eye. He looked over to see a small supply room filled with lyrium and potions. 

“Dean? Come on! The noise is bound to attract some attention!” Sam shouted and brought Dean's focus back. He needed more, he knew he needed more, there was no way anyone would hear the gate.

“Dean, now!” Sam shouted again and Dean ran to the boat, jumping in. Cas and Dean rowed together while Sam held onto Kevin, rocking him gently, letting healing magic seep from his fingers, even though he knew it wouldn't help the poison. 

As the exited the gate, Castiel used crushing prison to push the lever back down and the gate urged to a halt before shifting back down. Behind them, they could see spiders coming out of the shadows on the dock, hissing and shooting venom, but it was barely enough to reach the gate. Dean and Cas rowed quietly, trying not to disturb the water too much worrying it might bring attention to them. The tower gave a large shadow, hiding them from the moonlight, and they rowed to stay in it, just in case someone looked out the window. The boat was easily big enough to see, even from the top floor. 

No one spoke as they drifted across the still, black waters of Lake Calenhed. They didn't breath or look at the tower, in the fear that just looking would alert everyone. They simply kept moving. Kevin groaned a bit and began thrashing around in Sam's arms. Sam's eyes went wide as he tried to hold Kevin still as he seized looking at Cas and Dean for help. The boat rocked wildly now, making the water splash along the boat. 

“Kevin, please.” Sam cried as he saw foam like spit build in Kevin's mouth and spurt down his cheek and chest. It didn't last long, and finally Kevin stopped seizing and went limp in Sam's arms again. Sam held him tightly and cried into his lover's shoulder. 

Cas and Dean looked at one another, Dean looked as worried and scared as Sam, but Cas kept his usual determined and focused look, “Keep rowing. That's the only chance Kevin has.” Dean nodded, his mind still obviously racing. “Dean.” Cas said in a low whisper to grab his attention back to reality and Dean shook off his thoughts. 

“Sorry, yeah.” They began rowing again. The lake felt like it was getting wider as they went, like the other side kept drifting just out of reach, but eventually they made it to shore and the tower still appeared to be still. 

“Anna will alert people eventually. We don't have much time to get to our ride.” 

“We need to break the phylacteries still.” Cas reminded Sam as he pulled his out of his robe and opened it over the lake, spilling his blood into it's inky waters and throwing the vile as far out as he could after. Cas watched it sink with a small feeling of victory as Dean pushed the rowboat back out into the lake, trying to erase any sign that they'd landed there in the hope to buy them some time. Sam went through Kevin's pockets and grabbed his phylactery and opened it along with his own. He watched their blood pour into the lake together and then threw the viles out into the depths. With that, their leashes were gone. The templars wouldn't be able to track them the same way anymore. They would have to rely on tracks, witnesses and luck, not that that made it impossible, Anna was found after all. But this way, once they got out Ferelden, they would be home free, well as long as they kept their heads down anyway. 

Dean finished covering any evidence of the boat landing there, he couldn't do much about the footprints, but at least this way, they wouldn't go automatically to this spot and start tracking them. They'd probably start at the dock near The Spoiled Princess. Sam picked Kevin up again and Cas started to look around the forest, with his staff glowing in a low amber light. 

“What are you doing?” Dean asked panicked, “That light could give us away.”

“Embrium grows in this area.”

“Cas, we gotta move.”

“And Kevin needs at least a little to chew on or he might die.” Cas said matter-of-factly and moved through the trees. 

“Ok, ok, just don't get separated. Let's go together.” Hopefully the trees would shield the light from the tower and hopefully they could find Kevin help because the hike to Benny was going to take a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: If you ever witness a seizure do not hold onto the person like Sam did here. Let them get through it naturally and simply move things out of the way so they don't hurt themselves. Use common sense, if the surrounding area is dangerous and the person's life is at risk you can move them, but the best thing to do is let them get through the seizure naturally if at all possible.


	14. Detour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys take a detour on their path to Denerim. 
> 
> Warnings/Other Info:  
> N/A

Dean tried to stay close to Cas as they moved deeper into the forest, to help look of course, but also to try and block the light of Cas's staff. Dean couldn't help but look back at the tower every few steps, ducking between trees to see if everything still looked quiet, but he knew that wouldn't last long. Sam trudged behind them with Kevin, still unconscious in his arms. 

“Cas, not for nothing, but can't we do this on the way? We are gonna be going through the forest anyway?”

“I'm assuming we'll find more close to the lake and in the forest than near the road where it's easy to harvest.” Castiel said quietly as he continued looking close to tree trunks. 

“Ok, yeah, right. Sammy, how's he doing?” Dean asked looking back at his brother who looked like a lost mabari. 

“I don't know...” Sam said quietly, pulling Kevin closer to his chest, both of their staves were tied to his back now, along with both of their packs. 

“Just hang on, Cas knows what he's doing, don't you Cas?”

“Of course I do, you should both keep quiet though, the last thing we need is to alert any travelers of our presence.”

“Right, yeah.” Dean conceded, but his nerves were getting shaky the longer they wandered. All he wanted was to get going as far away from there as possible, jump in Benny's cart and call it a night. 

It took what felt like forever, but Cas finally found some embrium. He carefully pulled some of the leaves off and moved to where Sam was holding Kevin. Cas carefully opened Kevin's lips and tore the leaves into small pieces and let them fall into Kevin's mouth. “Just having a tiny bit in his mouth should help, though embrium heals best through digestion, they say it can heal even by scent so we'll put the rest on his chest.” 

“Isn't that just an old wives tale?” Dean asked curiously as he watched Cas put the rest of the blooming plant on Kevin's chest.

“Perhaps, but it's all we have right now.”

“Benny might have something that can help. He has a whole garden of herbs, I bet you could make an antidote if we went to his place.”

“Will it be safe for us to go to Redcliff?” Cas asked and Dean shrugged, “They won't think to look there I bet, plus as far as anyone knows I'm on vacation there. I can be out in the open so I could get any supplies we need while you guys hide in the tavern and fix Kevin. Piece of cake.”

“We should do it, it's our best chance.” Sam urged and Cas nodded still unsure, “Ok, let's go then.”

Dean led them quickly through the forest, keeping off of the main road, but leaving it in sight as they headed to where Benny was suppose to meet Dean. Dean kept repeating the mantra in his head: Please let him be there. Please be there. Have a cart. Know what my letter meant. It was nearly dawn when they saw the cart waiting, it was loaded with supplies and covered with a thin white canvas and ropes to keep the supplies in place. 

Dean ran ahead to check it out, motioning for the others to stay back and moved slowly around the cart with his hand on the hilt of his sword only to find Benny asleep on a small bed roll. Dean's relief boiled over and he threw down his shield and tackled his friend. Benny panicked for a moment until he saw it was Dean and pulled him into a tight hug. “Shit, brother, nearly sent me to The Maker's side.”

“You and me both, all I saw was that cart, I thought something had happened.” Dean said as they pulled away and Dean motioned for the others to come over. Sam and Cas approached and Dean looked at Benny, “Benny, do you have anything for spider poison?”

“Nah, it's all raw ingredients back there.”

“That's what I thought, we need to go to your place then. Kevin isn't doing so good.”

“Right, I expect you are gonna fill me in on the details of what I've gotten myself into on the way, right?”

“Of course.”

“You're lucky you're so damn cute, you know that?” Benny teased and Dean wiggled his eyebrows making Cas's stare to burn into a squinty glare. “Alright, mages in the back, climb in around the vegetables, under the tarp and stay quiet, don't undo the ropes if you can help it.” Dean helped Sam put Kevin in first, then Sam crawled in and Cas looked at Dean, before glancing at Benny then back at Dean, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“We don't really have any options here, Cas. We gotta go now, so hop in and we'll make the best of it ok? Just, trust me. Benny's gonna take care of us, it's gonna be fine.” 

“Somehow I don't see how us going into a village full of templars is going to be fine,” he started and Dean looked at him with a tired expression and Cas gave in, “but I do trust you.” Cas moved forward and passionately claimed Dean's lips, licking into him just until he heard Dean moan and then released him with a teasing smile. “See you soon.” He crawled in under the tarp with Sam and Kevin while Dean blushed and gave a whispered, “Tease,” before he went to the front of the cart and sat next to Benny. 

“Ready?” Benny asked.

“Oh yeah, let's get the hell out of here.” 

Benny grinned and set the horses off.

They went at a quick pace at first and slowed down when there was a good bit of distance between them and the tower. The sun was up now and had been for about an hour, that meant even if Anna had waited to check if the templar was still killing spiders, someone would have noticed missing supplies somewhere by now. 

“So, that's it basically. My brother and his boyfriend got caught messing around and they were gonna ship the kid off, so we decided to bail. His mom is a highborn lady though, she's gonna meet us in Denerim and hook us up, probably get us out of Ferelden. So, really all we need is to get the kid awake and then hitch a ride to Denerim, then we're golden.” 

Benny nodded, listening, “You can just ask you know.”

Dean blushed and looked away embarrassed, “Yeah, I know, but...”

“Dean, when have I ever refused you anything?”

Dean smiled and bumped shoulders with him, “Ok, Benny, would you? I wouldn't ask if I had any other option, I know this puts you in deep shit too, but I'm kinda running on pure will at this point.”

“I gotcha brother, no worries. Even if we run into trouble, I got my crossbow all ready to go.” He motioned to the beautiful ornate crossbow he had strapped to his back. 

Dean grinned feeling instantly relieved that his plan was working the way he wanted so far, “Thanks Benny.”

They rode hard all the way to Redcliff without stopping. By the time they got there it was dusk, Dean was asleep on Benny's shoulder, and the horses were exhausted. The shops of Redcliff village were shutting down for the night and people were on their way home. People greeted Benny as he passed by and Benny nodded in response. 

Benny's tavern was against a hill in a quiet, dark corner of Redcliff with his home above the tavern and a large garden in the back along with a small fenced-in field for his two horses and a large supply shed. He pulled his cart into the back, close to the backdoor and lit his lantern before gently getting off the cart, easing Dean down onto the bench as he did so. He closed the gate to his property and went to the tarp and started untying the ropes. All the shifting of the cart finally woke Dean, and he groggily rubbed his eyes, sitting up.

“Oh shit, we're here?” Dean said hoping off the cart, dusting himself off. Cas and Sam crawled out the back and Sam helped Kevin out, he was awake, barely, but at least the herbs had gotten him conscious again. 

“I gotta take care of the horses and unload my supplies, you boys head upstairs and get outta those robes, there should be some clothes laying around, and use whatever you need for the anecdote, too. Do whatever you gotta do, just make sure to stay upstairs.”

“Thank you, so much.” Sam said pulling Kevin into his arms again and looked at Cas, expectantly. Cas glanced at Dean and then opened the door for Sam and Kevin before following them inside. 

“Mind helping me out here, Dean?”

“No, of course not.” Dean helped Benny start moving big barrels and baskets of vegetables, boxes of liquor bottles and casks of wine from, the cart into the supply shed. “I'm gonna see about some supplies in the morning for the trip, but tonight I'm gonna open the tavern like usual.”

“Good idea, I'm gonna go see Ash and the other templars to keep up my cover story and see if they've heard about the escape yet.” 

“Smart. You uh, you need anything in particular? Supply wise I mean.”

Dean bit his lip as Benny handed him a cask of Dwarven ale, “Uh, yeah I mean if you know anybody that might be selling lyrium, I'm gonna need as much as I can get before we head off.”

“That's what I figured. I'll see what I can do. How you been holding up with all that?”

“Touch and go. Once we get settled, I plan to kick the stuff.”

“Good idea. Not gonna be easy, but you're a tough son of a bitch, you'll make it out alright.”

When they finished unloading the last box Dean looked towards The Chantry, “Well, I better go see my brothers. Take care of the guys while I'm gone ok?”

“No problem. I'll make sure they're fed and what not.” Dean smiled and turned to go before freezing and turning back around with a nervous smile.

“There uh, was one more part of my cover story I may have forgotten to mention.”

“This should be good.” Benny teased and crossed his arms.

“I may have told the other templars that I was coming here to see my uh...boyfriend.”

“Uh huh.”

“Who...owns a tavern?” Dean's voice got slightly higher and he put his shoulders up in innocence. 

Benny burst out laughing, “How does the robe feel about that? He's been giving me the eyes every chance he's got.”

“He doesn't know. Really it's just to spread around with the templars so my story holds up. You don't care do you?”

“That you are gonna tell the other templars we're together? By all means, not like I'd fuck any templar besides you anyway.” 

“You are seriously the best Benny, I really am sorry for putting this all on you.”

“That's what friends are for right? Say hi to Ash for me.”

“Will do.” Dean headed out towards The Chantry, and suddenly he realized how much he'd missed Redcliff. 

****Above the Tavern *****

Castiel was grinding up herbs while Sam sat beside Kevin, who was laying in bed conscious, but barely responsive and sweating profusely. 

“This should do it.” Cas said as he poured the crushed herbs into some boiled water and brought it over to Sam. Sam took the mug and lifted Kevin up. 

“Come on, Kev, you gotta drink this.” Sam urged quietly as he held the mug to Kevin's lips. Kevin managed to semi move his lips and take down small swallows of the tea. Cas sat in a wooden chair, now fully dressed in loose brown cotton pants and an off white shirt, his robes reduced to ashes in the fire place. Benny came upstairs and hung his hat on a hook. 

“Dean is going to see the other templars, see what's going on. So, uh, we didn't really get introduced properly yet, but I'm guessing you are Dean's brother?” He said motioning to Sam who smiled politely as he helped Kevin continue drinking the tea, “Yeah, I'm Sam.”

“Heard a lot about you over the years, nice to meet you. I'm guessing the boy on the bed is the boyfriend you got caught with?”

Sam rolled his eyes, imagining Dean explaining that to Benny, “Yeah, this is Kevin.”

“That just leaves you blue eyes.” Benny asked with a grin and Cas's brows furrowed as he squinted at him, trying to see what game he was playing. 

“Castiel.” He finally said and Benny nodded, “Nice to meet you. I'm Benny, but I guess you probably knew that. Tomorrow we are gonna stock up on supplies and head out in the afternoon for Denerim, so long as Kevin is ok to travel. I'm gonna make a supply run so if you need anything-”

“Maybe some clothes that fit would be less suspicious?” Cas said tugging at the large shirt. 

“Yeah, probably, but pants or no, you're riding in the back just like we did from the tower. You can get new clothes in Denerim. It'll be safer that way for everyone.”

Kevin coughed a bit and Sam's attention immediately went back to him. “Kev?”

“I'm ok.” Kevin said quietly, his eyes starting to focus. Sam's eyes softened, ready to cry just from hearing Kevin's voice. 

“Make sure he drinks all of that Sam.” Cas warned and Sam nodded, “Just a little more, ok?” Kevin struggled to drink the rest of the tea while Sam kept a tight hold on him.

Benny smiled watching them, “Anyway, I'm gonna go down and get to work. You need anything tomorrow write it down and I'll get it. Otherwise, just stay up here and relax. I'll bring some dinner up in a bit.” With that Benny left and the three were left alone. 

Kevin finished his tea and Sam laid him back on the bed, Kevin gave Sam a weak smile before he closed his eyes, and tried to relax as the antidote coursed through him. Sam kissed his forehead gently and got up to sit beside Cas. “You ok?”

Cas listened as people poured into the tavern downstairs and he shook his head, “I don't like this. We should be going tonight.”

“We're safe here for one night. No one will ever even see us if we're careful and this way Kevin can recover in peace, plus we get fresh supplies, a full night's rest and some good food, if Dean is to be believed.”

“What if Benny turns us in? The Chantry rewards well for runaways.”

“I dunno, Dean seems to trust him, he wouldn't have contacted him otherwise right?”

“Benny is clearly attracted to Dean, perhaps he thought something might happen between them and now that he sees that Dean and I are involved he feels betrayed and-”

“Ok, slow down. Are you jealous, Cas?”

“No.” 

“Oh, you so are. This is amazing.” Cas glared and Sam put his hands up in defense, “Hey, I mean that in the best possible way.”

Cas sighed and got up to look around the room, investigating to see if he could see any sunburst marked documents. There were some books laying about, mostly recipe books and gardening tip books. There were also plenty of unwashed clothes thrown around the room lazily and a writing desk covered with what looked to be charts of sales and purchases. Everything seemed normal, perhaps Benny was just a typical tavern owner. Perhaps it was just jealousy. Cas felt slightly ashamed of himself until he heard the clinking sound of armored men enter the tavern and he prepared himself for the worst. He neared the door and listened, his body preparing for a fight, but all he heard was men shouting for alcohol and food. The clinking had stopped. The men must have sat down. 

Sam watched as Cas backed away from the door, “Cas, he's got cards up here. Wanna play a game? Get our minds off of everything?”

Cas analyzed the situation and gave in, “Yes, that might be a good idea.” 

As they played it became easier to pick out voices from down below and the sounds from the street. In the middle of the village, Cas felt exposed, like the templars were close on their heels, waiting in the shadows ready to pounce the moment they fell asleep, but when he thought about it logically, perhaps Sam was right. How would they know to look for them there if Dean was out proving his cover story accurate. It still left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he tried to calm his nerves. 

Eventually, Benny brought them fresh oven baked biscuits dripping in butter, mixed green salads with almonds, cranberries, and elfroot covered with a thick honeyed vinaigrette and baked druffalo steaks, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, layered with Antivan spices, and smothered with a creamy cheese sauce from Orlais. He also brought up three bottles of Sun Blonde Vint-1 and a powdering of catsbane. 

“Now, you make sure Kevin drinks that stuff with the catsbane, it works as an antidote. He's probably all good now, but a little extra cleaning out won't hurt him none. Same goes for you two, you were all fighting those spiders, might as well.” Benny said as he served them. 

“This looks incredible, Benny.” Sam said with a wide grin.

“Yeah, well wait till I bring desert.” Benny teased before he went back downstairs.

Sam took a bite of steak and practically moaned, “Oh Maker, that's good. Seriously, I have never had anything this good. How much have we been missing in the tower?”

Cas took a bite, and as much as he didn't want to admit it, Sam was right. Everything had the taste of what homemade cooking should taste like. Everything was made with love and crafted to perfection. Benny's food was honest. The steak was spiced warmly and was so soft that it barely needed to be chewed. The biscuits were fluffy and warm, and the salad had a sweetness that was addictive. 

Kevin managed to eat a bit, drink his bottle of Sun Blonde Vint-1 and pass out with blankets over his head. 

After they managed to eat everything, Benny came back with crispy stuffed apples, freshly baked with homemade cream on top, decorated with arbor blessing, cinnamon, cardamom, caramel and chopped nuts. 

“You guys good on drinks?”

“Yes, thank you.” Cas said genuinely and Benny grinned at him, catching the change in his attitude. 

“Alright, well you guys eat up and get to bed when you can. You'll need your strength for the trip, Denerim is pretty far.”

“Thanks again for everything Benny.” Sam said and Benny nodded before heading back downstairs. Sam looked at Cas with a 'see, we can trust him' face and Cas relented. 

 

****The Chantry****

Dean walked in looking around at all the familiar old hallways with a flow of nostalgia. Gordon patted him on the back, “What the hell are you doing back here? Don't tell me they kicked you out already?”

Dean laughed and let himself be pulled into a side hug, “Nah, man I'm on vacation.”

“Some timing you have there.” Abaddon said coming up to them as well. 

“Yeah? Something going on?” Dean asked feigning excitement and curiosity. 

“Yeah, you lost three mages.” She clarified. 

“What? When?”

“Last night apparently. If they don't catch them tonight we are suppose to head out to help tomorrow.” Abaddon explained with an air of irritation. “Couldn't just do your job could you?”

“Hey, did you not hear me? Va-ca-tion. Not my problem if the minute I leave things go to hell.” He said with a cocky grin.

“Dean! Hey bro! Thought I heard your voice!” Ash came in and Dean grinned wide, pulling him into a big hug, patting his shoulder a few times before letting him go.

“Ash, my man, how you been?”

“Good, good. The usual you know? What brings you back?”

“Vacation apparently.” Abaddon said rolling her eyes.

“Oh yeah? And you pick this shit hole?” Ash teased and Dean shrugged, “What can I say, I got a burly tavern boy getting lonely without me.”

“No shit, you guys finally got together? Was it the note? Was that like some sappy confession or something?”

“Hey, did I harass you for the juicy details about all your ladies?”

“Every freaking time bro.”

Dean laughed, “Ok yeah, I totally did. Alright, so you're on the right track, the letter was kind of a confession, but more of a 'sorry we never got to it, it would've been awesome' kinda thing right?” Dean lied and Ash was clearly completely on board, so he continued, “and not even three days into my stay at the tower I get a letter from him back, and well we just sorta kept going...and then let's just say I got tired of using my imagination.” Dean ended suggestively lifting his eyebrows.

“Awesome, I'm happy for you man.” 

“Thanks, Ash. So what about you? Any sexy ladies I should know about?”

“Nah, nah, just you know one night stuff. This pony ain't ready to be tamed.”

Abaddon face palmed at that, “Can you morons take your crap somewhere else, I've gotten use to not having to put up with it.”

“Hey, I just got here, you have a room.” Dean said shooing her off and she sighed getting up, “You are so lucky I have to go do your job tomorrow.”

“Pfft please, you love it.”

Abaddon looked back from the doorway and grinned, “You do know me so well.”

Dean winked and she rolled her eyes leaving. 

“So dude, tell me everything, how is the tower?”

“Boring as shit, but it works. I got to sit in on a harrowing. That was some freaky shit.”

“I bet. Hey I got some Chasind Sack mead, you in?”

“Nah, man you know I hate that shit.”

“Ah right. It's the aftertaste isn't it? It is pretty bad. Want to hit Benny's instead then?”

“We could do that, he did want me to say hi to you, but why not say it in person right?”

“Hell yeah man. I haven't been there in a while, let's do it.” 

Ash and Dean made their way to the tavern and took their usual spots. Benny grinned seeing them sit and came over as soon as he could, “Well don't this look familiar.”

Dean grinned, “Get us something good?”

“Everything I got is good.”

“Oh I know.” Dean winked and Ash grinned. 

“I can't believe I totally inspired this. I'm like a love god or something.”

“All you did was deliver the note, Ash.” Dean teased and Ash shook his head, “No way, it was all timing and presentation bro, seriously I should get a title, love doctor at least.”

Benny shook his head and brought them some Hirol's Lava Burst. “Here, you go. Something nice and hot for you.”

Dean and Ash clinked their glasses together and took down the burning hot liquor, both shaking a bit when they finished it, trying to spread the heat around their bodies and away from their chests. “Damn that's good shit.” Ash said running his hands through the shorter part of his hair. 

“Fuck yeah.”

A few more drinks in and they were so drunk that Ash had his arm around Dean and was trying to get him and Benny to kiss. “No, but, I made this happen, I should get to see. You guys were after each other for years dude, and I had to watch all the endless flirting, I should get to see this.”

Dean laughed and shook his head, “Dude, you can't seriously want to see me and Benny make out, you don't even like guys.”

“So? This isn't about that, it's about one of my best friends finally being in love, dude. Benny, bro get over here!”

Benny looked up from where he was washing out a mug and wandered over, “Need another round?”

“No, no, you two need to kiss!” Ash slurred and Benny looked at Dean who looked back at him somewhat helplessly. 

Benny sighed in exasperation and put his hands on either side of Dean's face, leaned over the counter and kissed his forehead tenderly, holding him still for a moment before letting him go with a quick run of his fingers through the man's hair. Dean looked at him in admiration and gratitude as Benny turned to Ash, “I don't do shows. Besides, once we get going we ain't stopping till I got him spread out on my bed begging for it and I still gotta run this joint for a few more hours.” 

Dean blushed brightly and Ash burst out laughing, “Damn son!” 

By the end of the night, they were both drunk to the point that the world was spinning. Ash gave Dean a hug at the door as Benny cleaned up the tavern. “So how long you in town for bro?”

“Just till tomorrow morning, then we are gonna go take a little trip. We are borrowing this little cottage up north, gonna fuck for 3 days straight.” Dean slurred as he clung to his friend in order to stay standing.

“Nice, well next time you come down we'll do this again. You have a good fucking time for me, ok man?”

“Of course, see you later bro.” They hugged and nearly fell over in the process, but Ash headed out and Dean looked back at the now empty tavern. 

“You're gonna be hurting tomorrow.” Benny said with a grin handing him some water and bread.

“Yeah, well, I had to. If I didn't it would've been suspicious.” Dean teased quietly as he hopped up on the bar, drinking the water and eating the bread. 

“Get down, I just cleaned that.” Benny snapped a towel at him playfully and Dean pouted. Benny rolled his eyes staring at him until he finally hopped back down. 

“Fine, fine. I'm going to bed.”

“See you in the morning.”

“Yup.” Dean finished the bread and water quickly, put the jug back on the counter and headed to the stairs. 

Dean carefully dragged himself up the stairs and found the spare room. He peaked in and saw Sam in the middle of the bed, with Kevin in his arms, curled up on one side of him and Cas on his other side, facing away, but close enough to be touching Sam. There was a small gap open on Cas's side and Dean figured he could fit. 

He stumbled over and pulled himself on the bed, but the movement of the mattress woke and alerted Cas who, by reflex, pushed him away and filled his fist with fire, ready to strike until he noticed it was Dean who he he'd thrown across the room. The sudden movements made Sam groggily wake up as well, “Cas?”

“It's just Dean, Sam, go back to sleep.” Cas said quietly and Sam nodded, curling into Kevin a bit more, almost instantly back to sleep.

“Andraste's ass, Cas.” Dean slurred as he sat up. 

“I thought you might be...a different templar.” Cas admitted and helped Dean into the bed. 

“On edge still huh?”

“A bit yes.” Cas admitted and Dean snuggled in close so he could fit on the bed without falling off, obviously. 

“Don't worry, mages usually hide in caves, not in towns. No templar will look here.” Dean kissed Cas's forehead. “You smell nice.”

“And you smell like liquor.”

“Yeah, had to get drunk with Ash. Hm I think it's your hair.” Dean nuzzled into Cas's hair and sniffed. Maybe it was because it hadn't been washed that day, but it smelled like Cas and Dean loved it. 

“Kiss me.” Dean whined and Cas looked him over and smiled, “Alright, but then you need to go to sleep.”

“I will. Just need you a little bit first.”

“You're brother and Kevin are right there you know.”

“Just kisses. He'll get over it.” Dean tugged loosely at Cas's shoulder and pulled him in for sloppy, wet kisses. Cas laughed lightly into them as Dean ran his hands along Cas's body and grabbed his ass. “You need to always wear pants.”

“I'm not really use to them. They feel a bit constricting.”

“I can fix that.” Dean said moving his hands to the front of the pants and Cas quickly cut him off, bringing Dean's hands to his waist.

“Behave. If you're lucky, we can have a little more privacy in Denerim.”

“Ok.” Dean practically sang and nuzzled closer to Cas, pressing small, clumsy kisses all along Cas's neck. Cas sighed into it and stoked his hair. 

“Sleep, Dean. Tomorrow is going to be the hardest part of all this.”

Dean nodded, “Won't let them take you or Sammy or Kevin. I'll keep everyone safe.”

“You'll need your sleep to do that.” Cas said quietly, giving a gentle kiss to Dean's forehead as he continued to stroke his hair. 

Dean sighed in contentment, “'m yours, Cas. 'm only yours.” 

Cas smiled and watched him as he finally fell asleep. Cas listened to the quiet of the village as he held onto Dean and felt the warmth of Sam at his back. He could only slightly hear the waves he was so familiar with behind the sound of wind and bugs chirping in the fields. He could hear the horses out back and the drunks stumbling home. He could still smell the bread from the kitchen below as it tangled with the liquor on Dean's breath. 

Tomorrow would be hard, so would the days following it, but this was worth it. For the first time since they had escaped, Cas allowed himself to feel safe and with it came the warm embrace of freedom. He finally understood why Anna had risked everything for it. This was something worth fighting for and worth protecting. Maybe he had been wrong about the circle, now truly seeing what it took from people. Just being able to sleep in the arms of the one he loved was something he could never have had before. Now that he saw what could be, he wasn't willing to let it go.


	15. The Road To Denerim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys start their journey to Denerim.
> 
> Sorry this one is so short, I caught a cold and I've gotten pretty behind on things. Hopefully, I can post a longer chapter in a couple days.

'Sorry to do it like this, but I'm being transferred to the circle of magi, finally, and anyway they are making me head out now, so I don't have time to go and see you. (nearly an entire row of unreadable scratched out words) But, thank you for everything brother. I probably won't come back unless something drastic happens, but if it does, you'll be the first I call. -Dean'

Benny looked the letter over one last time and tossed it in the dwindling fire that was warming his room before he headed downstairs. He fixed his guests a simple breakfast of toast with honey and cloves and a Free Marcher tea made to help hang overs for Dean and a soothing mix of chamomile, embrium and amrita vein tea for the others. He went around the house finishing some chores, cleaning things, weeding his garden, everything he usually did in the morning and then headed out to town for supplies. He'd load up the carts, put a sign on the door and they'd be out of there by noon. Most people were busy at work then and no one would be hanging around his bar, since it didn't typically open till nightfall anyway. 

Dean had thrown up several times in the night and he woke up feeling like death from the pit of his stomach to his pounding head, but at least the tea and bread helped. Kevin was back on his feet, though Sam made him take it easy. Cas planned out signals for various situations that might happen on the road and planned out how they should lay themselves in the cart.

By the time Benny came back, they were ready to go. Benny went out first with Dean and told him to 'get the gate' which was established code for be look out. Dean went to the gate and opened it up, taking a look up and down the road, but the closest people he could see were a ways off and working on fixing up a roof of a hut, so he figured they were safe. With that, Benny rushed the mages into the back of the cart and made sure everything was tied down properly. When the three were out of sight, Dean came over and hopped up on the cart and Benny followed closely behind him, setting his crossbow at his feet. 

“Well, you ready to get outta here?”

“Yeah, I suppose so.” 

“Getting cold feet?”

“Nah, just gonna miss it here. This place was alright. I mean most of the time I spent here I was working on getting to the tower, but man seeing how things were in the tower sorta made me appreciate this place a little more.” Dean said as Benny got the horses moving and headed out of his property, stopping only to close the gate behind them. 

“Yeah well, it's always like that ain't it? Never knowing what you have till it's gone.” Benny said listlessly as they road through the streets of Redcliff, nodding to people as they passed by. 

Dean leaned against Benny slightly, “Yeah. You're gonna come visit me when we settled down right?”

“We'll see.”

“Ah come on, you know you'll miss me.”

“Missing you is one thing, going halfway across the world is another.”

Dean bumped his shoulder against Benny's and they enjoyed the quiet of the village as they headed out to the main highway. It was a bright day with only clouds spotting the sky, everything was green and beautiful around them, it almost felt hard to believe they were suppose to be on the run as the horses trotted their way forward. 

“How long do you think it'll take to get to Denerim?”

“2 days, don't want to run the horses into the ground or anything.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Dean said quietly as he looked around. The last time he had been out this way was on his hunt for Anna. She had her phylactery destroyed too, probably by her templar lover, but she was on foot and friendless. It was only a matter of time until we tracked her down. But they were different, they were doing things right, Dean assured himself and looked around the forest, trying to focus on the view rather than looking for his templar brothers. 

They traveled for hours before Dean got hungry and picked up a small box of food Benny had prepared for them that morning. The mages had food in the back with them, so they wouldn't have to stop, but Dean felt more than a little guilty that they had to spend the whole day cramped back there. He wanted to call out to them and make sure they were ok, but Cas had warned him more than once that morning not to say anything unless it was a signal. Dean opened up the box and found a loaf of bread along with a mixed berry and vandal aria jam, a side of stewed Fennec, potatoes and onions. “This looks awesome, you getting hungry too?”

“I'll eat after you, then you can take the horses for a while.” Benny said with a wink and Dean smiled, “Fair enough.”

Dean watched the clouds drift by and listened to the sound of the horses as he ate a bite of the tender Fennec meat. “Wish I had made you teach me how to cook, maybe I could have opened a restaurant too. Seems like a pretty good life.”

“I get the feeling you'd end up eating your whole stock before you could even open the doors.”

Dean laughed, “Yeah probably.”

Dean finished his food and took reign of the horses while Benny started eating. They were pretty far from Redcliff now, but that didn't mean home free yet. Eventually, Dean looked up the path and his heart nearly stopped when he saw templars checking a cart ahead of them. 

“Guys, we might have trouble. Be ready.” Dean said quietly patting on the tarp behind him. 

Benny pulled up to where the templars were waving him down and Dean looked at them one by one and instantly recognized Cole. “Cole? What are you guys doing all the way out here? Is this about the escapees? Don't tell me you guys haven't found them yet?”

Cole shook his head, “Nah, man it's like they just disappeared. We had their tracks for a while, but then they got in a cart and well, on the highway there are too many wheel and horse tracks to figure out which is which. We got all the templars in Lothering, Redcliff and a bunch from the tower out checking carts, but nothing so far.”

“Wow, I leave you guys alone for one tiny little vacation and this is what happens, pathetic.” Dean teased and Cole rolled his eyes, “Very funny. So this the boyfriend?” Cole asked and Dean nodded putting his arm around Benny, “The very same. Too bad you didn't find us a bit sooner, would've given you a taste of my homemade lunch. My man here knows how to cook like nobodies business.”

“Yeah, well next time take me with. I'm about to get sunstroke out here. Would have much rather been putting my feet up in Redcliff, getting some good food and some pretty tavern girls.”

“Enough chit-chat, can we just search his cart already?” Another templar asked, a third gave a sigh, “Dean should have to search with us. This is way more important than vacation.”

“Hey now, I earned this vacation. Besides look at this face, would you really wanna take me away from this. Give 'em the eyes Benny.” Benny sighed and gave them a sincere and charming smile. 

“You guys are so gross.” Cole teased and Dean grinned in satisfaction.

“Ugh just open the damn cart so we can at least be spared your crap.” Another templar added and Dean rolled his eyes, “Seriously? We have so much shit back there are you really gonna make me open everything? Obviously if a bunch of mages jumped in the back of our cart, I'd notice.”

“It's just formality, Lift a corner up and we'll call it good enough.” Cole said with a shrug. 

Dean looked at Benny, “I'll get it babe.” He moved forward to kiss Benny's cheek, “Be ready,” he whispered near his ear and then hopped off the cart. 

“So how many did you lose anyway?”

“Three. All proper mages too, destroyed their phylacteries and everything.”

“No way, that sucks.” Dean said as he started untying a rope. “Well let's just get this over with, me and Benny were hoping to be somewhere close to civilization before nightfall.” Dean unhooked part of the tarp, just enough to get a corner open and showed him. 

“Good enough?”

“Yeah, like I said, just formality. Have a good trip Dean.”

“Wait a minute, I saw something move in the back.” Another templar said moving forward.

“Just some nugs for the slaughter.”

From inside the cart Dean could suddenly hear Sam making nug noises.

“Huh, alright I guess.” The templar said satisfied. “That ain't no nug, my family bred nugs for nug racing, trust me, that is no nug.” Another templar added and Cole sighed, “Dean could you just open the whole thing? We'll help you tie it back up, these guys are just being assholes.”

“Uh...yeah. Sure I guess, as long as you help me tie it back together after.”


	16. What is Family?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts off with Sam, Cas and Kevin in the back of the cart and quickly catches up to where we left off.

In the back of the cart, there were several barrels of vegetables, boxes of herbs and a few casks of wine all roped in place under a white canvas that let the bright afternoon sun in like a foggy white haze. There wasn't enough room to sit, so Cas, Kevin and Sam were laying down with their bodies carefully arranged between the goods. Each of the mages had a jug of water and a box of food to get through the day. Without anyway to see outside, they lost all sense of orientation and time. They remained silent, just in case, and all they could hear were the horses moving along the road, the sounds of the forest, and sometimes Dean's laughter. 

Cas held his staff close to his body and remained on guard, no matter how many miles they went. Kevin laid on his stomach with a book that he had taken from the tower about the different countries in the world and their customs. Sam tried to sleep, but bumps in the road kept waking him up and eventually he scooted close to Kevin to read with him. 

After a few silent hours, they finally started breaking into their food. They ate quietly, but all shared silent looks of appreciation and communicated through gestures. The heat pelting down on the canvas was intense and seemed to build up all the faster from their body heat and soon all three of them were sweating. Kevin was the first to remove his shirt, though it took a lot of wiggling around and assistance from Sam to actually get it off. With all the noise he made moving around Cas glared at him and the look kept Sam from attempting to take his shirt off as well. 

After a while, the cart pulled to a stop and all three mages went on alert with wide eyes looking to each other for answers. After a few moments they heard Dean's voice, “So how many did you lose anyway?”

“Three. All proper mages too, destroyed their phylacteries and everything,” said a familiar sounding voice, accompanied by the sound of clinking armor. That was all they needed, they knew there were templars and each held their staff close.

“No way, that sucks.” Dean responded, “Well let's just get this over with, me and Benny were hoping to be somewhere close to civilization before nightfall.” Soon they saw Dean's shadow at the end of the cart and heard the sound of Dean fiddling with the rope. The three mages pressed themselves far from the corner, curling their legs towards themselves as much as they could. “Good enough?”

“Yeah, like I said, just a formality. Have a good trip Dean.” The templar replied and Dean let the piece of canvas down. Kevin relaxed a bit and moved his legs from the uncomfortable position they were stuck in, accidentally jarring a barrel of onions, making the canvas above tremble slightly.

“Wait a minute, I saw something move in the back.” It was a new voice this time, which mean there was more than one templar.

Sam and Kevin shared a look of horror as Cas looked around, trying to pinpoint exactly where the voices were coming from. 

“Just some nugs for the slaughter.”

Sam panicked looking at Cas, but Cas was too on guard to share his glance, so he did what felt instinctive and started mimicking nug noises....poorly. 

“Huh, alright I guess.” The first templar said, but the second cut him off, “That ain't no nug, my family bred nugs for nug racing, trust me, that is no nug.”

“Dean, could you just open the whole thing? We'll help you tie it back up, these guys are just being assholes.”

“Uh...yeah, sure. I guess as long as you help me tie it back together after.” Dean said and moved to the ropes as the bottom of the cart. Kevin, Sam and Cas all shared a look of acknowledgment and began channeling their energy. 

Dean moved around the cart, loosening knots and when he was on the last knot he took a slow breath. “Ok, that should be it.” He said quietly, more to his friends than to the templars and with one quick movement, he pulled the canvas to the side, revealing his friends and simultaneously moving back towards Benny. The templars barely had time to react as all three mages released a joint mind blast shoving the templars far away from them. Benny already had his crossbow ready at this point and with the templars on the ground and temporarily stunned, he had a clean shot at one. The arrow went off with a loud snap and hit straight through one of the templar's necks, bursting his carotid and killing him quickly as blood spurted out.

Dean was back in the fight as quick as the templars were back on there feet and immediately went to Cole while the mages and Benny took on other templars with a barrage of magic and arrows. Cas and Sam moved forward to the edge of the cart while Benny and Kevin stayed in the rear. Cas held the templars back with an onslaught of stone fists while Sam set up fire traps around the cart to keep them at a distance while Benny, not having a good shot due to their armor, went for the templars' legs that were only protected by cloaks. Meanwhile, Kevin shot at the templars with lightening magic to stun and burn them through their armor. With his traps set, Sam joined in with ice magic to slow the templars movement. The templars tried to clear the traps and mute the mages magic in order to move closer, but every time they nearly managed to do anything, they would be thrown to the ground by the rock fists only to have their joints freeze up, their hearts jump as their chests sizzled with electricity and arrows pin their legs to the ground. 

“Dean, how could you?” Cole asked in shock as Dean approached him through the chaos and Dean's response was to shield bash him, tackling him to the ground. Cole's shield and sword slipped from his hands as his back hit the road with a hard crack; he gave a small wince of pain before trying to push Dean away. “Why are you doing this?” Cole asked again as he struggled against him with his gloved fists, trying to turn them over or slip out of Dean's grasp as Dean moved to pin him hard against the ground. 

“Because, Cole, that's my family. You know Sam, right? Well, he's my brother, my actual brother. I had to get him out of there. You have a family right? You get it don't you?”

Dean struggled to keep Cole pinned, but eventually one of Cole's legs slipped from Dean's control and went up to smash into Dean's gut. With the air knocked from his chest, Dean was easily thrown onto his back. “Family is important, but keeping everyone safe by keeping mages in the tower where they can practice their magic safely is important too. I thought you understood that, besides it's not like Sam was being that mistreated, did you really have to go this-” Cole was cut off when a stone fist smashed into the side of his helmet knocking it off and leaving his face heavily bruised and bloody. Dean took advantage of the moment to flip them again, pinning the still dazed Cole with one hand as he put his other hand towards Cas who was standing nearby with his staff overflowing with magic and his eyes darkening like storms ready to strike. “Cas, let me handle him.” Cas didn't lower his staff or relax his stance, but he gave a gentle nod. 

Dean turned back to Cole, “Man, listen.” Cole glared up at him with the one eye that was still able to open as his face swelled and darkened; his head was spinning from the hit and he was barely conscious, but he put everything he had into focusing on Dean, waiting for an opportunity. “Look at the others, dude.” Dean said with a sigh and Cole reluctantly looked around from his place on the ground. The road was littered with bodies and blood. They were all dead and Benny was dragging them into the forest one by one while Kevin and Sam tried to clean up the scene of the fight. Cole stared at them with his mouth hanging open. “Will you just hear me out? If you hear me out and you still want to go rounds with me, we'll do it nice and fair, I promise.” Cole looked back at Dean, searching his eyes for a moment before nodding with a bitter look on his face as he swallowed down what felt like a mouthful of blood.

Dean's eyes blazed as bright as the fields of the Hinterlands as he moved his head making sure Cole was able to keep focus on him, when he was sure Cole was moderately coherent he started, “Ok, let's be straight up. I owe you, Cole. You were a friend, and you helped me out when I was in a pretty bad way. I don't want to kill you, but that's my family and I'm getting them out of here one way or another, now you can just go on and pretend you didn't see us or you can say fuck the circle and go home...or you can make me kill you, but I'm really not liking that option. You have a family, Cole, you don't need to keep doing this shit. They physically control and abuse us with lyrium, they brainwash us with the chant, they make us jailers for the mages and sometimes even executioners. Even if you joined out of faith you can't possibly believe that what we do is really holy in the eyes of the maker or that it's his will. We have the ability to choose and change things, maybe not always on a global scale, but we can decide what we do and how we influence the world around us. We decide what kinds of men we are. You can choose the right thing here Cole. They deserve to be free, they've proven their strength against temptation and I'm going to be with them, so they won't be a danger.”

Cole's glare stayed fixated on Dean and moved his head forward, “When you joined the order, we became your family, your purpose, your obligation, everything, and you betrayed us. You slaughtered your own brothers and for what? A blood brother you clearly didn't even grow up with? You don't know them Dean. You say they are family, but we are family too and in this family you swore to dedicate your life to protecting people; what you are doing right now, this isn't protecting people, you have to know that. Mages don't mean to be dangerous all the time, a lot of them really aren't malicious or violent, but every night when they dream they are in danger. Anywhere there is a rip in the veil, they could be possessed. They are constantly vulnerable and that's why they need the tower. You aren't doing anyone any favors by freeing them.”

“Cole, I get that, I do, but you don't know them-”

“It's not about their personalities, Dean, it's about the fact that they are mages. They are full of the fade and it draws the demons to them.”

“You're going to make me do this aren't you?”

“I won't betray the order.” Cole said firmly before spitting blood in Dean's eye and taking the opportunity to grab the small dagger attached to his belt and stab up into Dean's side. Dean had one hand trying to clear his eyes and then the pain from the knife sinking into his flesh made him double over. “Dammit Cole.” Dean shouted and soon the two were grappling and punching at one another, their swords and shields forgotten. Both were clearly reluctant to kill the other, but just as determined to get the other to see their side and it showed as they wrestled around in the road. Cas watched and waited for an opening as the two beat one another bloody, but it never came and by the time it ended Dean was breathing heavily as he pinned Cole, who had gone still. 

“Did you...” Cas started and Dean shook his head, “No, he's still breathing, he's just out. Help me tie him up. I think Benny has some extra rope back in the cart.” 

****An Hour Later ****

With a group effort, the bodies of the templars were hidden in the forest and the cart was nearly ready to go. Cas had used his curing magic on Dean to close the wound on his side and now Dean sat with Cole who was tied in his small clothes with his arms and feet behind him and curled up on himself. Cole was fading in and out of consciousness when Dean splashed water over his face waking him up fully, though his head was still spinning and confused. 

“Hey, buddy. Look, I'm not gonna kill you. Although, I probably should after you freaking stabbed me. But I owe you one and I'm a man of honor, so with this we're even ok? Don't let me see you again.”

Cole looked around and saw the forest everywhere and finally realized he couldn't move his limbs, “If you leave me here, I'll still die.”

“Nah, I left your damn dagger over there.” Dean pointed about 30 feet away from Cole where the dagger was clean and leaning against a tree stump. “Wiggle your way over and cut yourself loose. We'll be long gone by the time you get outta there.” 

“You'll pay for this Dean, for killing our brothers, for turning your back against the order. Even if we don't kill you, the lack of lyrium will.”

“Don't you worry about me, you got enough to deal with. I hear there are bears in this forest, Cole. You better get wiggling.” Dean walked away towards the road, hearing Cole's screams and curses in the background.

When he got to the cart, the others were waiting. “You ok?” Sam asked and Dean nodded, “Yeah, I'll be ok. We better get going though.” Sam nodded and followed Kevin under the canvas. Cas looked at Dean with worry and put a bit of healing magic in his hand before he caressed Dean's face, healing the last remnants of Dean's fight with Cole. 

“Cas, am I doing the right thing here?” Dean asked quietly as he leaned into the touch. 

“You're doing the only thing you could do.” Cas whispered gently to him and Dean moved forward for a kiss, clearly looking for comfort. 

After a few quiet kisses, Dean moved his forehead against Cas's and rested against him, leaning into the embrace, “He's going to tell the other templars what happened when he gets free.”

“Well, hopefully we'll be out of Ferelden by then.” Cas said simply, looking up at Dean through his lashes with his bright blue vitriol eyes. 

“Yeah. You're right. Let's go.” Dean submitted and gave Cas one more quick kiss before helping him under the canvas and locking it down again. 

Dean moved up, next to Benny and Benny silently held out Dean's helmet. 

“Yeah, guess I'm probably gonna need that huh?”

“Hmhm.”

Dean put his helmet on and Benny got the cart moving down the road again. The sun was making it's way towards the horizon now, it wouldn't be long until it got dark. 

“Benny, we aren't still going to stop for the night are we?”

Benny looked at his horses, he had tended to them after the fight and they seemed alright, but another full day without rest wouldn't be possible. “We'll go as far as we can.” Dean nodded his understanding, after everything he was already asking his friend for, he couldn't demand more. He'd just have to hope that Cole wouldn't get free for a while and that even when he did, that Cole wouldn't be able to find any other templars or a ride into town for a day or so. They just needed a little bit of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if everything goes right, I should be able to get the next chapter out on Sunday.


	17. One Final Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys rest and plan for Denerim. 
> 
> Warning:  
> Sexy time.

****Late at Night: A Day's Ride from Denerim****

“The horses won't make it much longer without a rest.” Benny said as his eyes went from one weary horse to the other. Dean nodded his response; he was mentally exhausted and his shoulders and head were aching from wearing his helmet and armor all day. Benny noted the silence and gave a tired sigh. “I'll pull us off the road, we should be alright for a few hours as long as we stay on guard.” 

Benny prepared his lantern and hopped down from the cart to lead the horses through the thick moist grass. All through the forest, the moonlight poked through the thick canopy of trees in strong pale beams of light. In the air they could hear the quiet hum of insects and the far-off howls of wolves. The lantern flooded the small area near them with orange light, making the purple of the wild royal elfroot glow warmly against the deep greens of the trees. 

The further they went, the wheels of the cart began to spin and stick in the mud and eventually Dean had to hop down to help pull the cart forward as well. It took time, but eventually they found a small campsite, dry and clear of grass, with a small fire pit. Benny fed the horses and tended to them while Dean opened the back of the cart to let the others out; the bottom of his robes were already drenched in mud and his armor and helmet were now bitter cold.

“So what's the plan?” Sam asked Dean when he got out of the cart. 

“We hold up for a couple hours and then we're back on the road.”

“I'll get the tents ready.” Kevin offered and Dean nodded, taking his helmet off with a sigh. Sam could see how exhausted his brother was and looked over at Cas with worry. 

“I'll prepare a small fire, we are far enough from the road that it should be alright and we could all use a warm meal I think.” Cas suggested and Dean looked at him with worry, “You sure that's a good idea? We're kinda being hunted here, Cas.”

Benny walked up to them, “This place is a merchant camp, lots of traders use it; to be honest we'd be more suspicious if we didn't use it.” 

Dean sighed giving in, “Alright. You heard the man, do it Cas.” 

They got their 2 tents set up quickly and Benny warmed up some stew he had prepared before they had left Redcliff. Even with the beauty of the forest and the warmth of the stew and fire, everyone was still on edge and remained silent as they ate. 

After finishing his meal, Sam finally brought up the snoufleur in the room, “So, do you think Cole is out of his ropes yet?” 

“More than likely. By now he's probably gotten to a village too. All it would take is one raven and all of Denerim is going to be waiting for us.” Dean said, stabbing at the last carrot in his stew.

“Wonder what I got waiting for me in Redcliff.” Benny muttered thoughtfully, scooping some stew onto his bread.

Dean looked at him, suddenly stricken with guilt, “Benny, I'm sorry, I really thought Cole would come around, I never thought-”

“It's ok, Dean. I knew what I signed up for here...just wishin' you would have used a fake name or something.”

“Cole might think he did? Plus he's probably so concerned about us, he might have completely forgotten about you.” Kevin added positively.

“He may also believe that you actually are Dean's lover and would therefore be going with him.” Cas said trying to hide his irritation. 

Dean looked over at him with surprise and worry, but Cas shook his head to nullify it. 

“Well either way, it's gonna come back to me eventually, let's not pretend it won't.”

“So come with us?” Dean said quickly.

“You know I can't do that. That tavern is my life, I can't just abandon everything I've built because some skirts might come after me looking for you.”

“They might throw you in jail for this, Benny. If nothing else they will definitely interrogate you.”

“Well it's a good thing I don't know anything about where you're going.”

“Benny...”

“It'll be alright. I can take care of myself. If I feel like I need to, I'll cut my losses and head off for a while till things calm down. The bigger problem that you need to be thinking about is Denerim. They are gonna be expecting a cart now, you'll have a better chance of splitting up and getting lost in the crowd.” 

“As if this giant can get lost in a crowd.” Kevin said bumping his shoulder against Sam's only to earn a playful glare. 

“He's right, if Cole has sent a raven out, they will be checking every cart going in and out of Denerim looking for us. They most likely have descriptions of us as well, if we are together we'll stick out.”

“Yeah, a giant, an elf a templar and a highborn noble aren't exactly inconspicuous.” Kevin said with a shrug. 

“You call me giant one more time-” Sam started with his eyes and smile wide, but Kevin cut him off with a small kiss to his nose. 

“Ugh, take it into a tent please.” Dean rolled his eyes. 

Sam gave him a glare and wrapped an arm around Kevin, pulling him close. 

“We _should_ begin taking turns getting some sleep, tomorrow is going to be trying.” Cas said and Dean shrugged, “Go ahead, I'll keep watch.”

“I'll join you.” Cas returned and Dean caught his gaze attempting to silently debate him for a moment before nodding weakly in defeat. 

Sam looked at Kevin, “Shall we?”

“Yeah, the sooner we sleep the closer we get to tomorrow.”

“Night guys.” Sam said holding the tent open for Kevin to go in.

“Night.” Dean gave them a half wave, joined by Benny.

“Goodnight.” Cas added with a warm smile. 

The two went into one tent and Dean looked at Benny, “You should get some rest too.”

Benny looked at Dean for a moment then to Cas who had his staff in hand and was moving around the campsite looking out into the trees for signs of movement. “Yeah, alright. See you in a few hours. Don't push yourself too hard, you hear me?”

“Yeah, I hear you. Night Benny.” Benny went into the other tent, leaving Dean and Cas alone.

Dean pulled the armor off of his shoulders and torso, laid the pieces in a pile at his feet, and rubbed at the soreness in the muscles on his shoulders and around his neck. He was chilled to the bone and everything hurt, but as he watched Cas he could only manage to say one thing and he poured everything into it, “I'm sorry.”

Cas looked back at him, his eyes bright as they reflected the campfire, “For what?”

“Everything? This whole mess? The fact that I'm an idiot? Cole. All of it, Cas. I'm just...sorry ok?” Dean looked up at him sincerely and Cas moved over towards him and took the seat beside him.

“Dean, this 'mess' is not your fault and you are not an idiot. You are a good man, that is why you couldn't kill your friend and I think that's admirable. Things may be more difficult this way, but we are going to be alright. We just have to be careful.”

“You think that'll be enough?” 

“Yes.” 

Dean looked out of the corner of his eyes to look at Cas who was staring at the fire in front of them. He didn't hesitate, he never blamed Dean, he just took whatever the situation was and fought his way forward. Dean wished he could be so confident about it, but all he could think about all afternoon was them being captured by the templars. He kept seeing them take Sam, Cas and Kevin back to the tower. He knew even if they were captured, the three wouldn't be made tranquil, but he couldn't help but picture it. Cas's beautiful fiery eyes dulled and empty, Sam obedient and broken, Kevin reduced to menial labor, their foreheads burnt raw with the mark of the sunburst. He didn't care what happened to himself, but he couldn't let them end up like that. Unconsciously, Dean began to rub at the sore muscles around his neck. 

Cas glanced at him, “You're scared.”

“Pfft no.” Cas gave him a look and Dean rolled his eyes, “Yeah, alright. Jeez, am I that obvious? If we mess this up, Cas...” Dean trailed off and Cas picked his sentence up, “Things will go very poorly for us. They will try to reform you, you will be physical and mentally punished, and probably put in a small chantry somewhere to work the rest of your life in service until lyrium poisons your mind; Benny will certainly be arrested and punished; Sam, Kevin and I will be returned to the tower and separated, possibly killed if the tower isn't feeling generous.”

“Yeah, Cas, thanks for reminding me.”

Cas smiled, “But you and I will not let any of that happen, will we?”

Dean looked at him with a weak grin, “Nah, we won't.”

“We are going to fight out way out of Ferelden if we have to. We are going to protect our family because that's who we are.”

Dean felt himself relax a bit, “Yeah, Cas.” 

“You shouldn't wear the robes and armor tomorrow.”

“What?”

“They know you're with us, they may be checking templars.”

“Yeah, I guess you got a good point.” Dean said quietly, looking down at his muddy robes as his hand started rubbing his sore neck again. 

Cas filled his hands with healing magic and ran his hand up Dean's back before slipping under his hand to cover his neck. Dean relaxed under the touch and let the magic press its way into his muscles. 

“So uh, you know we could die tomorrow right?”

“Yes, that is a possibility.”

“So you uh, you know? Wanna make the most of it? I mean we do need to relax so we'll be at our best tomorrow right?”

Cas looked at Dean curiously, “What exactly are you asking for?”

Dean rolled his eyes and moved his lips next to Cas's ear, “I'm asking if you are gonna get that sexy ass moving and take me up against one of these trees, tonight.”

Cas looked around for a moment, the tents were quiet and the forest showed no signs of movement other than small animals, so he looked back at Dean with a small smirk, “I suppose that could be arranged.”

 

****An Hour later****

Sam rolled around for what felt like the 50th time. Kevin had fallen asleep almost immediately, but Sam couldn't help but think about tomorrow. He was restless and his body still ached from being shoved in the back of the cart all day. A stretch couldn't hurt, plus Dean needed some rest, maybe he could stay up with Cas and watch for a while. Sam slowly eased out of the tent, making sure not to wake Kevin and headed out to the campfire. The fire was still going, but there was no sign of Dean or Cas. 

“That's weird.” Sam whispered to himself as he started to look around. He could hear raspy breathing nearby, it sounded like someone had been hurt. Sam quickened his pace, but tried to stay as quiet as possible just in case. He weaved through the trees towards the sounds. The gasps for air were getting louder and now he was sure they were from his brother. Sam looked around, double checking that he was going in the right direction and went forward a few more paces until he saw something that made him freeze in place. 

Cas was holding Dean up against a tree, fucking into him, while Dean held on with his arms and legs, moaning as he threw his head back against the tree with his eyes half closed in pleasure gasping for air every time Cas rammed back into him. Sam stared at them for a moment unable to move, it was like watching someone get thrown from a horse, he didn't want to watch, but he couldn't stop. Part of it was surprise at the whole thing, Cas being sexual at all, Dean being a bottom, Cas being able to lift Dean that easily, really the whole situation was just not what Sam expected. The other part was mortification, and maybe a little curiosity, and just a dash of being really happy for them. Sam watched as Cas leaned forward to whisper in Dean's ear. Dean gave a broken moan as he went pliant in Cas's arms and Sam wondered what Cas said to him. Dean looked so vulnerable in Cas's arms, but so utterly content and Cas looked like he was off to battle with the way his eyes remained focused on Dean. Cas bit into Dean's neck and Dean gave an airy gasp of Cas's name. 

“Cas, I can't go much longer.” Dean finally said as he raked his nails up Cas's back, making Cas suck harder at his neck and snap his waist forward faster. Sam jolted at Dean's words, getting a small, accidental glimpse of his brother getting fucked by the man he considered a brother was one thing, but watching them cum was another. Time to get back to the tent and never speak of this again. He couldn't help but wonder if there were spells to erase memories, because this one would definitely warrant that. 

Sam slipped back into his tent and pulled Kevin into his arms and tried to sleep.

Meanwhile, Dean was having his back slightly torn open by the bark of the tree every time Cas thrust up into him, but the pain and pleasure mixed together just like the stretch and burn he felt as Cas had worked him open earlier. In that moment, all the worry for the day, the situation, his mistakes, all of it was gone. Everything was just Cas, and the feeling of being full, connected, and appreciated. Dean relaxed in Cas's arms, knowing the mage had him, and gave into everything Cas gave him. Cas marked him up, biting and sucking at his neck, whispering praise at every turn, and never relenting with his cock, hitting deep and hard into Dean, pounding his prostate and making waves of pleasure pour through him. 

“Cas, more. I need more.” Dean begged quietly, tightening his hold on Cas as if to pull him in deeper. With one fluid motion, Cas pulled Dean from the tree and deposited him on the ground, slipping out of him as he did so. Dean gave a quiet whine as he felt the cold air on his aching, empty hole.

Cas looked down at him for a moment and Dean felt himself blush with embarrassment. He wasn't ashamed of his body, Dean knew he was gorgeous, but somehow with Cas it felt important and that made it terrifying. Everyone Dean had ever known had either been taken from him or left him in some capacity, he didn't want that to happen this time. Dean wound his legs around Cas's waist and pulled him close. Cas smiled and moved down to kiss Dean. “You're incredible.” Cas whispered quietly, kissing his way down Dean's neck and up to his ear. “All the maker's works are written upon your skin and yet here you are, all mine.”

Dean nodded, swallowing hard as Cas gave his length a long stroke. 

Cas lined himself up, the oil still had Dean soaking wet and it was easy for Cas to slide back into him. With Dean on the ground, Cas sat on his knees and grabbed his lover's hips, pulling Dean hard onto his cock. Dean cried out and arched into it. Cas fucked him until he wept in euphoria and had to bite his arm to keep from screaming. Eventually, Cas took Dean's cock in his hand again and only a few pumps in, Dean was coating his own chest with his cum and gasping for air as his eyes rolled back. He let each wave of his orgasm hit before he lowered his legs, limply. Cas took a hold of them and pulled Dean deeply onto his length again, bottoming out and curling his body over him. He kissed Dean's lazy lips passionately as he came hard inside him, coating Dean with his seed. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, keeping him close and inside as he felt the last bit of cum empty into him. 

“Keep it in for a while.” Dean said quietly and Cas nodded, collapsing on his chest. “You been practicing Cas?” Dean teased as he ran his fingertips up and down Cas's sweat stained back.

“I've been...thinking about you while bringing myself to completion.”

“Oh yeah? That's pretty hot.”

“We should go back to camp, Dean.”

“Yeah, just give me another minute or two or you're gonna have to carry me. My legs feel like soup.”

“They're shaking.”

“I'm shaking everywhere, man.”

“Is that good?”

“Oh, that is very good.”

 

****An Hour Later****

Sam had finally fallen asleep when he felt a small ball of cloth hit him in the forehead. His eyes snapped open and he saw Dean peaking into his tent. 

“Dude, what the hell?!” Sam demanded, pulling the small wool blanket over him and Kevin more. 

“It's your turn, me and Cas wanna get some sleep, too you know.”

“I bet you do.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Sam rubbed his eyes and sat up before gently shaking Kevin's shoulder. “Kev? It's our turn to go on watch.”

“Hm? I'll do it tomorrow.” Kevin mumbled, still clearly asleep. 

“We won't have to do it tomorrow, probably. Come on, Kev.” Sam spoke gingerly as he pulled Kevin into his lap. Kevin slowly started to wake up, “Mm, what are we doing?”

“Going on watch.” Sam repeated and rolled his eyes in hyperbole to Dean. 

“M'kay.”

Sam helped Kevin out to the campfire, where he immediately curled up and went back to sleep as Dean and Cas went into the tent. 

Sam watched the fire, it was dying out, but at this point that was probably ok. They needed to get going soon anyway. Kevin squirmed enough to put his head on Sam's lap and Sam began gently petting his hair. 

“Sam.” Kevin said quietly, still half asleep. 

“I'm here, Kev.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Kevin hummed in appreciation and curled further into Sam.

****An Hour Before Sunrise****

After a couple of hours, as the sky began to lighten, Sam woke the others. They ate a quick breakfast of bread and fruit before getting in the cart and heading out. Dean put on some of the extra clothes they had brought with them and hopped in the back of the cart with the others. Benny drove on until he saw Denerim down the road. 

Even as he approached the city, Benny saw dozens of carts stopped outside the main gate that led to the castle and the marketplace. They were all being checked by the templars. Before he got too close, he took a turn to head around the city. The road that went around the city was a bit overgrown, but he noticed that today he wasn't the only one taking it, there must have been a lot of traders who didn't want to go through the checks because of time or smuggled goods. Even though the main gate was out of the question, Benny knew there were plenty of ways in. One of the easiest ways in, would be the alienage, which would be perfect for Castiel. The others would have to find a place by the harbor or a back alley, but first things first. 

With so much chaos everywhere, it was easy for Benny to move his cart off the path without raising too many suspicions. Once they were off the road and semi-hidden in the trees, Benny opened the back of his cart for Cas to get out. 

“Don't forget, go to The Pearl.” Kevin said from inside the cart. Cas nodded and looked at Benny as he tied the back of the cart back up, “Thank you for everything you've done.”

“No problem, you uh...” Benny turned away from the cart and spoke quietly, “you take care of him alright?” 

“I will.”

“Hey and be careful in the alienage. Might wanna throw some dirt on your face before you go in there.”

Cas thought it over for a moment and then bent down to grab some loose dirt from the ground and powered it over his clothes, face and hair. “Is this acceptable?”

“ Yeah that should do it. The entrance is right over there, over that little bridge. Shouldn't be guarded or anything. If they ask, tell them you went out to gather elfroot for a sick cousin or something.” Benny said as he motioned around to the fresh elfroot growing amongst the grass. 

“Alright.”

Benny gave him a final nod and got back onto his cart, guiding it back onto the road. Cas picked a few elfroot plants and headed towards the city.


	18. Good Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally arrive at Denerim.

Castiel walked over the small bridge that lay over a dirty stream below. He hadn't even entered the city yet and already the smells and sounds were overwhelming; there were so many people within these walls, all living within the smell of wet dog, sewage and rotting garbage. Two city guards were posted at the gate. 

“What the 'ell you doin' out there knife-ear?” One of the guards asked roughly and Castiel quickly followed what Benny had told him.

“I went for some elfroot...has something happened in the city?”

“Nothin' you need concern yourself with, get inside.” The guard answered and they opened the gate just enough for him to slip in. 

Castiel stepped inside and the gate slammed shut immediately behind him, making him turn back to it for a moment before looking ahead. The alienage was like an alien world to him; Cas knew he had grown up in one for the first 4 years of his life, but he couldn't remember it at all. Looking around, everyone he saw was an elf, he had never seen so many together like this. The houses were barely standing and covered with mold and old scars, the people were wearing rags and were covered in bruises or sores from starvation or lack of bathing. They all eyed him with suspicion as he passed. He could see their accusations in their eyes, 'outsider', and 'traitor' seemed the most appropriate.

As Castiel made his way towards the center of the alienage, he saw their vhenadahl, their tree of the people; he had read that every alienage had one, but in real life it seemed less impressive than what he had always imagined. It was a large, old tree and it towered above the small buildings around it, but it only had a few large branches and there were barely any leaves on it. Still, in this place, perhaps any sign of life was a sign of hope. If it let these people feel connected to their once proud heritage than that was what counted.

Castiel continued his way through the alienage, wondering where he had grown up, and if perhaps his parents and his childhood home were here somewhere. He almost wished it was raining so he could hunt for the sound he remembered. 

“That's right, on your knees then!” Castiel looked up to see where a small crowd had gathered. There was an adolescent boy on his knees in front of three richly dressed humans. All around, the other elves watched with a mix of rage and fear, all trying to keep from being noticed, but longing to go help. 

Castiel watched as the boy was kicked to the ground. “You want to look in my eyes again, knife-ear? Or do you know your place now?” The elven boy looked up at them with defiance and earned another kick to his gut. Castiel moved closer, he could see the boy's face was bloody and the way he held his side made Castiel think he probably had broken ribs. 

The humans knocked him over onto his back and one put a boot to his neck, pressing down to watch him struggle for breath. Castiel looked around again, the people were starting to look away in helplessness, well, all but one little blonde girl with a side braid. She was moving closer, her anger boiling over. She couldn't put words to it, but in her fist Cas spotted it: a spark of magic. 

****Meanwhile*****

Benny made his way close to the harbor and turned off into the trees again to open the cart. “Alright, from here you can make your way in. You better all go in separately though. There isn't a gate and there should be a lot of boats with their crews loading and unloading cargo around, so it should be easy for you to slip in and get into the back alleys. Dean, you look like a sailor anyway, carry in a box of potatoes and take it right to the pearl and no one will bat an eye at you. Kevin, you hold yourself like a noble no matter what you do, so I recommend you go with it. You're headed to a whorehouse anyway, try to look like a spoiled brat who's trying not to get caught with his dick in the honeypot.” Kevin's eyes went wide at that and Dean snickered. “Sam, you're gonna stick out no matter what you do, being that tall. I got a cloak in the back, throw it on and keep your head down, don't let any guards or templars see you and you should be alright. Take the backstreets and get in The Pearl as quick as you can. The Pearl ain't that far in, play your cards alright and you'll do fine. You all got the map in your heads yet?”

“Yeah, think so.” Dean took it from the back of the cart and pointed out a line, “Sam this looks like the quickest way to the pearl from the harbor.”

“Ok, I'll go that way then.” Sam said as he studied the streets one more time, memorizing them. 

“Kevin, you take this one here. I'll take the long way around since I have the best cover.”

“Yeah, ok.”

Benny handed Sam his cloak and then helped Dean pull the potatoes from the back, “Sam you head out first. Then we'll wait a bit and Kevin will head out.” 

Sam fastened the cloak so that it covered part of his face and looked at Dean and Kevin one at a time, “I'll see you guys in there then.”

Dean nodded, “Be careful, Sammy.”

“I will.”

“If you beat me there, find my mom and tell her you're the bucket-man.” Kevin said with a shaky smile, obviously trying to cover his worry. Sam laughed and pulled Kevin to him, moved the cloak from his face and kissed Kevin thoroughly. 

“I'll do that. You make sure to get there quick though, you're the one she really wants to see.”

Kevin nodded and pulled Sam down for one more kiss. “Be safe.”

“You too.” One more kiss and Sam looked back at Dean and Benny with a reassuring nod and left, trying to stick in the shadows. 

Sam made his way towards the harbor and the smell of the sea filled his lungs. He had never seen it before, it was so much bigger than Lake Calenhed, and in that way, so much more terrifying. There were massive ships all along the harbor and sailors and pirates everywhere. Mixed in with them, the guards were checking cargo and looking over the ships. Sam kept his head down and slipped into the shadows, moving towards the alleyways as quickly as he could manage while still looking reasonably calm. 

“Hey! You!” Sam froze, but near him he saw a woman with long brown hair tied in a blue bandana turn around. 

“Yes, boys? Did you need something with little old me?” She teased and the guards went up to her.

“We aren't done inspecting your ship.”

“Oh I bet you aren't, but I am starving, I've been out at sea for months, can't you give a girl a break?”

Sam took this cue to continue into the alley. The alleys were thin and winding; he repeated the turns in his head as he went, he couldn't make a mistake here or he might end up on a main street. He kept his back slightly hunched to fit in better with the few people he passed and tried not to look up too much. Just a little further, a few more turns, he reassured himself as he went. 

He turned a corner and saw a couple of guards talking. “It's gonna be a long one today.”

“You said it, damn Circle can't do it's damn job so we get stuck with over time.”

“Tell me about it, the templars think their so fuckin' special, but they can't even handle their own business. If we end up fighting blood mages today, I'm gonna-”

“You ain't gonna do anything.”

“I might!”

“You won't.”

Sam swallowed hard, he had to go passed them if he wanted to get to the pearl. Other people were passing them, he just needed to be another one of those people. Sam closed his eyes and let a slow breath out. He moved forward, just as another man did and walked towards where the guards were talking. 

He kept his head down and hunched to be somewhat closer to the other man in height. The voices of the guards got louder as he approached. 

“I'm just saying they could at least offer a reward or something! We ain't held to the same duty crap as the chantry skirts, a reward is the least they can do.”

“The day the chantry offers a reward for anything that actually means gold and not 'blessings' is the day I fuck Andraste and ascend to the seat of the maker.”

Sam passed by them, he couldn't help but glance at them as he went. They just looked like normal men, one had a wart on his lip and the other had bushy eyebrows that seemed to cover a good portion of his forehead, but they were normal. He looked forward again and stayed close to the other man who was passing by them.

“Wait a minute!”

Sam bit his lip, but the man in front of him kept going, so he kept going as well, praying to the maker to see him through.

“I know what we should do!” The guard continued. 

“Yeah?”

“We should tell 'em we want to patrol the market for a bit and hit the tavern, if we are gonna be here all damn day, might as well enjoy it right? Grab a couple bottles, bring 'em back here?”

“That's not a bad idea!”

Sam's heart was still racing, but he finally let his breath out as he took a turn, removing him from the guards' sight. Ahead of him, he could see The Pearl waiting just a bit further down the alley; it was a 2 story wooden building with a large blue and red painted sign with an open clam shell holding a pearl inside. From inside he could hear drunken singing and high pitched giggling.

Sam braced himself, moved forward, looked around to make sure no one was watching and slipped inside. Everywhere, people were drinking and playing cards to the sound of a lute. Scantily clad men and women served drinks and propositioned the customers. Kevin had described his mother's friend as a middle aged woman with dark brown hair and pale skin, named Sanga. 

A woman with black and white lingerie walked up to him, she had curly blond hair and bright blue eyes and her breasts were nearly spilling out of her corset. “Hey there, big boy. Looking for some fun?”

“Uhm, yes, but I'd like to talk to Sanga first. Is she here?”

“Sure thing, cutie. Come with me.” The woman walked with purpose, swinging her hips, and letting the thin line of lace slip further between her butt cheeks. Sam tried to look anywhere else, but everywhere there were people dressed like her, climbing onto customer's laps and trying to call them upstairs. He had more than one hand grab his ass as he moved through the crowded tavern. 

He tried to focus on the music to calm down, hoping that Kevin's mother was really somewhere in this den of iniquity. Finally, they reached the bar area where Sanga was serving drinks. “This one's here for you, sounds like.” The blonde girl teased and Sanga looked Sam over.

“I bet he is. What are you here for, stranger?”

Sam looked around and leaned towards Sanga, “A mutual friend.” He whispered and Sanga winked at him. 

“Figured you would have to be the boyfriend. She said you were suppose to be tall.”

“Where is she?”

“Upstairs, third door on the left.” Sanga held out a key. 

“Thank you.” 

“No problem. Now get upstairs before too many people see you.” Sam nodded and quickly made for the stairs. He counted the rooms and stood in front of Linda's door. He gave it a gentle knock and then turned the key in. 

The room was bigger than he anticipated. It was almost like a small apartment. “Uhm excuse me?” Sam called out and after a moment, a woman with black hair and dark eyes came out, dressed in silks and finery. She had deep lines around her mouth and eyes, but she was still beautiful, and she wore the same strong, inquisitive look that her son had. Sam instantly relaxed and removed his hood. “Lady Tran? I'm Sam Winchester-”

Linda's eyes filled with tears of joy as she rushed forward and pulled him into her arms, bringing him down to her level and nearly knocking him over as she did. “I knew it! I knew you would make it, it's so good to see you! Aren't you handsome! My boy did well with you huh? Where is he? Is Kevin here?”

“He is, but to be safe we took separate roads, I'm sure he's close behind me though.”

“Oh thank the maker. Come, sit down, I have lunch all ready for you,” she started and sat him at a table and began bringing tray after tray of food, “I'm so happy to finally meet you, Sam. You make my son so happy and on top of everything you are bringing him back to me, I couldn't ask for more. You've always been so polite in the letters, I was a bit worried when I saw the picture, but you are absolutely dashing and Kevin has told me how smart you are. Did you enjoy the book?” 

“Yes, very much so. I brought it with me, to be honest I'm still making my way through it. It's a bit difficult without being able to hear how the languages are suppose to sound.”

“Very true, but I'm sure you'll pick it all up in no time. Especially now that you're out of that dreadful tower, maybe we can get you a tutor? Here eat up.”

Sam smiled and looked at the large spread of food before glancing back at her, “Lady Tran, there is one thing I was hoping to ask you before Kevin gets here.”

“Oh?” 

“I uhm, I know this is probably not the best time, but we won't really have much other time to talk...and well Kevin means everything to me. He's been one of my best friends for practically my whole life, he's smart, determined, funny, stubborn, hard working and...well perfect. I love him. I know I'm low born, but I was hoping I could have permission to-”

“Yes!” Linda shouted cutting him off and taking his hands in hers, “Yes, of course you can. You are already my son in my mind, if anyone is going to marry my son it's damn well going to be the boy who was brave enough to get him out of that tower.” 

Sam smiled as he felt his own eyes filling with tears now, “Thank you, Lady Tran, I swear I'll be good to him.”

“You better.” Linda said with a smile and pulled him into another hug, “And you call me mom, now.”

****Meanwhile****

Dean watched Kevin go into the harbor and looked at Benny. “So, end of the line then?”

Benny nodded, “End of the line.”

Dean pulled his friend into a tight hug, “Benny, promise me you'll be careful when you go back.” 

“Always am.”

“Not that I've seen.”

“Well...” Benny trailed off and let Dean go. “It's gonna be a hell of a fight for both of us, I bet. But we'll do fine in the end.”

Dean could tell Benny was just saying all of that for Dean's sake, but Dean wanted to believe that everything would be ok. He wanted more than anything to believe that Benny would go home and work his tavern and everything would be same as always, but they both knew the truth.

“You better get going, brother.” Benny motioned towards the harbor. Dean took a look and Kevin was out of sight. 

“Yeah, guess so.” Dean wanted Benny to go with them to be safe, but he knew once Benny made a decision, that was it. “I'll send you a letter when I can.”

“I'll be waiting.”

Dean pulled Benny into another hug and held tight for a moment before he finally let go and picked up the tray of potatoes. Dean couldn't say goodbye, “See you around, brother.” 

Benny nodded and watched as Dean walked off towards the harbor. He couldn't bring himself to go until Dean was completely out of sight. 

Dean had never been in a city this big, there were people everywhere and they all seemed to know exactly where they were going. People rushed all around him, and there seemed to be something to look at everywhere. He saw flocks of birds flying over the sea and landing on the beach, the large red and blue sails of an Orlaisian ship being opened as it left the dock, there were painted dancers with masks giving street performances, children running around with ribbons streaming behind them, dwarves selling their 'Dwarven crafts straight from Orzammar', and drunken sailors playing wicked grace by the water. He was still trying to catch his barrings when a guard grabbed his tray stopping him in his tracks. “You been inspected yet?”

“Uh, what?”

“Ok, let me see the potatoes. Put 'em down.”

“Sure.” Dean set down the tray and the guard went through them with an irritated look on his face. “Uhm, what are you checking for?”

“For hidden notes, smuggled goods, that sorta thing. You just do as your told alright? You got your job and I got mine.”

“Right, sorry.” Dean said looking out at the sea as the guard finished looking through the potatoes. 

“Alright, get going.”

Dean quickly picked up the potatoes and made his way onto the main street. It curved around through the city to the market place. The castle was so close now he could see it, that was where the young new King ruled. The marketplace was even busier than the harbor and he could see templars on patrol as well as city guards. There were small stalls set up for traveling merchants and the more permanent stores around that. The place was full of life, Dean could only imagine what the really big cities were like. Despite all the people, he still felt exposed in the open market area. He just needed to get into the back alleys, it would be easy from there. He noticed none of the templars were wearing their helmets, it was probably like Cas had expected, they were being careful not to let Dean slip by in his robes. They didn't seem to be on alert, so that meant that Cas, Kevin and Sam were probably safe for the time being. He could only hope they had already met at The Pearl. 

****Meanwhile****

Castiel watched as the young girl's hand filled with magic, she was about to attack and probably didn't even know it. Without a moment of hesitation, he rushed forward and pulled her into his arms. She shouted in surprise and struggled against him, her focus gone and the magic undone. “Let me go, I don't know you! Who are you?!” The elves and humans all turned to them. 

Castiel gave an apologetic look to the humans as he turned to her, “Of course you do, now settle down,” he lowered his voice so only she could hear, “or the humans are going to turn on you next.” The girl stopped struggling and let him pull her into a small alley between buildings. 

“Let go!” She demanded once they were clear of the scene. 

“Only if you promise to listen to me.”

“Fine. Just let me down!”

Castiel set her on the ground and lowered to her level, keeping his hands on her shoulders in case she tried to run. 

“You don't live here. Are you a Dalish?” The girl asked and Castiel smiled, “Do I look Dalish?”

“No, I guess not.”

“I'm just passing through, but look, do you know what you were doing back there?”

“I was going to help that boy!”

“No, you were going to get yourself locked up in a tower for the rest of your life.”

“What are you talking about?” The girl looked at him with fear. 

Castiel let go of her shoulders and took her hands in his, “You have magic. You can feel it can't you? Especially when you're angry or sad, there is a force inside you trying to get out right?”

The girl looked away and Castiel looked around, when he saw that it was clear he created a small controlled ball of fire in his hand. “Like this.”

The girl's eyes went wide. “You're a mage!”

“And so are you. What's your name?”

The girl went quiet for a moment, but finally relented, “Claire.”

“It's nice to meet you Claire, my name is Castiel. I want to help you, can you take me to your parents? Perhaps I can explain the situation to them. Do they know you're a mage?”

Claire shook her head.

“Don't be scared, we can help them understand together, ok? I'm sure they will be ready to do whatever they have to, to keep you safe. Ok?”

Claire nodded weakly and offered her hand. Castiel took it and followed her further into the alienage. He couldn't help the adolescent boy that was being beaten, there were many injustices that elves faced in this world and getting himself imprisoned or killed wouldn't do anything to help that; he only hoped that with so many eyes on them, that the humans wouldn't kill the boy. The boy's wounds would heal, but this girl was in much more serious danger: if she was revealed to be a mage she would be locked away as he was. If she had attacked a human she might have been killed right there. Castiel couldn't do much for these people yet, but at least maybe he could help her. The others would understand.

****At The Pearl****

“Oh my baby, you've grown up so much!” Linda said as she stroked Kevin's hair, holding him tight to her chest.

“Mom, you're gonna suffocate me!” Kevin complained, but he was holding her just as tight and smiling through his tears.

Sam watched the reunion with a smile, until Linda pulled him in as well. 

Dean walked in to see the three all hugging tightly and suddenly felt awkward, “Uhm, should I come back?”

“Dean!” Sam said and quickly untangled himself from Kevin and his mother to pull his brother into a hug. “I'm so glad you're ok.”

“Yeah, I'm fine. Freaked out, but ok. Where's Cas?” Sam looked away and Dean felt his heart stop, “Sammy, where's Cas?”

“I don't know, he's not here yet.”

“But he had a huge head start, where the hell is he?”

“I don't know any better than you do.”

“We gotta go get him. Maybe he got caught or maybe he's lost somewhere.”

“Having us wander around the streets looking for him isn't going to help, it's just gonna get us all caught.” Kevin reminded him.

“We can't just leave him out there.” Dean insisted and looked to Sam for support.

“Dean, Cas knows what he's doing. Give him some time, if he isn't here by nightfall we can go look for him.”

“I don't like this, something's wrong.”

“I don't like it either, but we don't have a whole lot of choice.”

Dean wanted to punch something, but he finally surrendered with a nod. “Ok, we'll wait, but if he's not back by nightfall, I'm going after him even if I have to tear this whole place down to do it.”

“Come, sit down and have some food. It'll take your mind off of everything.” Linda offered and Dean let Sam guide him over. “You must be Sam's brother, thank you for everything.”

Dean shook off his worry and forced a friendly smile, “No, thank you, Lady Tran. We owe you for helping us out like this.”

“Nonsense, we're family. Now sit down, you too Kevin, you are so thin, they clearly weren't feeding you enough.”

“Mom.” Kevin sighed in exaggerated exasperation, but his smile never faded as he watched her move around the table to get everyone comfortable.

“So, tell me everything you could never put in your letters. The truth. How was everything, are you ok? Why escape now?” Linda asked as she piled food onto Kevin's plate.

“They found out about me and Sam, they were going to send me to The Free Marches.”

“The Free Marches? Are you kidding me? They can't do that.”

“They can do whatever they want.” Kevin said with a shrug and Linda crossed her arms firmly, “I would have sent the north down on them if they tried to take my baby to another continent. Who do they think they are?!”

“The circle.” Sam added and Linda's posture relaxed a bit, “Well forget them, you're free now and that's all that matters. Now we just have to figure out where you're going to go.”

“We are pretty open to ideas.” Sam said gently and Linda nodded listening as he continued, “We were thinking about Tevinter, though.” 

“Well, I have enough Sovereigns to get you started somewhere, but the thing with Tevinter is, unless you're a citizen or have some ancestry there, sovereigns won't really be enough to get you by. Our name won't mean anything up there and you won't have any family to help you.”

“If we go somewhere we have family, we'd be putting them in danger.” Kevin replied.

“Only if you stayed in the same city. Still our name carries weight Kevin and it's time you use it to your advantage. They may have taken your inheritance, but you're still my boy and all of our assets are yours to use.” Kevin blushed uncomfortably as Linda continued, “What about Nevarra? We have a cousin there, you could have a fresh start. They take ancestries and names seriously so, you could easily find yourselves protected there. Plus, they have many mages in power, they are nearly as free there as they are in Tevinter.”

“Yeah if we want to be mortalitasi.” Kevin argued.

“Yes you very well could be. Mortalitasi have a lot of power and wealth, they are safe from the circle, and they are some of the most well-schooled mages outside of Tevinter.”

“Yeah and they put fade-spirits into dead people's bodies. Creepy.” Kevin insisted. 

“Ok, what about Rivain? They have a circle, but it's only a formality. The mages come and go as they please, the place is very community-focused, too, so I'm sure you'd be well protected there once you made yourselves a part of the community.”

“Yeah and if we were women we could becomes 'seers' by letting ourselves be possessed on purpose. As male mages, we aren't really going to super appreciated there.”

“They are good to elves though. You said Castiel is an elf right?” 

“Yeah, but they also have a bunch of qunari and half of the people there follow the qun.” Kevin argued, “I think we've all already had enough brainwashing for one lifetime, mom.”

“You really are set on Tevinter then?”

“It's the best place for mages and maybe it'll be hard for Cas, but he can protect himself and no one is going to sell him into slavery, besides it's not like they don't have human slaves too.”

Linda sighed, “Kevin, it's just that...it's Tevinter. That place is dangerous for mages too. You always hear about them killing each other with blood magic and then there's all the human sacrifices...the place practically thrives on playing devil's advocate to Orlais. They practically live to spite the south more than they care about what they are actually doing to themselves.”

“Mom that's all just Chantry propaganda, only mages in politics are really like that. Trust me, we will keep our heads down. We can set ourselves up, find jobs, and everything will be fine. With enough money I bet we could buy an ancestry if we needed to. If things don't go well, we can still get out of there a whole lot easier than we can anywhere else and if everything falls apart we'll go to Nevarra, I promise.” 

Linda looked her son over for a moment and nodded her consent, “Alright. I suppose that's fair. At least I have enough money prepared to get you a house right away and keep you well fed for a few months. Then I can start sending more money over once you have a plan. I have the family ship loaded with heirlooms too, a lot of your old things are prepared as well and yes before you even ask I brought your horse.” Kevin's face beamed with excitement and Sam couldn't help but smile at him. “You can sell whatever you need to. We'll figure this out and everything is going to be ok. All that matters now is that you're safe and free.” 

****In the Alienage****

Claire led Castiel to a small shack near the edge of the alienage. The walls had holes in them where the wood had been eaten away, but the roof was standing strong. 

Inside there were two rooms a main room and a bedroom. Claire's mother was at their table sewing when they came in. She looked up in surprise, “Claire, oh, who is this then?”

“This is Castiel.” Claire introduced and Castiel gave a gently bow. 

“It's a pleasure to meet you, is Claire's father here as well, I'd rather talk to both of you together if at all possible.”

“I'm afraid he'll be working until tonight.”

“I understand, then if you don't mind, I believe we have something very important to talk about.”

Castiel explained the situation Claire was in and as he continued, Claire's mother gathered her daughter in her arms, “What can we do?”

“She'll need to be trained, the only option I can think of would be for you to join a Dalish clan. You'd be safe from the templars and Claire could get the training she would need.”

“The Dalish? They don't always welcome city elves you know, and even if they did we wouldn't know how to find them.”

“It might take time, but it's all you can really do for her.”

“Claire, honey, can you go wait in the other room?” Claire looked at her mother with worry, but quickly obeyed. Once she was sure Claire was in the other room, Claire's mother continued in a quiet voice, “Is the circle really so bad? She'd have a home and food, she'd be better provided for than we could ever do. I mean, life here isn't perfect, but running out to find the Dalish? We'd probably be caught and sold to Tevinter slavers before we ever found them. Plus, what kind of life is that? Living off the forest and always having to pick up and move around out of fear of humans.”

“You'd all be free and together. I know it would be hard, but-”

“You don't know hard. Look at you, the circle obviously kept you fed and healthy, what do you have to complain about? Every week, the people here get by on stale bread, rat meat and the remains the shems throw away. The shemlen get sick and they are in bed with medicine for a few days, we get sick and many of us die. The shems abuse us at will, they take our daughters in front of us and beat our sons until they can't move. We are shut away in here, hidden like a sore from the king and the nobility, left to die in this decaying place while even the poorer shems live in clean, strong houses. We have each other and we cry together about our lost culture, about how once we were immortal and strong, but what does any of it really do? We lost everything and now we barely survive and for what? For the few moments of joy we have with our families? I will have to save every copper we get if I ever want to wed Claire off properly, and even then how good of a life can we really get her? No, the circle would be best for her. It's a way out for her and us.”

Castiel listened to her and for a moment he could almost hear the sound of the rain dripping through the roof like it had in his childhood home. This must have been why he had been sent away, this was probably the reason most of the elves were in the tower. “Claire is your daughter, I have no right to tell you what to do...I only wanted you to be aware of the situation in the hopes that you would help keep her free. She seems like a brave girl and I think she deserves better than to be torn away from her home and locked away for the rest of her life.”

“What someone deserves is never what they get.” 

“Mommy?” 

The two looked over to see Claire standing at the doorway with her eyes wide and full of tears. 

“Sweetheart...”

Claire glared at her mother and turned back into the bedroom, sobbing. Castiel watched as Claire's mother Amelia ran after her. Perhaps he could talk to the father when he got back. He walked far enough to glimpse Claire in her mother's arms, being rocked gently to quiet promises of misunderstandings and vows to make things better for them. Perhaps he could help around the house until Claire's father came home. 

****A few hours later at The Pearl****

“Something isn't right. Sammy, we gotta do something.”

“The sun will be setting soon, just give him a little more time.” Sam insisted and watched as Dean paced around the room. 

“We don't have anymore time, Sam. We have to get Cas and get on that damned boat tonight or they are gonna find us for sure.”

“We don't know that something has happened to him-”

“Why else wouldn't he be here?” Sam went silent unable to answer and Dean put his sword on, “I'm going out to look for him.”

“Just wait a little longer, Dean. Please. If he gets here and then we have to go looking for you things are just going to get harder.”

“What if he's hurt?”

“Cas is strong, he'll be ok.”

Dean sighed and threw his sword on the bed and went back to pacing. Sam bit at his lip. *Come on Lethallin, please.*

****The Alienage: Nightfall****

 

Claire's mother was baking the elfroot Castiel had brought them along with some bread. Claire was outside the front door, drawing in the dirt with a stick while humming quietly to herself. Castiel sat quietly watching her play. He had tried again to change Amelia's mind, but she wouldn't listen. It left the air tense around them and he could see the woman shaking a bit as she tried to continue her sewing while waiting for the bread to finish.

Suddenly Claire jumped up, “Daddy!” Cas watched as she was scooped up by a man with a bright smile. Cas felt hope as he watched her father swing her around and bring her into the house, still in his arms. Cas stood as they came in. 

“Who's this?” The man asked and Amelia quickly went up to him, “Jimmy...this man has something to tell you about Claire. Can you take the bread and elfroot out of the oven when it's done? I need to go get some more water."

“Of course.” Jimmy answered and looked at Claire, “Hey Claire-bear? Can you let me and...uhm-” 

“Castiel.” Claire answered for him.

“Castiel, talk for a moment?”

Claire nodded and hugged him tightly once more before going back outside. 

Castiel explained everything to Claire's father, including his suggestion of going to find the Dalish, and instantly saw the difference. “You're right. We can't let them take her, she's just a little girl. We'll leave tonight, I've heard rumors about a Dalish tribe near the Kocari Wilds, I'm sure we can find them. I know how to hunt, somewhat, we'll make it somehow, the gods will see us through. Thank you so much da'len.”

Castiel felt relieved as he listened to Jimmy speak. “I'm glad to hear she will be safe, she-” Castiel was cut off when the door slammed open and two templars walked in. 

“He's right there, he's the runaway apostate.” Amelia shouted from behind them, pointing at Castiel.

“Amelia what have you done?!” Jimmy asked as the templars came in and headed towards Cas. Cas backed away, looking for a way out, but the house didn't have any windows or other doors. 

“I had to, this is our chance, there is a reward for him, Jimmy. You have to understand.” Amelia said as she went to him, but he pushed her away and called Claire to his side. 

One templar muted Cas's magic from the doorway as the other rushed forward to grab him. Cas pushed at him as he neared and tried to get away from his grasp, but he was smacked so hard across the face that he fell to the ground, his blood dripping from the templar's glove. 

Claire screamed and Cas felt his vision blurring as the templar kicked him in the chest, knocking the breath from him and then flipping him onto his stomach and bending over him to tie his hands together, but before he could finish the knot Cas saw a ball of ice smash into the templar's head, dazing him. 

Cas swallowed hard and squinted a bit to see Claire standing behind her father's legs, shaking, but with hands full of magic. 

Amelia fainted and Jimmy went to her side as Claire sent another ball of ice at the other templar knocking him down. Cas got up as quickly as he could and shook off the rope. With the disturbance in the templar's focus he felt his magic return. He used his rock fist on the nearest templar to knock him down again just as he was getting up. Claire sent another ball of ice at the other one in the doorway, but the templar blocked it with his shield and ran at her, knocking her down. Jimmy shouted her name, but the templar silenced him with a look. 

Cas sent his chain lightening through both templars to stun them briefly and then sent a rock fist at the one that was trying to grab Claire. “You need to get her out of here.” He shouted to Jimmy. 

“I can't leave my wife, she made a mistake, but I can't leave her.”

Cas was out of options, he picked up Claire, “Get your wife.” Jimmy nodded and quickly lifted Amelia in his arms. Cas made a wall of fire behind them as they left the house. Everywhere people were out of their houses and staring as the shack blazed with smoke. 

“Jimmy? Are you ok?”

“What's happening?!”

“Were those templars?!”

The elven villagers asked as Jimmy and Cas ran through the alienage with Amelia and Claire. “We have to get out of here. I'm sorry!” Jimmy shouted and soon everyone was trying to help him. Word spread fast through The People and without question they stood by one another in support. People held out bags of coins and food for him as he ran by. As the fire grew, city guards began to rush in and the elves quickly started pointing to the house on fire, distracting the guards from Cas and Jimmy. 

Claire was waking up now and though fear filled her eyes, she held tightly onto Cas's shirt and remained quiet. Cas smiled down at her in reassurance and continued to follow Jimmy through the streets. They got to the gate that led out to the bridge and saw that the guards were gone, they helping with the fire no doubt, so the way to the forest was clear. Cas stopped and tried to catch his breath as he spoke, “Jimmy, I can't go with you.”

“What? But they are looking for you.”

“I know, but I have to go back. Claire can you run?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, here you go.” Castiel gently set her down before looking back at Jimmy, “Run as fast as you can and stay off the roads. They will be looking for me, not you, but stay safe just in case. I will pray to Mythal that you find the Dalish.”

Jimmy looked at him with immense gratitude, “And I will pray she keeps you safe. Thank you Castiel. I'm sorry that we repaid your kindness with such burden.”

“You can repay me by taking good care of her.” Castiel said and watched as Claire moved to stand beside her father with a frown full of uncertainty and worry. Castiel gave her a gentle smile, “Goodbye Claire, keep your parents safe.”

“I will, thank you.” Claire gave him a shy smile back and then went with her father. Cas watched as Jimmy and Claire ran off across the bridge. The alienage was bursting with screams now as the fire spread. He needed to get to The Pearl quickly, the others would be worried, but at least now they had a good distraction for their escape. 

Cas ran through the gate that led to the marketplace, guards were all running towards the alienage and some of the other elves were running out as well, so he didn't look suspicious in the least. Many human citizens were standing outside the alienage trying to get a glimpse at the scene and Cas had to shove himself through them to get out towards the back alleys. There were warning bells sounding now and the entire city seemed to come alive with fear and curiosity. Cas panted as he ran hard, trying to remember the streets he had read on the map that morning. He took one turn after another, trying to avoid running into people as he went, his chest burned and ached for oxygen and his legs felt weak. 

He took another turn and saw templars heading his way. He knew they must have heard about the fire, they weren't running towards him, they were going to the fire, Cas repeated in his head over and over and continued running until he ran right passed them. 

Another turn and he saw the sign of The Pearl. 

****Slightly Earlier at The Pearl****

Dean, Sam and Kevin were waiting anxiously until finally Linda came back upstairs, “There's been a fire. All the guards are going to deal with it, now is the perfect time to get to the boat.”

“Not without Cas.” Dean said firmly. 

“Where was the fire?” Sam asked, holding his breath.

“The alienage.” Linda said quietly and Sam's eyes went wide as his fears were realized. 

“Cas. It was Cas. He's in trouble we have to go.” Dean said grabbing his things as fast as he could. 

“Wait, Dean we need a plan.”

“The plan is we go help Cas. That's all that matters right now, Sam.”

“No, Dean it's not. Look we need an escape plan here. Why don't you go find Cas and we'll get the boat ready. That way, the minute you get him, we can get the hell out of here.”

“Ok, yeah, that sounds fine. Let's just go already.”

“The boat will have a golden hawk on the front, it's hard to miss.” Linda explained, “The whole crew is part of our personal household, they will take good care of you, even after reaching Tevinter. You send me a letter the minute you arrive, you understand me?” Linda said grabbing her son by the chin.

“I will mom, I promise.” She pulled him into another fierce hug, “I'm so proud of you, now you get out of here. I need to get back home before they come looking for you. I'll come visit when I can.” She kissed his forehead and let him go. 

With that they were out of The Pearl in 4 different directions. Linda made her way to the local stables where her servant and carriage were waiting, Dean ran towards the alienage fire, and Sam and Kevin took their gear and headed towards the harbor. 

It was only moments after they had left that Cas arrived. He quickly went in and looked around, desperately until he finally found the owner. 

“I'm a friend of a friend. Are the others here?” He asked breathlessly. 

Sanga shook her head, “They just left, hun.”

“Where?” 

“The harbor I think.”

“Thank you!” Cas ran out and headed towards the harbor.


	19. Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean faces another remnant from his past, Sam and Kevin head to the harbor and Cas tries to find his friends.
> 
> Warning:   
> Violence

Kevin immediately recognized the boat from his mother's description and quickly led Sam to it. The harbor was mostly empty now, thanks to the fire, but there were some sailors and pirates still around, tending to their own ships. The boys moved slowly so as not to catch attention and made their way onto their ship where a crew was waiting. 

A woman with short brown hair and a warm smile came up to them, “Lord Tran, I'm glad to see you safe. Are you ready to leave?” 

“Captain Mills! It's so good to see you, but no not yet, we are waiting for two more people. We do need to be ready to go the minute they get here though. Their names are Castiel and Dean, Castiel is a dark haired elf and Dean has green eyes and freckles, he's almost as tall as Sam, here.” 

“Understood, my lord. I'll keep an eye out for them. You should make yourself comfortable in the meantime.” She said giving him a slight bow before she made her way to the crew and got them ready.

Kevin looked at Sam, “We should wait inside, you never know who might spot us if we stay out here on deck.” Sam nodded and followed Kevin into the lower levels of the ship. The whole ship was ornately decorated inside and out. There were several large chests of cargo down below, thousands of sovereigns, chests of food, heirlooms, and Kevin's personal possessions from his childhood. Down below, Ferdinand was restlessly chewing on some straw. Kevin's eyes went wide when he saw him. “Ferdinand!” He went over to him and stroked down his nose pressing his forehead gently against the horse's. Ferdinand instantly started licking at him making him snicker. “I missed you too, boy.”

Sam looked around and found two well prepared bedrooms and a large area for the crew. There were even several cases of lyrium. Linda Tran had thought of everything. He couldn't help but feel the overwhelming love she had for her son when he saw everything she had done. The more he looked around the bedroom, the more he found little notes from her. They were simple, but he knew Kevin would be happy to find them. 

'Kevin, this painting was from your aunt in Orlais, she's the one who married that Antivan, do you remember their wedding? You were about 7 I think. There was a food fight at the wedding and you came home absolutely covered in cake!' 

'This staff was made by our armorer, it's made of stormheart and silverite. That's a ruby at the end and the handle is imperial vestement cotton lined with great bear fur. It should serve you well, I waited on having Sam's made because you said he was tall and I didn't want it to be too short for him. I'll get a good size of him when he's here and send you a finished one for him. If he has any specific preferences color wise or material wise, let me know ok?'

Sam smiled at that one and couldn't help but wonder if that was what all the hugging was about. Then again, Lady Tran just seemed like the type to hug a lot anyway. 

'This mirror was mine from when I was a girl, the gold figure on the frame is from your heroes book that I read to you as a child. Can you guess who it is? I'll give you a hint, her name starts with A and it's not Andraste!' Sam read out loud to himself and examined the figure. 

“Aveline.” Kevin answered as he walked up behind Sam. Sam had nearly jumped from the surprise, but he was calm as he turned towards Kevin. 

“Aveline?”

“She was an Orlaisian human girl raised by the Dalish. She was stronger and larger than most men and so her clan encouraged her to fight in a human tournament to show the humans how wrong they were to throw her away. Women couldn't fight in the tournament though, so she hide herself with thick armor and a helmet. She got all the way to the finals and was totally winning, when she got unmasked. The crowd was on her side by then, but her opponent as furious at having lost to a woman. He forced her to her knees and slit her throat. The prince was there watching though, and he recognized her valor. When he took the throne he made it so women could fight in the tournaments and had Aveline posthumously knighted as a chevalier.”

“That's a nice story.” Sam said as he looked the golden figure over with a new respect.

“Yeah. Makes you think that sometimes it really just takes one to change things, although you typically have to die for it.”

Sam felt his stomach drop, “Do you think Cas is alright?” Kevin took his hand, “I hope so.”

****The Alienage****

Dean ran through the streets, pushing his way through the large crowds of people towards the burning quarter of the city. Apparently, a large orphanage had caught fire now too and from it, black smoke was funneling up into the sky. 

The guards and templars were trying to control the fire and evacuate the elves still in the area. Dean looked everywhere as he ran through the backstreets of the alienage, but he couldn't find Cas anywhere. He didn't even hear anything about any fights or mages. The air was getting thick with smoke the closer he got to the source of the fire, so he tore part of the large shirt he had borrowed from Benny and tied it around his nose and mouth. 

“Well, now, what a surprise running into _you_ here.” He heard a woman's familiar icy voice call out and he stopped running. Goosebumps spread up his spine as he felt her presence behind him.

“Abaddon.” He turned to face her. 

“Hi there Dean,” she said giving him a playful wave, “I heard you went rogue on us.”

“Yeah? Well It's not like I'm in my robes, so I guess you can figure out how much truth to that there is.”

“Oh yes. Plus, there have been pretty detailed messages from the ravens. You know the old saying, dark words fly on dark wings or whatever it is. Apparently, one of your brothers from the circle said you attacked them, even killed some of them, and all for some precious little mages.” Abaddon moved closer, taunting him by whispering into his ear; she always seemed to smell of Felandaris, the demon weed. Her bright red lips turned up into a smile as she stalked around him, “He says one of those mages is your brother...makes me wonder if you had this planned all along. Were you just playing all of us, Dean?”

“Don't act like you give a damn.”

“You're right, I really don't. But, the fact of the matter is, you are now on my OK to hunt list.” She pressed close to him and let her dagger gently trail against his adam's apple, gingerly cutting into the skin there. 

Dean forced himself not to react and stood firm even as the blood dripped down his neck. “So, there is a fire about to consume the capital of Ferelden and you want to waste your time with me?”

“Hmhm. Let it all burn around us for all I care. It'll be a nice backdrop. Too bad Ash isn't here too, I wonder, did he know about all this?”

“No.” 

“Poor stupid Ash.” 

“Fuck off Abby.” 

Abaddon's eyes narrowed as she moved back and lifted her robe just enough to kick him in the back and knock him over, “Don't ever call me that.” She followed the hit with holy fire and Dean felt a flame like heat swallow him up and blank his mind just long enough for her to wind up and kick him under the chin, making his teeth crash together and his head fly back and smack into the road. 

Blood dripped from Dean's mouth and his head was spinning as he tried to get up, but she used wrath of heaven to stun him and keep him on the ground. When she saw him helplessly laying there she clapped her hands together and laughed, “Aw, Dean, where are your little mage friends? Not here to help you?” She skipped over to him and gave him another hard kick, laughing as he rolled over gasping. Another kick, then another, next one to the face. 

Dean closed his eyes tightly and focused his magic to cleanse the area of magic, hers included. Abaddon lifted a brow curiously as Dean finally managed to move. She laughed as he stumbled up, drew his sword and filled it with righteous strike magic. “Oh, so that's how you want to play it, hm? Want to try and best me with your sword? Alright, sounds like fun, but I'm going to carve you up so nice when I'm done.”

“I always knew you were fucking sick.” 

Abaddon drew her sword and they went at one another, the smoke making it hard to breath as they danced around each other, getting cuts in where they could.

Dean managed to slice her cheek and Abaddon pulled back to touch it curiously, “Come on, Dean, you'll have to do better than that.”

 

****The Harbor****

Castiel looked at the long line of boats along the harbor, he knew the ship was going to be Kevin's family's ship, but that it wouldn't be decorated with their colors or crests. That ruled out a few ships already, there were a few with flags from foreign countries as well and those couldn't be it either. Kevin had mentioned some kind of design, a sparrow? Or a crow maybe? Cas looked around and spotted a ship with a large golden hawk on it. He supposed that could be it and headed over to get a better look. 

As he approached a woman with short brown hair peaked over the side, aiming an arrow at his head with what looked like a rather advanced crossbow. Castiel put his hands up and she looked him over, “You Castiel?”

“Yes! Are the others with you?”

“Name 'em.” The woman was testing him, which was probably for the best.

“Sam, Dean and Kevin.”

“Well two outta three are here, hop on.”

Castiel made his way onto the ship and went close to the woman, “Wait, who isn't here?”

“That Dean guy.” Castiel's eyes went wide, “Where are Sam and Kevin?”

“Down below. Make sure you're ready to leave, we take off the minute the last guy gets here.”

Castiel rushed down into the ship, “Sam? Kevin?” He called out and the two stumbled out of the room together.

“Cas!” Sam shouted and ran to hug him, “I'm so glad to see you, where were you?”

Cas pushed Sam away enough so that he could look at him, “More importantly, Sam, where is Dean?” Sam's eyes went wide as he looked around, “He's not with you?”

“No, why would he be with me?” Cas asked, his voice becoming panicked. 

“He went to look for you when you never showed up at The Pearl.” Kevin pointed out. 

“What are we going to do? He could be anywhere.” Cas looked between them frantically. 

“He was going to the alienage. He was sure you had something to do with the fire. I'll bet you anything that's where he is.” Sam suggested.

“I'm going to go get him.” Cas said firmly and turned to the stairs, only to have Sam's hand catch his shoulder.

“Wait Cas, I'm going with you.”

“No, Sam. I'll move more easily through the alienage on my own. You two stay here. If we aren't back in an hour, leave without us.” 

“Cas, you know I can't do that.”

“Sam there is no time to argue. If it comes to that, we'll meet you in Tevinter. Dean and I know where Lady Tran is, we can go and seek her assistance or we can find our own way there, either way we will find you and be in contact, so just do what has to be done. Do you understand, lethallin?”

Sam looked him over with worry and finally nodded, “Ok.” He watched helplessly as Cas ran back up the stairs. 

 

****The Back Alley****

Abaddon was grinning wildly, her eye full of blood lust as she circled around Dean, she had blood pouring from her side and one of her eyes was nearly bruised shut, but she barely registered the pain. Dean was on the ground, breathing hard, covered in bruises and blood, and aching for lyrium after having used so much magic. He kept his eyes on her and his sword firmly in hand as she circled him. 

“You know, Dean, this has been fun, but if you can't get up, I think playtime is almost over.”

“I can still get up.” Dean said as he pushed himself up; his legs were shaking, his stab wounds were searing in pain and his head was spinning from blood loss, but he was standing. 

“Alright, I suppose if you want a little more, at least you're going to die on your feet.” 

Abaddon rushed him again, their shields were long discarded and now they went at one another with their long swords, throwing magic in when they could to get an extra hit here or there. 

“You know, Dean, if you beg for mercy I might actually end you quick and easy.”

“Yeah right, you never were one for quick and easy...well, not quick.”

“That's something coming from the town whore.” They went around one another again, their swords clashing repeatedly, chiming almost in time with the emergency bells that echoed through the city. 

“Tell me Dean, they say you released more than one mage, so you took your brother and who else? Let me guess, you found some pretty, innocent little thing that looks at you like you are the universe itself. You do know they are only impressed with you because they've been locked in a tower their whole life right?”

Dean spit blood at her face, using his sword to shove her back. Abaddon laughed and licked some of the blood splatter from her cheek. “Touchy aren't we? So, to sum up, we have brother, naive young lover rescued from the tower, and anyone else? Did you stick to personal relations or did you just let them all out? Now, that would be something to see.”

“A lot of them deserve freedom more than a crazy bitch like you does.” 

“Oh?” Abaddon rushed him again, dodging his block and slipping in close to grab his neck. She tightened her grip and let her long nails bite into his flesh. “Monsters are everywhere, Dean. Even in the mirror, but you know that as well as I do. Mages, templars, bandits, qunari, dragons, wyverns, there are lots of things people call monsters, but what they fail to see is that everyone is a monster in their own way. At least some of us embrace it.” She bent forward and kissed his jawline, licking up the blood there and biting into him. 

Dean winced and used the little bit of energy he had left to use wrath of heaven. A burning light came down on her, stunning her in place while he tore his neck away from her, ripping the thin flesh there as he did so. He lifted his sword with shaky hands as he gasped in the smokey air unable to gain purchase, and with one last effort he punched his sword through her heart. 

“There, I embraced the monster. Happy?” He asked before he fell to the ground right next to her body. His lungs and esophagus burned like ash, his eyes watered from the heat, his body was weak and aching and there was a large puddle of blood under him. Abaddon lay close to him and the last thing he could see before he passed out was her smiling face. 

****Meanwhile****  
Cas slipped through the back alleys of the alienage, He never expected the fire to get this out of hand, but then again at the circle whenever there had been a fire, there had been plenty of mages to put it out. These people's lives would be harder because of him. He wondered how many had died, how many would lose the little that they had, and all because he had wanted to help. Now on top of things Dean was gone and their escape might be ruined. All he had wanted was to help a little girl and her family, he never thought it would end up like this. Goodness and kindness were suppose to be clear cut, it was suppose to be more simple. All he wanted to do was fight for people and yet it never seemed to work out right. He thought of Claire's shy smile, he wanted it to be worth it, but looking at the chaos and devestation around him, it was hard to think that. 

He went deeper into the alleyways, where the smoke was growing thick. “Dean?” He called out, at this point he didn't care if someone heard him. “Dean, please answer me!” Cas called out again and rushed through the thin alleyways. Soon the smoke was so thick he couldn't see his feet, he covered his mouth with the top of his shirt, “Dean!” He shouted and instantly fell into a coughing fit. He took a few more steps and felt his foot fall into something wet and slick. Suspicious, he knelt down and lowered his hand through the smoke only to have it come back up covered in blood. 

“No.” Cas used his arms to move the smoke away and felt around on the ground until he found a body, he went close to it only to find it was a woman with bright red hair. Cas gently lowered her and felt around a bit more and then found another body hidden in the smoke. He prayed to the maker and even to the elven gods, but they didn't hear him. The second body he found was Dean's.


	20. The End~?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Probably).

Cas held Dean's body in his arms and filled himself with healing magic. “Please, Dean. Please, wake up.” He poured as much healing into Dean as he could, but Dean still wasn't responding. Cas felt tears in his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. “You just need air. That's all. Come on.” Cas lifted Dean up, nearly falling over several times as he struggled to pick up Dean's deadweight, but he finally managed it. Cas moved him away from the fire and smoke, back into the alleyways near the marketplace. When he felt his own breaths come easier, he stopped and placed Dean back on the ground. 

“Dean, please.” He began filling him with healing magic again, Dean's cuts closed and his bruises cleared; he looked fine, but every shallow breath came with a struggling gurgle. 

Cas wracked his brain and finally took a deep breath, cupped his lips over Dean's, and pushed the air into his lungs. He took another breath and repeated the process. “Dean, please.” Another breath. “I need you.” Another breath, and this time he felt Dean pull for air. “Dean?!” Cas backed off and saw Dean's eyes open in shock as he coughed and gasped for air. When he was done coughing, Cas threw his arms around him and pulled him tight. “Dean, I'm so sorry.”

“It's ok, Cas.” Dean said before coughing roughly again into Castiel's shoulder. 

“We have to go. Sam and Kevin won't be waiting much longer. Can you stand?”

“Yeah, I'm ok, I got this.” Cas helped Dean to his feet, but Dean's head was still spinning and he fell into Cas's arms. “I don't got this.”

“I'll help you, just hold onto me. We're almost free, Dean. Just a little more.” 

Together they slowly made their way back through the city and towards the harbor. Cas continued to pump healing magic into Dean, worried he might still be bleeding internally. 

 

****On the Boat****

Captain Jody Mills came down into the ship where Kevin and Sam were sitting. Sam had his face in his hands, with his hair making a curtain around him while Kevin just stared daggers at the desk in front of him. 

“My lord? It's been some time, what do we do?”

Kevin looked at Sam, “Sam?”

“We wait.” Sam said quietly as he finally looked up, he was pale from worry, but he spoke with sturdy conviction. 

“For how long exactly?” Jody asked. 

“Until they get here. They will be here. That fire is still going isn't it? That means we still have time before the city guards even bother thinking about coming back to their usual patrols. We wait and give them as much time as we can.”

“But Cas said-” Kevin started, but was swiftly interrupted, “I don't care what he said. I'm waiting for them. We have to.”

Kevin looked at Sam for a moment before finally looking up at Jody, “Keep an eye out for the guards. Wait as long as you can.” 

Sam smiled wearily and Kevin moved forward and put one hand on each side of Sam's face, angling it down, so he could kiss his lover's forehead. “It's going to be ok.”

Sam nodded and let Kevin hold him. 

About an hour later, the fire was under control and now only pale smoke rose from the alienage. Sam and Kevin stood on the deck with Jody and the rest of the crew. Sam held onto the edge of the ship and looked all over the beach and squinted to look into the streets. They had to be there somewhere. 

“Sam...”Kevin started quietly. 

“We still have time, the guards have to clear the debris or something right? They can still make it.” 

Jody got her telescope out and started scanning the streets. “Nothing, nada, zero, nope, wait a minute, there we are. Took 'em long enough.”

“What is it?” Kevin asked and had the telescope passed to them. 

“Looks like our elven friend, he's got someone with him too.” Jody said with a grin. 

Sam looked eagerly at Kevin as Kevin looked through the telescope, “Shit, something happened, they aren't walking right. Jody, send some of the crew to help them.” 

“You heard the boss man, you three get moving.” Jody commanded three larger looking men to go out to help them. Kevin handed off the telescope and Sam watched as the three crewmen approached Cas and Dean. Cas instantly began casting, but after a few words, he let them take Dean from him. 

The group was able to rush to the ship then and soon everyone was aboard. Jody got the ship moving fast while Sam, Cas and Kevin helped Dean into a bed. 

“Stop fussing over me, I'm fine. I'm just tired.” Dean said irritably as Sam tried to put a cold rag on his forehead. 

“Dean, I was freaking out all night thinking you were dead, you are gonna shut up and let me fuss.” Sam commanded and Dean blinked at him in surprise a few times before shrugging it off. 

“Well if you're that damned determined, I guess I could use some lyrium. Maybe some pie too.”

“I'll get some lyrium, you're on your own for pie.” Sam said with a smile and left the room. 

“So how long till we get to Tevinter?” Dean asked and Kevin shrugged, “A pretty long time depending on the wind I guess. Better get comfortable.” 

“Hey this is the nicest bed I've ever slept on, you better believe I'm comfortable. What is this shit, silk?” 

“Yup royal sea silk, highever weave, king's willow weave and plush fustian velvet. Only the best.” Kevin said with a grin. 

“I don't know what half that shit you just said was.”

“Yeah, well, you'll figure all that out in a few weeks, after all, we are going to be living like nobility now, more or less.” 

“Right, well I'll believe it when I see it. With our luck we are gonna get there and Tevinter is gonna be gone, like totally taken over by the damned qunari.”

Sam walked in with the lyrium, “Please don't even joke about that. At this rate it might happen.” He held the bottle out and Dean took a deep chug, feeling the strength return to his body. 

“Yup, that's what I needed. Damn magic took everything outta me. I'm not made for that shit.” Cas, who had remained silently at his side, finally gave a small smile. Dean noticed and grinned at him, “You making fun of me over there?”

Cas looked down and raised his brows, “No, just thinking that since you and Sam are brothers, technically magic runs in your family and therefore in a way you were somewhat 'made for that shit'.” 

“Getting snarky on me too, huh? You get over here and you two get out.” Sam rolled his eyes, “Are you sure you're ok?”

“Fine, fine, go or you are going to see something you really don't wanna see.”

A memory flashed behind Sam's eyelid making him slightly nauseous, “Yeah, ok, we're going, right Kev?”

“Oh yeah, definitely. Try not to wear yourself out, Dean.”

“Fuck you, Kevin.” Dean teased as the two left and Cas approached the bed. Dean pulled Cas by the waist, urging him onto the bed and then onto his lap. Dean pulled the pillows up behind his back and sat up, pulling Cas with him. 

“So, you wanna tell me what happened today?” Dean asked as Cas moved to get comfortable, settling into Dean's arms. 

“Not right now.”

“Ok. Well, we can just stay like this for a while then.” Dean gently pet Cas's hair and felt him lay his head on Dean's chest. 

“I would like that.”

****Epilogue****

After several exhausting weeks at sea, the ship finally made it to Tevinter. They bought a lavish house in the city of Asariel, which was down the imperial highway from Minrathos and on the Nocen sea. The house was beautiful and decadent, much like everything in Tevinter and had many beautiful windows and balconies facing the sea. Though, because of their roots, the group refused to keep slaves like many of their neighbors did and instead kept servants who were paid fairly and were free to return home at night. 

While at first this made them unpopular with the rest of the Tevinter nobility, Kevin quickly had their household labeled as an example of the 'exotic and rare southerners who were actually smart enough to leave the south, but were still rather peculiar', and soon the rest of the nobility was fascinated with them and their story.

Being used to nobility and having been trained to one day take over his house, Kevin adapted easily to life there and managed to keep their family safe and comfortable. He used his ship to start a trading company, which supported their household easily, but of course his mother continued to send what she could because 'no matter what Ferelden law stated, he was still her heir.' Kevin was well organized, naturally business-minded and had a good natural sense when it came to politics and the social world. Along with running the household, over time, the name Tran even began to have some weight behind it as his trading business expanded. 

Kevin's mother was being heavily watched by the circle for a time, but in less then a year after their escape, the 5th blight struck Ferelden. An archdemon led darkspawn to terrorize the country, completely destroying the south, including Sam and Dean's hometown Lothering. The blight also took the life of their new young king and sent the country into political turmoil, the circle fell to demons, and the Ferelden Grey Wardens were nearly all wiped out. In this trying time, Linda moved to Nevarra with her cousin, and from there was free to visit her son as often as she liked, though she learned to send word first, after walking into a rather awkward birthday party that involved several dancers only clothed in silk scarves. 

While Tevinter didn't usually have same sex marriages due to the inability of a same sex couple to continue family lineages, this again was something filed under 'things those strange southerners do' and within a year of having lived in Tevinter, Sam and Kevin were married. 

It took some time, but during a visit to Minrathos for a party, Dean finally ran into Charlie, the mage he had let go outside of Redcliff. It turned out that she had become the lover of a member of the magisterium named Dorothy. Dorothy was a highly respected mage and exceptionally skilled in many different fields of research, so to return the favor to Dean, Charlie had Dorothy take Sam on as an apprentice, even though he was a bit older than the typical apprentice. Through that connection, Sam become one of the most well-studied young mages in Tevinter and he was often invited to take part in new magical research all across Tevinter. 

Dean followed through with his promise, after they were settled in Tevinter, he gave up lyrium. It was extremely painful and for months he had no solid concept of reality most of the time. However, with help from his family and the household staff, eventually Dean overcame and once again became functional. He would always have moments where he would think about lyrium or feel it's temptation, but for the most part he was able to move on with his life. He still had his training and abilities, but he couldn't use as much magic at a time without becoming exhausted. Still, he was one of the only templars in Tevinter that could even actually mute magic, so despite the handicap that made him extremely valuable. He spent several years as a bodyguard for various members of the magisterium who were worried about assassinations, however, when an attempt on Castiel's life was made, he quit his current assignment and became Castiel's personal bodyguard, despite many, many complaints from Castiel himself. 

Within a year, Castiel began an underground railroad like service for mages running from the circle. He would help them get to Tevinter and then help them find jobs and housing. Many did not come to Tevinter with money, and sometimes had to work as servants or do menial labor, but he made sure they were all safe and comfortable. This work earned him many enemies, but he was determined to do what he could for the mages of Thedas. Dean often tried to steer him into a less dangerous occupation, but whenever Castiel went off to one of his battles, Dean was always at his side. Over the next decade, they helped relocate hundreds of mages together. 

Of course, things did not stay normal or peaceful for long. The Blight may have been ended in a year and stayed within the borders of Ferelden thanks to one Grey Warden, but about a decade later there was an uprising in The Free Marches that led to the destruction of the circles all over Thedas, dealing the chantry a powerful blow. This left much of the world war-ravaged as mages and templars fought through the countryside, destroying everything in their path. Then in the middle of this turmoil, an old god awoke and the sky was torn open, spilling demons from the veil all over Thedas. But despite all of it, these four men from the south remained strong together and always did their part to help, even as Tevinter weakened and found itself vulnerable to qunari invasion they prepared themselves for battle. 

 

 

 

And seemingly always a few steps behind them, there was one more man who was shaping the world as he went.

 

****During the 5th Blight: The Tower of Magi****

Crowley crossed his arms looking at the Grey Warden in front of him with suspicion as he tried to hide his desperation with sarcasm, “This really isn't the time for us to be building an army, what with the demons everywhere. Pity, but we'll have to pass.”

The man before him had a strong jaw, black hair seasoned with bits of white, and the kind of eyes that would glue anyone in place. He didn't flinch at Crowley's words, or even really give them any weight. “I have the treaties, I'm here for my army and that includes my son. You have him here, right? His name is Sam Winchester, his brother is probably here too, Dean Winchester? I'm conscripting them both.”

Crowley felt the sweat build on his neck, “Uhm, right, well, the tower is, as I mentioned, totally occupied by demons. I have no idea who is even still alive up there. We've barred the door and are waiting for orders to enact the right of annulment. Of course, if you did manage to get in there, clean it all up and find the First Enchanter, I suppose we wouldn't HAVE to kill everyone in the tower. Then you could conscript anyone you want.”

Without another word, John Winchester unbarred the doors and went to clean the tower, and later the rest of Ferelden when he was the one to plunge a sword into the archdemon's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this ended up a lot longer than originally intended, but it was a lot of fun to write. I might eventually come back and write some more for this verse, but as of right now this is it.~ Hope you guys enjoyed it.
> 
> Also, if anyone else writes some Dragon Age/Supernatural let me know, I'd love to read some. There are really endless possibilities when mixing these two worlds. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. =D


End file.
